Poems + Songs
behind the words
I started writing songs when I was about 8 or 9 years old. They were okay. But not very good. I would write them on a sheet of paper, and hide them in a black tin can container that had red roses on it. Somewhere along the way, the songs got lost. But I started writing again in the Fall of 2006, when I started to struggle with depression. Writing poems and songs became an outlet for me. I could talk about my pain freely.
And by writing, it was also an outlet for me to release my pain. I didn't feel like it was bottled up as much. And it felt like therapy for me. |
Over the years, I've seemed to write a little less. But if I ever get inspired, or I need an outlet for my pain,
writing is definitely a tool I use to heal. Here's my work since 2006 until now. In order of newest to oldest.
Thank you to the hundreds of views I've received on my writings.
Thank you to all who have read my work.
writing is definitely a tool I use to heal. Here's my work since 2006 until now. In order of newest to oldest.
Thank you to the hundreds of views I've received on my writings.
Thank you to all who have read my work.
2017
I'll Be fine
I loved when you took me away.
I loved being right beside you.
You sang John Legend's "All of Me"
to me. And you made it sound so true.
Wish it was.
Now, I sing along to that song
and I confess I reminisce.
The road to fall out of love
with you was so very long
and hard. And I never thought
I'd make it through.
But now I see
I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be okay.
I'll be fine.
Just wait and see.
I'm gonna make it.
Just gotta hold on.
I'm still strong.
I'll be fine.
I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss you sharing your life with me.
But you shut me out.
You wouldn't let me keep you.
There's really nothing else I can do.
I didn't want to live without you.
But I have no choice.
So I moved on.
But the road to fall out of love
with you was so very long and hard.
And I never thought I'd make it through.
But now I see that
I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be just swell.
I'll be great.
Just wait and see.
I'm gonna make it.
Just gotta keep moving forward.
I'm still strong.
I'll be fine.
You will never know how much
I appreciated you.
You'll never really know
how badly I wanted to keep you.
You'll never know how I just
wanted to be with you.
You'll never really know how much
I loved you.
But it's okay.
'Cause I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be just swell.
I'll be great.
Just wait and see.
I'm gonna make it.
Just gotta keep moving forward.
I'm still strong.
I'll be fine.
I'll keep you in the back of my mind.
And I'll be fine.
In time.
I'll be fine.
And I'm doing good.
_____________
Written: Wednesday, October 11th, 2017
I loved being right beside you.
You sang John Legend's "All of Me"
to me. And you made it sound so true.
Wish it was.
Now, I sing along to that song
and I confess I reminisce.
The road to fall out of love
with you was so very long
and hard. And I never thought
I'd make it through.
But now I see
I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be okay.
I'll be fine.
Just wait and see.
I'm gonna make it.
Just gotta hold on.
I'm still strong.
I'll be fine.
I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss you sharing your life with me.
But you shut me out.
You wouldn't let me keep you.
There's really nothing else I can do.
I didn't want to live without you.
But I have no choice.
So I moved on.
But the road to fall out of love
with you was so very long and hard.
And I never thought I'd make it through.
But now I see that
I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be just swell.
I'll be great.
Just wait and see.
I'm gonna make it.
Just gotta keep moving forward.
I'm still strong.
I'll be fine.
You will never know how much
I appreciated you.
You'll never really know
how badly I wanted to keep you.
You'll never know how I just
wanted to be with you.
You'll never really know how much
I loved you.
But it's okay.
'Cause I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be just swell.
I'll be great.
Just wait and see.
I'm gonna make it.
Just gotta keep moving forward.
I'm still strong.
I'll be fine.
I'll keep you in the back of my mind.
And I'll be fine.
In time.
I'll be fine.
And I'm doing good.
_____________
Written: Wednesday, October 11th, 2017
Something Only we know (keane parody)
(Parody of “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane)
You walked into my life one day.
I’ve never been quite the same.
You corrupted me piece by piece.
You’ve made a difference inside of me.
The time for us has come and gone.
I decided to turn it into a song.
I didn’t know you would let me in.
But it’s the end & now my journey begins.
I gathered all the memories.
I play them on repeat constantly.
I’m not sorry that I loved you.
We had some good times
I know that much is true.
The time for us has come and gone.
I decided to turn it into a song.
I didn’t know you would let me in.
But it’s the end & now my journey begins.
And I know no one knows about us.
Unorthodox and crazy was us.
We never said anything.
I know that we are
something only we know.
Something only we know.
The time for us has come and gone.
I decided to turn it into a song.
I didn’t know you would let me in.
But it’s the end & now my journey begins.
And I know no one knows about us.
Unorthodox and crazy was us.
We never said anything.
I know that we are
I know that we are
Ah-ah-ah
ah-ah-ah
We never said anything.
I know that we are
something only we know.
Something only we know.
Something only we know.
———--
Written: Wednesday, May 24th, 2017
You walked into my life one day.
I’ve never been quite the same.
You corrupted me piece by piece.
You’ve made a difference inside of me.
The time for us has come and gone.
I decided to turn it into a song.
I didn’t know you would let me in.
But it’s the end & now my journey begins.
I gathered all the memories.
I play them on repeat constantly.
I’m not sorry that I loved you.
We had some good times
I know that much is true.
The time for us has come and gone.
I decided to turn it into a song.
I didn’t know you would let me in.
But it’s the end & now my journey begins.
And I know no one knows about us.
Unorthodox and crazy was us.
We never said anything.
I know that we are
something only we know.
Something only we know.
The time for us has come and gone.
I decided to turn it into a song.
I didn’t know you would let me in.
But it’s the end & now my journey begins.
And I know no one knows about us.
Unorthodox and crazy was us.
We never said anything.
I know that we are
I know that we are
Ah-ah-ah
ah-ah-ah
We never said anything.
I know that we are
something only we know.
Something only we know.
Something only we know.
———--
Written: Wednesday, May 24th, 2017
2016
For Brad
I remember how you used to stare so deep
into my eyes. You were never like
those other guys.
They were all embarrassed by me.
Didn’t want to be seen with me.
But not you.
No, you would stand still.
And stare me down.
You listened without flinching.
Never did you wince at me.
And I always was grateful for that.
I never got to tell you that.
I thought you were so cool with your
punk rock ways.
I wanted to be like you.
I wanted you to like me.
I changed my looks to get your
attention.
I never had too.
But I did.
And with that,
You set me on a coarse that led
me to who I am today.
And I’ve always
been grateful
for that.
I never got to tell you that.
I loved you when we were
young. 10 years
ago, it was.
It’s scary what I would
have done for you.
I don’t think it was mistake
that you left. I just wish I
could have said goodbye.
But maybe it was better that
way?
Just rip it off like a bandaid.
Either way, I missed you.
I never got to tell you that.
Over the years,
you’d think I’d forget you.
But I haven’t.
I remember the things we did.
And things you said.
I don’t know why I can’t
forget you. Maybe I’m not
meant too?
Either way, over the years,
I’ve still thought of you.
I’ve even dreamed of you.
And it’s for that reason that I
pray for you.
I never got to tell you that.
I still think about you and I care.
And I still have certain feelings
that are there.
It’s like I still love you.
And I don’t know
what to do.
So I lift you up to God.
Hoping my prayers
will pull through.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be safe.
I don’t want you
to walk blindly
and be like a waif.
I want you to be in God’s will,
And living for Him in perfect peace.
I want you to be filled with joy.
That all sorrow would cease.
I just wish you’d give your heart
to Him, if you haven’t already.
I never got to tell you that.
Sometimes,
I wish I could see again.
Reunite and go back to
the way things used to be.
See how you are and how
you’ve grown.
And tell you how proud I am
of you.
But what if we don’t need too?
What if I didn’t like I what I saw?
What if you’ve gone down the
wrong path?
And I didn’t have pride in
my eyes.
Maybe it’s better for me
to not see.
For me to not know.
But even so,
it doesn’t mean I don’t
think about it.
Because I do.
Especially when I think
of you.
I never got to
tell you that.
Probably never will.
But I thought
at least, I’d let it
out in this long, poetic reel.
If you’ll ever see it or not,
I may never know.
I just had to
let my feelings
out and try to let you go.
I don’t know if I’ll ever forget
you. Or stop carrying you around.
But I hope my prayers are
touching your life.
And that one day I’ll hear the sound,
of a punk kid who grew to
be a Godly man,
thanking me for the prayers.
Saying:
“hey, it paid off.
Just wanted to tell you that.”
__
Written: (for my friend Brad K.) March 9th, 2016, 11:46 PM
____
Brad, if you ever see this, I know it’s cheesy.
But it’s really what I had in my heart. And I just
wanted to get it out some way. And this is how
it came. I hope you like it. Should you ever see it.
And hopefully you won’t laugh at it like you did
that one song I wrote that started off like “I’m sitting
in the bathroom, alone in the dark”. You just looked
at me like I was weird. But it’s okay. Because I am
weird. And that song was weird. But I care about you.
And I hope everything is going good for you. Take care my friend.
into my eyes. You were never like
those other guys.
They were all embarrassed by me.
Didn’t want to be seen with me.
But not you.
No, you would stand still.
And stare me down.
You listened without flinching.
Never did you wince at me.
And I always was grateful for that.
I never got to tell you that.
I thought you were so cool with your
punk rock ways.
I wanted to be like you.
I wanted you to like me.
I changed my looks to get your
attention.
I never had too.
But I did.
And with that,
You set me on a coarse that led
me to who I am today.
And I’ve always
been grateful
for that.
I never got to tell you that.
I loved you when we were
young. 10 years
ago, it was.
It’s scary what I would
have done for you.
I don’t think it was mistake
that you left. I just wish I
could have said goodbye.
But maybe it was better that
way?
Just rip it off like a bandaid.
Either way, I missed you.
I never got to tell you that.
Over the years,
you’d think I’d forget you.
But I haven’t.
I remember the things we did.
And things you said.
I don’t know why I can’t
forget you. Maybe I’m not
meant too?
Either way, over the years,
I’ve still thought of you.
I’ve even dreamed of you.
And it’s for that reason that I
pray for you.
I never got to tell you that.
I still think about you and I care.
And I still have certain feelings
that are there.
It’s like I still love you.
And I don’t know
what to do.
So I lift you up to God.
Hoping my prayers
will pull through.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be safe.
I don’t want you
to walk blindly
and be like a waif.
I want you to be in God’s will,
And living for Him in perfect peace.
I want you to be filled with joy.
That all sorrow would cease.
I just wish you’d give your heart
to Him, if you haven’t already.
I never got to tell you that.
Sometimes,
I wish I could see again.
Reunite and go back to
the way things used to be.
See how you are and how
you’ve grown.
And tell you how proud I am
of you.
But what if we don’t need too?
What if I didn’t like I what I saw?
What if you’ve gone down the
wrong path?
And I didn’t have pride in
my eyes.
Maybe it’s better for me
to not see.
For me to not know.
But even so,
it doesn’t mean I don’t
think about it.
Because I do.
Especially when I think
of you.
I never got to
tell you that.
Probably never will.
But I thought
at least, I’d let it
out in this long, poetic reel.
If you’ll ever see it or not,
I may never know.
I just had to
let my feelings
out and try to let you go.
I don’t know if I’ll ever forget
you. Or stop carrying you around.
But I hope my prayers are
touching your life.
And that one day I’ll hear the sound,
of a punk kid who grew to
be a Godly man,
thanking me for the prayers.
Saying:
“hey, it paid off.
Just wanted to tell you that.”
__
Written: (for my friend Brad K.) March 9th, 2016, 11:46 PM
____
Brad, if you ever see this, I know it’s cheesy.
But it’s really what I had in my heart. And I just
wanted to get it out some way. And this is how
it came. I hope you like it. Should you ever see it.
And hopefully you won’t laugh at it like you did
that one song I wrote that started off like “I’m sitting
in the bathroom, alone in the dark”. You just looked
at me like I was weird. But it’s okay. Because I am
weird. And that song was weird. But I care about you.
And I hope everything is going good for you. Take care my friend.
Adventure is calling
Just throw me out there
in the woods for a while.
Let’s hope I find a mountain.
& then you can come find me.
I love the days when you’re
not expecting it but you wake up
to the dim lighted sky and
the sound of water trickling
on the plants beside your window.
& suddenly when you’re aware
of what you hear,
a car rushes by and makes
a huge announcement by
splashing the water against
it’s wheels.
And tells you that you
need to wake up and
enjoy the day.
Oh to be lost in the woods.
With the troubled world behind me.
May I gaze upon the horizon
and never look back.
To run wild and free.
To walk with the wind.
What a beautiful day that would be.
To be alone would be the
utmost beautiful thing.
Silence beside me.
Silence around me.
Nothing but the clear
northern sky above me.
And when I’ve had my fun,
my time in solitude,
I would come back to you.
But take me to the mountains.
Take me to the sea.
Take me to a place with spaces
wide open and free.
Where the wind blows
and my soul can set sail.
To run until my feet won’t
carry me. To sing until my
voice fails.
Where I can stand high up
above and see down below.
To explore through the woods
and dream of places I’ll never know.
Let me be wild and untamed.
Alone, where no one knows my name.
Let me be in the wild.
Unleashed out into the woods.
To climb a mountain.
To run wide open.
Let me explore.
Adventure is calling.
And I must answer.
Then, and only then
can you come find me.
_______
Some parts written: Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
It was put together and some added on to it: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2016
in the woods for a while.
Let’s hope I find a mountain.
& then you can come find me.
I love the days when you’re
not expecting it but you wake up
to the dim lighted sky and
the sound of water trickling
on the plants beside your window.
& suddenly when you’re aware
of what you hear,
a car rushes by and makes
a huge announcement by
splashing the water against
it’s wheels.
And tells you that you
need to wake up and
enjoy the day.
Oh to be lost in the woods.
With the troubled world behind me.
May I gaze upon the horizon
and never look back.
To run wild and free.
To walk with the wind.
What a beautiful day that would be.
To be alone would be the
utmost beautiful thing.
Silence beside me.
Silence around me.
Nothing but the clear
northern sky above me.
And when I’ve had my fun,
my time in solitude,
I would come back to you.
But take me to the mountains.
Take me to the sea.
Take me to a place with spaces
wide open and free.
Where the wind blows
and my soul can set sail.
To run until my feet won’t
carry me. To sing until my
voice fails.
Where I can stand high up
above and see down below.
To explore through the woods
and dream of places I’ll never know.
Let me be wild and untamed.
Alone, where no one knows my name.
Let me be in the wild.
Unleashed out into the woods.
To climb a mountain.
To run wide open.
Let me explore.
Adventure is calling.
And I must answer.
Then, and only then
can you come find me.
_______
Some parts written: Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
It was put together and some added on to it: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2016
What's inside me
I am a mountain
and you are the sea.
Try as you may
you can’t move me.
My bones are
made of bravery.
My blood is made
of dreams.
I live for adventures.
Curious thoughts
burst at the seams.
My lungs believe
in the winter air.
They live to inhale
the cold.
I belong to the
mountains.
I’d love to get lost there.
The view is worth
more than gold.
My eyes gaze
into the heavens.
The stars are their
companions.
A million against one.
My body comes undone.
I realize just how small
I really am.
Bind my ears to
the sound of thunder.
May the storms reign
in my heart.
God paints the world
around me.
He has of my soul,
every part.
______
Written: Started - Date Unknown
Finished - Saturday, November 19th, 2016, 2:27 AM
and you are the sea.
Try as you may
you can’t move me.
My bones are
made of bravery.
My blood is made
of dreams.
I live for adventures.
Curious thoughts
burst at the seams.
My lungs believe
in the winter air.
They live to inhale
the cold.
I belong to the
mountains.
I’d love to get lost there.
The view is worth
more than gold.
My eyes gaze
into the heavens.
The stars are their
companions.
A million against one.
My body comes undone.
I realize just how small
I really am.
Bind my ears to
the sound of thunder.
May the storms reign
in my heart.
God paints the world
around me.
He has of my soul,
every part.
______
Written: Started - Date Unknown
Finished - Saturday, November 19th, 2016, 2:27 AM
Monsters don't fall in love
How lovely it would be to
break all the rules.
I’ve tried so many times
to forget what I am.
But my reflection always
seems to find me.
I keep lying to myself,
but I discover the truth.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I keep trying.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I’m always dreaming.
We never fall in love.
But I keep reaching.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
At least not me.
I try to make people forget
what I really am.
I try so hard to trick them,
but they see past the scam.
I just wanted someone to
love. And someone to
accept me.
I guess I’m a bit rebellious.
And a little crazy.
Because monsters don’t
fall in love. But I keep trying.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I’m always dreaming.
We never fall in love.
But I keep reaching.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
At least not me.
One day I’d love to prove
them all wrong.
The pointed fingers,
the dirty schemers,
all the liars.
I’d love to prove them all wrong.
I’ll shut their faces that fill
the places in my head.
I’ll find someone to love
and love them until I’m dead.
But monsters don’t fall in love.
But I keep trying.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I’m always dreaming.
We never fall in love.
But I keep reaching.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
At least not me.
At least not me.
I wish you’d pick me.
I wish you’d love me.
At least, me.
I guess not me.
Just not me.
______
Written: Saturday, September 17th, 2016, 10:31 PM
break all the rules.
I’ve tried so many times
to forget what I am.
But my reflection always
seems to find me.
I keep lying to myself,
but I discover the truth.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I keep trying.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I’m always dreaming.
We never fall in love.
But I keep reaching.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
At least not me.
I try to make people forget
what I really am.
I try so hard to trick them,
but they see past the scam.
I just wanted someone to
love. And someone to
accept me.
I guess I’m a bit rebellious.
And a little crazy.
Because monsters don’t
fall in love. But I keep trying.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I’m always dreaming.
We never fall in love.
But I keep reaching.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
At least not me.
One day I’d love to prove
them all wrong.
The pointed fingers,
the dirty schemers,
all the liars.
I’d love to prove them all wrong.
I’ll shut their faces that fill
the places in my head.
I’ll find someone to love
and love them until I’m dead.
But monsters don’t fall in love.
But I keep trying.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
But I’m always dreaming.
We never fall in love.
But I keep reaching.
Monsters don’t fall in love.
At least not me.
At least not me.
I wish you’d pick me.
I wish you’d love me.
At least, me.
I guess not me.
Just not me.
______
Written: Saturday, September 17th, 2016, 10:31 PM
walk under the moon
I walk outside.
I see you Mr.moon.
The light illuminates everything
around me.
The ground is bright,
And ready to be tread upon.
I walk beneath a sky so blue.
And bask in the moment of this night.
It’s the moments before autumn.
And I wait all year for it.
It’s nights like this that are perfect.
Too perfect. Beyond all hope,
it’s too perfect.
Breathe in lungs.
Breathe in the air you’ve craved.
Breathe it in lungs.
This is just a taste of what
winter will bring us.
Breathe in lungs,
breathe in a preview of things
to come. The crisp air is
there to drown us.
Breathe it in. Breathe it all in.
I’ve waited all year for this.
And it’s finally at the doorstep.
It was worth waiting to see again.
The atmosphere is different.
And my skin knows it very well.
Things are shifting.
The hair on my body can feel it.
I’ve waited so long for this.
Bask in it. It’s mine for the taking.
It’s mine for the basking.
I’ll shall go to sleep now,
after my walk under the moon.
_______
Written: Friday, September 16th, 2016, 12:24 AM
I see you Mr.moon.
The light illuminates everything
around me.
The ground is bright,
And ready to be tread upon.
I walk beneath a sky so blue.
And bask in the moment of this night.
It’s the moments before autumn.
And I wait all year for it.
It’s nights like this that are perfect.
Too perfect. Beyond all hope,
it’s too perfect.
Breathe in lungs.
Breathe in the air you’ve craved.
Breathe it in lungs.
This is just a taste of what
winter will bring us.
Breathe in lungs,
breathe in a preview of things
to come. The crisp air is
there to drown us.
Breathe it in. Breathe it all in.
I’ve waited all year for this.
And it’s finally at the doorstep.
It was worth waiting to see again.
The atmosphere is different.
And my skin knows it very well.
Things are shifting.
The hair on my body can feel it.
I’ve waited so long for this.
Bask in it. It’s mine for the taking.
It’s mine for the basking.
I’ll shall go to sleep now,
after my walk under the moon.
_______
Written: Friday, September 16th, 2016, 12:24 AM
with you (lovely colors)
I look up in the trees
and guess what I see.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
I stare into the sky
and see with my eyes
lovely colors
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
And the wind blows.
And the grass tickles my toes.
And I stand here.
And I stand here
with you.
I stare out to the sea
and what’s before me?
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
I watch the sunset
and how could I forget,
these lovely colors?
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
And the wind blows.
And the sand tickles my toes.
And I stand here.
And I stand here
with you.
With you.
With you.
And oh, how lovely
that you would share
this moment with me.
And oh, how wonderful
to be standing next to you.
And I say “I do”.
And so do you.
And all around us
are these
lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
And I stand here.
And I stand here
with you.
________
Written: July 4th, 2016, 1:06 AM
and guess what I see.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
I stare into the sky
and see with my eyes
lovely colors
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
And the wind blows.
And the grass tickles my toes.
And I stand here.
And I stand here
with you.
I stare out to the sea
and what’s before me?
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
I watch the sunset
and how could I forget,
these lovely colors?
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
And the wind blows.
And the sand tickles my toes.
And I stand here.
And I stand here
with you.
With you.
With you.
And oh, how lovely
that you would share
this moment with me.
And oh, how wonderful
to be standing next to you.
And I say “I do”.
And so do you.
And all around us
are these
lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
Lovely colors.
And I stand here.
And I stand here
with you.
________
Written: July 4th, 2016, 1:06 AM
shrink
I love nights like this,
when the starry sky is as dark as ink.
I look up and I feel
small and fragile.
And I can’t help but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful all this is.
I stand under this great, big tree.
It’s eyes are higher than I
could ever see.
I look up and I feel small
and fragile.
And I can’t help but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful all this is.
I stand on the edge of the
highest peak.
The wind in my face.
The clouds beside me.
I look down.
I feel small and
fragile.
And I can’t help
but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful
all this is.
I sink my toes
into the chill of
the sea.
I let the waves
crash over me.
And I stare into
the edge of the
world.
I feel small and fragile.
And I can’t help
but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful all this is.
I look into the sky.
It’s colors, ever
changing.
There’s castles
in the sky.
So beautiful,
I just want to cry.
And I feel small
and fragile.
And I can’t help but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful
it is to feel
yourself shrink.
_______
Written: Wednesday, March 30th, 2016, 12:52 AM
when the starry sky is as dark as ink.
I look up and I feel
small and fragile.
And I can’t help but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful all this is.
I stand under this great, big tree.
It’s eyes are higher than I
could ever see.
I look up and I feel small
and fragile.
And I can’t help but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful all this is.
I stand on the edge of the
highest peak.
The wind in my face.
The clouds beside me.
I look down.
I feel small and
fragile.
And I can’t help
but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful
all this is.
I sink my toes
into the chill of
the sea.
I let the waves
crash over me.
And I stare into
the edge of the
world.
I feel small and fragile.
And I can’t help
but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful all this is.
I look into the sky.
It’s colors, ever
changing.
There’s castles
in the sky.
So beautiful,
I just want to cry.
And I feel small
and fragile.
And I can’t help but think,
how beautiful.
How beautiful
it is to feel
yourself shrink.
_______
Written: Wednesday, March 30th, 2016, 12:52 AM
Giving in
My heart is racing.
My feet are moving.
I can’t believe I’m walking
straight towards you.
My eyes are on you.
Can’t take ‘em off you.
I’m losing my breath and getting
weak in the knees.
If I fall down,
I hope I fall into your arms.
I’ve been waiting for this moment
For so long, for so long.
And I’m finally giving in,
Giving in to you.
So take me now.
Don’t let go.
Hold on to me.
Here we go.
We’re falling in love tonight.
You picked me up.
Swept me off of my feet.
Literally. (Yeah)
You carried me inside,
where the rest of
the world couldn’t
reach us.
And you kissed me.
That’s when you had me.
If I go down,
I’m taking you down with me.
I’ve been waiting for this moment
For so long, for so long.
And I’m finally giving in,
Giving in to you.
So take me now.
Don’t let go.
Hold on to me.
Here we go.
We’re falling in love tonight.
I just want to be alone
with you.
We can do,
whatever we want too.
I know you.
And you know me.
You know what I like.
And I know what
drives you crazy.
You drive me crazy.
I drive you crazy.
Let’s go crazy.
Let’s go crazy.
I’ve been waiting for this moment
For so long, for so long.
And I’m finally giving in,
Giving in to you.
So take me now.
Don’t let go.
Hold on to me.
Here we go.
We’re falling in love tonight.
Hold on tight.
We’re falling in love tonight.
________
First Verse & Chorus Written: Friday, January 29th, 2016
The Rest of the Song Written: Tuesday, February 23rd, 2016
My feet are moving.
I can’t believe I’m walking
straight towards you.
My eyes are on you.
Can’t take ‘em off you.
I’m losing my breath and getting
weak in the knees.
If I fall down,
I hope I fall into your arms.
I’ve been waiting for this moment
For so long, for so long.
And I’m finally giving in,
Giving in to you.
So take me now.
Don’t let go.
Hold on to me.
Here we go.
We’re falling in love tonight.
You picked me up.
Swept me off of my feet.
Literally. (Yeah)
You carried me inside,
where the rest of
the world couldn’t
reach us.
And you kissed me.
That’s when you had me.
If I go down,
I’m taking you down with me.
I’ve been waiting for this moment
For so long, for so long.
And I’m finally giving in,
Giving in to you.
So take me now.
Don’t let go.
Hold on to me.
Here we go.
We’re falling in love tonight.
I just want to be alone
with you.
We can do,
whatever we want too.
I know you.
And you know me.
You know what I like.
And I know what
drives you crazy.
You drive me crazy.
I drive you crazy.
Let’s go crazy.
Let’s go crazy.
I’ve been waiting for this moment
For so long, for so long.
And I’m finally giving in,
Giving in to you.
So take me now.
Don’t let go.
Hold on to me.
Here we go.
We’re falling in love tonight.
Hold on tight.
We’re falling in love tonight.
________
First Verse & Chorus Written: Friday, January 29th, 2016
The Rest of the Song Written: Tuesday, February 23rd, 2016
True
Your eyes were not meant to
just be tools for which you
see the world with.
Your skin was not meant to
be just a barrier for your bones.
Your lips were not meant to
be there simply to help you
eat or speak.
Your body was made for more
than just your existence.
And I wish you could see it.
I truly do.
For indeed, it’s true.
Your presence is not
something tolerated,
by any means.
But a celebration echos
with every step you take.
Your thoughts are enchanted
and entertain the stars.
Your words are like magic,
and you hypnotize me.
I stare at your body,
and I just wish I could belong
next to it.
You have no idea,
not even a clue,
how amazing you truly are.
And I wish you could see it.
I truly do.
For indeed, it’s true.
You are amazing.
And special.
And beautiful as the heavens.
You are magnificent.
And unique.
Your existence is as
beautiful as the galaxies.
Your features are so rare,
such a masterpiece to behold.
There’s no one like you, dear.
And I wish you could see it.
I truly do.
For indeed, it’s all true.
_____
Written: Wednesday, February 17th, 2016, 12:36 AM
just be tools for which you
see the world with.
Your skin was not meant to
be just a barrier for your bones.
Your lips were not meant to
be there simply to help you
eat or speak.
Your body was made for more
than just your existence.
And I wish you could see it.
I truly do.
For indeed, it’s true.
Your presence is not
something tolerated,
by any means.
But a celebration echos
with every step you take.
Your thoughts are enchanted
and entertain the stars.
Your words are like magic,
and you hypnotize me.
I stare at your body,
and I just wish I could belong
next to it.
You have no idea,
not even a clue,
how amazing you truly are.
And I wish you could see it.
I truly do.
For indeed, it’s true.
You are amazing.
And special.
And beautiful as the heavens.
You are magnificent.
And unique.
Your existence is as
beautiful as the galaxies.
Your features are so rare,
such a masterpiece to behold.
There’s no one like you, dear.
And I wish you could see it.
I truly do.
For indeed, it’s all true.
_____
Written: Wednesday, February 17th, 2016, 12:36 AM
Mordor (lorde parody)
"Mordor"
(Royals By Lorde - Parody)
[Click here to download the song]
I’ve never been the one
to leave The Shire.
To go off and tread in
places of fire.
Was so happy in my
little home.
In a hole in the ground.
It’s not as nasty as it sounds.
--This part written by Mo Mo O'Brien--
But everyday is like
Gold ring, Grey beard
Trippin on some mushrooms.
Mad White Wizard
Trashin the King’s Throne Room.
We don’t care.
We’ll get to Rivendell across the stream.
And everybody’s like:
Urakhai, Dwarf Mines,
Presents from an Elf Queen,
Rowboats, Spiders,
Gollum on a rope leash.
We don’t care.
Just simply gonna walk there.
Cause we’re going to Mordor (Mordor)
--End part written by her—-
It’s a cruel and nasty place.
There’s a great evil that awaits
To kill us before we reach the Black Gates.
And we may not come home (home)
But there’s good left in this world.
And baby I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight.
Cause it’s worth fighting for.
We’ve been appointed for this task.
To destroy an evil that’s seemed to last.
Bound to the fate of one ring,
it’s a tiny thing,
but it will consume you.
But everyday is like
Gold ring, Grey beard
Trippin on some mushrooms.
Mad White Wizard
Trashin the King’s Throne Room.
We don’t care.
We’ll get to Rivendell across the stream.
And everybody’s like:
Urakhai, Dwarf Mines,
Presents from an Elf Queen,
Rowboats, Spiders,
Gollum on a rope leash.
We don’t care.
Just simply gonna walk there.
Cause we’re going to Mordor (Mordor)
It’s a cruel and nasty place.
There’s a great evil that awaits
To kill us before we reach the Black Gates.
And we may not come home (home)
But there’s good left in this world.
And baby I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight.
Cause it’s worth fighting for.
(Ooh ooh oh)
We’ve seen more than we ever dreamed.
And gone farther than we ever schemed.
(Ooh ooh oh)
A part of the fellowship,
This is a journey I’ll never forget.
Cause we’re going to Mordor (Mordor)
It’s a cruel and nasty place.
There’s a great evil that awaits
To kill us before we reach the Black Gates.
And we may not come home (home)
But there’s good left in this world.
And baby I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight.
Because it’s worth fighting for.
_________
Written: Date Unknown - 2016
(Royals By Lorde - Parody)
[Click here to download the song]
I’ve never been the one
to leave The Shire.
To go off and tread in
places of fire.
Was so happy in my
little home.
In a hole in the ground.
It’s not as nasty as it sounds.
--This part written by Mo Mo O'Brien--
But everyday is like
Gold ring, Grey beard
Trippin on some mushrooms.
Mad White Wizard
Trashin the King’s Throne Room.
We don’t care.
We’ll get to Rivendell across the stream.
And everybody’s like:
Urakhai, Dwarf Mines,
Presents from an Elf Queen,
Rowboats, Spiders,
Gollum on a rope leash.
We don’t care.
Just simply gonna walk there.
Cause we’re going to Mordor (Mordor)
--End part written by her—-
It’s a cruel and nasty place.
There’s a great evil that awaits
To kill us before we reach the Black Gates.
And we may not come home (home)
But there’s good left in this world.
And baby I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight.
Cause it’s worth fighting for.
We’ve been appointed for this task.
To destroy an evil that’s seemed to last.
Bound to the fate of one ring,
it’s a tiny thing,
but it will consume you.
But everyday is like
Gold ring, Grey beard
Trippin on some mushrooms.
Mad White Wizard
Trashin the King’s Throne Room.
We don’t care.
We’ll get to Rivendell across the stream.
And everybody’s like:
Urakhai, Dwarf Mines,
Presents from an Elf Queen,
Rowboats, Spiders,
Gollum on a rope leash.
We don’t care.
Just simply gonna walk there.
Cause we’re going to Mordor (Mordor)
It’s a cruel and nasty place.
There’s a great evil that awaits
To kill us before we reach the Black Gates.
And we may not come home (home)
But there’s good left in this world.
And baby I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight.
Cause it’s worth fighting for.
(Ooh ooh oh)
We’ve seen more than we ever dreamed.
And gone farther than we ever schemed.
(Ooh ooh oh)
A part of the fellowship,
This is a journey I’ll never forget.
Cause we’re going to Mordor (Mordor)
It’s a cruel and nasty place.
There’s a great evil that awaits
To kill us before we reach the Black Gates.
And we may not come home (home)
But there’s good left in this world.
And baby I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight, I’ll fight.
Because it’s worth fighting for.
_________
Written: Date Unknown - 2016
2015
1 day & 7 years apart
I’m feeling torn right now.
Like a red leaf, someone
ripped me apart so they
could hear me crumble.*
I’m feeling like a mess
right now.
Like a trailer picked
up by a tornado,
I can’t find myself.
I’m feeling lost
right now.
Like a blind person,
I’ve been taken on
a road trip and
dumped off in the
middle of nowhere.
I’m feeling blue
right now.
Like the bottom
of the sea, my
heart is a lonely
place to be.
I’m feeling mad
right now.
There are no parties
in my mind.
I just want to be
left alone.
I’m feeling sad
right now.
Like rain in the
middle of winter,
there are no
smiles here.
I’m feeling
hopeless right now.
Like a farmer who
saw a cloud in the
middle of a drought,
no rain ever came
for me.
And I kept hoping
I’d get over you.
That time would be
proven true.
That it could heal
all wounds.
And help me forget
you.
________
*First part written: Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Finished writing: Tuesday, December 1st, 2015
Like a red leaf, someone
ripped me apart so they
could hear me crumble.*
I’m feeling like a mess
right now.
Like a trailer picked
up by a tornado,
I can’t find myself.
I’m feeling lost
right now.
Like a blind person,
I’ve been taken on
a road trip and
dumped off in the
middle of nowhere.
I’m feeling blue
right now.
Like the bottom
of the sea, my
heart is a lonely
place to be.
I’m feeling mad
right now.
There are no parties
in my mind.
I just want to be
left alone.
I’m feeling sad
right now.
Like rain in the
middle of winter,
there are no
smiles here.
I’m feeling
hopeless right now.
Like a farmer who
saw a cloud in the
middle of a drought,
no rain ever came
for me.
And I kept hoping
I’d get over you.
That time would be
proven true.
That it could heal
all wounds.
And help me forget
you.
________
*First part written: Sunday, November 30th, 2008
Finished writing: Tuesday, December 1st, 2015
you can't
Ready to do a new one?
Okay, let’s go.
1,.. 2,… 1,2,3..
If you see me walking around
to the sound of my own drum,
don’t be surprised.
And if you seem to stop and stare
because of how I fixed my hair,
that’s alright. Quite alright.
And if you look at me and think
I’m weird, I agree with you. I do.
I really do.
And if you see me walking in the
rain, you think that I’m insane.
Well, okay.
Be that way.
Because I’m my own person.
I’m my own creation.
I’m my own creature.
And I’ll do me.
Because nobody else can be me.
So I’m gonna walk like I do.
And talk like I do. Maybe
sing a song or two.
I’m gonna act like I want too.
Talk like I want too.
Because I am me.
And not you.
I’m gonna dress how I want too.
Wear my hair like I want too.
And you can’t stop me.
No you can’t stop me.
No you won’t ever
stop me.
You can try to stop me.
But you never will.
Well, if you see me smile while
it’s thundering. Or cry while it’s
lightning.
It’s because it’s beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
If you think I’m odd because I’m
dancing in the grocery aisle,
that’s fine.
If you think I’m wild because I do
what I want too, then by George
she’s got it!!
If you think that I’m unhealthy
because I like raw brownie mix
for breakfast, well you’re
probably right.
Absolutely right.
But I’m my own person.
I’m my own creation.
I’m my own creature.
And I’ll do me.
Because nobody else
can be me.
So I’m gonna walk like I do.
And talk like I do. Maybe
sing a song or two.
I’m gonna act like I want too.
Talk like I want
too. Because I am me.
And not you. (thank God)
I’m gonna dress how I want too.
Wear my hair like I want too.
And you can’t stop me.
No you can’t stop me.
No you won’t ever stop me.
You can try to stop me.
But you never will.
And you can try to change me.
Maybe rearrange me.
Make me be like you
or your sister Jill.
But just know one
thing, you never will.
No you can’t stop me.
You can’t change me.
You can try to stop me.
But you never will.
You never will.
Just know, you never will.
______
Written: Saturday, November 7th, 2015, 1:57 PM
Okay, let’s go.
1,.. 2,… 1,2,3..
If you see me walking around
to the sound of my own drum,
don’t be surprised.
And if you seem to stop and stare
because of how I fixed my hair,
that’s alright. Quite alright.
And if you look at me and think
I’m weird, I agree with you. I do.
I really do.
And if you see me walking in the
rain, you think that I’m insane.
Well, okay.
Be that way.
Because I’m my own person.
I’m my own creation.
I’m my own creature.
And I’ll do me.
Because nobody else can be me.
So I’m gonna walk like I do.
And talk like I do. Maybe
sing a song or two.
I’m gonna act like I want too.
Talk like I want too.
Because I am me.
And not you.
I’m gonna dress how I want too.
Wear my hair like I want too.
And you can’t stop me.
No you can’t stop me.
No you won’t ever
stop me.
You can try to stop me.
But you never will.
Well, if you see me smile while
it’s thundering. Or cry while it’s
lightning.
It’s because it’s beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
If you think I’m odd because I’m
dancing in the grocery aisle,
that’s fine.
If you think I’m wild because I do
what I want too, then by George
she’s got it!!
If you think that I’m unhealthy
because I like raw brownie mix
for breakfast, well you’re
probably right.
Absolutely right.
But I’m my own person.
I’m my own creation.
I’m my own creature.
And I’ll do me.
Because nobody else
can be me.
So I’m gonna walk like I do.
And talk like I do. Maybe
sing a song or two.
I’m gonna act like I want too.
Talk like I want
too. Because I am me.
And not you. (thank God)
I’m gonna dress how I want too.
Wear my hair like I want too.
And you can’t stop me.
No you can’t stop me.
No you won’t ever stop me.
You can try to stop me.
But you never will.
And you can try to change me.
Maybe rearrange me.
Make me be like you
or your sister Jill.
But just know one
thing, you never will.
No you can’t stop me.
You can’t change me.
You can try to stop me.
But you never will.
You never will.
Just know, you never will.
______
Written: Saturday, November 7th, 2015, 1:57 PM
loved to love you
I was wandering through the woods.
I ended up at your place.
Never seen you before.
Never have I seen your face.
Your reputation was not that good.
You were mean and cold, or something
that would make people run away.
But not me.
No you were kind.
I stayed.
You didn’t mind.
I wish I could go back.
People asked what did I do.
I said nothing, nothing at all.
Why you favored me, well I will
never know.
I just hate that I had to go.
But you, yeah, you were kind.
And I, I wish I had stayed.
And I know I would had loved
to love you.
I wish I could go back.
You burned your
words onto the wood, and I watched
you write me a letter.
I wish I could remember what it
said. I’d love to see what you said.
You wrapped it up and gave me your
words. It was special to me.
Why you favored me, well I will
never know.
But I sure wish I could see you again.
And you,
I wish I knew who you were.
I wish I could have stayed.
I know I would have loved to
love you.
But I had to go away.
You let me kiss your hand.
You let me get so close to your face.
I had the pleasure of knowing
you like no one else could.
Like no one else would.
I just wish I knew who you were.
I just wish I could see you again.
But you, I just wish I knew who
you were.
And I, I just wish I could see
you again.
But we, we’ll probably never be.
But I know I would have loved to love you.
I would have loved to love you.
_______
Written: Saturday, July 25th, 2015, 7:06 PM
I ended up at your place.
Never seen you before.
Never have I seen your face.
Your reputation was not that good.
You were mean and cold, or something
that would make people run away.
But not me.
No you were kind.
I stayed.
You didn’t mind.
I wish I could go back.
People asked what did I do.
I said nothing, nothing at all.
Why you favored me, well I will
never know.
I just hate that I had to go.
But you, yeah, you were kind.
And I, I wish I had stayed.
And I know I would had loved
to love you.
I wish I could go back.
You burned your
words onto the wood, and I watched
you write me a letter.
I wish I could remember what it
said. I’d love to see what you said.
You wrapped it up and gave me your
words. It was special to me.
Why you favored me, well I will
never know.
But I sure wish I could see you again.
And you,
I wish I knew who you were.
I wish I could have stayed.
I know I would have loved to
love you.
But I had to go away.
You let me kiss your hand.
You let me get so close to your face.
I had the pleasure of knowing
you like no one else could.
Like no one else would.
I just wish I knew who you were.
I just wish I could see you again.
But you, I just wish I knew who
you were.
And I, I just wish I could see
you again.
But we, we’ll probably never be.
But I know I would have loved to love you.
I would have loved to love you.
_______
Written: Saturday, July 25th, 2015, 7:06 PM
come home
I don’t want to hear
you’re never coming back.
I don’t want to think
I’ll never see you again.
But my hope is gone.
Everything feels wrong.
And every night I look outside
to see if you might be there.
And I won’t lie, sometimes I cry.
I just want you home.
Please come home.
Come home.
This place feels empty without you
here with me.
You should be with me.
And everywhere I
look I see a memory,
a memory of you.
I just want you here.
There’s nothing else
I can do.
I can’t help it but I miss you.
I turn around. And you’re gone.
I keep thinking that you’re coming
back. The days go by. I cry.
I can’t help it.
This is how I feel.
I keep looking.
I keep searching for you.
Where are you?
Is it wrong to keep hoping?
Please come home.
Come home.
This place feels empty without you
here with me.
You should be with me.
And everywhere I look I see a
memory, a memory of you.
I just want you here.
There’s nothing else I can do.
I can’t help it but I miss you.
I can’t help it but I miss you.
I just want you here again.
This is your home.
I want you safe and sound.
This is your home.
_________
Written: Saturday, July 11th, 2015, 5:47 PM
you’re never coming back.
I don’t want to think
I’ll never see you again.
But my hope is gone.
Everything feels wrong.
And every night I look outside
to see if you might be there.
And I won’t lie, sometimes I cry.
I just want you home.
Please come home.
Come home.
This place feels empty without you
here with me.
You should be with me.
And everywhere I
look I see a memory,
a memory of you.
I just want you here.
There’s nothing else
I can do.
I can’t help it but I miss you.
I turn around. And you’re gone.
I keep thinking that you’re coming
back. The days go by. I cry.
I can’t help it.
This is how I feel.
I keep looking.
I keep searching for you.
Where are you?
Is it wrong to keep hoping?
Please come home.
Come home.
This place feels empty without you
here with me.
You should be with me.
And everywhere I look I see a
memory, a memory of you.
I just want you here.
There’s nothing else I can do.
I can’t help it but I miss you.
I can’t help it but I miss you.
I just want you here again.
This is your home.
I want you safe and sound.
This is your home.
_________
Written: Saturday, July 11th, 2015, 5:47 PM
you
All I can do is
count to two &
close my eyes,
breathe in & out.
All I can do is
close my eyes &
start over again.
All I can do is
wait for you.
I look up into
the bluest sky
& close my eyes.
I think of you.
I try to stay busy
but I get dizzy
running in these
circles.*
All I can do is
wait for you.
And I keep hoping.
Anticipating.
But disappointed
is all I am.
I just keep walking.
Keep blocking
temptations.
Because you’re all
I want.
And nothing else
will satisfy me.
I’m not asking
for anything else.
I just want you.
What else can I say?
And I’m not settling
for anything else.
I choose no one else.
What else can I say?
I’m waiting for you
my dear.
What else can I say?
I’m saving all I’ve
got for you.
I just want to give
you everything I have
saved just for you.
What else can I say?
There’s nothing else
to say, I just want
you.
____
*First part written: Date unknown 2015
Completed: Sunday, June 21st, 2015, 9:04 AM
count to two &
close my eyes,
breathe in & out.
All I can do is
close my eyes &
start over again.
All I can do is
wait for you.
I look up into
the bluest sky
& close my eyes.
I think of you.
I try to stay busy
but I get dizzy
running in these
circles.*
All I can do is
wait for you.
And I keep hoping.
Anticipating.
But disappointed
is all I am.
I just keep walking.
Keep blocking
temptations.
Because you’re all
I want.
And nothing else
will satisfy me.
I’m not asking
for anything else.
I just want you.
What else can I say?
And I’m not settling
for anything else.
I choose no one else.
What else can I say?
I’m waiting for you
my dear.
What else can I say?
I’m saving all I’ve
got for you.
I just want to give
you everything I have
saved just for you.
What else can I say?
There’s nothing else
to say, I just want
you.
____
*First part written: Date unknown 2015
Completed: Sunday, June 21st, 2015, 9:04 AM
keep on talking
You ask me what do I want to do.
You ask me where do I want to go.
You ask me what do I want.
You ask me what it is I want.
But baby, it’s simple.
But honey, it’s so plain to see.
Darling you should know.
I just want you.
I just want to lay beside you.
I just want you.
We don’t need to go anywhere.
Right here is fine.
I just want you.
That’s all I want.
I just want you.
I just want to get to know you.
So keep talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Please don’t stop.
I have nothing to
say.
I just want to hear you.
So, keep on talking.
You may think I need
something more.
Let’s hit my favorite store. No.
I don’t need entertainment.
Watching your lips is enough for me.
I don’t want anything else.
‘Cause baby, it’s simple.
Because honey, it’s so plain to see.
Darling you should know.
I just want you.
I just want to lay beside you.
I just want you.
We don’t need to go anywhere.
Right here is fine.
I just want you.
That’s all I want.
I just want you.
I just want to get to know you.
So keep talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Please don’t stop.
I have nothing to say.
I just want to hear you.
So, keep on talking.
Keep on talking.
I have nothing to say.
I just want to hear you.
So,..
______
Written: Thursday, July 9th, 2015, 11:57 PM
You ask me where do I want to go.
You ask me what do I want.
You ask me what it is I want.
But baby, it’s simple.
But honey, it’s so plain to see.
Darling you should know.
I just want you.
I just want to lay beside you.
I just want you.
We don’t need to go anywhere.
Right here is fine.
I just want you.
That’s all I want.
I just want you.
I just want to get to know you.
So keep talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Please don’t stop.
I have nothing to
say.
I just want to hear you.
So, keep on talking.
You may think I need
something more.
Let’s hit my favorite store. No.
I don’t need entertainment.
Watching your lips is enough for me.
I don’t want anything else.
‘Cause baby, it’s simple.
Because honey, it’s so plain to see.
Darling you should know.
I just want you.
I just want to lay beside you.
I just want you.
We don’t need to go anywhere.
Right here is fine.
I just want you.
That’s all I want.
I just want you.
I just want to get to know you.
So keep talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Talk, talk, talk.
Keep on talking.
Please don’t stop.
I have nothing to say.
I just want to hear you.
So, keep on talking.
Keep on talking.
I have nothing to say.
I just want to hear you.
So,..
______
Written: Thursday, July 9th, 2015, 11:57 PM
we can sleep all day tomorrow
Take me home.
Pick me up.
Carry me to the bed.
Lay me down.
Kiss me all around.
Let me take my
time and take your time.
Do as I please.
Touch me.
And I’ll touch you.
I’ll do what I do best.
And you can take the rest.
But I just want to
lay in bed.
Lay in our bed.
And be beside you.
I just want to talk
to you.
Get to know you.
And lay beside you.
We can laugh, laugh, laugh.
And talk, talk, talk.
We can kiss, kiss, kiss.
Until the morning comes.
But I just want to lay beside you.
Stay up the whole night through.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
I don’t need much.
It doesn’t take much.
Just your voice,
just your body,
yes, you are enough.
I don’t need entertainment.
No need to explain it.
You know, you know,
you’re all I want.
And I just want to lay in bed.
Lay in our bed.
And be beside you.
I just want to talk
to you. Get to know
you. And lay beside you.
We can laugh, laugh, laugh.
And talk, talk, talk.
We can kiss, kiss, kiss.
Until the morning comes.
But I just want to lay beside you.
Stay up the whole night through.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
I’ve waited just for you.
I haven’t given myself to
anyone else.
Believe me when I say,
you’re all I want tonight.
Let’s stay up all night.
And we can sleep all day.
We could sleep all day.
Don’t move.
Don’t go anywhere.
Stay right here.
Just stay right here.
We can laugh, laugh, laugh.
And talk, talk, talk.
We can kiss, kiss, kiss.
Until the morning comes.
But I just want to lay beside you.
Stay up the whole night through.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
____
Written: Saturday, June 27th, 2015, 9:35 PM
Pick me up.
Carry me to the bed.
Lay me down.
Kiss me all around.
Let me take my
time and take your time.
Do as I please.
Touch me.
And I’ll touch you.
I’ll do what I do best.
And you can take the rest.
But I just want to
lay in bed.
Lay in our bed.
And be beside you.
I just want to talk
to you.
Get to know you.
And lay beside you.
We can laugh, laugh, laugh.
And talk, talk, talk.
We can kiss, kiss, kiss.
Until the morning comes.
But I just want to lay beside you.
Stay up the whole night through.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
I don’t need much.
It doesn’t take much.
Just your voice,
just your body,
yes, you are enough.
I don’t need entertainment.
No need to explain it.
You know, you know,
you’re all I want.
And I just want to lay in bed.
Lay in our bed.
And be beside you.
I just want to talk
to you. Get to know
you. And lay beside you.
We can laugh, laugh, laugh.
And talk, talk, talk.
We can kiss, kiss, kiss.
Until the morning comes.
But I just want to lay beside you.
Stay up the whole night through.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
I’ve waited just for you.
I haven’t given myself to
anyone else.
Believe me when I say,
you’re all I want tonight.
Let’s stay up all night.
And we can sleep all day.
We could sleep all day.
Don’t move.
Don’t go anywhere.
Stay right here.
Just stay right here.
We can laugh, laugh, laugh.
And talk, talk, talk.
We can kiss, kiss, kiss.
Until the morning comes.
But I just want to lay beside you.
Stay up the whole night through.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
And we can sleep all day tomorrow.
We can sleep all day tomorrow.
____
Written: Saturday, June 27th, 2015, 9:35 PM
i hate me
I woke up this morning
drowning in my tears.
Oh what a shame, it’s me again.
I walked through my house.
I carried a hammer.
And I smashed every mirror.
I cursed my reflection.
I tried to get away from myself.
But I’m my own infection.
I’m my own disease.
And I hate me.
I’m sure you were proud.
Once. I must have made
you smile. Once.
But there’s no good here.
Not anymore. Maybe once
there was. But not anymore.
Sorry to let you down.
But rest assured.
I hate me.
I’m not as great as you
thought I was.
I’m not golden.
I’m not even gray.
And some days, I pretend
that I don’t exist.
Tighten your knuckles.
Make a fist.
Punch me.
Go ahead.
I insist.
Because I hate me.
I’m sure I used to
make you smile.
I could have been
something beautiful.
But I’m putrid and filthy
and vile.
I never meant to be
this monster.
Never meant to cause
this curse.
I could be better.
I wish I was better.
Better than this.
But I hate me.
I’m sure I could change.
I’m stronger than I seem.
I suppose I forgot that.
Too busy being lost in
my filth and rage.
But I know I can change.
I can be better.
I could love myself again.
I could forgive myself.
One day.
How strange.
To think I could
forgive myself.
To inflict change.
End my rage.
But that’s all
only talk.
No, I’m still the same.
Filthy and ugly.
And I hate me.
______
Written: Thursday. January 22nd, 2015
drowning in my tears.
Oh what a shame, it’s me again.
I walked through my house.
I carried a hammer.
And I smashed every mirror.
I cursed my reflection.
I tried to get away from myself.
But I’m my own infection.
I’m my own disease.
And I hate me.
I’m sure you were proud.
Once. I must have made
you smile. Once.
But there’s no good here.
Not anymore. Maybe once
there was. But not anymore.
Sorry to let you down.
But rest assured.
I hate me.
I’m not as great as you
thought I was.
I’m not golden.
I’m not even gray.
And some days, I pretend
that I don’t exist.
Tighten your knuckles.
Make a fist.
Punch me.
Go ahead.
I insist.
Because I hate me.
I’m sure I used to
make you smile.
I could have been
something beautiful.
But I’m putrid and filthy
and vile.
I never meant to be
this monster.
Never meant to cause
this curse.
I could be better.
I wish I was better.
Better than this.
But I hate me.
I’m sure I could change.
I’m stronger than I seem.
I suppose I forgot that.
Too busy being lost in
my filth and rage.
But I know I can change.
I can be better.
I could love myself again.
I could forgive myself.
One day.
How strange.
To think I could
forgive myself.
To inflict change.
End my rage.
But that’s all
only talk.
No, I’m still the same.
Filthy and ugly.
And I hate me.
______
Written: Thursday. January 22nd, 2015
now
I need you.
I need you to
breathe into me.
I need you to
give me rest.
My soul and mind
is weary.
Lord, can you
hear me?
I need you to
give me rest.
Your grace
is what I need.
You are more
than enough
for me.
Your joy is
my strength.
With you I will fly.
Mount me on
the wings of eagles.
Hide me under
your wings.
You are my refuge.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Heal me now.
Heal me now.
Heal me now.
Heal me now.
Restore me now.
Restore me now.
Restore me now.
I need your life.
Breathe in me, life.
Restore my life.
Bless the Lord.
He is my help.
Bless the Lord.
He careth for me.
Bless the Lord.
He is my refuge.
Bless the Lord.
I am set free.
Bless the Lord.
I am set free.
I am set free.
I am set free.
I am set free.
I am set free.
________
Written: Friday, January 23rd, 2015 5:39 PM
I need you to
breathe into me.
I need you to
give me rest.
My soul and mind
is weary.
Lord, can you
hear me?
I need you to
give me rest.
Your grace
is what I need.
You are more
than enough
for me.
Your joy is
my strength.
With you I will fly.
Mount me on
the wings of eagles.
Hide me under
your wings.
You are my refuge.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Save me now.
Heal me now.
Heal me now.
Heal me now.
Heal me now.
Restore me now.
Restore me now.
Restore me now.
I need your life.
Breathe in me, life.
Restore my life.
Bless the Lord.
He is my help.
Bless the Lord.
He careth for me.
Bless the Lord.
He is my refuge.
Bless the Lord.
I am set free.
Bless the Lord.
I am set free.
I am set free.
I am set free.
I am set free.
I am set free.
________
Written: Friday, January 23rd, 2015 5:39 PM
not ready
We scream and shout
throw our things
across the room.
We’re fighting
each other and
sealing our doom.
I look at you,
you look at me,
we’re strangers now.
You walk out the door
because you don’t
love me anymore.
I’ve tried ever
since to let you go.
I could have so
much more.
But your eyes haunt
my footsteps.
Your voice invades
my dreams.
And the smell of
your skin still
lingers in my nose.
And I suppose,
I’m still in love
with you.
And I suppose,
I’m not ready to
let you go.
You underestimate
my obsession.
You underestimate
my love I have
for you.
There’s nothing
you can do.
I’m still madly
in love with you.
You still drive
me wild.
And I’ve tried ever
since to let you go.
I could have so
much more.
But I want you.
And your eyes haunt
my footsteps.
Your voice invades
my dreams.
And the smell of
your skin still
lingers in my nose.
And I suppose,
I’m still in love
with you.
And I suppose,
I’m not ready to
let you go.
So come back home
tonight. We’ll take
our time and make
things right.
So come back home
tonight. I’ll tuck
you in and make things
right.
And I’ve tried ever
since to let you go.
But all I want is you.
Your eyes haunt my
footsteps. Your voice
invades my dreams.
And the smell of your skin
still lingers in my nose.
And the taste of your lips
is still in my mouth.
The thought of your touch
drives me crazy.
And maybe, maybe I could
have so much more.
But I don’t want
anything else, but you.
And I suppose I’m not
ready to let you go.
And I suppose, I’m still
in love with you.
_____
Written: Monday, May 4th, 2015, 10:43 PM
throw our things
across the room.
We’re fighting
each other and
sealing our doom.
I look at you,
you look at me,
we’re strangers now.
You walk out the door
because you don’t
love me anymore.
I’ve tried ever
since to let you go.
I could have so
much more.
But your eyes haunt
my footsteps.
Your voice invades
my dreams.
And the smell of
your skin still
lingers in my nose.
And I suppose,
I’m still in love
with you.
And I suppose,
I’m not ready to
let you go.
You underestimate
my obsession.
You underestimate
my love I have
for you.
There’s nothing
you can do.
I’m still madly
in love with you.
You still drive
me wild.
And I’ve tried ever
since to let you go.
I could have so
much more.
But I want you.
And your eyes haunt
my footsteps.
Your voice invades
my dreams.
And the smell of
your skin still
lingers in my nose.
And I suppose,
I’m still in love
with you.
And I suppose,
I’m not ready to
let you go.
So come back home
tonight. We’ll take
our time and make
things right.
So come back home
tonight. I’ll tuck
you in and make things
right.
And I’ve tried ever
since to let you go.
But all I want is you.
Your eyes haunt my
footsteps. Your voice
invades my dreams.
And the smell of your skin
still lingers in my nose.
And the taste of your lips
is still in my mouth.
The thought of your touch
drives me crazy.
And maybe, maybe I could
have so much more.
But I don’t want
anything else, but you.
And I suppose I’m not
ready to let you go.
And I suppose, I’m still
in love with you.
_____
Written: Monday, May 4th, 2015, 10:43 PM
2014
repeat (my favorite composer)
Hear the thunder
in the background.
Subtle and so loud.
It rises and falls.
It travels and goes.
Others may ignore it.
But I turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
Let the lightning play.
Let the rain pour.
Let it break through.
I’ll turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
You hear noise.
You push the
sound into the
background.
But to me its a
love song.
You feel disturbed
and frustrated.
Irritated.
You kind of hate it.
But I celebrate it.
You push it into
the background.
But I turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
Let the lightning play.
Let the rain pour.
Let it break through.
I’ll turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
I turn the volume up.
Let it take the lead.
Take the lead. I’ll
put it on repeat.
It makes me smile.
You’ll never know why.
It makes me smile.
And I’ll never know why.
I’ll never know why.
I’ll turn the volume up.
Set it on repeat.
Let it break the sound waves.
I’ll turn the volume up.
Set it on repeat.
Because God is my
favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
Let Him take the lead.
I’ll place it on repeat.
________
Written: Thursday, July 14th, 2011
Modified: Saturday, July 12th, 2014
in the background.
Subtle and so loud.
It rises and falls.
It travels and goes.
Others may ignore it.
But I turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
Let the lightning play.
Let the rain pour.
Let it break through.
I’ll turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
You hear noise.
You push the
sound into the
background.
But to me its a
love song.
You feel disturbed
and frustrated.
Irritated.
You kind of hate it.
But I celebrate it.
You push it into
the background.
But I turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
Let the lightning play.
Let the rain pour.
Let it break through.
I’ll turn the
volume up.
And place it on
repeat.
I turn the volume up.
Let it take the lead.
Take the lead. I’ll
put it on repeat.
It makes me smile.
You’ll never know why.
It makes me smile.
And I’ll never know why.
I’ll never know why.
I’ll turn the volume up.
Set it on repeat.
Let it break the sound waves.
I’ll turn the volume up.
Set it on repeat.
Because God is my
favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
God is my favorite composer.
Let Him take the lead.
I’ll place it on repeat.
________
Written: Thursday, July 14th, 2011
Modified: Saturday, July 12th, 2014
I saw you for a moment
one morning.
You touched my skin.
Your hands were soft.
Your voice was gentle.
A lovely sound to hear.
Your eyes & hair were
dark like dusk.
And your hands, I should
had looked at them more.
But I was too distracted
by you.
& I never knew your name.
I never caught your name.
I’ll never know your name.
But I know, you were beautiful.
I noticed you, as much
as I could. I hope you
noticed me. I’m not much
to look at. I’m not much
at all. But why can’t a
girl dream?
And your eyes, I should had
looked at them more.
But I was too distracted by you.
& I never knew your name.
I never caught your name.
I’ll never know your name.
But I know, you were beautiful.
I watched you leave.
Your hand clenched the door.
I’ve never missed a stranger
like that before.
And I’ll always wonder.
And I’ll never know.
But I know you were beautiful.
I know, You were beautiful.
_____________
Written: Thursday, July 3rd, 2014
one morning.
You touched my skin.
Your hands were soft.
Your voice was gentle.
A lovely sound to hear.
Your eyes & hair were
dark like dusk.
And your hands, I should
had looked at them more.
But I was too distracted
by you.
& I never knew your name.
I never caught your name.
I’ll never know your name.
But I know, you were beautiful.
I noticed you, as much
as I could. I hope you
noticed me. I’m not much
to look at. I’m not much
at all. But why can’t a
girl dream?
And your eyes, I should had
looked at them more.
But I was too distracted by you.
& I never knew your name.
I never caught your name.
I’ll never know your name.
But I know, you were beautiful.
I watched you leave.
Your hand clenched the door.
I’ve never missed a stranger
like that before.
And I’ll always wonder.
And I’ll never know.
But I know you were beautiful.
I know, You were beautiful.
_____________
Written: Thursday, July 3rd, 2014
& Yet still
I know, no one
wants me.
Why should they?
I know, no one
wants me.
They never will.
Why should they?
Why would they?
And that’s okay.
I’ll wander this
life alone.
And it’s okay.
I’m better off
by myself.
Yet still, I’d love for
someone to want me.
I know, I’m a mess.
I’ve got more secrets
than I can count.
More ghosts than I’d
like to keep.
And no one wants me.
But why would they?
No one wants me.
They never will.
And that’s okay.
I’ll wander this
life alone.
And it’s okay.
I’m better off by
myself.
Yet still, I’d love for
someone to want me.
Someone to want me.
Someone to hold me.
Someone to kiss me.
Someone to taste me.
Someone to call my own.
Someone to have me.
Someone to see me.
Someone to love me.
But no one wants me.
And they never will.
And that’s okay.
I’ll wander this
life alone.
And it’s okay.
I’m better off by myself.
Yet still, I’d love for
someone to want me.
But they never will.
Can you blame them?
They never will.
No one ever will.
And I know this,
& yet still.
________________
Written: Thursday, July 3rd, 2014
wants me.
Why should they?
I know, no one
wants me.
They never will.
Why should they?
Why would they?
And that’s okay.
I’ll wander this
life alone.
And it’s okay.
I’m better off
by myself.
Yet still, I’d love for
someone to want me.
I know, I’m a mess.
I’ve got more secrets
than I can count.
More ghosts than I’d
like to keep.
And no one wants me.
But why would they?
No one wants me.
They never will.
And that’s okay.
I’ll wander this
life alone.
And it’s okay.
I’m better off by
myself.
Yet still, I’d love for
someone to want me.
Someone to want me.
Someone to hold me.
Someone to kiss me.
Someone to taste me.
Someone to call my own.
Someone to have me.
Someone to see me.
Someone to love me.
But no one wants me.
And they never will.
And that’s okay.
I’ll wander this
life alone.
And it’s okay.
I’m better off by myself.
Yet still, I’d love for
someone to want me.
But they never will.
Can you blame them?
They never will.
No one ever will.
And I know this,
& yet still.
________________
Written: Thursday, July 3rd, 2014
maps
All my life I’ve created
my own maps for myself.
With places to go, things
to do. Paths to tread,
and destinations to see.
And I’m so glad that
things don’t always
go your way. They rarely
go your way.
I lie to myself.
Pretend I know best.
But God you’ve never
steered me wrong.
I let go of the reins.
Hand you all my keys.
Let’s sail away into
the unknown.
And I’m so glad that
things don’t always
go your way. They rarely
go your way.
I’ll burn all my maps.
Watch the fire blaze high.
Tossing what I think I
know to the wind.
I’ll follow the north star.
Keep my eyes on the horizon.
The rising sun will carry me.
And I’m so glad that
things don’t always
go your way. They rarely
go your way. So glad they
didn’t go my way. So glad
it wasn’t what I planned.
______
Written: Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
my own maps for myself.
With places to go, things
to do. Paths to tread,
and destinations to see.
And I’m so glad that
things don’t always
go your way. They rarely
go your way.
I lie to myself.
Pretend I know best.
But God you’ve never
steered me wrong.
I let go of the reins.
Hand you all my keys.
Let’s sail away into
the unknown.
And I’m so glad that
things don’t always
go your way. They rarely
go your way.
I’ll burn all my maps.
Watch the fire blaze high.
Tossing what I think I
know to the wind.
I’ll follow the north star.
Keep my eyes on the horizon.
The rising sun will carry me.
And I’m so glad that
things don’t always
go your way. They rarely
go your way. So glad they
didn’t go my way. So glad
it wasn’t what I planned.
______
Written: Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
I can’t sleep.
I’m too busy waging wars
on myself.
I can’t sleep.
I’m too busy planning
for my own death.
I can’t sleep.
I guess it’s all these
personal frustrations
and inner wars.
It’s keeping me up at night.
I’ve been keeping myself up
at night.
I toss and turn.
I’m thinking about
all the wrong things.
What I want.
But those things are
no where in my grasp.
What I hate.
What I hate about myself
haunts me.
I am my own worst nightmare.
I guess these personal
frustrations and inner wars
I’ve been waging against
myself is keeping me up at night.
I’m keeping me up at night.
If I could get away from myself.
If only I could destroy my desires.
I would slaughter it all.
The parts of me that are consuming
me just need to be eradicated.
I’ll let it die.
Watch the blood pour out.
I won’t wince.
I won’t feel sorry.
I won’t be sorry.
I’m not sorry.
I’m too busy dealing with all of
these personal frustrations to care.
I don’t care.
I’m too busy fighting these inner wars
and I don’t care, I don’t care.
I’m too busy waging wars on myself.
And I don’t care. I don’t care.
___________
Written: Monday, July 7th, 2014 2:13 PM
I’m too busy waging wars
on myself.
I can’t sleep.
I’m too busy planning
for my own death.
I can’t sleep.
I guess it’s all these
personal frustrations
and inner wars.
It’s keeping me up at night.
I’ve been keeping myself up
at night.
I toss and turn.
I’m thinking about
all the wrong things.
What I want.
But those things are
no where in my grasp.
What I hate.
What I hate about myself
haunts me.
I am my own worst nightmare.
I guess these personal
frustrations and inner wars
I’ve been waging against
myself is keeping me up at night.
I’m keeping me up at night.
If I could get away from myself.
If only I could destroy my desires.
I would slaughter it all.
The parts of me that are consuming
me just need to be eradicated.
I’ll let it die.
Watch the blood pour out.
I won’t wince.
I won’t feel sorry.
I won’t be sorry.
I’m not sorry.
I’m too busy dealing with all of
these personal frustrations to care.
I don’t care.
I’m too busy fighting these inner wars
and I don’t care, I don’t care.
I’m too busy waging wars on myself.
And I don’t care. I don’t care.
___________
Written: Monday, July 7th, 2014 2:13 PM
I wake up this morning.
I feel myself being buried
alive. & I just want to die.
I don’t want to exist today.
Don’t want to look at myself.
I don’t want me. & I don’t matter.
And it feels so good just to
say it like it is.
Not to cover it up or pretend
it’s not the way I feel.
When I don’t matter. I never did.
I’m not okay. & I’m tired of
wiping it off & pushing it away.
No one wants me.
And no one ever will.
And it feels so good to say
that and admit it as the truth.
I’m done covering it up.
That’s what you wanted me to do.
But forget you.
I’ll say what I want too.
And it feels so good just to
say it like it is.
Not to cover it up or pretend
it’s not the way I feel.
When I don’t matter. I never did.
I’m not okay. & I’m tired of
wiping it off & pushing it away.
I’m not okay. I hate me.
And I’ll never amount to anything.
I’m no good for anything.
No nothing at all.
I’m not worth anything.
And I don’t matter.
I never did. I never will.
I don’t know anything about
anything but I know myself.
And I’m not worth it.
No I’m not worth it.
And it feels so good to just
say it like it is.
_______
Written: Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014
I feel myself being buried
alive. & I just want to die.
I don’t want to exist today.
Don’t want to look at myself.
I don’t want me. & I don’t matter.
And it feels so good just to
say it like it is.
Not to cover it up or pretend
it’s not the way I feel.
When I don’t matter. I never did.
I’m not okay. & I’m tired of
wiping it off & pushing it away.
No one wants me.
And no one ever will.
And it feels so good to say
that and admit it as the truth.
I’m done covering it up.
That’s what you wanted me to do.
But forget you.
I’ll say what I want too.
And it feels so good just to
say it like it is.
Not to cover it up or pretend
it’s not the way I feel.
When I don’t matter. I never did.
I’m not okay. & I’m tired of
wiping it off & pushing it away.
I’m not okay. I hate me.
And I’ll never amount to anything.
I’m no good for anything.
No nothing at all.
I’m not worth anything.
And I don’t matter.
I never did. I never will.
I don’t know anything about
anything but I know myself.
And I’m not worth it.
No I’m not worth it.
And it feels so good to just
say it like it is.
_______
Written: Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014
I’ll never go anywhere.
I’ll never do anything.
Because I’m a troll & I
belong under a bridge.
So let the water drown me.
Let the water drown me.
Let it wash away all my
filth & all my shame.
I’m so tired of hiding in
plain site. I’m so sick
of faking a smile while
all the while, I want to
rid myself of myself.
So let the water drown me.
Let the water drown me.
Let it wash away all my
filth & all my shame.
I’m ready to die.
No more faking.
No more lies.
I don’t want myself
anymore.
Strip my clothes
& now you see that I’m
nothing but a monster.
And I deserve to die.
So let the water drown me.
Let the water drown me.
Let it wash away all my
filth & all my shame.
Let the water drown me.
I’m ready to die.
Let the water drown me
& rid this earth of me.
_____________
Written: Tuesday, July 1st, 2014
I’ll never do anything.
Because I’m a troll & I
belong under a bridge.
So let the water drown me.
Let the water drown me.
Let it wash away all my
filth & all my shame.
I’m so tired of hiding in
plain site. I’m so sick
of faking a smile while
all the while, I want to
rid myself of myself.
So let the water drown me.
Let the water drown me.
Let it wash away all my
filth & all my shame.
I’m ready to die.
No more faking.
No more lies.
I don’t want myself
anymore.
Strip my clothes
& now you see that I’m
nothing but a monster.
And I deserve to die.
So let the water drown me.
Let the water drown me.
Let it wash away all my
filth & all my shame.
Let the water drown me.
I’m ready to die.
Let the water drown me
& rid this earth of me.
_____________
Written: Tuesday, July 1st, 2014
nothing
I’m the golden child.
I’m the favored one.
I’ve got everyone
hanging on a string.
I’m the loved one.
The preferred one.
I’ve got everyone
fooled.
'Cause I’m nothing.
I’m absolutely nothing.
There’s no good in me.
There’s no worth in me.
I am nothing.
Nothing but a liar.
People smile at me.
I smile at them.
You hug & kiss my
head. I look at you.
& you can’t see.
But there’s nothing
good here. I am ugly.
Because I’m nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
There’s no good in me.
There’s no beauty.
I’m just a filthy liar.
And you can’t see.
That’s the way I
want it to be.
But I’m a liar.
And I hate me.
I’m no better than the
next bad thing.
People in all their
cruelty. They lay waste
& run the streets.
I do mine in the sheets.
And I’m no better than
the next bad thing.
I’m embarrassing.
I hate me.
Because I’m nothing.
Nothing but a liar.
There’s no good in me.
There’s no beauty.
I wish there was.
I wish there was.
But I’m nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
And I hate me.
_______
Written: Friday, May 30th, 2014 11:22 PM
I’m the favored one.
I’ve got everyone
hanging on a string.
I’m the loved one.
The preferred one.
I’ve got everyone
fooled.
'Cause I’m nothing.
I’m absolutely nothing.
There’s no good in me.
There’s no worth in me.
I am nothing.
Nothing but a liar.
People smile at me.
I smile at them.
You hug & kiss my
head. I look at you.
& you can’t see.
But there’s nothing
good here. I am ugly.
Because I’m nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
There’s no good in me.
There’s no beauty.
I’m just a filthy liar.
And you can’t see.
That’s the way I
want it to be.
But I’m a liar.
And I hate me.
I’m no better than the
next bad thing.
People in all their
cruelty. They lay waste
& run the streets.
I do mine in the sheets.
And I’m no better than
the next bad thing.
I’m embarrassing.
I hate me.
Because I’m nothing.
Nothing but a liar.
There’s no good in me.
There’s no beauty.
I wish there was.
I wish there was.
But I’m nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
And I hate me.
_______
Written: Friday, May 30th, 2014 11:22 PM
i loved that lie
You were the only one
that I ever loved.
All others were just decoys.
I was just passing time.
I never loved them.
They never had my affection.
I was always waiting for you.
Waiting for you to come back
to me.
But you never did.
You never came back.
How foolish of me to believe
in you. To believe in us.
It was only a lie.
It was only a lie.
But I loved it.
I loved that lie.
I loved that lie.
I loved you.
& the things you did.
I just hate that I am
still waiting for you.
I know you’re not coming back.
You’ve changed your number.
You’ve changed your address.
You’ve changed your women.
You’ve changed your mind.
And you never will.
You’ll never come back.
How foolish of me to believe
in you. To believe in us.
It was only a lie.
It was only a lie.
But I loved it.
I loved that lie.
I loved that lie.
You were the only one
that I ever loved.
You were the only one
that I ever hated.
And still love.
And still hate.
And still love.
And still.
And still hate.
___________
Written: Unknown 2014
that I ever loved.
All others were just decoys.
I was just passing time.
I never loved them.
They never had my affection.
I was always waiting for you.
Waiting for you to come back
to me.
But you never did.
You never came back.
How foolish of me to believe
in you. To believe in us.
It was only a lie.
It was only a lie.
But I loved it.
I loved that lie.
I loved that lie.
I loved you.
& the things you did.
I just hate that I am
still waiting for you.
I know you’re not coming back.
You’ve changed your number.
You’ve changed your address.
You’ve changed your women.
You’ve changed your mind.
And you never will.
You’ll never come back.
How foolish of me to believe
in you. To believe in us.
It was only a lie.
It was only a lie.
But I loved it.
I loved that lie.
I loved that lie.
You were the only one
that I ever loved.
You were the only one
that I ever hated.
And still love.
And still hate.
And still love.
And still.
And still hate.
___________
Written: Unknown 2014
forget
I just want to be
someone you can look at.
Someone you’re not ashamed of.
I just want to be, someone
you are proud of.
& I know, I’m a fool.
I’ve made decisions that
weren’t good. I know,
I’m a vile creature.
I’ve acted like a monster,
terrorizing you.
But I really do just want
to make you smile.
Please forgive me.
I’ve sinned more than
I can count.
& my hands keep bleeding.
I’ve pulled out all the
days that I painted black.
Just to show you
I’ve surrendered.
Will you erase my past?
It’s too shameful to bare
anymore.
And I just want you to
forget the many times
I wronged you.
And I’m just trying
to be someone who’s
easy to love.
I just wanna be someone
you love to love.
Someone you love to love.
__________
Written: Unknown 2014
someone you can look at.
Someone you’re not ashamed of.
I just want to be, someone
you are proud of.
& I know, I’m a fool.
I’ve made decisions that
weren’t good. I know,
I’m a vile creature.
I’ve acted like a monster,
terrorizing you.
But I really do just want
to make you smile.
Please forgive me.
I’ve sinned more than
I can count.
& my hands keep bleeding.
I’ve pulled out all the
days that I painted black.
Just to show you
I’ve surrendered.
Will you erase my past?
It’s too shameful to bare
anymore.
And I just want you to
forget the many times
I wronged you.
And I’m just trying
to be someone who’s
easy to love.
I just wanna be someone
you love to love.
Someone you love to love.
__________
Written: Unknown 2014
You caught me off guard.
I let you into the parts
of me that no one could see.
I let you invade my lips.
That was my first kiss.
I thought you’d be patient
with me. I thought you’d be
understanding. But you left.
And I felt your poison far
behind you.
I continued to think of you.
And I finally got the nerve
to make a move. So I drove
to come and see you.
I knocked on your door.
Like you did before.
But you had someone else.
You asked me “what did you
expect? Did you think I’d
be waiting for you?”
Surprisingly, I said “yes”.
I did. I thought you’d be
waiting. Waiting.
But then my countenance changed
as I said “Thank you
for making this easier.
I don’t want you anymore.
I don’t love you. And I
certainly don’t need you.”
I walked away. With a gleam
of pride smothering my eyes,
I’m sure. My head held high.
I walked with dignity and
honor. Now I’m free. And I
will never, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever think of you
again.
I’ve got better things to do,
than waste my time with you.
I’ve got better things to do,
than waste my time wanting you.
____________
Written: Tuesday, May 20th, 2014 2:04 AM
I let you into the parts
of me that no one could see.
I let you invade my lips.
That was my first kiss.
I thought you’d be patient
with me. I thought you’d be
understanding. But you left.
And I felt your poison far
behind you.
I continued to think of you.
And I finally got the nerve
to make a move. So I drove
to come and see you.
I knocked on your door.
Like you did before.
But you had someone else.
You asked me “what did you
expect? Did you think I’d
be waiting for you?”
Surprisingly, I said “yes”.
I did. I thought you’d be
waiting. Waiting.
But then my countenance changed
as I said “Thank you
for making this easier.
I don’t want you anymore.
I don’t love you. And I
certainly don’t need you.”
I walked away. With a gleam
of pride smothering my eyes,
I’m sure. My head held high.
I walked with dignity and
honor. Now I’m free. And I
will never, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever think of you
again.
I’ve got better things to do,
than waste my time with you.
I’ve got better things to do,
than waste my time wanting you.
____________
Written: Tuesday, May 20th, 2014 2:04 AM
I’m not like those pretty girls.
With their long hair, and clothes.
Their pinks & yellows.
They dress with bright spring colors.
And their accessories are like the
magazines. And they always get the guy.
They’re fragile and beautiful.
And always soft.
Their faces are like angels.
But I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
I watch them intertwine their fingers
with their lovers. They make googly eyes.
And smile.
But I’m all alone. And that’s okay.
Because I’m a monster, & that’s okay.
They may have each other.
But I have the world at my fingertips.
I live in the mountains. The storm
is my home. The trees are my brothers
and I will roam.
Because I’m a monster. And that’s okay.
I’m a monster and that’s okay with me.
I like myself the way I am.
I can’t help it if the world doesn’t like me.
But I am me. And I am free. And I will be.
Because I’m happy. I’m alone and free.
I’m so happy with being me.
And if I’m a monster, than that is who I will be.
And if I’m alone forever, than that’s okay with me.
Because I’m alone and free to roam and you can’t
crowd my style. You won’t get in my way.
Because I’m a monster and that’s okay.
I’m Edward Scissorhands.
I’m a hot mess.
People love to stare as I walk by.
I’m V for Vendetta.
I’m off to myself. I’m sort of a creep.
I’m MegaMind, and I look great in black.
I’m the Beast. And I have no love.
Because I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
I spike my hair and my eyes are dark.
My uniform is black, black, black.
Converse are my feet’s soulmates.
And you’ll never see me without my headphones.
Oh, I’m a monster. And that’s okay.
I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
If you don’t want me. You can’t have me.
I don’t care. I never wanted that any ways.
And I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
I’m a monster. And that’s all I have to say.
___________
Written: Tuesday, May 13th, 2014, 11:59 PM
With their long hair, and clothes.
Their pinks & yellows.
They dress with bright spring colors.
And their accessories are like the
magazines. And they always get the guy.
They’re fragile and beautiful.
And always soft.
Their faces are like angels.
But I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
I watch them intertwine their fingers
with their lovers. They make googly eyes.
And smile.
But I’m all alone. And that’s okay.
Because I’m a monster, & that’s okay.
They may have each other.
But I have the world at my fingertips.
I live in the mountains. The storm
is my home. The trees are my brothers
and I will roam.
Because I’m a monster. And that’s okay.
I’m a monster and that’s okay with me.
I like myself the way I am.
I can’t help it if the world doesn’t like me.
But I am me. And I am free. And I will be.
Because I’m happy. I’m alone and free.
I’m so happy with being me.
And if I’m a monster, than that is who I will be.
And if I’m alone forever, than that’s okay with me.
Because I’m alone and free to roam and you can’t
crowd my style. You won’t get in my way.
Because I’m a monster and that’s okay.
I’m Edward Scissorhands.
I’m a hot mess.
People love to stare as I walk by.
I’m V for Vendetta.
I’m off to myself. I’m sort of a creep.
I’m MegaMind, and I look great in black.
I’m the Beast. And I have no love.
Because I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
I spike my hair and my eyes are dark.
My uniform is black, black, black.
Converse are my feet’s soulmates.
And you’ll never see me without my headphones.
Oh, I’m a monster. And that’s okay.
I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
If you don’t want me. You can’t have me.
I don’t care. I never wanted that any ways.
And I’m a monster, and that’s okay.
I’m a monster. And that’s all I have to say.
___________
Written: Tuesday, May 13th, 2014, 11:59 PM
i hate you
You were beautiful and lovely.
Your eyes were the death of me.
Your words raped my ears.
And I was always spinning.
You were so charming.
It should had been alarming.
But I let you play in my head,
until I believed every word you
said.
And now I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
I’m so over you.
I don’t want to see you,
hear you, speak to you.
Don’t ask me how I’m doing.
I could care less about you.
Cause I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
You would stare at me so cleverly.
You knew I’d never been looked at
like that before.
Your tricks & schemes were laid out
perfectly.
All I had to do was follow you.
You drag me through the room.
I walked into my doom.
My parents warned me of
your lies. I didn’t listen.
Though they tried.
They tried to save me.
Said I was crazy.
I didn’t believe them.
All I knew is that I wanted you.
How stupid of me.
Cause now I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
I’m so over you.
I don’t want to see you,
hear you, speak to you.
Don’t ask me how I’m doing.
Don’t come around me.
Stay away from me.
Cause I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
I lived on every word you said.
Your touch consumed my heart & head.
I can’t believe I let you do
what you did to me.
But it’s over. It’s all over now.
And you don’t remember me.
But I, I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
___________
Written: Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
Your eyes were the death of me.
Your words raped my ears.
And I was always spinning.
You were so charming.
It should had been alarming.
But I let you play in my head,
until I believed every word you
said.
And now I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
I’m so over you.
I don’t want to see you,
hear you, speak to you.
Don’t ask me how I’m doing.
I could care less about you.
Cause I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
You would stare at me so cleverly.
You knew I’d never been looked at
like that before.
Your tricks & schemes were laid out
perfectly.
All I had to do was follow you.
You drag me through the room.
I walked into my doom.
My parents warned me of
your lies. I didn’t listen.
Though they tried.
They tried to save me.
Said I was crazy.
I didn’t believe them.
All I knew is that I wanted you.
How stupid of me.
Cause now I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
I’m so over you.
I don’t want to see you,
hear you, speak to you.
Don’t ask me how I’m doing.
Don’t come around me.
Stay away from me.
Cause I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
I lived on every word you said.
Your touch consumed my heart & head.
I can’t believe I let you do
what you did to me.
But it’s over. It’s all over now.
And you don’t remember me.
But I, I hate you.
I freakin hate you.
___________
Written: Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
wandering
I am lost.
I have done nothing.
I have gone nowhere
or accomplished
anything.
I seem so
insignificant.
I feel as a waste of
space. Why couldn’t
something more
valuable be here.
I feel alone.
The last of my kind.
The only one of my
kind. An alien
trapped on an
unfamiliar planet.
With unfriendly eyes.
And judgmental stares.
I wander.
And I’m lost.
I wander.
And I’m alone.
I wonder if this is it
for me. If this is all
there is for me to do.
I feel discouraged.
Though try as I may
not to be.
But I will continue to do.
And continue to do, as you
say. Until otherwise
anything different.
I am alone.
I am lost.
I don’t know why I’m here.
I am a wanderer.
But I will continue to work.
For if you are satisfied
with me, then I have
fulfilled my destiny.
_____________
Written: Date Unknown February of 2014
I have done nothing.
I have gone nowhere
or accomplished
anything.
I seem so
insignificant.
I feel as a waste of
space. Why couldn’t
something more
valuable be here.
I feel alone.
The last of my kind.
The only one of my
kind. An alien
trapped on an
unfamiliar planet.
With unfriendly eyes.
And judgmental stares.
I wander.
And I’m lost.
I wander.
And I’m alone.
I wonder if this is it
for me. If this is all
there is for me to do.
I feel discouraged.
Though try as I may
not to be.
But I will continue to do.
And continue to do, as you
say. Until otherwise
anything different.
I am alone.
I am lost.
I don’t know why I’m here.
I am a wanderer.
But I will continue to work.
For if you are satisfied
with me, then I have
fulfilled my destiny.
_____________
Written: Date Unknown February of 2014
I am a mystical creature.
A rare being if you’ve
ever seen such.
I am a Hobbit. I am a
Guardian. I’m a shepherd
of the forest. I’m a Narnian.
A dwarf. I’m a child of the
stars. A lover of the cold.
I linger in Winter’s embrace.
And heart break
as I beckon it goodbye.
I am strange & unheard of.
And often winced upon.
I appear human. But I speak
to the animals as free &
wild yet human as I. I belong
amongst the trees. I live in
the rain. I hunger for
thunder. I crave dark clouds.
And thirst for the snow.
My home is the mountains.
Great and terrifying.
The fortress of my dreams.
I rest under its mighty shade.
How enormous are they.
These rocks I try to hold.
I belong to these lands.
But where they are, I do not
know. I seek this land.
And where it is I belong too.
But I look in dismay.
For it is still lost and
unbeknownst to me.
But until I find my place
under the stars, all I can
do is simply be.
I am what I am.
Strange & a rarity as you’ll
ever meet. But I refuse to
change. To lie to myself.
To be anything other than
who I am.
Anything other than me.
So wince as you please.
I’m a daughter of the skies.
And I will not be condemned
by your stares.
__________
Written: Thursday, March 6th, 2014
A rare being if you’ve
ever seen such.
I am a Hobbit. I am a
Guardian. I’m a shepherd
of the forest. I’m a Narnian.
A dwarf. I’m a child of the
stars. A lover of the cold.
I linger in Winter’s embrace.
And heart break
as I beckon it goodbye.
I am strange & unheard of.
And often winced upon.
I appear human. But I speak
to the animals as free &
wild yet human as I. I belong
amongst the trees. I live in
the rain. I hunger for
thunder. I crave dark clouds.
And thirst for the snow.
My home is the mountains.
Great and terrifying.
The fortress of my dreams.
I rest under its mighty shade.
How enormous are they.
These rocks I try to hold.
I belong to these lands.
But where they are, I do not
know. I seek this land.
And where it is I belong too.
But I look in dismay.
For it is still lost and
unbeknownst to me.
But until I find my place
under the stars, all I can
do is simply be.
I am what I am.
Strange & a rarity as you’ll
ever meet. But I refuse to
change. To lie to myself.
To be anything other than
who I am.
Anything other than me.
So wince as you please.
I’m a daughter of the skies.
And I will not be condemned
by your stares.
__________
Written: Thursday, March 6th, 2014
I was just fine without you.
I was fiercely independent.
I never asked for your help.
I never asked for your company.
I’ve walked these roads
on my own. How ignorant
of you to think that I
needed you.
Somehow, I let you in
I let you in.
Somehow, I let you invade me.
I let you in. I let you live
inside of me. I gave you the
keys. Let down my walls.
How stupid of me to do so.
But somehow, you made me
do it all.
I swore I wouldn’t be here.
But here I am in my tear
stained skin. I feel exposed.
I’ve been betrayed.
& I’m a fool.
How dare you steal my heart.
& make me fall in love with you.
& leave me here left to
prove that I’m not as
invincible as I thought I was.
I watched you leave.
You didn’t blink an eye.
You were steady and certain
as an anchor.
I feel this was your plan
the entire time.
And somehow, I fell for it.
You tore my helpless heart.
Tore me apart & broke me down.
How dare you make me love you.
I could tear my memories
to shreds.
How dare you make me love you.
How dare you make me love you.
And you leave me here to die.
How dare you make me love you.
And leave me drowning in your
hate.
And how can you do this to me,
and not feel anything?
______________
Written: Monday, March 24th, 2014
I was fiercely independent.
I never asked for your help.
I never asked for your company.
I’ve walked these roads
on my own. How ignorant
of you to think that I
needed you.
Somehow, I let you in
I let you in.
Somehow, I let you invade me.
I let you in. I let you live
inside of me. I gave you the
keys. Let down my walls.
How stupid of me to do so.
But somehow, you made me
do it all.
I swore I wouldn’t be here.
But here I am in my tear
stained skin. I feel exposed.
I’ve been betrayed.
& I’m a fool.
How dare you steal my heart.
& make me fall in love with you.
& leave me here left to
prove that I’m not as
invincible as I thought I was.
I watched you leave.
You didn’t blink an eye.
You were steady and certain
as an anchor.
I feel this was your plan
the entire time.
And somehow, I fell for it.
You tore my helpless heart.
Tore me apart & broke me down.
How dare you make me love you.
I could tear my memories
to shreds.
How dare you make me love you.
How dare you make me love you.
And you leave me here to die.
How dare you make me love you.
And leave me drowning in your
hate.
And how can you do this to me,
and not feel anything?
______________
Written: Monday, March 24th, 2014
A stranger places their arms around me.
& suddenly it’s a new found joy.
A contentment my heart is not use too.
What then is next? What’s left to do?
My heart is numb & suddenly awakens,
when an embrace my body has taken.
I suddenly feel as if I’ve been missing
about. Walking around & living without.
Why do my eyes water so? Do not cry,
I tell myself. I won’t let them go.
I am to live my life alone. 'Tis a desire
of mine. To go far & be free & to do as I
please. I cannot have both. It would be
too much to ask. I must choose one now,
& take on that task. Maybe one day,
I may have the other. But for now, I choose
not to bother. I will wander this world alone.
I will pursue my dreams & rush not to
someone’s arms. Love is trouble and a
waste of time. I will be most satisfied
traveling the world as if it were mine.
I do not know what my purpose is.
Where I will go or what I will do. It’s a
mystery. An unknown future to me.
But I will not waste my thoughts on
finding love or having a man’s embrace.
No, I will smite such thoughts and banish
them to the distant corners of the universe.
I will be satisfied & so ever content,
having lived my life alone. It shall be well spent.
I will not be lonely, or have nothing to do.
I can be utterly satisfied as long as it’s
me & you. Because Jesus, you’re all I need.
I will be yours. & you will be mine.
I do not look for a man as I once did.
I do not need one. I do not want one.
I’m still just a kid. But may I travel,
and see mountains. May I go & do.
And see many lands. Let me smell
the air, and feel the cold. See sunrises
and sunsets painted with gold.
Let me look upon skies, gray with snow.
And feel the rain run down from my head
to my toes. Let me watch the clouds
pass on by. & gaze upon trees that could
make me cry. I’ll do what you ask.
And remain a guardian of children.
But these rubbish thoughts I will not let in.
I will smite and destroy such foolishness.
And set myself straight until I think of it
less and less. To be alone is the life for me.
I will be happier this way. I already see.
So Jesus, I am yours. Let me be, whatever
it is you ask of me. But these foolish thoughts
and pathetic feelings, I cast away from me.
I will have them no more. I am missing nothing.
I have everything, if I have you Jesus.
So I will go and look no more, for anything I may
have wanted before. Help me to remain focused
on you, Jesus. And what you want me to do.
I don’t have time for silly games or thoughts of
romance which do not exist. Trouble it is.
And all it will be. A life alone is the life for me.
______________
Written: Monday, January 13th, 2014, 2:06 AM
& suddenly it’s a new found joy.
A contentment my heart is not use too.
What then is next? What’s left to do?
My heart is numb & suddenly awakens,
when an embrace my body has taken.
I suddenly feel as if I’ve been missing
about. Walking around & living without.
Why do my eyes water so? Do not cry,
I tell myself. I won’t let them go.
I am to live my life alone. 'Tis a desire
of mine. To go far & be free & to do as I
please. I cannot have both. It would be
too much to ask. I must choose one now,
& take on that task. Maybe one day,
I may have the other. But for now, I choose
not to bother. I will wander this world alone.
I will pursue my dreams & rush not to
someone’s arms. Love is trouble and a
waste of time. I will be most satisfied
traveling the world as if it were mine.
I do not know what my purpose is.
Where I will go or what I will do. It’s a
mystery. An unknown future to me.
But I will not waste my thoughts on
finding love or having a man’s embrace.
No, I will smite such thoughts and banish
them to the distant corners of the universe.
I will be satisfied & so ever content,
having lived my life alone. It shall be well spent.
I will not be lonely, or have nothing to do.
I can be utterly satisfied as long as it’s
me & you. Because Jesus, you’re all I need.
I will be yours. & you will be mine.
I do not look for a man as I once did.
I do not need one. I do not want one.
I’m still just a kid. But may I travel,
and see mountains. May I go & do.
And see many lands. Let me smell
the air, and feel the cold. See sunrises
and sunsets painted with gold.
Let me look upon skies, gray with snow.
And feel the rain run down from my head
to my toes. Let me watch the clouds
pass on by. & gaze upon trees that could
make me cry. I’ll do what you ask.
And remain a guardian of children.
But these rubbish thoughts I will not let in.
I will smite and destroy such foolishness.
And set myself straight until I think of it
less and less. To be alone is the life for me.
I will be happier this way. I already see.
So Jesus, I am yours. Let me be, whatever
it is you ask of me. But these foolish thoughts
and pathetic feelings, I cast away from me.
I will have them no more. I am missing nothing.
I have everything, if I have you Jesus.
So I will go and look no more, for anything I may
have wanted before. Help me to remain focused
on you, Jesus. And what you want me to do.
I don’t have time for silly games or thoughts of
romance which do not exist. Trouble it is.
And all it will be. A life alone is the life for me.
______________
Written: Monday, January 13th, 2014, 2:06 AM
2013
let me in
I know what you
were talking about
when you said you
had some doubts.
I know what you
meant when you said
that you were spent.
I know just how you feel
when you thought the
love was real.
I knew that you knew,
that she didn’t want you.
You watched her
leave you behind.
Not a moment
was she kind.
But I’m here to fix
what she broke.
So let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in to
begin my work.
Let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in
to show you
just how
beautiful you are.
I know the troubles
you’ve seen
because friend,
I’ve seen them too.
Don’t write me off just yet.
I know you don’t trust me.
You’re too busy
being angry.
But I promise to
lighten your load.
So go ahead and let her go.
I watched her
break your heart.
I want to tear her apart.
But I’m going to put my strength
to something else.
So let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in to
begin my work.
Let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in
to show you
just how
beautiful you are.
You doubt me.
But I can make you happy.
You don’t know
just how much I love you.
You doubt me.
But I can make you forget.
You don’t know
how happy we could be.
If you’d just let me in.
So let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in to
begin my work.
Let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in
to show you
just how
beautiful you are.
You’re beautiful to me.
You’re beautiful to me.
You’re lovely to me.
I just wish you’d see.
But you won’t believe me.
You’re so lovely.
You’re so lovely.
You’re so lovely to me.
________
Written: Thursday, November 21st, 2013 1:31 PM
were talking about
when you said you
had some doubts.
I know what you
meant when you said
that you were spent.
I know just how you feel
when you thought the
love was real.
I knew that you knew,
that she didn’t want you.
You watched her
leave you behind.
Not a moment
was she kind.
But I’m here to fix
what she broke.
So let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in to
begin my work.
Let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in
to show you
just how
beautiful you are.
I know the troubles
you’ve seen
because friend,
I’ve seen them too.
Don’t write me off just yet.
I know you don’t trust me.
You’re too busy
being angry.
But I promise to
lighten your load.
So go ahead and let her go.
I watched her
break your heart.
I want to tear her apart.
But I’m going to put my strength
to something else.
So let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in to
begin my work.
Let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in
to show you
just how
beautiful you are.
You doubt me.
But I can make you happy.
You don’t know
just how much I love you.
You doubt me.
But I can make you forget.
You don’t know
how happy we could be.
If you’d just let me in.
So let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in to
begin my work.
Let me in.
Let me in.
Let me in
to show you
just how
beautiful you are.
You’re beautiful to me.
You’re beautiful to me.
You’re lovely to me.
I just wish you’d see.
But you won’t believe me.
You’re so lovely.
You’re so lovely.
You’re so lovely to me.
________
Written: Thursday, November 21st, 2013 1:31 PM
monsters belong under ground
Run away to the far ends of the Earth.
Dig your way down into it’s depths.
Hide your face from the embrace of the wind.
Forget the taste & smell of the air.
Forget what it’s like to hold someone close.
Lose all hope to hold their hand.
You will never feel their lips against
your skin again.
Forget the enchantment of being kissed.
You will never know what it feels like.
Dig your way down.
And down some more.
Until your fingers bleed and your muscles are sore.
Don’t look back at the world behind.
For you are abomination.
You are unkind.
You are putrid.
You are shame.
So dig your way down into the depths of your despair.
Forget beauty.
For you will never see it.
It will never take shape to your body.
It will never talk hold of your soul.
So forget the wonders of life you could have had.
You desolate creature.
You vile monster.
Walk until your feet bleed.
Swim into the darkness.
Never look back.
For you chose your fate.
You left your dreams.
You threw grace itself away.
You stabbed mercy in the back.
You shot love in the heart, and watched
him bleed to death.
You laughed as you danced on his grave.
You abandoned anything that was
good and right.
And now you must pay for it.
Let yourself die.
Kiss the face of death.
Forget the glory of the stars.
Abandon the thought of being drenched
in rain. Do not dare long for
the sound of everlasting thunder.
Wipe your mind of virgin snow.
Forget the knowledge of all things
bright and beautiful.
All things right and true.
For this is your fate now.
Die and let everyone forget about your
existence.
Monsters belong under ground.
Rot in your foul skin.
Linger in airless dirt.
Forget the magic of sound.
Forget magic itself.
This is your fate.
Disintegrate.
Disappear.
Lay there.
May your bones haste not to waste.
May your lungs discontinue to rise & fall.
Let the heart taste the bitter feeling of being
utterly alone and forgotten.
As it too fades to black.
Let go of hope for a future.
Stay in your misery.
Disappear.
The end is here.
Now wake up from this nightmare.
Live a beautiful life.
Live the life you lead.
Fight for all things bright and beautiful.
Drink of purity.
Let it consume your soul.
Drink of purity.
For dreams to hold.
Wake up from your past. Destroy it.
And let it lie.
Cling to hope of a beautiful future.
Be what you want to become.
_________
Written: Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Dig your way down into it’s depths.
Hide your face from the embrace of the wind.
Forget the taste & smell of the air.
Forget what it’s like to hold someone close.
Lose all hope to hold their hand.
You will never feel their lips against
your skin again.
Forget the enchantment of being kissed.
You will never know what it feels like.
Dig your way down.
And down some more.
Until your fingers bleed and your muscles are sore.
Don’t look back at the world behind.
For you are abomination.
You are unkind.
You are putrid.
You are shame.
So dig your way down into the depths of your despair.
Forget beauty.
For you will never see it.
It will never take shape to your body.
It will never talk hold of your soul.
So forget the wonders of life you could have had.
You desolate creature.
You vile monster.
Walk until your feet bleed.
Swim into the darkness.
Never look back.
For you chose your fate.
You left your dreams.
You threw grace itself away.
You stabbed mercy in the back.
You shot love in the heart, and watched
him bleed to death.
You laughed as you danced on his grave.
You abandoned anything that was
good and right.
And now you must pay for it.
Let yourself die.
Kiss the face of death.
Forget the glory of the stars.
Abandon the thought of being drenched
in rain. Do not dare long for
the sound of everlasting thunder.
Wipe your mind of virgin snow.
Forget the knowledge of all things
bright and beautiful.
All things right and true.
For this is your fate now.
Die and let everyone forget about your
existence.
Monsters belong under ground.
Rot in your foul skin.
Linger in airless dirt.
Forget the magic of sound.
Forget magic itself.
This is your fate.
Disintegrate.
Disappear.
Lay there.
May your bones haste not to waste.
May your lungs discontinue to rise & fall.
Let the heart taste the bitter feeling of being
utterly alone and forgotten.
As it too fades to black.
Let go of hope for a future.
Stay in your misery.
Disappear.
The end is here.
Now wake up from this nightmare.
Live a beautiful life.
Live the life you lead.
Fight for all things bright and beautiful.
Drink of purity.
Let it consume your soul.
Drink of purity.
For dreams to hold.
Wake up from your past. Destroy it.
And let it lie.
Cling to hope of a beautiful future.
Be what you want to become.
_________
Written: Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
remember, remember
Remember, remember,
the words of the Teacher.
He scorned the ways of life.
He said everything is worthless,
like chasing the wind.
And we will know this,
in the end.
But he encouraged us to
eat and drink and enjoy
our rewards from hard labor.
But to place God first
before all others,
above everything else.
And obey His commands.
Otherwise, we will be
stripped from His hands.
So remember, remember,
the words of the teacher.
Remember, remember,
Thee Creator.
Honor Him while you’re
still young.
Before in your last days,
you’re filled with regret
as life departs from your lungs.
__________
Written: Tuesday, August 28th, 2013, 2:28 AM
the words of the Teacher.
He scorned the ways of life.
He said everything is worthless,
like chasing the wind.
And we will know this,
in the end.
But he encouraged us to
eat and drink and enjoy
our rewards from hard labor.
But to place God first
before all others,
above everything else.
And obey His commands.
Otherwise, we will be
stripped from His hands.
So remember, remember,
the words of the teacher.
Remember, remember,
Thee Creator.
Honor Him while you’re
still young.
Before in your last days,
you’re filled with regret
as life departs from your lungs.
__________
Written: Tuesday, August 28th, 2013, 2:28 AM
your sky (I'll dream if i want too)
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I use to walk around
in the smoke.
I was told what to do,
who to be
so much so
I began to choke.
And I wondered
if I could ever
be just me.
Maybe I’m plain.
Maybe I’m weird.
But I’ll never know
if you don’t let me go.
I’m breaking out.
I’m letting go.
I’m running free
and you should know
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I can
and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
People stare.
I’m standing there.
I watch their venom
fly with each passing word.
Their full of hot air
but I won’t let them diminish
who I’ve become.
It was a fight to get here.
I’ve won the war.
I’m not gonna let you
take my ground.
I’m staying me.
Diversity.
Walk around.
Hear the sound.
I’m screaming.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Never, ever, let anyone
tell you what you can & can’t do.
Prove the cynics wrong.
Pity them, for they have
no imagination.
The sky’s the limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
And you can’t stop me.
____________
Written: Thursday, May 9th, 2013
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I use to walk around
in the smoke.
I was told what to do,
who to be
so much so
I began to choke.
And I wondered
if I could ever
be just me.
Maybe I’m plain.
Maybe I’m weird.
But I’ll never know
if you don’t let me go.
I’m breaking out.
I’m letting go.
I’m running free
and you should know
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I can
and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
People stare.
I’m standing there.
I watch their venom
fly with each passing word.
Their full of hot air
but I won’t let them diminish
who I’ve become.
It was a fight to get here.
I’ve won the war.
I’m not gonna let you
take my ground.
I’m staying me.
Diversity.
Walk around.
Hear the sound.
I’m screaming.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Never, ever, let anyone
tell you what you can & can’t do.
Prove the cynics wrong.
Pity them, for they have
no imagination.
The sky’s the limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
Your sky. Your limit.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
Don’t tell me what I
can and cannot do.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
I’ll dream if I want too.
And you can’t stop me.
____________
Written: Thursday, May 9th, 2013
stay
I don’t mean to feel
like I want to run away.
But I feel my insides
clawing their way out.
Scratching at the back door.
Breaking through the windows.
This creature inside me is
getting relentless.
It’s taking all I am to
hold myself down.
Trying to behave,
but I want to run around.
I’ve got places to go
and things to do.
And my mind is no help.
It only urges me too.
And I’m trying to stand still.
Holding my breath.
Fighting my will.
But for some reason,
the thought of an adventure
still pulls on my heart.
It clings to my ribs.
And haunts my dreams.
Whispers in my thoughts.
Plays around in my mind
like a child on a playground.
It entices me.
And I’m left craving
with burning curiosity.
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
I pray to God please,
just kill my dreams.
Because anticipation
is my worst enemy.
I want to be a good girl
and sit here quietly.
But I’m afraid that’s
just a bit far fetched for me.
Maybe I could try and
think about something else?
But my mind finds a
way to runaway with me.
You may think I’m crazy
& it’s probably true.
But I’d rather be this
than live like you.
And I’m trying to stand still.
Holding my breath.
Fighting my will.
But for some reason,
the thought of an adventure
still pulls on my heart.
It clings to my ribs.
And haunts my dreams.
Whispers in my thoughts.
Plays around in my mind
like a child on a playground.
It entices me.
And I’m left craving
with burning curiosity.
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
How can I stay?
I don’t want to live
like this forever.
How can I stay?
I was born to roam.
Destined to explore.
Beckoned to dream.
I don’t want to suffocate.
Or diminish.
Don’t tarnish my dreams.
Don’t hold me down.
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
How can I stay?
How can I stay?
__________
Written: Sunday, May 12th, 2013
like I want to run away.
But I feel my insides
clawing their way out.
Scratching at the back door.
Breaking through the windows.
This creature inside me is
getting relentless.
It’s taking all I am to
hold myself down.
Trying to behave,
but I want to run around.
I’ve got places to go
and things to do.
And my mind is no help.
It only urges me too.
And I’m trying to stand still.
Holding my breath.
Fighting my will.
But for some reason,
the thought of an adventure
still pulls on my heart.
It clings to my ribs.
And haunts my dreams.
Whispers in my thoughts.
Plays around in my mind
like a child on a playground.
It entices me.
And I’m left craving
with burning curiosity.
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
I pray to God please,
just kill my dreams.
Because anticipation
is my worst enemy.
I want to be a good girl
and sit here quietly.
But I’m afraid that’s
just a bit far fetched for me.
Maybe I could try and
think about something else?
But my mind finds a
way to runaway with me.
You may think I’m crazy
& it’s probably true.
But I’d rather be this
than live like you.
And I’m trying to stand still.
Holding my breath.
Fighting my will.
But for some reason,
the thought of an adventure
still pulls on my heart.
It clings to my ribs.
And haunts my dreams.
Whispers in my thoughts.
Plays around in my mind
like a child on a playground.
It entices me.
And I’m left craving
with burning curiosity.
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
How can I stay?
I don’t want to live
like this forever.
How can I stay?
I was born to roam.
Destined to explore.
Beckoned to dream.
I don’t want to suffocate.
Or diminish.
Don’t tarnish my dreams.
Don’t hold me down.
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
With feelings like this,
how can I stay?
How can I stay?
How can I stay?
__________
Written: Sunday, May 12th, 2013
warning signs
I saw you look
into my eyes.
And you told
that great big lie.
All I could ask was why?
I never understood you.
The way you were.
The way you did.
And you always
threw at me
these crazy road signs.
Now I’m staring into the lights.
I’m seeing the white stripes.
I’m beginning to think
that this was not
the way to go.
We’re going down
a road, down a road
and we’re going
way too fast.
I told you to
slow down, slow down,
but you never
listened to me.
I’m wearing my seat belt
but I feel it won’t keep.
I’ve got a feeling
we’re gonna crash.
We’re heading for the deep.
But it’s too late.
We’re already history.
We’re already history.
People tried to tell
me that it would never work.
They’d stare at me
with these pitiful stares and
it made me crazy.
I wanted to belong to you.
Though it would never be.
You never really wanted me.
I wanted to prove
them so wrong.
Now I’ve made
their case so right.
And now I lay in bed and cry
all night.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
I won’t cry anymore.
Goodbye. Farewell.
If my heart is broken
I won’t ever tell.
So goodbye.
I made a huge mistake.
I should’ve seen the warning signs.
Should’ve never got
mixed up with you.
At least I learned a thing or two.
At least I learned a thing or two.
________
Written: Thursday, February 28th, 2013, 2:58 AM
into my eyes.
And you told
that great big lie.
All I could ask was why?
I never understood you.
The way you were.
The way you did.
And you always
threw at me
these crazy road signs.
Now I’m staring into the lights.
I’m seeing the white stripes.
I’m beginning to think
that this was not
the way to go.
We’re going down
a road, down a road
and we’re going
way too fast.
I told you to
slow down, slow down,
but you never
listened to me.
I’m wearing my seat belt
but I feel it won’t keep.
I’ve got a feeling
we’re gonna crash.
We’re heading for the deep.
But it’s too late.
We’re already history.
We’re already history.
People tried to tell
me that it would never work.
They’d stare at me
with these pitiful stares and
it made me crazy.
I wanted to belong to you.
Though it would never be.
You never really wanted me.
I wanted to prove
them so wrong.
Now I’ve made
their case so right.
And now I lay in bed and cry
all night.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
I won’t cry anymore.
Goodbye. Farewell.
If my heart is broken
I won’t ever tell.
So goodbye.
I made a huge mistake.
I should’ve seen the warning signs.
Should’ve never got
mixed up with you.
At least I learned a thing or two.
At least I learned a thing or two.
________
Written: Thursday, February 28th, 2013, 2:58 AM
beside you
I see you walking around.
I notice you.
You seem to catch my eye.
As you wander to nowhere.
But you are not lost.
No you are not lost.
I see you stare into
the florescent lights.
I know you’re day dreaming.
I wanna day dream with you.
Oh, let me walk beside you.
Let me walk beside you.
I see you pass through the
crowd. No one seems to
notice you. But I surely do.
I want to speak to you.
But I choke out of words.
So I all that I do is
stand beside you.
I stand beside you.
I don’t have to speak.
You don’t have to speak.
As long as you’re here.
I’m happy to be here too.
Standing beside you.
Standing beside you.
Oh, Just here beside you.
I love to be beside you.
Beside you. (please don’t go)
Beside you. (please don’t move)
Beside you. (please don’t turn away from me)
Beside you. (let me stay)
I see you walking around.
I see you stare into my eyes.
—————--
Written: Tuesday, January 15th, 2013
I notice you.
You seem to catch my eye.
As you wander to nowhere.
But you are not lost.
No you are not lost.
I see you stare into
the florescent lights.
I know you’re day dreaming.
I wanna day dream with you.
Oh, let me walk beside you.
Let me walk beside you.
I see you pass through the
crowd. No one seems to
notice you. But I surely do.
I want to speak to you.
But I choke out of words.
So I all that I do is
stand beside you.
I stand beside you.
I don’t have to speak.
You don’t have to speak.
As long as you’re here.
I’m happy to be here too.
Standing beside you.
Standing beside you.
Oh, Just here beside you.
I love to be beside you.
Beside you. (please don’t go)
Beside you. (please don’t move)
Beside you. (please don’t turn away from me)
Beside you. (let me stay)
I see you walking around.
I see you stare into my eyes.
—————--
Written: Tuesday, January 15th, 2013
2012
Fog
Thank you for putting a spark of curiosity in my mind.
A sprinkle of wonder.
What lay outside my window?
And there it be.
Smothering the Earth.
Fading all colors together as if it were paint submerged in water.
Fading tree tops into the night sky.
Carrying the fragments of light as though it were music in the wind.
So glad I looked out my window.
So I could see
fog.
________
Written: Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012
A sprinkle of wonder.
What lay outside my window?
And there it be.
Smothering the Earth.
Fading all colors together as if it were paint submerged in water.
Fading tree tops into the night sky.
Carrying the fragments of light as though it were music in the wind.
So glad I looked out my window.
So I could see
fog.
________
Written: Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012
off the pages
To the conclusion
I was going to give,
his wife curled in.
He heard her.
Now this thing is
out your hands.
He cast his eye
over at the sight
of such a blue lady.
Clear days swept
through.
As if the display
had no color.
It is true
that day after day,
had proved himself
in a laugh.
And when the snow
was not visible,
that was when he
chose his dream.
_____________
This was randomly chosen words
pieced together from a book.
I can’t remember which book.
But this was the poem created.
Thus called “Off the pages”.
Poem created: Date Unknown 2012
I was going to give,
his wife curled in.
He heard her.
Now this thing is
out your hands.
He cast his eye
over at the sight
of such a blue lady.
Clear days swept
through.
As if the display
had no color.
It is true
that day after day,
had proved himself
in a laugh.
And when the snow
was not visible,
that was when he
chose his dream.
_____________
This was randomly chosen words
pieced together from a book.
I can’t remember which book.
But this was the poem created.
Thus called “Off the pages”.
Poem created: Date Unknown 2012
sometimes, i hurt
I do not want
to speak my thoughts.
But they are a
corpse rotting in my
mind. The taste is
bitter. It is a
poison that destroys
any chance for hope.
I feel adrift at sea.
I am helpless as I
float over the deepest
depths of this vast
and lonely sea.
Oh, to dream.
And see it be lived.
Dream I do, yes.
Cling to hope, I will.
Strength is growing
thin. Very thin.
For hope seems
almost lost.
But there is still time.
And plenty of time to
rekindle strength.
And hope.
Beyond blessed and
drowning in favor.
I know my life is.
I do not complain.
Nor would I change
my life. But the
possibility of a dream,
can change into the
fantasy of a thought.
After so long of waiting,
your eyes cannot see the
horizon. Not even the
open field. Just to see.
Just to have a small
window of truth.
And hope that maybe,
dreams are real.
And do come true.
If this is it Lord,
than this is all my life
will be. As long as I am
in your will. But I do
wish to remain dreaming.
I am a dreamer. An artist.
I must dream.
Even if they do not
come true.
Forgive me for crying.
If it’s wrong.
Waiting does not hurt.
It’s the thought that
my dreams will never be,
that does.
I thought it was okay to cry.
But forgive me if its not.
Sometimes, I hurt.
And my heart tends to bleed.
That’s all I have to say
about that.
________
Written: Saturday, January 7th, 2012
to speak my thoughts.
But they are a
corpse rotting in my
mind. The taste is
bitter. It is a
poison that destroys
any chance for hope.
I feel adrift at sea.
I am helpless as I
float over the deepest
depths of this vast
and lonely sea.
Oh, to dream.
And see it be lived.
Dream I do, yes.
Cling to hope, I will.
Strength is growing
thin. Very thin.
For hope seems
almost lost.
But there is still time.
And plenty of time to
rekindle strength.
And hope.
Beyond blessed and
drowning in favor.
I know my life is.
I do not complain.
Nor would I change
my life. But the
possibility of a dream,
can change into the
fantasy of a thought.
After so long of waiting,
your eyes cannot see the
horizon. Not even the
open field. Just to see.
Just to have a small
window of truth.
And hope that maybe,
dreams are real.
And do come true.
If this is it Lord,
than this is all my life
will be. As long as I am
in your will. But I do
wish to remain dreaming.
I am a dreamer. An artist.
I must dream.
Even if they do not
come true.
Forgive me for crying.
If it’s wrong.
Waiting does not hurt.
It’s the thought that
my dreams will never be,
that does.
I thought it was okay to cry.
But forgive me if its not.
Sometimes, I hurt.
And my heart tends to bleed.
That’s all I have to say
about that.
________
Written: Saturday, January 7th, 2012
kill me
I don’t like what I see
when ever I look at me.
I hate the reflection
that shows the infection
of my soul.
Pride & honor I’d take
in myself.
Placing my glory on
a shelf.
For all to see
my beauty.
But now everything
is different.
And everything has
changed.
Every day I wipe
away another wrinkle
in time. Running from
my ugly past which
is so near. I don’t
care if I come in last.
I must run this race
with all haste.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
I must kill me.
I get in the way.
I trip over my feet.
My sin will be the
death of me.
I’m sick of hiding
what cannot be
hidden. I’m tired
of being driven
by my thoughts.
I need a blood
transfusion.
I’ve come to the
conclusion.
Every day I wipe
away another wrinkle
in time. Running from
my ugly past which
is so near. I don’t
care if I come in last.
I must run this race
with all haste.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
I must kill me.
I hate my shame.
Though I’m to blame.
I hate my past.
But it was my making.
I hate my filth.
But it was my doing.
I hate what I’ve become.
There is no doubt
if I want to be
something new then
I know what to do.
Every day, every day.
I need to kill me.
___________
Written: Sunday, December 16th, 2012
when ever I look at me.
I hate the reflection
that shows the infection
of my soul.
Pride & honor I’d take
in myself.
Placing my glory on
a shelf.
For all to see
my beauty.
But now everything
is different.
And everything has
changed.
Every day I wipe
away another wrinkle
in time. Running from
my ugly past which
is so near. I don’t
care if I come in last.
I must run this race
with all haste.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
I must kill me.
I get in the way.
I trip over my feet.
My sin will be the
death of me.
I’m sick of hiding
what cannot be
hidden. I’m tired
of being driven
by my thoughts.
I need a blood
transfusion.
I’ve come to the
conclusion.
Every day I wipe
away another wrinkle
in time. Running from
my ugly past which
is so near. I don’t
care if I come in last.
I must run this race
with all haste.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
I must kill me.
I hate my shame.
Though I’m to blame.
I hate my past.
But it was my making.
I hate my filth.
But it was my doing.
I hate what I’ve become.
There is no doubt
if I want to be
something new then
I know what to do.
Every day, every day.
I need to kill me.
___________
Written: Sunday, December 16th, 2012
in me
I can see the darkness.
I can see all the shadows.
I can see the mess that I’ve made.
I can see all the wrong.
I can see all the pain I’ve caused.
I can see the shame.
I can see the sin.
And as I look into the mirror.
As I look into myself.
This is not who I am.
This is not who I want to be.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
This is not where I want to be.
This is not what I want to be doing.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
I can see all the purity that once was.
All the beauty there use to be.
And it’s so shameful how I threw it all away.
I can see the guard that I had up.
I can see the guard that I let down.
I can see where it all started.
But I can’t see where it ends.
And as I look into the mirror.
As I look into myself.
This is not who I am.
This is not who I want to be.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
This is not where I want to be.
This is not what I want to be doing.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
I don’t want you to be ashamed of me.
I don’t want you to leave me.
I want you to love what you see in me.
But something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change,
in me.
_________
Created: Wednesday, November 21st, 2012
I can see all the shadows.
I can see the mess that I’ve made.
I can see all the wrong.
I can see all the pain I’ve caused.
I can see the shame.
I can see the sin.
And as I look into the mirror.
As I look into myself.
This is not who I am.
This is not who I want to be.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
This is not where I want to be.
This is not what I want to be doing.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
I can see all the purity that once was.
All the beauty there use to be.
And it’s so shameful how I threw it all away.
I can see the guard that I had up.
I can see the guard that I let down.
I can see where it all started.
But I can’t see where it ends.
And as I look into the mirror.
As I look into myself.
This is not who I am.
This is not who I want to be.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
This is not where I want to be.
This is not what I want to be doing.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change in me.
I don’t want you to be ashamed of me.
I don’t want you to leave me.
I want you to love what you see in me.
But something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change.
Something’s gotta give.
Something’s gotta change,
in me.
_________
Created: Wednesday, November 21st, 2012
i don't know why you want me
Well I’ve messed up so many times before.
And I know I’ll only mess up some more.
But it seems no matter how many times I fall,
you’re always there to pick me back up.
And I think it’s so beautiful how you never leave me.
And no matter what I do or say, you always love me.
I hope you don’t mind my honesty.
But Jesus you blow my mind.
I cannot comprehend you.
No matter how much I try too
I cannot picture why you
continue to love me.
Especially, when I don’t deserve it.
It’s so unheard of.
But all I can say is I always want to
belong to you. I am yours.
I’ve messed up so badly before.
That I’d drown in my own sin
and then some more. I tried
to hide it. But no matter
how hard I try, everyone but you,
believes the lie. I would only be
disgusted with myself. But for some
reason you wanted me.
I hope you don’t mind my honesty.
But Jesus you blow my mind.
I cannot comprehend you.
No matter how much I try too
I cannot picture why you
continue to love me.
Especially, when I don’t deserve it.
It’s so unheard of.
But all I can say is I always want to
belong to you. I am yours.
I am yours.
I don’t know why you want me.
I don’t know why you want me.
I don’t know why you bother with me.
But you never leave me.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours forever.
_________
Created: Monday, November 5th, 2012
And I know I’ll only mess up some more.
But it seems no matter how many times I fall,
you’re always there to pick me back up.
And I think it’s so beautiful how you never leave me.
And no matter what I do or say, you always love me.
I hope you don’t mind my honesty.
But Jesus you blow my mind.
I cannot comprehend you.
No matter how much I try too
I cannot picture why you
continue to love me.
Especially, when I don’t deserve it.
It’s so unheard of.
But all I can say is I always want to
belong to you. I am yours.
I’ve messed up so badly before.
That I’d drown in my own sin
and then some more. I tried
to hide it. But no matter
how hard I try, everyone but you,
believes the lie. I would only be
disgusted with myself. But for some
reason you wanted me.
I hope you don’t mind my honesty.
But Jesus you blow my mind.
I cannot comprehend you.
No matter how much I try too
I cannot picture why you
continue to love me.
Especially, when I don’t deserve it.
It’s so unheard of.
But all I can say is I always want to
belong to you. I am yours.
I am yours.
I don’t know why you want me.
I don’t know why you want me.
I don’t know why you bother with me.
But you never leave me.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours forever.
_________
Created: Monday, November 5th, 2012
nothing will change
I see you walk around
in the open spaces
that I live.
And I hear you
talking to me.
And sometimes I
can’t help but
wonder,
if you would
miss me.
If I were to leave.
And so I perceive.
That Nothing,
nothing,
nothing
would change
if I were to leave.
(repeat 3 x)
I’d love to be
someone that
you would love
to think about.
But I guess I’m
not. Well I don’t
know for sure.
I guess time
will tell.
But might as well
believe
That nothing,
nothing,
nothing
would change
if I were to leave.
(repeat 3x)
Well I know,
or so I’ve
been told
that you love me.
Well your actions
say otherwise,
unless it’s what
you call a disguise.
I just know
I can only stay
in one place
for so long.
If you missed out
then there’s no doubt
That nothing,
nothing,
nothing
would change
if I were to leave.
(repeat 3x)
Nothing will change,
when I leave.
___________
Written: Friday, October 12th, 2012
in the open spaces
that I live.
And I hear you
talking to me.
And sometimes I
can’t help but
wonder,
if you would
miss me.
If I were to leave.
And so I perceive.
That Nothing,
nothing,
nothing
would change
if I were to leave.
(repeat 3 x)
I’d love to be
someone that
you would love
to think about.
But I guess I’m
not. Well I don’t
know for sure.
I guess time
will tell.
But might as well
believe
That nothing,
nothing,
nothing
would change
if I were to leave.
(repeat 3x)
Well I know,
or so I’ve
been told
that you love me.
Well your actions
say otherwise,
unless it’s what
you call a disguise.
I just know
I can only stay
in one place
for so long.
If you missed out
then there’s no doubt
That nothing,
nothing,
nothing
would change
if I were to leave.
(repeat 3x)
Nothing will change,
when I leave.
___________
Written: Friday, October 12th, 2012
brand new creature
I’ve been bound
in sin.
I’ve made a
mess of myself.
I’ve looked in
the mirror
at times,
and seen a
monster I
thought I’d
never see.
& in my distress
I asked the
Lord to forgive me.
And now I’m a
brand new creature.
I feel more
beautiful
than gold.
And nothing that
satan has ever
told me will linger.
Because now,
I know better.
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand new
creature.
I felt so ashamed.
So ashamed.
God must had been
disgusted with me.
There’s no telling
how many tears we
both cried.
All because of
my evil ways.
But…
Now I’m a
brand new creature.
I feel more
beautiful
than gold.
And nothing that
satan has ever
told me will linger.
Because now,
I know better.
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand new
creature.
I had to get
sick and tired
of being sick
and tired of
being sick and
tired of being
in my mess.
I had to get
sick and tired
of being sick
and tired of
being sick and
tired of being
in my mess.
And in my distress
He heard me.
Praise God
I’m finally
A brand new creature.
I feel more
beautiful
than gold.
And nothing that
satan has ever
told me will linger.
Because now,
I know better.
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand new
creature.
Praise God
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand
new creature.
_____________
Written: Saturday, October 13th, 2012
in sin.
I’ve made a
mess of myself.
I’ve looked in
the mirror
at times,
and seen a
monster I
thought I’d
never see.
& in my distress
I asked the
Lord to forgive me.
And now I’m a
brand new creature.
I feel more
beautiful
than gold.
And nothing that
satan has ever
told me will linger.
Because now,
I know better.
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand new
creature.
I felt so ashamed.
So ashamed.
God must had been
disgusted with me.
There’s no telling
how many tears we
both cried.
All because of
my evil ways.
But…
Now I’m a
brand new creature.
I feel more
beautiful
than gold.
And nothing that
satan has ever
told me will linger.
Because now,
I know better.
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand new
creature.
I had to get
sick and tired
of being sick
and tired of
being sick and
tired of being
in my mess.
I had to get
sick and tired
of being sick
and tired of
being sick and
tired of being
in my mess.
And in my distress
He heard me.
Praise God
I’m finally
A brand new creature.
I feel more
beautiful
than gold.
And nothing that
satan has ever
told me will linger.
Because now,
I know better.
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand new
creature.
Praise God
I’m forgiven.
I’m a brand
new creature.
_____________
Written: Saturday, October 13th, 2012
days like these
It’s days like this that I think of you.
When the sky is gray and the light seems so low.
When the puddles on the ground seem so still.
It’s moments like these that seem unreal.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
When the town is quiet and I’m alone.
When at any moment the rain could fall.
And all is well in my heart.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
Please don’t hold it against me.
Please don’t run away from my strange ways.
Please don’t hold it against me.
Please don’t run away from my strange ways.
————-
Written: Tuesday, September 4th, 2012
When the sky is gray and the light seems so low.
When the puddles on the ground seem so still.
It’s moments like these that seem unreal.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
When the town is quiet and I’m alone.
When at any moment the rain could fall.
And all is well in my heart.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
It’s days like these that I think of you.
Please don’t hold it against me.
Please don’t run away from my strange ways.
Please don’t hold it against me.
Please don’t run away from my strange ways.
————-
Written: Tuesday, September 4th, 2012
until i die
When i think about the alphabet
I tend to think of you.
Every letter reminds me
of something you do.
Or the way I feel.
Like you don’t know how
much I adore you.
Or how badly I want to be
beside you.
I love the way
you comfort me when I cry.
I stay with you
until the day I die.
Everyone else,
I could care less about.
And it doesn’t matter how far you go,
I’m still gonna go with you.
I’m wanting you here with me.
And I should be right there with you.
I love the jokes you tell.
No one gets them but me.
Your kind is so rare.
I love that about you.
I want to stay with you
until I die.
Many times you’ve made me smile.
There’s nothing you can’t do.
You’re the one I belong too.
Please never leave me.
Quit trying to make me feel like a Queen.
I already feel like that when I’m with you.
Rarely do I feel sad when I’m with you.
So don’t think otherwise.
Thousands of times,
I laid with you under the stars.
I’ll stay very still. And not a move,
will I make, until you say so.
We can go anywhere.
Do anything.
It’s up to you.
We can go to the zoo.
Just keep me close to you.
I promise these words are true.
You’re for me. I’m for you.
And I want to stay with you
until the day I die.
_____________
Written: Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
I tend to think of you.
Every letter reminds me
of something you do.
Or the way I feel.
Like you don’t know how
much I adore you.
Or how badly I want to be
beside you.
I love the way
you comfort me when I cry.
I stay with you
until the day I die.
Everyone else,
I could care less about.
And it doesn’t matter how far you go,
I’m still gonna go with you.
I’m wanting you here with me.
And I should be right there with you.
I love the jokes you tell.
No one gets them but me.
Your kind is so rare.
I love that about you.
I want to stay with you
until I die.
Many times you’ve made me smile.
There’s nothing you can’t do.
You’re the one I belong too.
Please never leave me.
Quit trying to make me feel like a Queen.
I already feel like that when I’m with you.
Rarely do I feel sad when I’m with you.
So don’t think otherwise.
Thousands of times,
I laid with you under the stars.
I’ll stay very still. And not a move,
will I make, until you say so.
We can go anywhere.
Do anything.
It’s up to you.
We can go to the zoo.
Just keep me close to you.
I promise these words are true.
You’re for me. I’m for you.
And I want to stay with you
until the day I die.
_____________
Written: Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
I'd just like to know
I think there comes a time
when you’ve got to make up
your mind.
I think we come to a place
where our dilemma we will face.
are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
I know that we are born
and then we die.
I know I wish could fly.
That’s why I always stare
at the sky.
are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
I’ve seen that if we run
we usually sweat.
I’ve seen that if we eat
too much it’s something
we regret.
are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
I heard that you were
thinking of me.
Well it’s hard to believe
because you haven’t
made a move that I can see.
so are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
Because I’d just like to know.
___________
Written: Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
when you’ve got to make up
your mind.
I think we come to a place
where our dilemma we will face.
are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
I know that we are born
and then we die.
I know I wish could fly.
That’s why I always stare
at the sky.
are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
I’ve seen that if we run
we usually sweat.
I’ve seen that if we eat
too much it’s something
we regret.
are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
I heard that you were
thinking of me.
Well it’s hard to believe
because you haven’t
made a move that I can see.
so are you gonna stay or go?
are you gonna stay or go?
Because I’d just like to know.
___________
Written: Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
don't not love me
A perfect Sunday it was.
A perfect Monday this is.
A perfect Tuesday I’m hoping to see.
You were beautiful.
You are so beautiful.
She’s so beautiful, I hope you will think.
Just like the rain pouring down,
I will not ignore it.
Just like a person passing through,
I hope you will look.
It was perfect.
A perfect situation.
I’m walking & you’re
looking straight at me.
Am I beautiful?
Do you see something you like?
Do you think there is a future for us?
Just like the rain pouring down,
I will not ignore it.
Just like a person passing through,
I hope you will look.
Don’t pass me up.
Don’t refuse me.
Don’t ignore me.
Don’t forget about me.
Don’t over look me.
Don’t look & not see.
Don’t hear & not listen.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t leave me behind.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t leave me behind.
————-
Written: Monday, June 11th, 2012
A perfect Monday this is.
A perfect Tuesday I’m hoping to see.
You were beautiful.
You are so beautiful.
She’s so beautiful, I hope you will think.
Just like the rain pouring down,
I will not ignore it.
Just like a person passing through,
I hope you will look.
It was perfect.
A perfect situation.
I’m walking & you’re
looking straight at me.
Am I beautiful?
Do you see something you like?
Do you think there is a future for us?
Just like the rain pouring down,
I will not ignore it.
Just like a person passing through,
I hope you will look.
Don’t pass me up.
Don’t refuse me.
Don’t ignore me.
Don’t forget about me.
Don’t over look me.
Don’t look & not see.
Don’t hear & not listen.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t leave me behind.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t not love me.
Don’t leave me behind.
————-
Written: Monday, June 11th, 2012
It’s 3 o'clock in the morning
and I’m thinking about you.
It’s 3 o'clock in the morning
and I don’t know what to do.
Your name keeps running
circles in my brain.
These feelings I hold for you
I just cannot contain.
Your eyes pierce my insides
and I’m going crazy.
The last time I saw you
is becoming hazy.
But your face is still a
perfect memory to me.
Your smile and your voice
is all that I need from you.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
It’s been far too long
since I’ve seen you.
And I need to hear your
voice once again.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
Let me hold your hand,
like you use to hold mine.
I remember every moment
we spent together.
I’m running out of scenes
to replay in my mind.
So come and see me
when you get the time.
It’s 4 o'clock in the morning
and I’m still reminiscing.
It’s 4 o'clock in the morning
and I’m still chasing
you through my mind
while I waste in size.
With my body asleep.
But I’m still wide awake.
The time you held me,
haunts my every footstep.
It was only for a moment
but a moment I shall keep.
And if I could replay that
scene and shine it on the wall,
Maybe then I could drift away
in my dreams with you.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
It’s been far too long
since I’ve seen you.
And I need to hear your
voice once again.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
Let me hold your hand,
like you use to hold mine.
I remember every moment
we spent together.
I’m running out of scenes
to replay in my mind.
So come and see me
when you get the time.
It’s 5 o'clock in the morning
and I think I’m finally asleep.
But I’ve been looking around
and you’re not here.
What’s the point of dreaming
if I’m not going to see you.
Oh please, oh please
come and see me.
_______
Written: Saturday, May 26th, 2012
and I’m thinking about you.
It’s 3 o'clock in the morning
and I don’t know what to do.
Your name keeps running
circles in my brain.
These feelings I hold for you
I just cannot contain.
Your eyes pierce my insides
and I’m going crazy.
The last time I saw you
is becoming hazy.
But your face is still a
perfect memory to me.
Your smile and your voice
is all that I need from you.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
It’s been far too long
since I’ve seen you.
And I need to hear your
voice once again.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
Let me hold your hand,
like you use to hold mine.
I remember every moment
we spent together.
I’m running out of scenes
to replay in my mind.
So come and see me
when you get the time.
It’s 4 o'clock in the morning
and I’m still reminiscing.
It’s 4 o'clock in the morning
and I’m still chasing
you through my mind
while I waste in size.
With my body asleep.
But I’m still wide awake.
The time you held me,
haunts my every footstep.
It was only for a moment
but a moment I shall keep.
And if I could replay that
scene and shine it on the wall,
Maybe then I could drift away
in my dreams with you.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
It’s been far too long
since I’ve seen you.
And I need to hear your
voice once again.
Oh please, oh please
come see me.
Let me hold your hand,
like you use to hold mine.
I remember every moment
we spent together.
I’m running out of scenes
to replay in my mind.
So come and see me
when you get the time.
It’s 5 o'clock in the morning
and I think I’m finally asleep.
But I’ve been looking around
and you’re not here.
What’s the point of dreaming
if I’m not going to see you.
Oh please, oh please
come and see me.
_______
Written: Saturday, May 26th, 2012
I’m A Creep. I’m a weirdo.
I wish I was special.
I wish you would love me.
Oh such bravery you have
if you can live with me.
I am strange. And I’m
not a normal person.
It’s as if I fell from the sky.
Can you love me?
Can you be with me?
Are you brave enough?
Can you even handle me?
I feel anguish at the thought
of me being alone.
But it is all I expect for my future.
It is all I see.
It is all I predict for my life.
To be alone.
For who would want to be with me?
Oh sorrowful tears,
don’t cry too much.
It’s not as if you didn’t see this coming.
Troubled heart, fix your gaze
on to others, instead of yourself.
You are not worth the time.
You are not worth the fret.
Moving on to what is important.
Shoulders back. Embrace.
You are meant to be alone.
You are meant to be alone.
You are meant to be.
___________Written: Wednesday, May 16, 2012, 2:34 AM
I wish I was special.
I wish you would love me.
Oh such bravery you have
if you can live with me.
I am strange. And I’m
not a normal person.
It’s as if I fell from the sky.
Can you love me?
Can you be with me?
Are you brave enough?
Can you even handle me?
I feel anguish at the thought
of me being alone.
But it is all I expect for my future.
It is all I see.
It is all I predict for my life.
To be alone.
For who would want to be with me?
Oh sorrowful tears,
don’t cry too much.
It’s not as if you didn’t see this coming.
Troubled heart, fix your gaze
on to others, instead of yourself.
You are not worth the time.
You are not worth the fret.
Moving on to what is important.
Shoulders back. Embrace.
You are meant to be alone.
You are meant to be alone.
You are meant to be.
___________Written: Wednesday, May 16, 2012, 2:34 AM
See the clouds tower in the sky.
They build their castles so high.
And blissful thunder roars from them.
And I have the strangest feeling.
It’s as if I’m a child again.
Oh Mystery feeling.
Oh Questionable day.
Oh Is it real or is just
play?
Oh beautiful day.
Oh.
And the wind begins to blow.
And all I know is it’s magical.
And I feel your love.
And I have the strangest feeling.
It’s as if I’m a child again.
Oh Mystery feeling.
Oh Questionable day.
Oh Is it real?
Or is just play?
Oh beautiful day.
Oh.
It’s moments like this.
Where my toes are in the dirt.
I’m walking barefoot on rocks.
And it’s beginning to rain.
Oh lovely day you won’t hear
me complain.
Oh Mystery feeling.
Oh Questionable day.
Oh Is it real or is just
play?
Oh beautiful day.
Oh. I have the strangest feeling.
It’s as if I’m in a dream.
It’s as if I’m a child again.
———–
Written: Thursday, May 3rd, 2012
They build their castles so high.
And blissful thunder roars from them.
And I have the strangest feeling.
It’s as if I’m a child again.
Oh Mystery feeling.
Oh Questionable day.
Oh Is it real or is just
play?
Oh beautiful day.
Oh.
And the wind begins to blow.
And all I know is it’s magical.
And I feel your love.
And I have the strangest feeling.
It’s as if I’m a child again.
Oh Mystery feeling.
Oh Questionable day.
Oh Is it real?
Or is just play?
Oh beautiful day.
Oh.
It’s moments like this.
Where my toes are in the dirt.
I’m walking barefoot on rocks.
And it’s beginning to rain.
Oh lovely day you won’t hear
me complain.
Oh Mystery feeling.
Oh Questionable day.
Oh Is it real or is just
play?
Oh beautiful day.
Oh. I have the strangest feeling.
It’s as if I’m in a dream.
It’s as if I’m a child again.
———–
Written: Thursday, May 3rd, 2012
There’s 1500,000 days in a year.
2400 months to spare.
1000 days to walk alone.
And please don’t even make me
count the minutes that pass me by.
Time seems to spin out of control.
Never speeding up.
Never reaching
a destination.
And I’m stuck waiting
to see you again.
Time moves only an inch,
maybe 2 feet.
But it takes a thousand years
to get anywhere,
when you’re not here.
There’s 600,000 people around me.
20 million places for me to hide.
1400 things I’d like to do.
But it’s not worth it because
I’m not with you.
Time moves only an inch,
maybe 2 feet.
But it takes a thousand years
to get anywhere,
when you’re not here.
There’s 104 stencils on the ceiling.
That’s how wide awake I am.
And I don’t expect time to speed up.
‘Cause I know I’m going to see you
in the morning.
___________
Written: Sunday, May 27th, 2012
2400 months to spare.
1000 days to walk alone.
And please don’t even make me
count the minutes that pass me by.
Time seems to spin out of control.
Never speeding up.
Never reaching
a destination.
And I’m stuck waiting
to see you again.
Time moves only an inch,
maybe 2 feet.
But it takes a thousand years
to get anywhere,
when you’re not here.
There’s 600,000 people around me.
20 million places for me to hide.
1400 things I’d like to do.
But it’s not worth it because
I’m not with you.
Time moves only an inch,
maybe 2 feet.
But it takes a thousand years
to get anywhere,
when you’re not here.
There’s 104 stencils on the ceiling.
That’s how wide awake I am.
And I don’t expect time to speed up.
‘Cause I know I’m going to see you
in the morning.
___________
Written: Sunday, May 27th, 2012
I think so easily I forget.
I forget that you’ve
got my back.
I feel like a sparrow
sitting in a tree.
Why on Earth would
you want to think of me?
But I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you love me.
You,
you’re like the sky.
So big and wide.
Who could wrap
their arms around you?
Your beauty cannot
be contained.
And I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you love me.
I feel buried in
all my shame.
Drowning in filth.
My sin covers me.
But I remember,
you set me free.
I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you love me.
I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you always love me.
That you always love me.
That you always love me.
_______________
Written: Tuesday, May 28th, 2012
Originally named “You’ve Got My Back”
changed to “You love me” Saturday, November 9th, 2013
I forget that you’ve
got my back.
I feel like a sparrow
sitting in a tree.
Why on Earth would
you want to think of me?
But I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you love me.
You,
you’re like the sky.
So big and wide.
Who could wrap
their arms around you?
Your beauty cannot
be contained.
And I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you love me.
I feel buried in
all my shame.
Drowning in filth.
My sin covers me.
But I remember,
you set me free.
I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you love me.
I am reminded,
I remember,
I realize,
that you always love me.
That you always love me.
That you always love me.
_______________
Written: Tuesday, May 28th, 2012
Originally named “You’ve Got My Back”
changed to “You love me” Saturday, November 9th, 2013
I use to know a someone
who you use to brilliantly be.
But now you parade around
like you’re absolutely crazy.
I use to get you.
I use to know you.
But now you embarrass me.
Where have you gone?
What made you change?
Why wasn’t you the way
you were good enough?
All I can say before I leave
you is simply
Walk like you mean it.
Talk like you mean it.
Act like you mean it.
Live like you mean it.
Who are these fools that
you seem to dance with?
Do you even know what
exactly you’re laughing at?
There they go. Including you.
With your noses in the air
breathing in your own
toxic fumes.
Where have you gone?
What made you change?
Why wasn’t you the way
you were good enough?
All I can say as I leave
you is simply
Walk like you mean it.
Talk like you mean it.
Act like you mean it.
Live like you mean it.
I hope you remember
the lovely person you
use to be. I hope you
forget these frightening
creatures. I hope you
have the courage to
leave them all behind.
So you can
walk like you mean it.
Talk like you mean it.
Act like you mean it.
Live like you mean it.
___________
Written: Monday, January 7th, 2012
who you use to brilliantly be.
But now you parade around
like you’re absolutely crazy.
I use to get you.
I use to know you.
But now you embarrass me.
Where have you gone?
What made you change?
Why wasn’t you the way
you were good enough?
All I can say before I leave
you is simply
Walk like you mean it.
Talk like you mean it.
Act like you mean it.
Live like you mean it.
Who are these fools that
you seem to dance with?
Do you even know what
exactly you’re laughing at?
There they go. Including you.
With your noses in the air
breathing in your own
toxic fumes.
Where have you gone?
What made you change?
Why wasn’t you the way
you were good enough?
All I can say as I leave
you is simply
Walk like you mean it.
Talk like you mean it.
Act like you mean it.
Live like you mean it.
I hope you remember
the lovely person you
use to be. I hope you
forget these frightening
creatures. I hope you
have the courage to
leave them all behind.
So you can
walk like you mean it.
Talk like you mean it.
Act like you mean it.
Live like you mean it.
___________
Written: Monday, January 7th, 2012
My eyes are dark.
And my spirit is sick.
I would vomit my existence
into the world of nothingness.
But I live on.
Wrapped in masks.
And bleeding shame.
No one knows of the
monsters in my closet.
Or the bones beneath my bed.
But the one most important does.
Oh, God.
Do not look at me.
For there is nothing to see.
_______________
Written: Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012
And my spirit is sick.
I would vomit my existence
into the world of nothingness.
But I live on.
Wrapped in masks.
And bleeding shame.
No one knows of the
monsters in my closet.
Or the bones beneath my bed.
But the one most important does.
Oh, God.
Do not look at me.
For there is nothing to see.
_______________
Written: Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012
I think I’d rather die, if I didn’t have you.
I think I’d rather not exist, if your love was taken from me.
I think I’d rather disappear, if you were not here by my side.
I know I would disintegrate, if you were to ever leave me.
‘Cause I have found you. And I’m not letting you go.
More like you have found me. But I’m not letting you go.
Your love runs through my veins.
Your peace smothers my brain.
Your hands comfort me.
And I am nothing without you.
I think I’d rather be a slave, as long as I belonged to you.
Forget ever being someone, I just want you.
So let’s say I get a fancy place, and maybe a car.
I’d live amongst the trees, if it was where you are.
'Cause I have found you. And I’m not letting you go.
More like you have found me. But I’m not letting you go.
Your love runs through my veins.
Your peace smothers my brain.
Your hands comfort me.
And I am nothing without you.
I think I’d rather be alone, if it meant you were with me.
I think I’d rather have no friends, if it meant you were my only one.
And I know I’d rather never fall in love, if it meant I belonged to only you.
'Cause you have found me. Please never let me go.
You have found me. Oh please never let me go.
Never let me go.
Your love runs through my veins.
Your peace smothers my brain.
Your hands comfort me.
And I am nothing without you.
Without you.
__________
Created: Friday, June 22nd, 2012
I think I’d rather not exist, if your love was taken from me.
I think I’d rather disappear, if you were not here by my side.
I know I would disintegrate, if you were to ever leave me.
‘Cause I have found you. And I’m not letting you go.
More like you have found me. But I’m not letting you go.
Your love runs through my veins.
Your peace smothers my brain.
Your hands comfort me.
And I am nothing without you.
I think I’d rather be a slave, as long as I belonged to you.
Forget ever being someone, I just want you.
So let’s say I get a fancy place, and maybe a car.
I’d live amongst the trees, if it was where you are.
'Cause I have found you. And I’m not letting you go.
More like you have found me. But I’m not letting you go.
Your love runs through my veins.
Your peace smothers my brain.
Your hands comfort me.
And I am nothing without you.
I think I’d rather be alone, if it meant you were with me.
I think I’d rather have no friends, if it meant you were my only one.
And I know I’d rather never fall in love, if it meant I belonged to only you.
'Cause you have found me. Please never let me go.
You have found me. Oh please never let me go.
Never let me go.
Your love runs through my veins.
Your peace smothers my brain.
Your hands comfort me.
And I am nothing without you.
Without you.
__________
Created: Friday, June 22nd, 2012
Gravity does not exist.
Gravity cannot pull down.
Unless you say otherwise.
The sun does not blaze forth.
The sun has no warmth.
Unless you say otherwise.
The ocean tide does not
stand still.
But if you want it too,
it will.
All creation is under
your control.
Birds cannot fly.
The moon does not shine.
The stars are close by.
And the universe is small.
Unless you say otherwise.
Water is not wet.
Snow is not cold.
And the wind does not blow.
But if you say otherwise,
they will.
Indeed. For you have
control over all creation.
You have the first word.
And the last word.
What you say goes.
What you say goes.
Your words created
the universe out of nothing.
You need no resources
and certainly no help.
What you say goes.
What you say goes.
What you say is.
What you say goes.
Life is complete
when you speak.
___________
Written: Monday, January 16th, 2012
Some parts modified: Friday, February 10th, 2017
Gravity cannot pull down.
Unless you say otherwise.
The sun does not blaze forth.
The sun has no warmth.
Unless you say otherwise.
The ocean tide does not
stand still.
But if you want it too,
it will.
All creation is under
your control.
Birds cannot fly.
The moon does not shine.
The stars are close by.
And the universe is small.
Unless you say otherwise.
Water is not wet.
Snow is not cold.
And the wind does not blow.
But if you say otherwise,
they will.
Indeed. For you have
control over all creation.
You have the first word.
And the last word.
What you say goes.
What you say goes.
Your words created
the universe out of nothing.
You need no resources
and certainly no help.
What you say goes.
What you say goes.
What you say is.
What you say goes.
Life is complete
when you speak.
___________
Written: Monday, January 16th, 2012
Some parts modified: Friday, February 10th, 2017
Through the shaded areas
of the deepest forest,
the rays of light are beaming.
They are singing.
In the quiet solitude
of the night,
the stars shine bright.
They linger.
Though no one hears,
they too have a song.
In the softness of the breeze,
the cold chill that carries pure
air, shouts and screams for all
to hear.
No one listens.
But it shall remain
carrying a tune.
In the darkest blanket
of the sky,
the thunder with its rage,
the lightning with its fury,
the rain with its haste,
join in song.
Their song is heard.
But no one listens.
For their lyrics are
deeper than their echoes.
And still they sing.
The birds,
they are there.
Quiet.
Invisible.
So typical.
Nothing of effect to us
mere humans.
But,
with every beat
of their wings,
every thud of their heart,
there is a song to be heard.
They fill the sky
with their music.
But no one listens.
And the trees with
all their radiance,
have a song as well.
But no one can tell.
But even so,
all creation joins together
and they sing:
“You are Holy.
And you alone are worthy.”
___________
Written: Friday, January 6th, 2012
Some parts modified: Friday, February 10th, 2017 & Friday, June 9th, 2017
of the deepest forest,
the rays of light are beaming.
They are singing.
In the quiet solitude
of the night,
the stars shine bright.
They linger.
Though no one hears,
they too have a song.
In the softness of the breeze,
the cold chill that carries pure
air, shouts and screams for all
to hear.
No one listens.
But it shall remain
carrying a tune.
In the darkest blanket
of the sky,
the thunder with its rage,
the lightning with its fury,
the rain with its haste,
join in song.
Their song is heard.
But no one listens.
For their lyrics are
deeper than their echoes.
And still they sing.
The birds,
they are there.
Quiet.
Invisible.
So typical.
Nothing of effect to us
mere humans.
But,
with every beat
of their wings,
every thud of their heart,
there is a song to be heard.
They fill the sky
with their music.
But no one listens.
And the trees with
all their radiance,
have a song as well.
But no one can tell.
But even so,
all creation joins together
and they sing:
“You are Holy.
And you alone are worthy.”
___________
Written: Friday, January 6th, 2012
Some parts modified: Friday, February 10th, 2017 & Friday, June 9th, 2017
2011
You sung to me sweet lullabies,
I tried to drown them out with
my tears. But your lies manifested
in my greatest fears. I wish you’d
just leave me alone.
You walk into my life & pretend that
you love me. But now your colors
are starting to show. I hate that I
ever trusted you. At least I know
now what to do, with fools like you.
You laugh at misfortune.
You smile when the bad
guy gets away. You think
it’s so funny. You could
laugh all day. I feel shameful
to say I ever knew you.
Guess it’s time to run away.
You walk into my life & pretend that
you love me. But now your colors
are starting to show. I hate that I
ever trusted you. At least I know
now what to do, with fools like you.
So dirty, so filthy, so hateful,
so ungrateful. So deceiving,
so unforgiving. So now I’m
giving myself what I deserve.
(repeat 2x)
You walk into my life & pretend that
you love me. (You say you love me)
But now your colors are starting to show.
I hate that I ever trusted you. At least I know
now what to do, with fools like you.
With fools like you. With fools like you.
With fools like you. I won’t ever fall for
another fool like you.Written: Saturday, June 4th, 2011
I tried to drown them out with
my tears. But your lies manifested
in my greatest fears. I wish you’d
just leave me alone.
You walk into my life & pretend that
you love me. But now your colors
are starting to show. I hate that I
ever trusted you. At least I know
now what to do, with fools like you.
You laugh at misfortune.
You smile when the bad
guy gets away. You think
it’s so funny. You could
laugh all day. I feel shameful
to say I ever knew you.
Guess it’s time to run away.
You walk into my life & pretend that
you love me. But now your colors
are starting to show. I hate that I
ever trusted you. At least I know
now what to do, with fools like you.
So dirty, so filthy, so hateful,
so ungrateful. So deceiving,
so unforgiving. So now I’m
giving myself what I deserve.
(repeat 2x)
You walk into my life & pretend that
you love me. (You say you love me)
But now your colors are starting to show.
I hate that I ever trusted you. At least I know
now what to do, with fools like you.
With fools like you. With fools like you.
With fools like you. I won’t ever fall for
another fool like you.Written: Saturday, June 4th, 2011
I watch your eyes burn with hatred.
I watch your skin boil with rage.
I watch your blood turn to black.
I watch your bones try to bury me.
And it’s plain to see.
Like glass passing into an eye.
Like a thread gliding through
a needle.
Like the wind against the leaves.
I see, there’s a method
to your madness.
I watch your veins rise and fall.
I watch your fist collide into a wall.
I watch your strength impact my face.
I watch my blood dripping from your hands.
And it’s plain to see.
Like glass passing into an eye.
Like a thread gliding through a needle.
Like the wind against the leaves.
I see, there’s a method to your madness.
Why did I linger when they told me to run?
Why did I stay when I could have left?
Why did I let your apology be enough for me?
It’s much too late for me. It’s plain to see.
I can see, there’s a method to your madness.
_____
Written: Wednesday, June 1st, 2011
I watch your skin boil with rage.
I watch your blood turn to black.
I watch your bones try to bury me.
And it’s plain to see.
Like glass passing into an eye.
Like a thread gliding through
a needle.
Like the wind against the leaves.
I see, there’s a method
to your madness.
I watch your veins rise and fall.
I watch your fist collide into a wall.
I watch your strength impact my face.
I watch my blood dripping from your hands.
And it’s plain to see.
Like glass passing into an eye.
Like a thread gliding through a needle.
Like the wind against the leaves.
I see, there’s a method to your madness.
Why did I linger when they told me to run?
Why did I stay when I could have left?
Why did I let your apology be enough for me?
It’s much too late for me. It’s plain to see.
I can see, there’s a method to your madness.
_____
Written: Wednesday, June 1st, 2011
I listen to your stories
and I listen to your pain.
I watch the tears you cry.
And watch the strength
you try to gain.
Hope is not something
you know.
And it’s terrifying to think
you might let go.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew His love.
If only you knew Jesus.
And His gifts from above.
He can heal you.
And carry you through.
He will restore you.
And make you brand new.
If only you knew Jesus.
I’m scared to think that it
could happen to me.
I’m thankful for my peace of mind.
And try to leave the rest behind.
But at least I know He is there.
While you have nothing
left but your scars to bare.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew His love.
If only you knew Jesus.
And His gifts from above.
He can heal you.
And carry you through.
He will restore you.
And make you brand new.
If only you knew Jesus.
I don’t know the pain you feel.
And I won’t try
to water it down.
But I’m not lying when I say
that He is mightier than
anything you may have
faced today.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew His love.
If only you knew Jesus.
And His gifts from above.
He can heal you.
And carry you through.
He will restore you.
And make you brand new.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew Jesus.
Written: Monday, May 9th, 2011
and I listen to your pain.
I watch the tears you cry.
And watch the strength
you try to gain.
Hope is not something
you know.
And it’s terrifying to think
you might let go.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew His love.
If only you knew Jesus.
And His gifts from above.
He can heal you.
And carry you through.
He will restore you.
And make you brand new.
If only you knew Jesus.
I’m scared to think that it
could happen to me.
I’m thankful for my peace of mind.
And try to leave the rest behind.
But at least I know He is there.
While you have nothing
left but your scars to bare.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew His love.
If only you knew Jesus.
And His gifts from above.
He can heal you.
And carry you through.
He will restore you.
And make you brand new.
If only you knew Jesus.
I don’t know the pain you feel.
And I won’t try
to water it down.
But I’m not lying when I say
that He is mightier than
anything you may have
faced today.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew His love.
If only you knew Jesus.
And His gifts from above.
He can heal you.
And carry you through.
He will restore you.
And make you brand new.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew Jesus.
If only you knew Jesus.
Written: Monday, May 9th, 2011
Alone in the corners I am left.
While you tend to yourself.
I am left neglected while you
smile. You said ‘I love you’
but that wasn’t what I felt.
You said, hang in there it will
get better, better. Things
won’t always be this way.
Just hold on a little bit longer,
longer. You’ll see, it’s worth
taking a beating from me.
You obviously cannot see
the scars and cuts and bruises
you leave on me. The blood
I’ve spilled on the floor,
just gives me another reason
to throw myself through
the door.
But you ask, why aren’t you
grateful? I took you in when
no one else would. Why don’t
you shut up and listen to me.
Stop your whining.
You wonder why I cry myself
to sleep at night. You wonder
why I fear of dying. You wonder
why I’m always day dreaming.
And feeling like I’m trapped.
I know now that I can leave.
I’m going, going, going,
I’m going, going, going, gone.
You said, hang in there it will
get better, better. Things
won’t always be this way.
Just hold on a little bit longer,
longer. You’ll see, it’s worth
taking a beating from me.
You’ll see, you’re not worth
me dying. You’ll see, my freedom
is more important than you.
You’ll see, that I see, it’s not worth it.
Written: Thursday, May 26th, 2011
While you tend to yourself.
I am left neglected while you
smile. You said ‘I love you’
but that wasn’t what I felt.
You said, hang in there it will
get better, better. Things
won’t always be this way.
Just hold on a little bit longer,
longer. You’ll see, it’s worth
taking a beating from me.
You obviously cannot see
the scars and cuts and bruises
you leave on me. The blood
I’ve spilled on the floor,
just gives me another reason
to throw myself through
the door.
But you ask, why aren’t you
grateful? I took you in when
no one else would. Why don’t
you shut up and listen to me.
Stop your whining.
You wonder why I cry myself
to sleep at night. You wonder
why I fear of dying. You wonder
why I’m always day dreaming.
And feeling like I’m trapped.
I know now that I can leave.
I’m going, going, going,
I’m going, going, going, gone.
You said, hang in there it will
get better, better. Things
won’t always be this way.
Just hold on a little bit longer,
longer. You’ll see, it’s worth
taking a beating from me.
You’ll see, you’re not worth
me dying. You’ll see, my freedom
is more important than you.
You’ll see, that I see, it’s not worth it.
Written: Thursday, May 26th, 2011
We were there on the
front porch discussing literature.
You smiled at me and my
heart sang you a song.
I never felt so free as I did
when you held hands with me.
But the next thing I know,
you were on the go.
I don’t even think
goodbye was implied.
I stood there all alone
and watched you leave.
I don’t even know
if I’ll ever see you again.
Where did the sound of
your voice go?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave me?
I love the faces you make
when we play chess
on a windy day.
It’s almost so funny that
you cannot stay mad for
too long.
And even so,
where did that go?
And the next thing I know,
you were saying no.
I don’t even think sorry was implied.
I stood there all alone
and watched you leave.
I don’t even know if I’ll
ever see you again.
Where did the sound
of your voice go?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave?
So I blow one last kiss to you.
I cried one last tear for you.
I wish you all the best that
life has to offer.
I thought that was me.
But apparently, it wasn’t me.
So now I see, it wasn’t me.
Written: Tuesday, April 19th, 2011
front porch discussing literature.
You smiled at me and my
heart sang you a song.
I never felt so free as I did
when you held hands with me.
But the next thing I know,
you were on the go.
I don’t even think
goodbye was implied.
I stood there all alone
and watched you leave.
I don’t even know
if I’ll ever see you again.
Where did the sound of
your voice go?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave me?
I love the faces you make
when we play chess
on a windy day.
It’s almost so funny that
you cannot stay mad for
too long.
And even so,
where did that go?
And the next thing I know,
you were saying no.
I don’t even think sorry was implied.
I stood there all alone
and watched you leave.
I don’t even know if I’ll
ever see you again.
Where did the sound
of your voice go?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave?
So I blow one last kiss to you.
I cried one last tear for you.
I wish you all the best that
life has to offer.
I thought that was me.
But apparently, it wasn’t me.
So now I see, it wasn’t me.
Written: Tuesday, April 19th, 2011
Pain that swallows me whole
and never lets go.
It’s what I’ve been feeling.
A tap on the shoulder
that points out all my
flaws.
And takes me under.
Why aren’t you like this?
You should be like that.
But I’m not asking for
any of these things.
I just want to be me.
Is that so hard to believe?
Stupid voices in my head.
G is for all the guilt I feel.
U is for being under all of this pressure.
I is for my imagination that
is lacking its freedom to
think for itself.
L is for longing for peace.
T is for how long will this take?
Just want to get rid of this guilt.
I just want to be myself.
I don’t want to feel like
I have to be a certain way.
I don’t want to have
fingers pointing at me
telling me how wrong I am.
Why aren’t you like this?
You should be like that.
I’m not asking for any of these things.
I just want to be me.
Is that so hard to believe?
Stupid voices in my head.
G is for God is the only one
who can get me through this.
U is for using my free will to
decide I’m just going to be me.
I is for individuality.
L is for the love that I have found
where there is no condemnation.
T, telling these voices goodbye.
Written: Monday, April 18th, 2011
and never lets go.
It’s what I’ve been feeling.
A tap on the shoulder
that points out all my
flaws.
And takes me under.
Why aren’t you like this?
You should be like that.
But I’m not asking for
any of these things.
I just want to be me.
Is that so hard to believe?
Stupid voices in my head.
G is for all the guilt I feel.
U is for being under all of this pressure.
I is for my imagination that
is lacking its freedom to
think for itself.
L is for longing for peace.
T is for how long will this take?
Just want to get rid of this guilt.
I just want to be myself.
I don’t want to feel like
I have to be a certain way.
I don’t want to have
fingers pointing at me
telling me how wrong I am.
Why aren’t you like this?
You should be like that.
I’m not asking for any of these things.
I just want to be me.
Is that so hard to believe?
Stupid voices in my head.
G is for God is the only one
who can get me through this.
U is for using my free will to
decide I’m just going to be me.
I is for individuality.
L is for the love that I have found
where there is no condemnation.
T, telling these voices goodbye.
Written: Monday, April 18th, 2011
I don’t want to keep rolling you
around in my head.
I thought I had bled all of you
out of me.
I guess I was wrong.
Craving to move along.
Trying to remain strong.
Part of me is gone.
I have moved far along.
But I still find myself
thinking of you.
I don’t want this to be.
I want who is for me.
Clearly, you’re not it.
I’m happy and excited
to be alone and not
know a single thing.
But I crave to let you go.
It’s just taking longer
then I thought it would.
I guess I was wrong.
Craving to move along.
Trying to remain strong.
I don’t want this to be.
I want who is for me.
Clearly, you’re not it.
Drowning out,
letting go.
Bleeding out.
Moving farther away,
every day.
So I seem to be.
So I seem to be.
So I hope to be.
Drowning out,
letting go.
Bleeding out,
moving farther away,
every day.
So I seem to be.
So I seem to be.
So I hope to be.
So I seem to be.
So I better be.
So I must be.
I want to be.
So I have to be.
I have to be.
Written: Thursday, April 14th, 2011
around in my head.
I thought I had bled all of you
out of me.
I guess I was wrong.
Craving to move along.
Trying to remain strong.
Part of me is gone.
I have moved far along.
But I still find myself
thinking of you.
I don’t want this to be.
I want who is for me.
Clearly, you’re not it.
I’m happy and excited
to be alone and not
know a single thing.
But I crave to let you go.
It’s just taking longer
then I thought it would.
I guess I was wrong.
Craving to move along.
Trying to remain strong.
I don’t want this to be.
I want who is for me.
Clearly, you’re not it.
Drowning out,
letting go.
Bleeding out.
Moving farther away,
every day.
So I seem to be.
So I seem to be.
So I hope to be.
Drowning out,
letting go.
Bleeding out,
moving farther away,
every day.
So I seem to be.
So I seem to be.
So I hope to be.
So I seem to be.
So I better be.
So I must be.
I want to be.
So I have to be.
I have to be.
Written: Thursday, April 14th, 2011
You had my heart.
And you loved me
like no one else had
ever loved me.
We laughed all summer long.
And we created our own songs
that made the world sing.
(La la la la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La la la la la la)
Everything is a song.
You broke my heart
and ripped it into a
thousand pieces.
Then you trampled on them.
Smashing them into dust.
I watched my fragile self
drift away into the wind.
Time to heal.
Time to mend.
(La la la la la la la la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
Singing (La la la la)
Everything is a song.
I saw you and I smiled.
And you saw me
and you smiled.
Because all is forgiven.
I bumped into you and
said how do you do?
You said “quite nicely.
And yourself?”
I replied with the same answer.
All is forgiven.
All is forgotten.
Thankful for that year.
But I’m moving on.
Singing
(La la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La La La)
Everything is a song.
We’re singing
(La la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La La La)
Everything is a song.
While we’re singing
(La la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La La La)
Everything is a song.
————--
Written: Thursday, April 28th, 2011
And you loved me
like no one else had
ever loved me.
We laughed all summer long.
And we created our own songs
that made the world sing.
(La la la la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La la la la la la)
Everything is a song.
You broke my heart
and ripped it into a
thousand pieces.
Then you trampled on them.
Smashing them into dust.
I watched my fragile self
drift away into the wind.
Time to heal.
Time to mend.
(La la la la la la la la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
Singing (La la la la)
Everything is a song.
I saw you and I smiled.
And you saw me
and you smiled.
Because all is forgiven.
I bumped into you and
said how do you do?
You said “quite nicely.
And yourself?”
I replied with the same answer.
All is forgiven.
All is forgotten.
Thankful for that year.
But I’m moving on.
Singing
(La la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La La La)
Everything is a song.
We’re singing
(La la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La La La)
Everything is a song.
While we’re singing
(La la la la)
Everything is beautiful.
(La La La)
Everything is a song.
————--
Written: Thursday, April 28th, 2011
Missing you is all I can do
when I’m constantly in
this state of staying the
same or changing the game.
I really can’t tell which
season is coming next.
They never come in order.
So I just think to myself.
While I’m missing you,
missing you.
It’s all I ever seem to do.
Feeling guilty most of the time.
Cause I never try to draw close
to you. Forgive me please.
Forgive me please.
It’s my own fault for putting
everything else in front of you.
Pretending like I’m too busy
to say I love you. But I do.
I know I don’t show it.
I know I do.
And complacency is now my enemy.
Oh please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me for not loving you.
______
Written: Friday, April 15th, 2011
when I’m constantly in
this state of staying the
same or changing the game.
I really can’t tell which
season is coming next.
They never come in order.
So I just think to myself.
While I’m missing you,
missing you.
It’s all I ever seem to do.
Feeling guilty most of the time.
Cause I never try to draw close
to you. Forgive me please.
Forgive me please.
It’s my own fault for putting
everything else in front of you.
Pretending like I’m too busy
to say I love you. But I do.
I know I don’t show it.
I know I do.
And complacency is now my enemy.
Oh please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me for not loving you.
______
Written: Friday, April 15th, 2011
I was a monster that no one
would befriend.
I was walking alone like
there was no end.
You were the only one that
looked past my strange ways.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see me.
If I could make you smile with
everything I said,
I would talk forever.
If I could make you smile
just by being quiet,
I’d never speak again.
You ran into me and I
through myself around you.
Your love collided into me
I’m never letting you go.
Your kind is so rare.
They don’t make many of you.
In fact I’ve only seen one.
I know now that I’m not going
to share you.
Don’t ask me to play nice.
I’m selfish as it gets.
You belong to me.
I’ll hide you away.
I was a monster
that no one would befriend.
I was walking alone like
there was no end.
You were the only one that
looked past my strange ways.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could,
I’m giving you my lips.
Though no one saw them,
you found them buried.
Now they’re your treasure to keep.
Like the rest of me.
Will you marry me?
Will you marry me?
I know I’m a monster
but I can’t let you go.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see
straight through me.
Written: Friday, April 29th, 2011
would befriend.
I was walking alone like
there was no end.
You were the only one that
looked past my strange ways.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see me.
If I could make you smile with
everything I said,
I would talk forever.
If I could make you smile
just by being quiet,
I’d never speak again.
You ran into me and I
through myself around you.
Your love collided into me
I’m never letting you go.
Your kind is so rare.
They don’t make many of you.
In fact I’ve only seen one.
I know now that I’m not going
to share you.
Don’t ask me to play nice.
I’m selfish as it gets.
You belong to me.
I’ll hide you away.
I was a monster
that no one would befriend.
I was walking alone like
there was no end.
You were the only one that
looked past my strange ways.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could,
I’m giving you my lips.
Though no one saw them,
you found them buried.
Now they’re your treasure to keep.
Like the rest of me.
Will you marry me?
Will you marry me?
I know I’m a monster
but I can’t let you go.
It was like you could see me.
It was like you could see
straight through me.
Written: Friday, April 29th, 2011
I support rebellion
with all of my heart.
But not when rebellion
starts to tear you apart
from the God.
From being Holy.
And then it makes you filthy.
Leaving you empty.
You’re crying tears.
Getting tipsy with your peers.
Wondering when did it all start?
How can I ever get back to the part
where I was using rebellion
in the way it should be.
Not using it to run from the almighty
God who created me.
There’s no words for my hate.
There’s no words for my disgust.
I just want to close my eyes
and run away from everything I see.
It’s here and there.
It’s everywhere.
Perversion, fornication.
You tell everyone it’s fun.
But I’m so sick of you.
I’m so through with you.
Get out of me.
Get away from me.
Perversion, perversion.
I rebel from you.
Don’t touch me.
Stay away.
I don’t want you.
I don’t need you.
If this isn’t peace,
than show me what is.
If you’ve got something better,
than show it to me.
But this is the life I choose, you see?
I want to be clean.
I want to be pure.
Don’t want the thought of any of
that any more.
I’m happy to stay here.
I’m satisfied with thy commandments.
Let me please you Lord,
with pure hands and a pure heart.
And never let me part.
There’s no words for my hate.
There’s no words for my disgust.
I just want to close my eyes
and run away from everything I see.
It’s here and there.
It’s everywhere.
Perversion, fornication.
You tell everyone it’s fun.
But I’m so sick of you.
I’m so through with you.
Get out of me.
Get away from me.
Perversion, fornication.
I rebel from you.
Written: Thursday, April 28th, 2011
with all of my heart.
But not when rebellion
starts to tear you apart
from the God.
From being Holy.
And then it makes you filthy.
Leaving you empty.
You’re crying tears.
Getting tipsy with your peers.
Wondering when did it all start?
How can I ever get back to the part
where I was using rebellion
in the way it should be.
Not using it to run from the almighty
God who created me.
There’s no words for my hate.
There’s no words for my disgust.
I just want to close my eyes
and run away from everything I see.
It’s here and there.
It’s everywhere.
Perversion, fornication.
You tell everyone it’s fun.
But I’m so sick of you.
I’m so through with you.
Get out of me.
Get away from me.
Perversion, perversion.
I rebel from you.
Don’t touch me.
Stay away.
I don’t want you.
I don’t need you.
If this isn’t peace,
than show me what is.
If you’ve got something better,
than show it to me.
But this is the life I choose, you see?
I want to be clean.
I want to be pure.
Don’t want the thought of any of
that any more.
I’m happy to stay here.
I’m satisfied with thy commandments.
Let me please you Lord,
with pure hands and a pure heart.
And never let me part.
There’s no words for my hate.
There’s no words for my disgust.
I just want to close my eyes
and run away from everything I see.
It’s here and there.
It’s everywhere.
Perversion, fornication.
You tell everyone it’s fun.
But I’m so sick of you.
I’m so through with you.
Get out of me.
Get away from me.
Perversion, fornication.
I rebel from you.
Written: Thursday, April 28th, 2011
I’m trapped in this portal.
Where time has frozen.
& I’m stuck in the longest day,
in the strangest sort of way.
& I’m alone. I’m alone.
I was searching for you.
When I got lost.
But I was so happy,
that I got lost in you.
Oh, in you.
& while I was searching.
I realized, that I had
already found what I was
searching for. & it was
never lost. It was never lost.
It had found me. It found me.
I was searching for you.
When I got lost.
But I was so happy,
that I got lost in you.
Oh, in you.
I’m trapped in you.
Time is frozen in you.
& let me get swept away.
In you.
Let me get swept away.
Lost a stray, in you.
I was searching for you.
When I got lost.
But I was so happy,
that I got lost in you.
Oh, in you.
Written: Date Unknown (maybe 2011 or 2012)
Where time has frozen.
& I’m stuck in the longest day,
in the strangest sort of way.
& I’m alone. I’m alone.
I was searching for you.
When I got lost.
But I was so happy,
that I got lost in you.
Oh, in you.
& while I was searching.
I realized, that I had
already found what I was
searching for. & it was
never lost. It was never lost.
It had found me. It found me.
I was searching for you.
When I got lost.
But I was so happy,
that I got lost in you.
Oh, in you.
I’m trapped in you.
Time is frozen in you.
& let me get swept away.
In you.
Let me get swept away.
Lost a stray, in you.
I was searching for you.
When I got lost.
But I was so happy,
that I got lost in you.
Oh, in you.
Written: Date Unknown (maybe 2011 or 2012)
One more month.
That’s all it will take
until I see your face again.
I’ve waited & waited.
I’ve smiled & grinned
and bared it all.
And now I’m happy
to wait no more.
I hope you speak to me.
If you walk by me
and say nothing,
heart broken I will be.
Goodbye means going away.
Going away means forgetting.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
I hate every time you leave.
I can tell when it’s coming near.
Our departure screams in my ear.
And haunts my hope.
I hope it never comes.
I hope this time I can
at least say ‘hello’.
Will you speak to me?
Will you speak to me?
Goodbye means going away.
Going away means forgetting.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
Written: Thursday, March 17th, 2011
This part originally written by: Khue Tran
One more month. I hope it never comes.
I don’t wanna say goodbye.
This part from Peter Pan.
Goodbye means going away.
Going away means forgetting.
That’s all it will take
until I see your face again.
I’ve waited & waited.
I’ve smiled & grinned
and bared it all.
And now I’m happy
to wait no more.
I hope you speak to me.
If you walk by me
and say nothing,
heart broken I will be.
Goodbye means going away.
Going away means forgetting.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
I hate every time you leave.
I can tell when it’s coming near.
Our departure screams in my ear.
And haunts my hope.
I hope it never comes.
I hope this time I can
at least say ‘hello’.
Will you speak to me?
Will you speak to me?
Goodbye means going away.
Going away means forgetting.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
I don’t wanna say goodbye,
anymore.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
Tell me you’re here to stay.
Written: Thursday, March 17th, 2011
This part originally written by: Khue Tran
One more month. I hope it never comes.
I don’t wanna say goodbye.
This part from Peter Pan.
Goodbye means going away.
Going away means forgetting.
I hate the way I feel.
I know it’s hard to let go
of something you’ve
held onto for so long.
But you don’t belong to me.
& I don’t want to cling
to you anymore.
I wish I could forget
about you. And any
feelings I might have
had for you.
I want to move on
and leave you to yourself.
But I feel like it’s taking
longer then it should.
Oh, break me down.
Smash my insides
to bits and pieces.
Take my heart, empty it out.
Do whatever it takes.
Just help me to let it go.
I wish you all the best.
I’m thrilled for you
& your many achievements.
But you don’t belong to me.
Nor I to you.
But I do want whoever does.
And it’s certainly not you.
I do not want to want you anymore.
I do not want to love you anymore.
I don’t want to think of you.
I don’t want to love you.
If I do. If I don’t.
I can’t really tell right now.
I just want to let you go.
God help me just to let go.
———–
Written: Sunday, March 27th, 2011
I know it’s hard to let go
of something you’ve
held onto for so long.
But you don’t belong to me.
& I don’t want to cling
to you anymore.
I wish I could forget
about you. And any
feelings I might have
had for you.
I want to move on
and leave you to yourself.
But I feel like it’s taking
longer then it should.
Oh, break me down.
Smash my insides
to bits and pieces.
Take my heart, empty it out.
Do whatever it takes.
Just help me to let it go.
I wish you all the best.
I’m thrilled for you
& your many achievements.
But you don’t belong to me.
Nor I to you.
But I do want whoever does.
And it’s certainly not you.
I do not want to want you anymore.
I do not want to love you anymore.
I don’t want to think of you.
I don’t want to love you.
If I do. If I don’t.
I can’t really tell right now.
I just want to let you go.
God help me just to let go.
———–
Written: Sunday, March 27th, 2011
These past few days have
been meshing together.
AM feels like PM.
And I don’t even know
if I’m awake.
And you’re here
but I can’t be with you.
& you’re there & I can’t go
to see you.
I’m upset with the truth.
But I know I’m not yet ready.
I wish I could see your face.
But this weekend
is a weekend too soon.
& all I know is it hurts.
It hurts to know you’re
driving in, but I can’t see you.
Perhaps, you’re not coming
with the rest.
But I know they carry you,
because you’re the best.
If only I could see pictures,
I’d put all my wondering to the rest.
I just know that either way
in all of these meshed together days,
I’m thinking of you.
I wish I could see your face.
But this weekend
is a weekend too soon.
& all I know is it hurts.
It hurts to know
you’re driving in,
but I can’t see you.
———-
Written: Friday, March 4th, 2011, 11:25 AM
been meshing together.
AM feels like PM.
And I don’t even know
if I’m awake.
And you’re here
but I can’t be with you.
& you’re there & I can’t go
to see you.
I’m upset with the truth.
But I know I’m not yet ready.
I wish I could see your face.
But this weekend
is a weekend too soon.
& all I know is it hurts.
It hurts to know you’re
driving in, but I can’t see you.
Perhaps, you’re not coming
with the rest.
But I know they carry you,
because you’re the best.
If only I could see pictures,
I’d put all my wondering to the rest.
I just know that either way
in all of these meshed together days,
I’m thinking of you.
I wish I could see your face.
But this weekend
is a weekend too soon.
& all I know is it hurts.
It hurts to know
you’re driving in,
but I can’t see you.
———-
Written: Friday, March 4th, 2011, 11:25 AM
While I waited for you.
While I prayed for you.
While I poured my love into you.
While I was thinking of you.
You were going for her.
You ended up choosing her.
I want to be so angry.
But it’s not like you knew of me.
I am happy for you.
But excuse me, I need to go bleed.
Let me clean up my blood.
Cause you see,
it’s pouring out as we speak.
I feel so wasted.
I’ve wasted so much on you.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not his, or hers.
It’s mine.
My own.
I made this mess and so now
I have to clean it up.
But let me bleed.
Let me bleed at least for a little while.
I just wanted to tell you
how beautiful I thought you were.
Is she telling you that?
Well no matter.
It’s not my problem to worry about.
Not anymore.
I’m moving on.
Letting go.
I know you won’t think of me.
I’ll think of you.
But as I bleed,
you’ll pour out of my thoughts.
And soon, I will have healed.
But I feel so wasted.
I’ve wasted so much on you.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not his, or hers.
It’s mine. My own.
I made this mess and
so now I have to clean it up.
But let me bleed.
Let me bleed at least for a little while.
Let me bleed.
Let me bleed, at least for a few moments.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter at all.
Who cares if I really did love you.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter at all.
Just let me bleed.
Just let me bleed.
At least for a little while.
———-
Written: Thursday, March 24th, 2011
While I prayed for you.
While I poured my love into you.
While I was thinking of you.
You were going for her.
You ended up choosing her.
I want to be so angry.
But it’s not like you knew of me.
I am happy for you.
But excuse me, I need to go bleed.
Let me clean up my blood.
Cause you see,
it’s pouring out as we speak.
I feel so wasted.
I’ve wasted so much on you.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not his, or hers.
It’s mine.
My own.
I made this mess and so now
I have to clean it up.
But let me bleed.
Let me bleed at least for a little while.
I just wanted to tell you
how beautiful I thought you were.
Is she telling you that?
Well no matter.
It’s not my problem to worry about.
Not anymore.
I’m moving on.
Letting go.
I know you won’t think of me.
I’ll think of you.
But as I bleed,
you’ll pour out of my thoughts.
And soon, I will have healed.
But I feel so wasted.
I’ve wasted so much on you.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not his, or hers.
It’s mine. My own.
I made this mess and
so now I have to clean it up.
But let me bleed.
Let me bleed at least for a little while.
Let me bleed.
Let me bleed, at least for a few moments.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter at all.
Who cares if I really did love you.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter at all.
Just let me bleed.
Just let me bleed.
At least for a little while.
———-
Written: Thursday, March 24th, 2011
(Parody of Paramore’s “I Caught Myself”)
To my skin,
the blade is going
down to my skin.
& I should have
never thought
to cut myself,
when I should have
stopped myself.
I thought that it would help
with all of this torment.
But when I cut myself,
and didn’t stop myself,
it made a hole in me.
I wonder if I will ever
heal from this.
I cannot stop myself
from crying myself to
sleep every night.
Myself to sleep every night
I promise.
I promise.
If you help me
I will
never do this again.
I just needed love
from you.
To feel your arms
around me.
Telling me everything
will be alright.
But I cut myself,
when I should
have stopped myself.
I thought that it would help
with all of this torment.
But when I cut myself,
and didn’t stop myself,
it made a hole in me.
I wonder if I will ever
heal from this.
I cannot stop
from crying myself to
sleep every bloody night.
Myself to sleep every night.
I know I was wrong.
But I’m desperate for
your help.
Just needed someone to see.
All the bleeding inside of me.
Will you help me?
Will you love me?
When i cut myself,
I should stop myself.
I thought that it would help
with all of this torment.
But when I cut myself,
and didn’t stop myself
it made a hole in me.
I wonder if I will ever heal.
I wonder if I will ever heal.
I know one day that I will.
I will.
I’ll heal.
One day.
But you need to rescue me.
Written: Thursday, March 31, 2011, 7:21 PM
Parody to the song “I Caught Myself” performed by Paramore.
To my skin,
the blade is going
down to my skin.
& I should have
never thought
to cut myself,
when I should have
stopped myself.
I thought that it would help
with all of this torment.
But when I cut myself,
and didn’t stop myself,
it made a hole in me.
I wonder if I will ever
heal from this.
I cannot stop myself
from crying myself to
sleep every night.
Myself to sleep every night
I promise.
I promise.
If you help me
I will
never do this again.
I just needed love
from you.
To feel your arms
around me.
Telling me everything
will be alright.
But I cut myself,
when I should
have stopped myself.
I thought that it would help
with all of this torment.
But when I cut myself,
and didn’t stop myself,
it made a hole in me.
I wonder if I will ever
heal from this.
I cannot stop
from crying myself to
sleep every bloody night.
Myself to sleep every night.
I know I was wrong.
But I’m desperate for
your help.
Just needed someone to see.
All the bleeding inside of me.
Will you help me?
Will you love me?
When i cut myself,
I should stop myself.
I thought that it would help
with all of this torment.
But when I cut myself,
and didn’t stop myself
it made a hole in me.
I wonder if I will ever heal.
I wonder if I will ever heal.
I know one day that I will.
I will.
I’ll heal.
One day.
But you need to rescue me.
Written: Thursday, March 31, 2011, 7:21 PM
Parody to the song “I Caught Myself” performed by Paramore.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
So I close the blinds.
I turn off the lights.
I sit down in my recliner.
I sit down in my recliner.
& I wait for you.
I still wait for you.
I still hope to see
you coming through
my front door.
My front door.
Oh, beautiful love
you’ve let me down
again.
Oh, sweet kisses
you’ve left me alone
again.
Why did I trust you?
So tempting to believe
you would stay.
So foolish of me to rely on you.
I sit down in my recliner.
I sit down in my recliner.
& I wait for you.
I still wait for you.
Hoping to see you coming through
My heart fell out of your hands.
I found it somewhere
in a distant land.
And it was broken in two.
All because of you.
But I still trust in you.
Oh how foolish of me.
I sit down in my recliner.
I sit down in my recliner.
& I wait for you.
I still wait for you.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
But my front door remains
open to you.
Written: March 20th, 2011 Sunday
coming home.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
So I close the blinds.
I turn off the lights.
I sit down in my recliner.
I sit down in my recliner.
& I wait for you.
I still wait for you.
I still hope to see
you coming through
my front door.
My front door.
Oh, beautiful love
you’ve let me down
again.
Oh, sweet kisses
you’ve left me alone
again.
Why did I trust you?
So tempting to believe
you would stay.
So foolish of me to rely on you.
I sit down in my recliner.
I sit down in my recliner.
& I wait for you.
I still wait for you.
Hoping to see you coming through
My heart fell out of your hands.
I found it somewhere
in a distant land.
And it was broken in two.
All because of you.
But I still trust in you.
Oh how foolish of me.
I sit down in my recliner.
I sit down in my recliner.
& I wait for you.
I still wait for you.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
I guess you’re never
coming home.
But my front door remains
open to you.
Written: March 20th, 2011 Sunday
Looking out of my window,
it’s stormy.
& the night is coming.
Waking up to the
sound of the rain
pounding on the roof.
Oh, lovely dream.
Lovely dream.
But then there’s you.
Seeing the sunlight
hit your face.
& you’re lying so still.
There’s you walking
through the front door,
saying ‘sweetheart, I’m home’.
Oh, lovely dream.
Lovely dream.
I could dream all day long.
But with out you,
might as well be as
boring as reality.
What’s the use of dreaming
if you’re not there.
Running in my converse.
My feet beating the ground.
I believe I can fly,
I believe I can fly.
Feels like I’m going no where.
But then I think of you.
There is hope inside,
there is hope.
And then there’s you.
Seeing the sunlight hit your face.
& you’re lying so still.
There’s you walking
through the front door,
saying 'sweetheart, I’m home’.
Oh, lovely dream.
Lovely dream.
I could dream all day long.
But with out you,
might as well be as
boring as reality.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
Written: Thursday, March 10th, 2011
Originally named “Sound of the Rain”
changed to “What’s the use”
Friday, November 8th, 2013
it’s stormy.
& the night is coming.
Waking up to the
sound of the rain
pounding on the roof.
Oh, lovely dream.
Lovely dream.
But then there’s you.
Seeing the sunlight
hit your face.
& you’re lying so still.
There’s you walking
through the front door,
saying ‘sweetheart, I’m home’.
Oh, lovely dream.
Lovely dream.
I could dream all day long.
But with out you,
might as well be as
boring as reality.
What’s the use of dreaming
if you’re not there.
Running in my converse.
My feet beating the ground.
I believe I can fly,
I believe I can fly.
Feels like I’m going no where.
But then I think of you.
There is hope inside,
there is hope.
And then there’s you.
Seeing the sunlight hit your face.
& you’re lying so still.
There’s you walking
through the front door,
saying 'sweetheart, I’m home’.
Oh, lovely dream.
Lovely dream.
I could dream all day long.
But with out you,
might as well be as
boring as reality.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
What’s the use of dreaming,
if you’re not there.
Written: Thursday, March 10th, 2011
Originally named “Sound of the Rain”
changed to “What’s the use”
Friday, November 8th, 2013
The sun light on the water
it reminds me of you.
Is that diamonds?
Or snow?
With a winter’s glow.
Is it standing still?
Or frantically dancing?
Either way,
I’m hypnotized.
I’m so mesmerized.
It’s a mystery to me.
I try not to stare.
But I’m captivated by
it’s glare.
I try not to go blind.
But it’s brightness
pierces my mind.
The sun light on the water,
it reminds me of you.
It’s like your love shining
down on me.
Saving my soul.
And it’s beautiful.
Just like you’re beautiful.
And it’s beautiful how
you love me.
& it’s like the sun light
on the water.
There’s many things
that reflect you.
Paintings everywhere.
I cannot help but look
around at all the beauty
that I’ve found.
I’m amazed and taken away
at all you made for me.
It’s so beautiful and lovely.
You are simply awe striking.
The sunlight on the water,
it reminds me of you.
It’s like your love shining
down on me.
Saving my soul.
And it’s beautiful.
Just like you’re beautiful.
And it’s beautiful how
you love me.
& it’s like the sun light
on the water.
Written: Saturday, March 19th, 2011
it reminds me of you.
Is that diamonds?
Or snow?
With a winter’s glow.
Is it standing still?
Or frantically dancing?
Either way,
I’m hypnotized.
I’m so mesmerized.
It’s a mystery to me.
I try not to stare.
But I’m captivated by
it’s glare.
I try not to go blind.
But it’s brightness
pierces my mind.
The sun light on the water,
it reminds me of you.
It’s like your love shining
down on me.
Saving my soul.
And it’s beautiful.
Just like you’re beautiful.
And it’s beautiful how
you love me.
& it’s like the sun light
on the water.
There’s many things
that reflect you.
Paintings everywhere.
I cannot help but look
around at all the beauty
that I’ve found.
I’m amazed and taken away
at all you made for me.
It’s so beautiful and lovely.
You are simply awe striking.
The sunlight on the water,
it reminds me of you.
It’s like your love shining
down on me.
Saving my soul.
And it’s beautiful.
Just like you’re beautiful.
And it’s beautiful how
you love me.
& it’s like the sun light
on the water.
Written: Saturday, March 19th, 2011
Doesn’t it always seem sad
when I’ve got to let you go.
You storm out of the house.
You jump into your car.
& you forget to take it slow
Take it slow.
Take it slow.
Take it slow until you
reach the highway.
You forget to carry an
umbrella when it rains.
& you walk so fast that
you don’t even notice that
your rain coat gets caught
under your shoes.
& tares apart the fabric.
Now there’s a trail.
I see where you’ve been.
I see where you’ve been.
But I forget to take it slow.
Take it slow.Take it slow.
Take it slow until I can’t
see you anymore.
& I run on up ahead,
up ahead. Up ahead,
until I meet you.
Why did I try to stop you?
Should had seen the pain
coming. Rushing back
again as I watch you leave\par
me again.
That’s why I need to
take it slow, take it slow.
Take it slow, take it slow.
Until you’re so far away from me
that I can’t feel the pain,
feel the pain. feel the pain
anymore. Anymore.
Doesn’t it always seem sad?
Written: Monday, February 14th, 2011
when I’ve got to let you go.
You storm out of the house.
You jump into your car.
& you forget to take it slow
Take it slow.
Take it slow.
Take it slow until you
reach the highway.
You forget to carry an
umbrella when it rains.
& you walk so fast that
you don’t even notice that
your rain coat gets caught
under your shoes.
& tares apart the fabric.
Now there’s a trail.
I see where you’ve been.
I see where you’ve been.
But I forget to take it slow.
Take it slow.Take it slow.
Take it slow until I can’t
see you anymore.
& I run on up ahead,
up ahead. Up ahead,
until I meet you.
Why did I try to stop you?
Should had seen the pain
coming. Rushing back
again as I watch you leave\par
me again.
That’s why I need to
take it slow, take it slow.
Take it slow, take it slow.
Until you’re so far away from me
that I can’t feel the pain,
feel the pain. feel the pain
anymore. Anymore.
Doesn’t it always seem sad?
Written: Monday, February 14th, 2011
I can’t believe you
left me here with
all these tears to cry.
Did you forget about
my smile?
Did you forget
about the way I made
you laugh?
How could you forget?
How could you forget?
I feel invaded as the scent
of regret fills the
empty air around me.
How could you leave me?
How could you leave me?
I’m left here
all alone with no one to hold.
But you don’t seem to care.
No, you don’t care at all.
So you’re gone now,
and you’re happier
than ever before.
& I can’t seem to stop crying.
Where did my
smile go?
Did you take it with you?
You’re such a thief.
Monday morning,
I finally woke up from
endless slumber.
& if you’re reading this letter,
I just wanted to mention
That I’m okay.
I’m breathing on my
own now.
The scent of regret
is gone with all of your
crummy stuff you left behind.
I don’t care about
you anymore.
Because it was all
a stupid lie.
And I’m better off
without you here.
So thank you for leaving me.
Thank you for leaving
me behind.
Thank you for leaving.
Goodbye for good.
I’ll be sure to live
happily ever after.
Just like I should.
You can forget I
ever existed.
& I will be better
educated about
how to tell a thief
when I see one.
Thank you for leaving.
Thank you for leaving.
Written: Friday, January 21, 2011, 5:06 PM
left me here with
all these tears to cry.
Did you forget about
my smile?
Did you forget
about the way I made
you laugh?
How could you forget?
How could you forget?
I feel invaded as the scent
of regret fills the
empty air around me.
How could you leave me?
How could you leave me?
I’m left here
all alone with no one to hold.
But you don’t seem to care.
No, you don’t care at all.
So you’re gone now,
and you’re happier
than ever before.
& I can’t seem to stop crying.
Where did my
smile go?
Did you take it with you?
You’re such a thief.
Monday morning,
I finally woke up from
endless slumber.
& if you’re reading this letter,
I just wanted to mention
That I’m okay.
I’m breathing on my
own now.
The scent of regret
is gone with all of your
crummy stuff you left behind.
I don’t care about
you anymore.
Because it was all
a stupid lie.
And I’m better off
without you here.
So thank you for leaving me.
Thank you for leaving
me behind.
Thank you for leaving.
Goodbye for good.
I’ll be sure to live
happily ever after.
Just like I should.
You can forget I
ever existed.
& I will be better
educated about
how to tell a thief
when I see one.
Thank you for leaving.
Thank you for leaving.
Written: Friday, January 21, 2011, 5:06 PM
2010
I was going to write a poem.
But then as I began to
unleash myself,
I discovered that I had
nothing to say.
Yes, I am feeling rather,
a lot right now.
But maybe to speak about it,
I should not.
I’m not over whelmed,
just weighed down.
So, to do what I
normally would,
write about it I should.
But I began to write,
and nothing came.
Nothing flowed.
So maybe to speak
is not what’s right for now.
It is almost three
in the morning.
And my body may be saying:
“rest!” So, rest I shall go.
I just wanted to write
a poem.
But unfortunately,
nothing was written.
Written: Date Unknown - 2010
But then as I began to
unleash myself,
I discovered that I had
nothing to say.
Yes, I am feeling rather,
a lot right now.
But maybe to speak about it,
I should not.
I’m not over whelmed,
just weighed down.
So, to do what I
normally would,
write about it I should.
But I began to write,
and nothing came.
Nothing flowed.
So maybe to speak
is not what’s right for now.
It is almost three
in the morning.
And my body may be saying:
“rest!” So, rest I shall go.
I just wanted to write
a poem.
But unfortunately,
nothing was written.
Written: Date Unknown - 2010
I miss you.
I miss you so much
right now.
It hurt to see you leave, yes.
But I had just seen you.
And it’s been two days now.
& I want to see you again.
Pictures just do not
do it justice for me.
Seeing you in person
makes my heart beat
rush with all haste.
Never have I felt so short
of breath, as I am when I
stand in the same room
as you are in.
& I hate that we do not
speak. I hate to leave you
and know that I haven’t
touched you. Maybe by
seeing me, you are touched.
I hope so. But oh,
if I could steal your lips I
would. I would take them with
me, everywhere I go. I just want
to follow you around. Be where
you are. Go where you go.
I hate when I cannot see you.
But what’s worse is I never know
when I will see you again.
“Hope that it’s soon” lingers in my
soul. But doubt creeps in and I
wonder, if it is so?
Or just an abandoned hope.
I wish you were reading this.
I wish I could tell you, that I
miss you. But more than that,
that I love you.
Please find me again, soon.
And do not hesitate to speak.
Written: Saturday, August 28th, 2010
I miss you so much
right now.
It hurt to see you leave, yes.
But I had just seen you.
And it’s been two days now.
& I want to see you again.
Pictures just do not
do it justice for me.
Seeing you in person
makes my heart beat
rush with all haste.
Never have I felt so short
of breath, as I am when I
stand in the same room
as you are in.
& I hate that we do not
speak. I hate to leave you
and know that I haven’t
touched you. Maybe by
seeing me, you are touched.
I hope so. But oh,
if I could steal your lips I
would. I would take them with
me, everywhere I go. I just want
to follow you around. Be where
you are. Go where you go.
I hate when I cannot see you.
But what’s worse is I never know
when I will see you again.
“Hope that it’s soon” lingers in my
soul. But doubt creeps in and I
wonder, if it is so?
Or just an abandoned hope.
I wish you were reading this.
I wish I could tell you, that I
miss you. But more than that,
that I love you.
Please find me again, soon.
And do not hesitate to speak.
Written: Saturday, August 28th, 2010
I’ve been thinking of you,
tonight. And I wonder how
you are. I’ve been thinking
of you. And I wonder where
you are.
So why don’t you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don’t you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are.
Let me see your beautiful face.
Let me see your face.
It’s been a while,
since I last saw you.
And I loved how much
you made me laugh.
So why don’t you come back,
and make me laugh some more?
So why don’t you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don’t you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are.
Let me see your beautiful face.
Let me see your face.
Days are quiet. And nights
are so long. But time flies
by, as I smile and think of
you. As I think of you.
So why don’t you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don’t you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are.
Let me see your beautiful face.
Let me see your face.
Your face.
Written: Date Unknown - 2010
Modified: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2016
tonight. And I wonder how
you are. I’ve been thinking
of you. And I wonder where
you are.
So why don’t you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don’t you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are.
Let me see your beautiful face.
Let me see your face.
It’s been a while,
since I last saw you.
And I loved how much
you made me laugh.
So why don’t you come back,
and make me laugh some more?
So why don’t you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don’t you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are.
Let me see your beautiful face.
Let me see your face.
Days are quiet. And nights
are so long. But time flies
by, as I smile and think of
you. As I think of you.
So why don’t you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don’t you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are.
Let me see your beautiful face.
Let me see your face.
Your face.
Written: Date Unknown - 2010
Modified: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2016
In the silence of my room,
all thoughts seem to sink low.
While flying through the air,
they never let go of the empty
spaces around my soul.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
My head against the wall.
My chest rises and falls.
And though I am silent,
I am loud.
And though I am still,
I am running so far away.
Chasing my thoughts
and trying to make sense of it all.
I know I should give up.
Sense has never been my friend
before.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
The dust particles fall on my cheek.
I hear them laughing at times.
But they are regretful when the tears
begin to fall.
And so by me hurting I’ve
regained back my peace.
& by my sorrow, there is in fact joy.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
Fingers and toes try to wrap around
my thoughts.
But they are too many
for my too few.
So mighty big hands
from the kingdom above,
collect all my troubles,
collect all my love.
Because somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
Written: Date Unknown - 2010
all thoughts seem to sink low.
While flying through the air,
they never let go of the empty
spaces around my soul.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
My head against the wall.
My chest rises and falls.
And though I am silent,
I am loud.
And though I am still,
I am running so far away.
Chasing my thoughts
and trying to make sense of it all.
I know I should give up.
Sense has never been my friend
before.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
The dust particles fall on my cheek.
I hear them laughing at times.
But they are regretful when the tears
begin to fall.
And so by me hurting I’ve
regained back my peace.
& by my sorrow, there is in fact joy.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
Fingers and toes try to wrap around
my thoughts.
But they are too many
for my too few.
So mighty big hands
from the kingdom above,
collect all my troubles,
collect all my love.
Because somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
Somewhere between here and there
I lost the near and far between.
Written: Date Unknown - 2010
My time was never
dull when you were here.
I’d spend every day with you.
& I was never bored.
Or asking myself what to do now.
We’d search the world together.
& my face would show
all the wonders of our time.
But that was all when you were here.
I’m throwing rocks
into the ocean that’s
sitting in my head.
I want to see how
far the ripples will go.
If you’ve left me
to die here on this
island of mine.
Or if there’s enough
strength in me
to regain my independence.
We shall see.
You decided to leave.
I had never felt so out of place.
The air seems so thin.
It’s hard to breathe.
& where is the noise?
It’s so dangerously quiet.
I can hear my own thoughts.
It shouldn’t be like this.
How dare you come
into my home.
& take me out of
my comfort zone.
& teach me a new
way to live.
You made me cling
to you like glue.
But since you’ve left,
I’ve learned a thing or two.
& I’m actually okay
without you here.
You can go.
I never really needed you.
I’m throwing rocks into
the ocean that’s
sitting in my head.
I want to see how
far the ripples will go.
& since I’m not
going to die here
on this island of mine,
I shall take it all back.
Because there’s
enough strength in me
to regain my
independence.
Written: Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
Modified: Saturday, November 19th, 2016, 3:20 AM
dull when you were here.
I’d spend every day with you.
& I was never bored.
Or asking myself what to do now.
We’d search the world together.
& my face would show
all the wonders of our time.
But that was all when you were here.
I’m throwing rocks
into the ocean that’s
sitting in my head.
I want to see how
far the ripples will go.
If you’ve left me
to die here on this
island of mine.
Or if there’s enough
strength in me
to regain my independence.
We shall see.
You decided to leave.
I had never felt so out of place.
The air seems so thin.
It’s hard to breathe.
& where is the noise?
It’s so dangerously quiet.
I can hear my own thoughts.
It shouldn’t be like this.
How dare you come
into my home.
& take me out of
my comfort zone.
& teach me a new
way to live.
You made me cling
to you like glue.
But since you’ve left,
I’ve learned a thing or two.
& I’m actually okay
without you here.
You can go.
I never really needed you.
I’m throwing rocks into
the ocean that’s
sitting in my head.
I want to see how
far the ripples will go.
& since I’m not
going to die here
on this island of mine,
I shall take it all back.
Because there’s
enough strength in me
to regain my
independence.
Written: Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
Modified: Saturday, November 19th, 2016, 3:20 AM
Airplanes could fall out of the air,
& burst into flame.
But people still
board onto them,
without a single care.
Cars can always collide,
off the road onto the ground.
But does it stop others
from climbing in,
& getting around?
Houses could always explode.
& memories be lost forever.
But people still live
in them. Never really caring.
& just like everyone today,
people do things without a care.
They live in the now
& don’t think about the later.
Maybe I should do the same?
Live freely.
Be who I want to be.
Maybe forget that time is moving.
& just stay as me.
& that’s all I want to be.
Let me focus on you.
& that’s all I need to do.
Cause all I need is you.
& all I want is you.
Almost everyone in this world,
has had a pet.
& not once did they think,
“oh it might kill me”.
Not until the teeth started
chomping.
And the skin started to bleed.
Did you ever think that
this was a bad idea?
& you see those boys
on their skateboards,
doing flips into the water.
It was so much fun,
until the blood rose
to the surface, & one of
them did not.
& for the two who went
out for a drive.
They just wanted to talk,
& walk in the night.
They didn’t see those
gun shots coming.
They just soaked
those last few moments in.
& still again, just like everyone today,
people do things without a care.
They live in the now
& don’t think about the later.
Maybe I should do the same?
Live freely.
Be who I want to be.
Maybe forget that time is moving.
& just stay as me.
& that’s all I want to be.
Let me focus on you.
& that’s all I need to do.
Cause all I need is you.
& all I want is you.
Written: Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
Some parts modified: Saturday, November 19th, 2016, 2:33 AM
& burst into flame.
But people still
board onto them,
without a single care.
Cars can always collide,
off the road onto the ground.
But does it stop others
from climbing in,
& getting around?
Houses could always explode.
& memories be lost forever.
But people still live
in them. Never really caring.
& just like everyone today,
people do things without a care.
They live in the now
& don’t think about the later.
Maybe I should do the same?
Live freely.
Be who I want to be.
Maybe forget that time is moving.
& just stay as me.
& that’s all I want to be.
Let me focus on you.
& that’s all I need to do.
Cause all I need is you.
& all I want is you.
Almost everyone in this world,
has had a pet.
& not once did they think,
“oh it might kill me”.
Not until the teeth started
chomping.
And the skin started to bleed.
Did you ever think that
this was a bad idea?
& you see those boys
on their skateboards,
doing flips into the water.
It was so much fun,
until the blood rose
to the surface, & one of
them did not.
& for the two who went
out for a drive.
They just wanted to talk,
& walk in the night.
They didn’t see those
gun shots coming.
They just soaked
those last few moments in.
& still again, just like everyone today,
people do things without a care.
They live in the now
& don’t think about the later.
Maybe I should do the same?
Live freely.
Be who I want to be.
Maybe forget that time is moving.
& just stay as me.
& that’s all I want to be.
Let me focus on you.
& that’s all I need to do.
Cause all I need is you.
& all I want is you.
Written: Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
Some parts modified: Saturday, November 19th, 2016, 2:33 AM
In the silence of
my room, I try
to hear my
hearts thoughts.
I know it wants
to speak to you.
But to speak to
you, it needs
words to say.
And I’m trying,
I am trying to
write you a song.
But as the waters
lie still, so does
the voice in me.
It’s as though
I’m on the edge
of a cliff, with the
wind sweeping
over my skin.
The moon glowing
with radiance.
And I can see
my shadow on
the ground.
The winter’s chill
paralyzes me,
as I melt
beneath the
thunders rain.
And all my favorite
things fall down,
when I stop to
think about you.
When I stop to
think about you.
Written: Monday, September 20th, 2010
Originally named: “When I Stop (To Think About You)”
my room, I try
to hear my
hearts thoughts.
I know it wants
to speak to you.
But to speak to
you, it needs
words to say.
And I’m trying,
I am trying to
write you a song.
But as the waters
lie still, so does
the voice in me.
It’s as though
I’m on the edge
of a cliff, with the
wind sweeping
over my skin.
The moon glowing
with radiance.
And I can see
my shadow on
the ground.
The winter’s chill
paralyzes me,
as I melt
beneath the
thunders rain.
And all my favorite
things fall down,
when I stop to
think about you.
When I stop to
think about you.
Written: Monday, September 20th, 2010
Originally named: “When I Stop (To Think About You)”
Sit down. I need to talk to you.
Because it’s that awkward silence
where you want to say something,
but you have nothing at all to say.
Well I, I’m through with this.
And I’m, I’m sick of not talking to you.
& all we need is a little communication.
Just open up to me. It’s all we need.
A little communication.
It will solve everything.
So why don’t we start today?
Don’t run. I just want to hold you,
like the delicate rose you are.
& don’t flinch, don’t blink.
Cause if you do this moment is gone forever.
& you may be okay with this empty air.
But I’m not. I’m not okay, at all.
All we need is a little communication.
Just open up to me. It’s all we need.
Is a little communication.
It will solve everything.
So why don’t we start today?
Listen. You can hear everything
around you. But can you hear
my broken heart crying out to you!?
Sit down! Don’t Run!
I just want to talk to you.
Why don’t you have anything to say?
All we need is a little communication.
Just open up to me. It’s all we need.
Is a little communication.
It will solve everything. Everything.
Everything, everything.
Everything, everything.
Everything, everything.
Everything. everything.
So why don’t we start today?
Is this the day it all ends?
——-
Written: Friday, December 24, 2010, 9:38:57 PM
Because it’s that awkward silence
where you want to say something,
but you have nothing at all to say.
Well I, I’m through with this.
And I’m, I’m sick of not talking to you.
& all we need is a little communication.
Just open up to me. It’s all we need.
A little communication.
It will solve everything.
So why don’t we start today?
Don’t run. I just want to hold you,
like the delicate rose you are.
& don’t flinch, don’t blink.
Cause if you do this moment is gone forever.
& you may be okay with this empty air.
But I’m not. I’m not okay, at all.
All we need is a little communication.
Just open up to me. It’s all we need.
Is a little communication.
It will solve everything.
So why don’t we start today?
Listen. You can hear everything
around you. But can you hear
my broken heart crying out to you!?
Sit down! Don’t Run!
I just want to talk to you.
Why don’t you have anything to say?
All we need is a little communication.
Just open up to me. It’s all we need.
Is a little communication.
It will solve everything. Everything.
Everything, everything.
Everything, everything.
Everything, everything.
Everything. everything.
So why don’t we start today?
Is this the day it all ends?
——-
Written: Friday, December 24, 2010, 9:38:57 PM
I wasn’t ever the prettiest girl on the block.
I wasn’t ever the skinniest girl on the block.
& the boys didn’t love me so. Love me so.
& the cool kids never liked me, so. So?
I was just a rebel loner. So.
Playing all by myself, so?
I would frown.
I would frown.
I would, frown.
But then one day I turned it upside down.
& then one day I woke up to reality.
& I didn’t care what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
& now I’m a smiling fool.
My first smile caused my face to crack.
My second smile caused my face to shatter,
& now that it doesn’t even matter,
They all know me,
they all know me,
As a smiling fool.
But then one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn’t care what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
& now I’m a smiling fool.
You people laugh at me.
You point your dirty fingers at me.
You talk about me, cause I’m so different.
Well I don’t talk about you, because you’re all the same.
& now when I’m in the block, they all know my name.
Cause one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn’t care, what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
I broke my toes, I smiled so big.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
Yeah, a smiling fool.
And it doesn’t matter.
—--
Written: Friday, December 24, 2010, 9:38:57 PM
If you noticed, there is a bit in italic.
This part was actually someone else’s content.
Someone else wrote that part. But I can’t remember who.
I didn’t save a link or name or anything. And this was
written back in 2010. It may be a real song and I not even know it.
But I read it and loved it. And decided to make my own song to it.
I would love to so stinkin produce this. Any ways, maybe I will.
And if I do, I will post it here. ^_^
By the way, if you are the rightful owner to that little bit I used,
please contact me. Give me a link to your page. And a link to
the content that has these words on it. (if you have it) And be
sure to give me your name. And I will credit you.
Thanks for reading.
I wasn’t ever the skinniest girl on the block.
& the boys didn’t love me so. Love me so.
& the cool kids never liked me, so. So?
I was just a rebel loner. So.
Playing all by myself, so?
I would frown.
I would frown.
I would, frown.
But then one day I turned it upside down.
& then one day I woke up to reality.
& I didn’t care what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
& now I’m a smiling fool.
My first smile caused my face to crack.
My second smile caused my face to shatter,
& now that it doesn’t even matter,
They all know me,
they all know me,
As a smiling fool.
But then one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn’t care what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
& now I’m a smiling fool.
You people laugh at me.
You point your dirty fingers at me.
You talk about me, cause I’m so different.
Well I don’t talk about you, because you’re all the same.
& now when I’m in the block, they all know my name.
Cause one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn’t care, what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
I broke my toes, I smiled so big.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
I’m a smiling fool.
Yeah, a smiling fool.
And it doesn’t matter.
—--
Written: Friday, December 24, 2010, 9:38:57 PM
If you noticed, there is a bit in italic.
This part was actually someone else’s content.
Someone else wrote that part. But I can’t remember who.
I didn’t save a link or name or anything. And this was
written back in 2010. It may be a real song and I not even know it.
But I read it and loved it. And decided to make my own song to it.
I would love to so stinkin produce this. Any ways, maybe I will.
And if I do, I will post it here. ^_^
By the way, if you are the rightful owner to that little bit I used,
please contact me. Give me a link to your page. And a link to
the content that has these words on it. (if you have it) And be
sure to give me your name. And I will credit you.
Thanks for reading.
In this frosted light,
I will scream with all
my might. & I will lose
all of control. As long
as you hide my soul.
Take me to be with you.
& I will destroy all hope
of anyone finding me.
I will burn every bridge
that will ever lead to me.
I will burn every bridge
that will ever lead to me.
For I want to stay hidden
in you. Only those who can
fly will find me.
But I want to hide under your
wings. Hide me now in the night.
Oh, cover me now in the night.
Do not let me go.
Do not let me go.
Do not let me go.
You can be silent,
Just don’t let me go.
Just don’t let me go.
Just don’t let me go.
In this frosted light,
I will scream with all
my might. & I will lose
all of control. As long
as you hide my soul.
Take me to be with you.
Take me to be with you.
Take me to be with you.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Go, go go. Don’t
let me go. Go, go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
go go go go go go.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
——--
Written: Date Unknown 2010
I will scream with all
my might. & I will lose
all of control. As long
as you hide my soul.
Take me to be with you.
& I will destroy all hope
of anyone finding me.
I will burn every bridge
that will ever lead to me.
I will burn every bridge
that will ever lead to me.
For I want to stay hidden
in you. Only those who can
fly will find me.
But I want to hide under your
wings. Hide me now in the night.
Oh, cover me now in the night.
Do not let me go.
Do not let me go.
Do not let me go.
You can be silent,
Just don’t let me go.
Just don’t let me go.
Just don’t let me go.
In this frosted light,
I will scream with all
my might. & I will lose
all of control. As long
as you hide my soul.
Take me to be with you.
Take me to be with you.
Take me to be with you.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
Go, go go. Don’t
let me go. Go, go.
Don’t let me go.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
go go go go go go.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
I’ll run into you.
Don’t let me go.
——--
Written: Date Unknown 2010
When I woke up this morning,
the sun was shining.
& little by little,
the storm clouds rolled in.
& suddenly it began to rain.
I’m standing outside, alone.
When a raindrop
kissed my cheek.
what was inside,
was a mighty surprise.
& now everyone sees.
That there really is hearts,
floating in each raindrop.
& as they all fall down,
there’s joy all around.
& now I’m laying on the ground.
My skin is soaking all this love in.
God was just having some fun,
when he put those hearts
in the raindrops.
You just see the water.
It’s blocking your
way of seeing.
Stop trying to get
through the storm.
Just enjoy every
minute you have in it.
While you choose to mourn,
I choose to sing.
While you wait
for the sun to rise,
for all of your joy to arise.
I’m already singing.
I’m standing outside,
all alone.
When a raindrop
kissed my cheek.
what was inside,
was a mighty surprise.
& now everyone sees.
That there really is hearts,
floating in each raindrop.
& as they all fall down,
there’s joy all around.
& now I’m laying on the ground.
My skin is soaking in all this love.
God was just having some fun,
when he put those hearts
in the raindrops.
& I hate to see those
storm clouds leave.
But they’ll come
back for me.
& we can all start to go again.
As the lighting and
thunder begin to sing to me.
To me.
We’ll hold hands and join in song,
as we praise the one we all belong too.
Oh, my heart is in
one of those raindrops.
When they go back up.
It won’t come back down.
Written: Monday, November 01, 2010, 1:35 AM
the sun was shining.
& little by little,
the storm clouds rolled in.
& suddenly it began to rain.
I’m standing outside, alone.
When a raindrop
kissed my cheek.
what was inside,
was a mighty surprise.
& now everyone sees.
That there really is hearts,
floating in each raindrop.
& as they all fall down,
there’s joy all around.
& now I’m laying on the ground.
My skin is soaking all this love in.
God was just having some fun,
when he put those hearts
in the raindrops.
You just see the water.
It’s blocking your
way of seeing.
Stop trying to get
through the storm.
Just enjoy every
minute you have in it.
While you choose to mourn,
I choose to sing.
While you wait
for the sun to rise,
for all of your joy to arise.
I’m already singing.
I’m standing outside,
all alone.
When a raindrop
kissed my cheek.
what was inside,
was a mighty surprise.
& now everyone sees.
That there really is hearts,
floating in each raindrop.
& as they all fall down,
there’s joy all around.
& now I’m laying on the ground.
My skin is soaking in all this love.
God was just having some fun,
when he put those hearts
in the raindrops.
& I hate to see those
storm clouds leave.
But they’ll come
back for me.
& we can all start to go again.
As the lighting and
thunder begin to sing to me.
To me.
We’ll hold hands and join in song,
as we praise the one we all belong too.
Oh, my heart is in
one of those raindrops.
When they go back up.
It won’t come back down.
Written: Monday, November 01, 2010, 1:35 AM
Hey, look there. There’s the robotic role model.
Strutting her skin & bones. & look there.
There’s Mr.Happy-Go-lucky. Saying anyone whose anyone,
has already been laid. & then there’s the crowd.
Hmm, what’s wrong with this picture?
They seem to all be the same.
But then there’s you.
You’re moving at you own beat.
& the sun seems to follow you around.
While everybody else had a cloud.
I love the way you strut your stuff.
I know that you know that you’re so weird.
& you like to be like that.
Just being yourself.
I love the way you walk down the street
without a single care. & you advertise
that this isn’t what life’s about.
I love how you bring a different approach.
You bring such a different approach.
They stop & stare. With their plastic fake hair.
They pause as if they’re frozen solid.
But you make them sway to a different beat.
& they can’t quite put their finger on it.
But you’ve made them get up on it.
They’re standing in the spot light.
What are they to do now?
Cause there’s you.
You’re moving at your own beat.
& the sun seems to shine so much brighter on you.
& everyone else is standing under a cloud.
I love the way you strut your stuff.
I know that you know that you’re so weird.
& you like to be like that.
Just being yourself.
I love the way you walk down the street
without a single care. & you advertise
that this isn’t what life’s about.
I love how you bring a different approach.
You bring such a different approach.
& those robotic people, they know not what to do.
Because you catch them off their guard.
They’re not sure what to do with someone like you.
You break their rules & go against the grain.
But then there’s you.
You’re moving at you own beat.
& the sun seems to follow you around.
While everybody else had a cloud.
I love the way you strut your stuff.
I know that you know that you’re so weird.
& you like to be like that. Just being yourself.
I love the way you walk down the street
without a single care. & you advertise
that this isn’t what life’s about.
I love how you bring a different approach.
You bring such a different approach.
Yeah, yeah.
——--
Written: Monday, November 1st, 2010, 1:35 AM
Some text modified: Friday, October 11th, 2013, 4:22 PM
Strutting her skin & bones. & look there.
There’s Mr.Happy-Go-lucky. Saying anyone whose anyone,
has already been laid. & then there’s the crowd.
Hmm, what’s wrong with this picture?
They seem to all be the same.
But then there’s you.
You’re moving at you own beat.
& the sun seems to follow you around.
While everybody else had a cloud.
I love the way you strut your stuff.
I know that you know that you’re so weird.
& you like to be like that.
Just being yourself.
I love the way you walk down the street
without a single care. & you advertise
that this isn’t what life’s about.
I love how you bring a different approach.
You bring such a different approach.
They stop & stare. With their plastic fake hair.
They pause as if they’re frozen solid.
But you make them sway to a different beat.
& they can’t quite put their finger on it.
But you’ve made them get up on it.
They’re standing in the spot light.
What are they to do now?
Cause there’s you.
You’re moving at your own beat.
& the sun seems to shine so much brighter on you.
& everyone else is standing under a cloud.
I love the way you strut your stuff.
I know that you know that you’re so weird.
& you like to be like that.
Just being yourself.
I love the way you walk down the street
without a single care. & you advertise
that this isn’t what life’s about.
I love how you bring a different approach.
You bring such a different approach.
& those robotic people, they know not what to do.
Because you catch them off their guard.
They’re not sure what to do with someone like you.
You break their rules & go against the grain.
But then there’s you.
You’re moving at you own beat.
& the sun seems to follow you around.
While everybody else had a cloud.
I love the way you strut your stuff.
I know that you know that you’re so weird.
& you like to be like that. Just being yourself.
I love the way you walk down the street
without a single care. & you advertise
that this isn’t what life’s about.
I love how you bring a different approach.
You bring such a different approach.
Yeah, yeah.
——--
Written: Monday, November 1st, 2010, 1:35 AM
Some text modified: Friday, October 11th, 2013, 4:22 PM
You people don’t understand me.
You never understand what’s going
down with me. You point your fingers,
and laugh your assumptive tones.
You see me at the wrong places at
the wrong times.
Walking around like I just got
off from being high.
You see my problems.
So quick to throw the stones.
But there’s no Samaritans here.
You just eat at me until I’m only bones.
You all just give me your opinions.
Your critiques. Your assumptions.
Your judgements.
But did I ask for it?
Did I ask for it?
But I did I ask for it?
I don’t recall doing so.
If I could just hide all of these black spots.
Like a black sheep thrown
into the bleached pack.
I’m sure if you were shaved
I’d see your spots too.
But you don’t see me looking at you.
But I see you looking at me.
But I think that I’ve finally had enough.
So screw your thoughts.
Cast them away.
Because they’re not washing up
on this shore today.
Why did I care?
Why did I care so much?
About what you even thought.
I try my best.
I try my very best to be the very best
that I possibly can be.
& I don’t need you.
I don’t need you choking me.
So here come the walls.
I’m dead now.
Dead people don’t have feelings.
So slap that to it.
I will watch your words diminish.
I won’t feel anything.
I won’t feel anything, anymore.
I refuse to listen to you.
I just wish I made this decision
a long, long time ago.
Guess I learned the hard way.
To not let people like you in my way.
—--
Written: Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010
You never understand what’s going
down with me. You point your fingers,
and laugh your assumptive tones.
You see me at the wrong places at
the wrong times.
Walking around like I just got
off from being high.
You see my problems.
So quick to throw the stones.
But there’s no Samaritans here.
You just eat at me until I’m only bones.
You all just give me your opinions.
Your critiques. Your assumptions.
Your judgements.
But did I ask for it?
Did I ask for it?
But I did I ask for it?
I don’t recall doing so.
If I could just hide all of these black spots.
Like a black sheep thrown
into the bleached pack.
I’m sure if you were shaved
I’d see your spots too.
But you don’t see me looking at you.
But I see you looking at me.
But I think that I’ve finally had enough.
So screw your thoughts.
Cast them away.
Because they’re not washing up
on this shore today.
Why did I care?
Why did I care so much?
About what you even thought.
I try my best.
I try my very best to be the very best
that I possibly can be.
& I don’t need you.
I don’t need you choking me.
So here come the walls.
I’m dead now.
Dead people don’t have feelings.
So slap that to it.
I will watch your words diminish.
I won’t feel anything.
I won’t feel anything, anymore.
I refuse to listen to you.
I just wish I made this decision
a long, long time ago.
Guess I learned the hard way.
To not let people like you in my way.
—--
Written: Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010
I never said that
I would ever change.
I really, truly plan
on staying the same.
& if you can’t stay with me,
because I’m happy
with being me, then
it’s best if you just
say goodbye now.
I’m a heart breaker.
I’m a risk taker.
Either you’re
what I’m looking for.
Or you’re heading
out the back door.
Don’t put your trust in me,
friends is all we may be.
I’m a heart breaker.
So you’re looking
to have some fun?
If you’re looking at me,
boy you’re barking up
the wrong tree.
I’ll melt your heart
like ice in the sun.
You may be looking for fun.
But if you’re staying with me.
There better be
a ring on the finger.
I’m a heart breaker.
I’m a risk taker.
Either you’re
what I’m looking for.
Or you’re heading
out the back door.
Don’t put your trust in me,
friends is all we may ever be.
I’m a heart breaker.
I want what I want.
If I can’t have it,
I’d rather have nothing.
There’s no settling for me.
Don’t try to get your foot
in the door.
You know I have an axe?
& I’m not afraid of blood.
Better look twice boy,
before you cross
streets with me.
I’m not too good
when I get hurt.
Better stay away,
or sleep with both
eyes open.
Decide now, if you want to
live. What will you give?
For this heart breaker?
Do you match
up with my list?
If you don’t you
can kiss this fist.
Don’t try & get
some.
I’m not easy
to play with.
I’ll leave you feeling numb.
I’m heart breaker.
Yeah! A heart breaker.
I make boys cry.
If you never do,
there’s always
a first time for
tears to be shed
from your stupid eyes.
I know you’re
kind of guys.
Better watch your back
for an attack
from the
from the
from the
heart breaker.
Written: Monday, November 01, 2010, 1:35 AM
I would ever change.
I really, truly plan
on staying the same.
& if you can’t stay with me,
because I’m happy
with being me, then
it’s best if you just
say goodbye now.
I’m a heart breaker.
I’m a risk taker.
Either you’re
what I’m looking for.
Or you’re heading
out the back door.
Don’t put your trust in me,
friends is all we may be.
I’m a heart breaker.
So you’re looking
to have some fun?
If you’re looking at me,
boy you’re barking up
the wrong tree.
I’ll melt your heart
like ice in the sun.
You may be looking for fun.
But if you’re staying with me.
There better be
a ring on the finger.
I’m a heart breaker.
I’m a risk taker.
Either you’re
what I’m looking for.
Or you’re heading
out the back door.
Don’t put your trust in me,
friends is all we may ever be.
I’m a heart breaker.
I want what I want.
If I can’t have it,
I’d rather have nothing.
There’s no settling for me.
Don’t try to get your foot
in the door.
You know I have an axe?
& I’m not afraid of blood.
Better look twice boy,
before you cross
streets with me.
I’m not too good
when I get hurt.
Better stay away,
or sleep with both
eyes open.
Decide now, if you want to
live. What will you give?
For this heart breaker?
Do you match
up with my list?
If you don’t you
can kiss this fist.
Don’t try & get
some.
I’m not easy
to play with.
I’ll leave you feeling numb.
I’m heart breaker.
Yeah! A heart breaker.
I make boys cry.
If you never do,
there’s always
a first time for
tears to be shed
from your stupid eyes.
I know you’re
kind of guys.
Better watch your back
for an attack
from the
from the
from the
heart breaker.
Written: Monday, November 01, 2010, 1:35 AM
In numbness and oblivion,
I did not notice the
screaming and yearning
of words that so desperately
needed to flow.
The words that were
waiting to breathe.
And drowning in my ignorance,
the pressure of this deadly
liquid drowned them out for
far too long.
But in the deepest abyss,
there was a small cave that
sheltered and protected and
kept my words so hidden.
They were safe.
They just had to wait for
their chance to breathe.
To be unleashed into the
existence of ink.
A word after another word
that is behind the word
that was before.
They so gather in celebration
of their beauty.
For they create sentences.
In the nothing that so was,
there now is spoken stories.
Spoken truth.
Spoken passion.
Spoken love.
When they wanted to say
but could not.
When they wanted to tell a tale,
they could not.
But now in the utter darkness
of the late hours of the night,
I release my thoughts with
all their imagination.
& I give you, spoken words.
You may not want to hear or
see that which is bleeding
out from these tall towers.
But they are there for the taking,
for the pleasure, if you will.
Otherwise, alone they will be.
It makes no difference.
In the blank spaces of my mind,
I seem to remember you.
Your name, your face.
The horrible things you did to me.
But I don’t care.
As I was still, sitting on the ground,
in the lowest part of this home,
I thought about you.
& hoped that you had gone far.
That you have used your potential.
That you have pursued
your dreams and caught them.
That you have a wonderful life.
When I had every reason to
throw spite, and anger, with
hate on to you.
I instead hoped.
And prayed that you have a
wonderful life.
That you have your every
hearts desire.
And I wondered what you looked like.
Looking back then and thinking of now.
Knowing you are my age.
And older.
Assuming, you are beautiful.
Assuming you are alive.
And clinging to hope that you are happy.
That you have gone places and
done so many things.
That you are not bound to one place,
but travel in all your success.
I guess I will never know.
I don’t expect to see any of you
ever again.
But hope all the very best, for each of you.
Oh what words are awaiting to be
poured out onto paper for YOU
my love.
But you are special and
deserve your own page.
So I will continue this out pouring,
on a separate sheet of paper.
For you my dear, deserve your own poem.
Your own letter.
Your separate piece of paper.
You are far too special and far too
beautiful to be mixed in with the rest of us.
This group of trash and wasted thought space.
You my love, will be set apart.
So the whole world may see,
how truly special you really are.
So, on with the ranting,
and on with the show.
For this letter of a poem,
and some sort of mixture of words this is,
will finally be coming to it’s end.
And the moral of this letter?
This story of it’s kind.
Is there anything to learn from it all?
Yes. There is.
We must write and make time for it.
Or else when we finally do,
it will sound like this.
The largest piece of nothing
I have ever laid eyes upon.
Written: Friday, October 8th, 2010, 1:40 AM
I did not notice the
screaming and yearning
of words that so desperately
needed to flow.
The words that were
waiting to breathe.
And drowning in my ignorance,
the pressure of this deadly
liquid drowned them out for
far too long.
But in the deepest abyss,
there was a small cave that
sheltered and protected and
kept my words so hidden.
They were safe.
They just had to wait for
their chance to breathe.
To be unleashed into the
existence of ink.
A word after another word
that is behind the word
that was before.
They so gather in celebration
of their beauty.
For they create sentences.
In the nothing that so was,
there now is spoken stories.
Spoken truth.
Spoken passion.
Spoken love.
When they wanted to say
but could not.
When they wanted to tell a tale,
they could not.
But now in the utter darkness
of the late hours of the night,
I release my thoughts with
all their imagination.
& I give you, spoken words.
You may not want to hear or
see that which is bleeding
out from these tall towers.
But they are there for the taking,
for the pleasure, if you will.
Otherwise, alone they will be.
It makes no difference.
In the blank spaces of my mind,
I seem to remember you.
Your name, your face.
The horrible things you did to me.
But I don’t care.
As I was still, sitting on the ground,
in the lowest part of this home,
I thought about you.
& hoped that you had gone far.
That you have used your potential.
That you have pursued
your dreams and caught them.
That you have a wonderful life.
When I had every reason to
throw spite, and anger, with
hate on to you.
I instead hoped.
And prayed that you have a
wonderful life.
That you have your every
hearts desire.
And I wondered what you looked like.
Looking back then and thinking of now.
Knowing you are my age.
And older.
Assuming, you are beautiful.
Assuming you are alive.
And clinging to hope that you are happy.
That you have gone places and
done so many things.
That you are not bound to one place,
but travel in all your success.
I guess I will never know.
I don’t expect to see any of you
ever again.
But hope all the very best, for each of you.
Oh what words are awaiting to be
poured out onto paper for YOU
my love.
But you are special and
deserve your own page.
So I will continue this out pouring,
on a separate sheet of paper.
For you my dear, deserve your own poem.
Your own letter.
Your separate piece of paper.
You are far too special and far too
beautiful to be mixed in with the rest of us.
This group of trash and wasted thought space.
You my love, will be set apart.
So the whole world may see,
how truly special you really are.
So, on with the ranting,
and on with the show.
For this letter of a poem,
and some sort of mixture of words this is,
will finally be coming to it’s end.
And the moral of this letter?
This story of it’s kind.
Is there anything to learn from it all?
Yes. There is.
We must write and make time for it.
Or else when we finally do,
it will sound like this.
The largest piece of nothing
I have ever laid eyes upon.
Written: Friday, October 8th, 2010, 1:40 AM
We both said things
we shouldn’t have said.
But out of spite the rage
came pouring out.
So I gave you a rose,
but I cut the petals off.
& you gave me a rose
but cut the petals off.
We left the thorns,
we left the thorns.
Look now at all the
blood we spilled.
Look now at all of
the mess we made.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
So now we’re eating our own words.
As we pass each other
the room grows quiet.
The awkwardness and embarrassment
leaves the air with a chill.
Will we get back to where we were before?
We left the thorns.
We left the thorns.
Look now at all the blood we spilled.
Look now at all of the mess we made.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.————–
Written: October 12th, 2010
we shouldn’t have said.
But out of spite the rage
came pouring out.
So I gave you a rose,
but I cut the petals off.
& you gave me a rose
but cut the petals off.
We left the thorns,
we left the thorns.
Look now at all the
blood we spilled.
Look now at all of
the mess we made.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
So now we’re eating our own words.
As we pass each other
the room grows quiet.
The awkwardness and embarrassment
leaves the air with a chill.
Will we get back to where we were before?
We left the thorns.
We left the thorns.
Look now at all the blood we spilled.
Look now at all of the mess we made.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.
We’re falling,
slipping in our bloody mess.————–
Written: October 12th, 2010
You don’t know what you’re looking for.
But you cling to the hope of finding it.
So you keep your eyes wide open.
& your head up high.
You feel discouraged in your doubt.
You want to give up but the taste of
promise keeps you relentless.
So what are you going to do now?
What are you going to do when
your sweat is falling like your blood.
Your teeth seem to shatter with every word.
And your lungs collapse with fear
as you come near to the end.
And all you can do is hang on.
All you can do is
People tend to point their fingers.
Their fake faces and stupid smiles
dig holes on your insides.
But with a mirror you’ll reflect all their lies.
So what are you going to do now?
What are you going to do when
your sweat is falling like your blood.
Your teeth seem to shatter with
every word spoken.
And your lungs collapse with fear
as you come near to the end.
And all you can do is hang on.
And all you can do is hold on.
All you can do is press through and hope.
Hope for something new.
Hope for something better then this.
All you can do is hold on.
When you sweat is falling like your blood.
And your teeth shatter with every word,
just hang on. Hold on.
Your lungs collapse with fear
as you come near to the end.
But hang on. Hold on.
Hang on. Hold on.
Hang on. Hold on.
Cause all you can do is hang on.
All you can do is hold on.
—--
Written: Tuesday, October 5th, 2010
But you cling to the hope of finding it.
So you keep your eyes wide open.
& your head up high.
You feel discouraged in your doubt.
You want to give up but the taste of
promise keeps you relentless.
So what are you going to do now?
What are you going to do when
your sweat is falling like your blood.
Your teeth seem to shatter with every word.
And your lungs collapse with fear
as you come near to the end.
And all you can do is hang on.
All you can do is
People tend to point their fingers.
Their fake faces and stupid smiles
dig holes on your insides.
But with a mirror you’ll reflect all their lies.
So what are you going to do now?
What are you going to do when
your sweat is falling like your blood.
Your teeth seem to shatter with
every word spoken.
And your lungs collapse with fear
as you come near to the end.
And all you can do is hang on.
And all you can do is hold on.
All you can do is press through and hope.
Hope for something new.
Hope for something better then this.
All you can do is hold on.
When you sweat is falling like your blood.
And your teeth shatter with every word,
just hang on. Hold on.
Your lungs collapse with fear
as you come near to the end.
But hang on. Hold on.
Hang on. Hold on.
Hang on. Hold on.
Cause all you can do is hang on.
All you can do is hold on.
—--
Written: Tuesday, October 5th, 2010
You’ve made your bed.
So now go lie in it.
You can’t have your cake,
and eat it too.
You made your mess.
So clean it up.
I’ve heard it all before.
But I’m a different kind of breed.
Those cliches don’t
have anything on me.
I’ll take the right & make
it seem wrong.
Or turn it into something new.
I don’t want a picture perfect life.
I enjoy the messes I make.
Now if you don’t mind,
I think I’ll take some time to fall,
into the mess of it all.
I’ve had my share of looks.
The questions are on their faces.
And I can guess just
what they want to know.
But I just smile.
And let them wonder.
Why ruin all of the fun?
I don’t want a picture perfect life.
I enjoy the messes I make.
Now if you don’t mind,
I think I’ll take some time to fall,
Into the mess of it all.
I’ll take you.
With your morning breath.
Your bed hair,
And wrinkled clothes.
I’m asking for nothing more
but to wake up in your arms.
I’ll take some time to fall,
fall into the mess of it all.
—–
Written: Friday, October 8th, 2010, 1:56 AM
So now go lie in it.
You can’t have your cake,
and eat it too.
You made your mess.
So clean it up.
I’ve heard it all before.
But I’m a different kind of breed.
Those cliches don’t
have anything on me.
I’ll take the right & make
it seem wrong.
Or turn it into something new.
I don’t want a picture perfect life.
I enjoy the messes I make.
Now if you don’t mind,
I think I’ll take some time to fall,
into the mess of it all.
I’ve had my share of looks.
The questions are on their faces.
And I can guess just
what they want to know.
But I just smile.
And let them wonder.
Why ruin all of the fun?
I don’t want a picture perfect life.
I enjoy the messes I make.
Now if you don’t mind,
I think I’ll take some time to fall,
Into the mess of it all.
I’ll take you.
With your morning breath.
Your bed hair,
And wrinkled clothes.
I’m asking for nothing more
but to wake up in your arms.
I’ll take some time to fall,
fall into the mess of it all.
—–
Written: Friday, October 8th, 2010, 1:56 AM
How can something so simple,
seem to dazzle me so?
With awestruck curiosity,
I wonder in and out of thoughts.
These are not just mere paintings.
Ink has fallen from the sky in
the form of clouds.
And I seem to be
fainting in awe.
No human artist I have seen,
could be able to capture
such magnificence in
such a great, big way.
You take the Heavens by storm.
And release your beauty
in awe striking ways.
My breath is so taken.
My thoughts are so captivated
and fixed on you.
I am lost in my wondering.
I cannot find my way now.
So still I seem to be
as I watch my thoughts
run rapidly loose through
the spaces of my imagination.
I try to understand you.
So clumsy of me to even think I can.
Why should I try?
You are too great to fit into the
corners of my comprehension.
But in all of your mysteriousness,
I will smile. I will dance.
I will rejoice. I enjoy your mysteries.
Never to be bored.
Or to feel as though there
is nothing left to seek.
Your mysteries will never end.
As it should be.
And as you drop your
ink filled clouds, I smile.
I love the paintings you paint for me.
I know in my heart, I always will.
Written: Monday, October 18th, 2010
seem to dazzle me so?
With awestruck curiosity,
I wonder in and out of thoughts.
These are not just mere paintings.
Ink has fallen from the sky in
the form of clouds.
And I seem to be
fainting in awe.
No human artist I have seen,
could be able to capture
such magnificence in
such a great, big way.
You take the Heavens by storm.
And release your beauty
in awe striking ways.
My breath is so taken.
My thoughts are so captivated
and fixed on you.
I am lost in my wondering.
I cannot find my way now.
So still I seem to be
as I watch my thoughts
run rapidly loose through
the spaces of my imagination.
I try to understand you.
So clumsy of me to even think I can.
Why should I try?
You are too great to fit into the
corners of my comprehension.
But in all of your mysteriousness,
I will smile. I will dance.
I will rejoice. I enjoy your mysteries.
Never to be bored.
Or to feel as though there
is nothing left to seek.
Your mysteries will never end.
As it should be.
And as you drop your
ink filled clouds, I smile.
I love the paintings you paint for me.
I know in my heart, I always will.
Written: Monday, October 18th, 2010
Such tears are too
familiar with you.
My tears should
not know you.
And yet they do.
Oh, eyes.
Do not cry.
There will be
another night.
I will have my
moments of gazing
bliss where it
seems as though snow
is being absorbed
by my skin.
Your pail flesh seems
to shine with a moonlit glow.
And my heart seems
to beat so fast.
It’s as though it is ever so still.
Has death crept in?
Or did I awake into a dream?
Numbness is ever so invited
to rest in my heart.
When I think of you and
your beauty.
The distance between us
breaks my contentment.
I do not wish to leave your side.
I do not wish to be
separated from you.
Allow me to follow you.
Your eyes to collide into mine
I would not dare ask for.
But allow me to follow you.
Just to be near you.
I would not ask to hear
your beautiful voice
that causes my ears to
grow with envy of my lips.
For your voice makes
my ears want to sing.
But just allow me to listen
to you speak to others.
Let me melt in your strange ways.
You are a walking dream.
And I just want to linger in
the hope of it being a reality.
Just let me be near you.
Such time that awaits me,
I know.
A time for waiting.
Such time is always close.
I do not understand
what is happening in the
season of waiting.
But waiting seems to be
the shadow that’s always behind me.
I try to run from it,
but there’s simply no use.
I crave to be with you.
And hope that waiting isn’t
here to stay for very long.
But chain myself to waiting
I must.
If it means resting in the perfect
and complete will of Elohim.
I dare not blink if it’s
outside His will.
And to show you my love,
to speak to your heart.
To approach you,
I would crave with
eagerness to act upon.
But a step closer,
not I would take.
He has not allowed me too.
I can only look at you.
And hope you’re looking too.
I must wait.
For wait is the weight
that has weighed me in
this wait.
And move another inch
I shall not.
Unless He looses the chains.
Gives me a nod.
Allows me to move.
Or for you to come to me.
Oh, yes.
My heart runs through
the mountains hills,
to think of you pursuing me.
Not to chase but to be chased.
Show me my quality.
Show me my worth.
A smile would simply do.
But for you to go above
and beyond to take me
as your bride,
would be most splendid
of all the moments
that have ever gladdened
my heart.
Wait, I shall do.
To be here with the
weight of this wait,
I must be.
Until you, my love,
my dear,
finally come for me.
Written: Friday, September 3rd, 2010, 2:41 AM
familiar with you.
My tears should
not know you.
And yet they do.
Oh, eyes.
Do not cry.
There will be
another night.
I will have my
moments of gazing
bliss where it
seems as though snow
is being absorbed
by my skin.
Your pail flesh seems
to shine with a moonlit glow.
And my heart seems
to beat so fast.
It’s as though it is ever so still.
Has death crept in?
Or did I awake into a dream?
Numbness is ever so invited
to rest in my heart.
When I think of you and
your beauty.
The distance between us
breaks my contentment.
I do not wish to leave your side.
I do not wish to be
separated from you.
Allow me to follow you.
Your eyes to collide into mine
I would not dare ask for.
But allow me to follow you.
Just to be near you.
I would not ask to hear
your beautiful voice
that causes my ears to
grow with envy of my lips.
For your voice makes
my ears want to sing.
But just allow me to listen
to you speak to others.
Let me melt in your strange ways.
You are a walking dream.
And I just want to linger in
the hope of it being a reality.
Just let me be near you.
Such time that awaits me,
I know.
A time for waiting.
Such time is always close.
I do not understand
what is happening in the
season of waiting.
But waiting seems to be
the shadow that’s always behind me.
I try to run from it,
but there’s simply no use.
I crave to be with you.
And hope that waiting isn’t
here to stay for very long.
But chain myself to waiting
I must.
If it means resting in the perfect
and complete will of Elohim.
I dare not blink if it’s
outside His will.
And to show you my love,
to speak to your heart.
To approach you,
I would crave with
eagerness to act upon.
But a step closer,
not I would take.
He has not allowed me too.
I can only look at you.
And hope you’re looking too.
I must wait.
For wait is the weight
that has weighed me in
this wait.
And move another inch
I shall not.
Unless He looses the chains.
Gives me a nod.
Allows me to move.
Or for you to come to me.
Oh, yes.
My heart runs through
the mountains hills,
to think of you pursuing me.
Not to chase but to be chased.
Show me my quality.
Show me my worth.
A smile would simply do.
But for you to go above
and beyond to take me
as your bride,
would be most splendid
of all the moments
that have ever gladdened
my heart.
Wait, I shall do.
To be here with the
weight of this wait,
I must be.
Until you, my love,
my dear,
finally come for me.
Written: Friday, September 3rd, 2010, 2:41 AM
I saw a shooting star.
& wondered if you
saw it too.
I wished to see
you soon.
& I wonder if
you wished that too.
So here I go again.
Just like I did before.
Missing you ‘till
no end.
And then
some more.
I just want some closure.
To be where you are.
So shut the door.
Let’s be alone.
I wonder if wishing
upon a star really
works.
No matter where
you are.
I want to find out.
I want to know
right now.
Because I wished
for you.
I wished for you.
I made a wish for you.
& I wonder if it will
come true.
_______
Written: Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
& wondered if you
saw it too.
I wished to see
you soon.
& I wonder if
you wished that too.
So here I go again.
Just like I did before.
Missing you ‘till
no end.
And then
some more.
I just want some closure.
To be where you are.
So shut the door.
Let’s be alone.
I wonder if wishing
upon a star really
works.
No matter where
you are.
I want to find out.
I want to know
right now.
Because I wished
for you.
I wished for you.
I made a wish for you.
& I wonder if it will
come true.
_______
Written: Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
I love to give myself away. To share myself is a pleasure. How safe and comforting to know I can give you all of me. There is so much freedom when I throw myself away. There is such a comfort when I lose all of me, in you. Take me away. Take my soul. Take my heart. I give it to you. Jesus, you can have all of me. You can have all of me. Jesus you can have all of me. You can have, have all of me.
———–
Written: Saturday, September 04, 2010, 2:20 AM
———–
Written: Saturday, September 04, 2010, 2:20 AM
How many times have
I been spinning so fast,
that I cannot see
what’s in front of me?
How many times have
I been so far away,
that I didn’t hear you calling?
How many times have you
wanted to give love to me,
But I was too busy?
How many times have
you been right there beside me,
but I never saw you?
I am sorry,
if you wanted me to see you.
I am sorry,
if I was too busy with myself.
How many times,
have you wanted to dance?
But I was too busy
standing still?
How many times have you
wanted my attention?
But something else
had captured my eyes?
How many times have
you longed to steal my heart?
But I had already given it away?
How many times have
you wanted to fix me?
But I was too busy
thinking about how broken I was?
I am sorry,
if you wanted me to love you.
I am so sorry,
if I was too busy with myself.
How many times would
I leave you there waiting?
And when I finally show up,
you should be gone.
Yet you’re still there.
How many affairs have
I had with other lovers?
When you should be my one and only?
How many times have
I made you cry?
How many times were you
wanting me to sing to you?
But all I did was sing
to someone else?
How many times did you
want to be with me?
But I said no.
Another time.
I am so sorry.
If I’ve ever broken
your heart.
I am so sorry.
If I’ve ever taken it,
and ripped it apart.
I am so sorry.
that I cannot say never again.
I would promise you,
to keep you and hold you
till the end of time.
But I am only human.
Covered with flaws.
I shall not make a
promise I cannot keep.
But I promise you this.
I will do my best
to apologize from time to time.
I promise to kiss your heart,
whenever I scratch it.
I’ll do my best,
to fix what I break.
If I ever hurt you.
If I ever make you cry.
Know all this is not a lie.
I’m really, truly, deeply sorry.
So sorry. So sorry.
How many times
will I say I’m sorry?
Will I ever get to say
You’re welcome?
Written: Date Unknown 2010
I been spinning so fast,
that I cannot see
what’s in front of me?
How many times have
I been so far away,
that I didn’t hear you calling?
How many times have you
wanted to give love to me,
But I was too busy?
How many times have
you been right there beside me,
but I never saw you?
I am sorry,
if you wanted me to see you.
I am sorry,
if I was too busy with myself.
How many times,
have you wanted to dance?
But I was too busy
standing still?
How many times have you
wanted my attention?
But something else
had captured my eyes?
How many times have
you longed to steal my heart?
But I had already given it away?
How many times have
you wanted to fix me?
But I was too busy
thinking about how broken I was?
I am sorry,
if you wanted me to love you.
I am so sorry,
if I was too busy with myself.
How many times would
I leave you there waiting?
And when I finally show up,
you should be gone.
Yet you’re still there.
How many affairs have
I had with other lovers?
When you should be my one and only?
How many times have
I made you cry?
How many times were you
wanting me to sing to you?
But all I did was sing
to someone else?
How many times did you
want to be with me?
But I said no.
Another time.
I am so sorry.
If I’ve ever broken
your heart.
I am so sorry.
If I’ve ever taken it,
and ripped it apart.
I am so sorry.
that I cannot say never again.
I would promise you,
to keep you and hold you
till the end of time.
But I am only human.
Covered with flaws.
I shall not make a
promise I cannot keep.
But I promise you this.
I will do my best
to apologize from time to time.
I promise to kiss your heart,
whenever I scratch it.
I’ll do my best,
to fix what I break.
If I ever hurt you.
If I ever make you cry.
Know all this is not a lie.
I’m really, truly, deeply sorry.
So sorry. So sorry.
How many times
will I say I’m sorry?
Will I ever get to say
You’re welcome?
Written: Date Unknown 2010
Nine days until I see you.
Nine days until I see your face again.
Nine days to end the long awaited reunion.
I have thought about you,
& waited for you.
And these past two months
have seemed to move by so slowly.
I know you never once
thought about me.
But that’s okay.
Maybe that was how it needed to be.
But you lingered & drifted in and
out of the spaces of my mind.
And I waited around
just to see you again.
And I think to myself of
how I miss you.
But I just need to hold on
a little bit longer.
This long awaited visit from you,
is about to be over.
I just need to be a little bit
more patient.
But can I help that I am so excited?
Can I help that I am so hopeful?
That maybe this time,
things just might be different.
Nine days, until I see you again.
Nine days until our lives could begin.
Nine days to wait for the impossible
to unravel.
Nine days,
& I’m counting them away.
Written: Monday, August 16th, 2010
Nine days until I see your face again.
Nine days to end the long awaited reunion.
I have thought about you,
& waited for you.
And these past two months
have seemed to move by so slowly.
I know you never once
thought about me.
But that’s okay.
Maybe that was how it needed to be.
But you lingered & drifted in and
out of the spaces of my mind.
And I waited around
just to see you again.
And I think to myself of
how I miss you.
But I just need to hold on
a little bit longer.
This long awaited visit from you,
is about to be over.
I just need to be a little bit
more patient.
But can I help that I am so excited?
Can I help that I am so hopeful?
That maybe this time,
things just might be different.
Nine days, until I see you again.
Nine days until our lives could begin.
Nine days to wait for the impossible
to unravel.
Nine days,
& I’m counting them away.
Written: Monday, August 16th, 2010
You’re not just anyone.
You’re not just another.
But you’re different in all ways.
And I wait for you.
You get to travel and go places.
You’re probably having so much fun.
& I probably never enter
into your thoughts.
Oh how I wish I did.
But you, enter into mine
all of the time.
I’m not as talented as you
when it comes to forgetting.
I wish you thought of me.
At least once in a while.
I try not to miss you,
but I never succeed.
I dream about being next to you.
Going where you go.
And I’m always wondering
if this will ever be so.
I’m always dreaming about
how I wish it were to be.
But I’m always afraid,
when doubt comes to play
that I will never be with you.
& I don’t want to think like that.
But I do any ways.
& I can’t take it anymore.
I just want a smile from you.
I’d love to have a look from you.
I wonder if I will ever have
a place in your heart,
like you have in mine.
I know that I may never know.
I know that I may look back
& see,
that all I had to do was wait.
Written: Saturday, August 14th, 2010
You’re not just another.
But you’re different in all ways.
And I wait for you.
You get to travel and go places.
You’re probably having so much fun.
& I probably never enter
into your thoughts.
Oh how I wish I did.
But you, enter into mine
all of the time.
I’m not as talented as you
when it comes to forgetting.
I wish you thought of me.
At least once in a while.
I try not to miss you,
but I never succeed.
I dream about being next to you.
Going where you go.
And I’m always wondering
if this will ever be so.
I’m always dreaming about
how I wish it were to be.
But I’m always afraid,
when doubt comes to play
that I will never be with you.
& I don’t want to think like that.
But I do any ways.
& I can’t take it anymore.
I just want a smile from you.
I’d love to have a look from you.
I wonder if I will ever have
a place in your heart,
like you have in mine.
I know that I may never know.
I know that I may look back
& see,
that all I had to do was wait.
Written: Saturday, August 14th, 2010
There it is.
All alone.
Just sitting in
the shade.
So secluded.
Rejected it may
be seeming.
But I can’t help it.
It’s my favorite.
It stands out
to me.
So high on
it’s shaded hill.
& Just the same,
I know it sounds weird.
But take a look at me,
and easily see,
why you’re my hay bale.
I’ve seen all the faces
this world has to offer.
But no face has stunned
me like yours.
I faint and get short
of breath when I see you.
And when I see you,
for the first time,
in a long time,
I always forget to breathe.
& Just the same,
I know it sounds weird.
But take a look at me
and you can easily see,
why you’re my hay bale.
You’re like wine.
You make everything sweeter.
You’re the paint, & I’m the canvas.
The colors of my world shine
when you are simply you.
& I choose no one else.
Because you’re mine.
& I will proudly call you my own.
From now on,
until eternity.
Written: Monday, August 16, 2010, 6:16 PM
All alone.
Just sitting in
the shade.
So secluded.
Rejected it may
be seeming.
But I can’t help it.
It’s my favorite.
It stands out
to me.
So high on
it’s shaded hill.
& Just the same,
I know it sounds weird.
But take a look at me,
and easily see,
why you’re my hay bale.
I’ve seen all the faces
this world has to offer.
But no face has stunned
me like yours.
I faint and get short
of breath when I see you.
And when I see you,
for the first time,
in a long time,
I always forget to breathe.
& Just the same,
I know it sounds weird.
But take a look at me
and you can easily see,
why you’re my hay bale.
You’re like wine.
You make everything sweeter.
You’re the paint, & I’m the canvas.
The colors of my world shine
when you are simply you.
& I choose no one else.
Because you’re mine.
& I will proudly call you my own.
From now on,
until eternity.
Written: Monday, August 16, 2010, 6:16 PM
There are bruises on my bones.
There is glass that passes through my blood.
There’s a chill down my spine.
There’s a sadness over me.
And it’s so crazy what I feel.
I wish this was not real.
And here I lay, in my bed.
With tears that won’t stop.
And words that are dead.
Memories replay in my head like reruns
You do not want to see.
Everything that is spoken
is filled with poison.
Why do I always want to cry?
There’s nothing offensive.
But everything’s offensive to me.
I want to be alone.
But I do not need to be alone.
Is there a place where I can truly
escape?
Is there a place where I
can truly find rest and peace?
Can someone like me truly find
love?
Can there really be,
someone out there
for me?
But then you speak to me.
You come down to here,
where I am.
You place your loving arms
around me, and tell me not to worry.
You tell me you’re here.
You fix me,
by saying you love me.
And in you’re own way, you begin
to steal to my heart.
In your own way,
you ask me to dance.
So here we go.
No one knows.
But we are dancing.
So here we go.
No one knows.
But we’re dancing, dancing.
You’re taking me away.
Far away
from all that I see.
To a place where I can be me.
To a place where I can be happy.
You paint the sky.
Then make it rain.
You’re singing through the silence of
your brilliant thunder.
You’re piercing my heart with your endless
wonder.
And I could never let go of what I feel.
It’s far too good to let go of something
so unreal. But it’s so real.
Dancing the dance of intimacy.
It’s so real.
Dancing the dance of purity.
It’s so real.
Dancing the dance of freedom.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you know why I feel it.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you know why I feel it.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you know why I feel it.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you can take the pain away.
Only you can take
the pain away.
Elohim, I love your kisses.
You know what to do to fix me.
Only you have the magical touch
to kiss the pain away, and leave
only sweet dreams.
Invade my dreams.
Invade my dreams,
with your kisses.
Invade my dreams,
Invade my dreams with your love.
Only you can fix me.
So fix my broken heart.
Only you can fix me.
So fix my shattered dreams.
Only you can fix me.
So fix my wounded soul.
Only you can fix me.
So refresh my tired spirit.
Help me to find rest in you.
Only you can fix me.
———–
Written: Date unknown 2010
Some words modified: 10/15/13 Tues.
There is glass that passes through my blood.
There’s a chill down my spine.
There’s a sadness over me.
And it’s so crazy what I feel.
I wish this was not real.
And here I lay, in my bed.
With tears that won’t stop.
And words that are dead.
Memories replay in my head like reruns
You do not want to see.
Everything that is spoken
is filled with poison.
Why do I always want to cry?
There’s nothing offensive.
But everything’s offensive to me.
I want to be alone.
But I do not need to be alone.
Is there a place where I can truly
escape?
Is there a place where I
can truly find rest and peace?
Can someone like me truly find
love?
Can there really be,
someone out there
for me?
But then you speak to me.
You come down to here,
where I am.
You place your loving arms
around me, and tell me not to worry.
You tell me you’re here.
You fix me,
by saying you love me.
And in you’re own way, you begin
to steal to my heart.
In your own way,
you ask me to dance.
So here we go.
No one knows.
But we are dancing.
So here we go.
No one knows.
But we’re dancing, dancing.
You’re taking me away.
Far away
from all that I see.
To a place where I can be me.
To a place where I can be happy.
You paint the sky.
Then make it rain.
You’re singing through the silence of
your brilliant thunder.
You’re piercing my heart with your endless
wonder.
And I could never let go of what I feel.
It’s far too good to let go of something
so unreal. But it’s so real.
Dancing the dance of intimacy.
It’s so real.
Dancing the dance of purity.
It’s so real.
Dancing the dance of freedom.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you know why I feel it.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you know why I feel it.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you know why I feel it.
Only you know what I feel.
Only you can take the pain away.
Only you can take
the pain away.
Elohim, I love your kisses.
You know what to do to fix me.
Only you have the magical touch
to kiss the pain away, and leave
only sweet dreams.
Invade my dreams.
Invade my dreams,
with your kisses.
Invade my dreams,
Invade my dreams with your love.
Only you can fix me.
So fix my broken heart.
Only you can fix me.
So fix my shattered dreams.
Only you can fix me.
So fix my wounded soul.
Only you can fix me.
So refresh my tired spirit.
Help me to find rest in you.
Only you can fix me.
———–
Written: Date unknown 2010
Some words modified: 10/15/13 Tues.
It’s been 80 days since I had last seen you.
What a rush it was to see you again.
You walked by me, and I by you.
Clinging to hope that maybe we would speak.
But we never did. No.
But it’s okay.
I’ve learned to accept it.
I want you to be ready and willing.
I’m not going to push you.
I’m not going to push you, because you are worth the wait.
Your brown eyes are so tempting.
I would fall into them until the end of time.
And your smile, I want to be responsible for your smile.
—--
Written: Thursday, August 27th, 2010
What a rush it was to see you again.
You walked by me, and I by you.
Clinging to hope that maybe we would speak.
But we never did. No.
But it’s okay.
I’ve learned to accept it.
I want you to be ready and willing.
I’m not going to push you.
I’m not going to push you, because you are worth the wait.
Your brown eyes are so tempting.
I would fall into them until the end of time.
And your smile, I want to be responsible for your smile.
—--
Written: Thursday, August 27th, 2010
Dear Mr. lonely face,
can I offer you a smile?
It’s about time you stop crying.
You have so much to laugh for.
Do you like being this way?
Do you like being this way?
Here in my hands,
I have a smile for you.
Would you like to wear it?
It’s just your size.
Only you can make it stick.
Only you can make it work.
I can only offer it to you.
Only you can make it real.
Only you can make it feel,
as if it was made for you.
Because it was,
because it was,
because it was.
Because it was.
Because it was,
because it was,
because it was made for you to wear.
But will you release these tears?
& smash that frown?
But will you release these tears?
& smash that frown?
——--
Written: date unknown/2010
can I offer you a smile?
It’s about time you stop crying.
You have so much to laugh for.
Do you like being this way?
Do you like being this way?
Here in my hands,
I have a smile for you.
Would you like to wear it?
It’s just your size.
Only you can make it stick.
Only you can make it work.
I can only offer it to you.
Only you can make it real.
Only you can make it feel,
as if it was made for you.
Because it was,
because it was,
because it was.
Because it was.
Because it was,
because it was,
because it was made for you to wear.
But will you release these tears?
& smash that frown?
But will you release these tears?
& smash that frown?
——--
Written: date unknown/2010
When the weakness
of my heart breaks
into my strength.
& all seems to
fall into despair.
At the end of my rope
and at the bottom of a hole,
so my soul waits
for a speck of light.
A fraction of hope to
rescue me.
When I do not understand.
When I seem to shift
from hope to doubt,
from rest to restlessness,
strength to weakness.
When all seems lost,
I discover I am found.
So alone and forgotten,
abandoned to the destiny
of being alone.
I am quickly changed
in opinions and feelings.
No one comprehends
your secretive love letters.
No one can see your heart
absorbing me,
as I so swiftly drown
in your love.
No one sees me drowning.
There is no hope for my
soul now.
I am utterly abandoned to
the ruin of all that I am.
How beautiful of an
escape from my pain.
Your drown me in the
heart of your love.
I could not ask for more.
And there are the warning signs.
You can clearly see me in
the darkness of this fog.
I can clearly feel you in
the emptiness of this air.
You can see me in all my
abandonment.
When I accept I am forgotten,
you intrude my certainty
& banish upon destruction
all of the lies I accepted as truth.
You painted the sky over my soul.
& in the colorless clouds
that so painted themselves
with the darkness from your love,
I feel embraced.
I realize that when all seems lost,
& I am abandoned,
you quickly embrace me.
& leave your kisses on my heart.
& just to prove you are thinking of me,
You hide the light of day.
Strip the color away from the sky.
And place a chill of the breeze
in the atmosphere.
All to simply bless my heart.
& remind me that I am in
your thoughts.
So, thank you.
Thank you for thinking of me.
& hiding me in your love.
Written: Monday, August 30th, 2010
of my heart breaks
into my strength.
& all seems to
fall into despair.
At the end of my rope
and at the bottom of a hole,
so my soul waits
for a speck of light.
A fraction of hope to
rescue me.
When I do not understand.
When I seem to shift
from hope to doubt,
from rest to restlessness,
strength to weakness.
When all seems lost,
I discover I am found.
So alone and forgotten,
abandoned to the destiny
of being alone.
I am quickly changed
in opinions and feelings.
No one comprehends
your secretive love letters.
No one can see your heart
absorbing me,
as I so swiftly drown
in your love.
No one sees me drowning.
There is no hope for my
soul now.
I am utterly abandoned to
the ruin of all that I am.
How beautiful of an
escape from my pain.
Your drown me in the
heart of your love.
I could not ask for more.
And there are the warning signs.
You can clearly see me in
the darkness of this fog.
I can clearly feel you in
the emptiness of this air.
You can see me in all my
abandonment.
When I accept I am forgotten,
you intrude my certainty
& banish upon destruction
all of the lies I accepted as truth.
You painted the sky over my soul.
& in the colorless clouds
that so painted themselves
with the darkness from your love,
I feel embraced.
I realize that when all seems lost,
& I am abandoned,
you quickly embrace me.
& leave your kisses on my heart.
& just to prove you are thinking of me,
You hide the light of day.
Strip the color away from the sky.
And place a chill of the breeze
in the atmosphere.
All to simply bless my heart.
& remind me that I am in
your thoughts.
So, thank you.
Thank you for thinking of me.
& hiding me in your love.
Written: Monday, August 30th, 2010
Three days until I might
see your face.
I cling to hope that
we might finally speak.
Yet in the back of my mind
I still shiver with doubt.
Oh how I wish you’d
make it go away.
All I can do is wait.
Wait to see what
might happen.
If anything at all.
All I can do is wait.
If all you did was ask
for my number,
and than promise to call.
I’d be the most satisfied
person in that place.
Oh how I wish you’d
fulfill my wildest dreams.
All I can do is wait.
Wait to see what might happen.
If anything at all.
All I can do is wait.
It’s all been said before.
It’s all been thought before.
I just needed to vent.
I just needed to let it
all out, once again.
I wish you’d miss me.
I wish you’d think of me.
I wish you cared,
just a little.
I wish I knew how you
really felt.
I have my hunches,
but I never really know.
But I wish I did.
Written: Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
see your face.
I cling to hope that
we might finally speak.
Yet in the back of my mind
I still shiver with doubt.
Oh how I wish you’d
make it go away.
All I can do is wait.
Wait to see what
might happen.
If anything at all.
All I can do is wait.
If all you did was ask
for my number,
and than promise to call.
I’d be the most satisfied
person in that place.
Oh how I wish you’d
fulfill my wildest dreams.
All I can do is wait.
Wait to see what might happen.
If anything at all.
All I can do is wait.
It’s all been said before.
It’s all been thought before.
I just needed to vent.
I just needed to let it
all out, once again.
I wish you’d miss me.
I wish you’d think of me.
I wish you cared,
just a little.
I wish I knew how you
really felt.
I have my hunches,
but I never really know.
But I wish I did.
Written: Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
My King, My Lord.
Lover of my soul,
I said to you once that
“my desires wait for you.”
You and your faithfulness
to reveal to them their
true destiny.
And if they should fade
and disappear in utter
abandonment; than faithfully
and with great joy,
they will quickly dissolve
into the nothing you call them to be.
Your heart beat they listen too.
And they wait to hear
what you would have to say.
Jesus, would you speak to
my desires?
They wait for you.
Just as I wait for you.
We wait for you Jesus.
We wait for you to
speak to our hearts.
I told you, “I wait for you.”
It is all I can do.
I know my heart is burdened,
and sorrowful it feels at times.
To think this will all come to an abrupt end.
But still, I love you.
Still, I cling to you.
You are my hope.
My stay.
My guide.
You keep me and embrace me.
Your love, Oh Lord, fills me.
You fill me to the utmost
I can possibly be.
Filled with your graceful love.
In my sorrow and
my desires despair,
there is still hope.
There is still joy.
There is still love.
There is still you.
You are all I need.
So I may where a frown.
Or my heart may feel heavy.
But your beauty heals me.
Your love restores me.
A smile from my face
I cannot keep.
I will look to you for my comfort.
I will search for you to take
my desires and heal them.
When all else fails,
if I find you,
I am whole.
Everything I ever wanted.
Everything I ever waited for
is found.
If I find you.
So even though my dreams
collide into their shattered death,
there is the mending of time.
Here in your arms.
So please do not frown.
Or think you are not enough.
If I do not smile.
Fleshly desires must learn their place.
My heart will still seek you.
So hidden with in the depths
of who you are, it covers itself.
So please, you are my home.
Do not leave me.
You are my rock.
Do not move away.
You are my guide.
I am blind.
Please do not abandon me.
But still, I would search for you.
I am nothing without you.
I must have you.
Otherwise, I am not only nothing,
but no one.
My identity is in you.
I am who I am,
if I am with you.
I choose to be nothing else.
I choose to be no one else,
except that which you called me to be.
So please, do not be broken.
Please do not be angry.
I would despise myself
if I was to make you angry.
So please, do not be so.
But understand.
Hold me in this time of confusion.
Lead me to where you please.
I will still follow you.
I will still serve you.
And I will still strive,
with every ounce of who I am,
to remain in your will.
And if I am not in it,
I will continue to strive to find it.
But I need you, Jesus.
I need you, my King.
You are my everything.
———–
Written: Thursday, August 12th, 2010, 2:14 AM
Lover of my soul,
I said to you once that
“my desires wait for you.”
You and your faithfulness
to reveal to them their
true destiny.
And if they should fade
and disappear in utter
abandonment; than faithfully
and with great joy,
they will quickly dissolve
into the nothing you call them to be.
Your heart beat they listen too.
And they wait to hear
what you would have to say.
Jesus, would you speak to
my desires?
They wait for you.
Just as I wait for you.
We wait for you Jesus.
We wait for you to
speak to our hearts.
I told you, “I wait for you.”
It is all I can do.
I know my heart is burdened,
and sorrowful it feels at times.
To think this will all come to an abrupt end.
But still, I love you.
Still, I cling to you.
You are my hope.
My stay.
My guide.
You keep me and embrace me.
Your love, Oh Lord, fills me.
You fill me to the utmost
I can possibly be.
Filled with your graceful love.
In my sorrow and
my desires despair,
there is still hope.
There is still joy.
There is still love.
There is still you.
You are all I need.
So I may where a frown.
Or my heart may feel heavy.
But your beauty heals me.
Your love restores me.
A smile from my face
I cannot keep.
I will look to you for my comfort.
I will search for you to take
my desires and heal them.
When all else fails,
if I find you,
I am whole.
Everything I ever wanted.
Everything I ever waited for
is found.
If I find you.
So even though my dreams
collide into their shattered death,
there is the mending of time.
Here in your arms.
So please do not frown.
Or think you are not enough.
If I do not smile.
Fleshly desires must learn their place.
My heart will still seek you.
So hidden with in the depths
of who you are, it covers itself.
So please, you are my home.
Do not leave me.
You are my rock.
Do not move away.
You are my guide.
I am blind.
Please do not abandon me.
But still, I would search for you.
I am nothing without you.
I must have you.
Otherwise, I am not only nothing,
but no one.
My identity is in you.
I am who I am,
if I am with you.
I choose to be nothing else.
I choose to be no one else,
except that which you called me to be.
So please, do not be broken.
Please do not be angry.
I would despise myself
if I was to make you angry.
So please, do not be so.
But understand.
Hold me in this time of confusion.
Lead me to where you please.
I will still follow you.
I will still serve you.
And I will still strive,
with every ounce of who I am,
to remain in your will.
And if I am not in it,
I will continue to strive to find it.
But I need you, Jesus.
I need you, my King.
You are my everything.
———–
Written: Thursday, August 12th, 2010, 2:14 AM
I sit with stillness
in my wondering.
Alone with my thoughts,
I seem to be.
They race ever so quickly.
And yet, they linger with
doubt in a moment so small.
They do not speak.
No, my heart is silent tonight.
And yet it is full of questions.
Questions, that need answers.
But so frightened my
heart is, to hear them.
But what if the answers
are the dreams it has hoped for?
Could it be, with all certainty,
the dream of dreams becoming
the reality of realities?
Or will everything that I
waited for, and hoped for,
dissolve before my eyes?
You may be mine.
You may be my love.
The one I dreamed of.
The one I waited to meet.
The one I prayed for.
The one I fell in love with.
The one I waited to be with.
And through all of
these uncertainties.
Through all of my doubts.
Through all of the scares
and the sighs of relief.
Through it all,
you may come out
above it all, and be
indeed mine.
But what if you are not?
What if you leave for
someone else?
And all my waiting for you,
is gone to waste?
The pain.
It will be very much.
But I will release you.
And I will wish you love.
I will wish you with all
my heart and soul,
a wonderful life with
whomever you so choose.
I will pray for you one last time,
with gratitude in my heart.
With hope for you to be
happy and content.
I will release you.
And speak blessings over you.
And I will pray for you again,
if I should ever feel the
need to do so.
But as for me,
I will hurt.
I will bleed.
As I pull out the pieces
of glass that shattered
in my heart.
The pieces that had my
love for you splashed
across them.
I will pull out every fragile piece.
Clean them off.
Rebuild the bottle that
holds my love.
And place it back with in myself.
I will refill it with love for
whomever God has for me.
And when the time is right,
I will pour it out on who
God chooses for me.
But what disappointment.
What shame.
I thought you were mine.
And you may very well be.
But I am so confused right now.
I do not know.
And I am full of wondering.
Doubt has found an
opening to my mind
and has made itself at home,
here in my thoughts.
I thought you were mine.
And I thought you felt
something for me.
Maybe you do.
Or did?
And maybe not all hope
is lost yet.
Yes, not all hope is lost yet.
But on the edge of a fragile cliff,
I stand.
One kiss of the wind,
could easily push me off to my doom.
To the bloody death of my dreams.
Like dust in the wind,
they would be carried away
from my reach.
So shattered and scattered
before my very own eyes.
Nothing for me to do about
the hopelessness of it all.
But to try and gather myself.
To stand myself up.
To leave the barren
land in which I stand.
To walk into a land
that is for me to be in.
With the one who
God has made for me.
That is what I would do.
If all of this comes to an end.
If what I see is in fact the
warning signs that the
end is coming.
Or if this is all just
poisoned confusion.
But hope remains.
It is small.
It is fragile.
But alive and breathing.
It is there.
It is here.
And it must be clung
too with all the strength
in thy body.
With all of the hope
one can have for
hope itself.
Not to let go,
unless letting go
is the only thing left to do.
But if there is a rope,
if there is a ladder,
If there is a hand or
possibly a small root sticking
out from the ground,
you must hang on.
Hold on with all thy might.
Hold on to hope,
if it is there.
Cling to it.
And hope for it.
Do not let go of hope.
And even when all seems lost,
there is always the
hope for something better.
Until then….
Written: Thursday, August 12th, 2010
in my wondering.
Alone with my thoughts,
I seem to be.
They race ever so quickly.
And yet, they linger with
doubt in a moment so small.
They do not speak.
No, my heart is silent tonight.
And yet it is full of questions.
Questions, that need answers.
But so frightened my
heart is, to hear them.
But what if the answers
are the dreams it has hoped for?
Could it be, with all certainty,
the dream of dreams becoming
the reality of realities?
Or will everything that I
waited for, and hoped for,
dissolve before my eyes?
You may be mine.
You may be my love.
The one I dreamed of.
The one I waited to meet.
The one I prayed for.
The one I fell in love with.
The one I waited to be with.
And through all of
these uncertainties.
Through all of my doubts.
Through all of the scares
and the sighs of relief.
Through it all,
you may come out
above it all, and be
indeed mine.
But what if you are not?
What if you leave for
someone else?
And all my waiting for you,
is gone to waste?
The pain.
It will be very much.
But I will release you.
And I will wish you love.
I will wish you with all
my heart and soul,
a wonderful life with
whomever you so choose.
I will pray for you one last time,
with gratitude in my heart.
With hope for you to be
happy and content.
I will release you.
And speak blessings over you.
And I will pray for you again,
if I should ever feel the
need to do so.
But as for me,
I will hurt.
I will bleed.
As I pull out the pieces
of glass that shattered
in my heart.
The pieces that had my
love for you splashed
across them.
I will pull out every fragile piece.
Clean them off.
Rebuild the bottle that
holds my love.
And place it back with in myself.
I will refill it with love for
whomever God has for me.
And when the time is right,
I will pour it out on who
God chooses for me.
But what disappointment.
What shame.
I thought you were mine.
And you may very well be.
But I am so confused right now.
I do not know.
And I am full of wondering.
Doubt has found an
opening to my mind
and has made itself at home,
here in my thoughts.
I thought you were mine.
And I thought you felt
something for me.
Maybe you do.
Or did?
And maybe not all hope
is lost yet.
Yes, not all hope is lost yet.
But on the edge of a fragile cliff,
I stand.
One kiss of the wind,
could easily push me off to my doom.
To the bloody death of my dreams.
Like dust in the wind,
they would be carried away
from my reach.
So shattered and scattered
before my very own eyes.
Nothing for me to do about
the hopelessness of it all.
But to try and gather myself.
To stand myself up.
To leave the barren
land in which I stand.
To walk into a land
that is for me to be in.
With the one who
God has made for me.
That is what I would do.
If all of this comes to an end.
If what I see is in fact the
warning signs that the
end is coming.
Or if this is all just
poisoned confusion.
But hope remains.
It is small.
It is fragile.
But alive and breathing.
It is there.
It is here.
And it must be clung
too with all the strength
in thy body.
With all of the hope
one can have for
hope itself.
Not to let go,
unless letting go
is the only thing left to do.
But if there is a rope,
if there is a ladder,
If there is a hand or
possibly a small root sticking
out from the ground,
you must hang on.
Hold on with all thy might.
Hold on to hope,
if it is there.
Cling to it.
And hope for it.
Do not let go of hope.
And even when all seems lost,
there is always the
hope for something better.
Until then….
Written: Thursday, August 12th, 2010
I try my best to follow
you around,
with out even being with you.
I tend to haunt your footsteps,
even though I’m a 100
miles away.
Maybe it’s obsession.
Or simply strong devotion.
I just know that
I want to be with you.
I love the way you
make me laugh.
You’re a dork and
you make me smile.
Even if I didn’t
care for you,
you’d still own my smile.
Oh, I, just wanted to write
you a song.
Because I’ve been thinking
about you, all month long.
And I just want to see you.
In seven days,
I might just see your face.
I think it could more than
it’s ever been.
But maybe it’s hope,
that’s got me feeling like the
impossible will happen.
Even if I am wrong,
there’s nothing wrong
with a little hope.
Maybe some expectancy,
for a bright and beautiful future.
I just know, we’ve been lingering
in each others eyes for
far too long now.
And I think we’re about to explode.
But I never know.
I know that I never
really know.
But I don’t care.
I’m just going to keep on waiting.
And waiting for you.
Because you are
worth waiting for.
You are worth waiting for.
You are worth the wait.
Written: Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
you around,
with out even being with you.
I tend to haunt your footsteps,
even though I’m a 100
miles away.
Maybe it’s obsession.
Or simply strong devotion.
I just know that
I want to be with you.
I love the way you
make me laugh.
You’re a dork and
you make me smile.
Even if I didn’t
care for you,
you’d still own my smile.
Oh, I, just wanted to write
you a song.
Because I’ve been thinking
about you, all month long.
And I just want to see you.
In seven days,
I might just see your face.
I think it could more than
it’s ever been.
But maybe it’s hope,
that’s got me feeling like the
impossible will happen.
Even if I am wrong,
there’s nothing wrong
with a little hope.
Maybe some expectancy,
for a bright and beautiful future.
I just know, we’ve been lingering
in each others eyes for
far too long now.
And I think we’re about to explode.
But I never know.
I know that I never
really know.
But I don’t care.
I’m just going to keep on waiting.
And waiting for you.
Because you are
worth waiting for.
You are worth waiting for.
You are worth the wait.
Written: Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
With every foot step
I’ve ever taken.
With every breath
I’ve ever breathed.
With every pulse
my heart has ever
beat.
With every blink
my eye has ever
danced.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
With every heart
ache I’ve ever felt.
With every laugh
I’ve ever smiled.
With every tear
that has ever fallen down.
With every word
I have ever spoken.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
You do not have
to listen to me.
You do not have to
believe me.
But I encourage you to
choose your words
carefully.
Because you will
eat them all.
Hope you don’t choke.
I promise you.
I promise you.
You will see all of His glory.
You will behold all of His beauty.
You will see the glory of
His majesty.
You will see Him clothed
in the splendor of His light.
You will see Him in all of
His power.
You will hear His voice
as He thunders
through out eternity.
I promise you.
I promise you.
I promise you.
You will bow before His feet.
You will eat every
disgraceful thing
you ever said.
You will eat your shame.
May he have
mercy on your soul.
But I promise you,
I promise you.
You will bow and
confess,
He is LORD.
Written: Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
I’ve ever taken.
With every breath
I’ve ever breathed.
With every pulse
my heart has ever
beat.
With every blink
my eye has ever
danced.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
With every heart
ache I’ve ever felt.
With every laugh
I’ve ever smiled.
With every tear
that has ever fallen down.
With every word
I have ever spoken.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
You do not have
to listen to me.
You do not have to
believe me.
But I encourage you to
choose your words
carefully.
Because you will
eat them all.
Hope you don’t choke.
I promise you.
I promise you.
You will see all of His glory.
You will behold all of His beauty.
You will see the glory of
His majesty.
You will see Him clothed
in the splendor of His light.
You will see Him in all of
His power.
You will hear His voice
as He thunders
through out eternity.
I promise you.
I promise you.
I promise you.
You will bow before His feet.
You will eat every
disgraceful thing
you ever said.
You will eat your shame.
May he have
mercy on your soul.
But I promise you,
I promise you.
You will bow and
confess,
He is LORD.
Written: Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
I wonder if I could set the mood,
just by singing.
To change an atmosphere.
My dreams desire to paint you a song.
Written in the depths of their blood.
My heart pours out all of it’s strength,
and lies before you, broken.
Your beauty, eternally woos me.
Your love, profoundly captures me.
Your heart steals my heart away.
I’m losing sleep over getting
lost in your presence.
My mind seems to wonder where
you are. Are you high on your
mountain watching your stars?
If I could sing something that would
capture your heart, maybe you’d come
down, to the next to me place.
Be with me, so I can be with you.
I’m losing sleep, just trying to find you.
I could care less. I want to search for
you, the whole night through. If I can
see your face, for a fraction of a moment.
Let me gaze into those fiery eyes.
Let me melt in awe of all you are.
Let me melt in awe of all you are.
Written: Wednesday, August 04, 2010, 3:39 AM
just by singing.
To change an atmosphere.
My dreams desire to paint you a song.
Written in the depths of their blood.
My heart pours out all of it’s strength,
and lies before you, broken.
Your beauty, eternally woos me.
Your love, profoundly captures me.
Your heart steals my heart away.
I’m losing sleep over getting
lost in your presence.
My mind seems to wonder where
you are. Are you high on your
mountain watching your stars?
If I could sing something that would
capture your heart, maybe you’d come
down, to the next to me place.
Be with me, so I can be with you.
I’m losing sleep, just trying to find you.
I could care less. I want to search for
you, the whole night through. If I can
see your face, for a fraction of a moment.
Let me gaze into those fiery eyes.
Let me melt in awe of all you are.
Let me melt in awe of all you are.
Written: Wednesday, August 04, 2010, 3:39 AM
Thoughts of stray
lead the way
into the misty valley.
So dark and tainted
it leaves my blood cold.
As I have nowhere
else left to go.
So, I think.
But you break through it all.
And still you find me.
And when I seem lost
and confused,
your love is still
my solid ground.
I see the light and
my fingers try to
reach for it.
But in the shadow of confusion
I get lost from it.
And pulled away,
yet again.
Will hope ever find me?
But your love remains
my solid ground.
Written: Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
lead the way
into the misty valley.
So dark and tainted
it leaves my blood cold.
As I have nowhere
else left to go.
So, I think.
But you break through it all.
And still you find me.
And when I seem lost
and confused,
your love is still
my solid ground.
I see the light and
my fingers try to
reach for it.
But in the shadow of confusion
I get lost from it.
And pulled away,
yet again.
Will hope ever find me?
But your love remains
my solid ground.
Written: Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
Sweet lover.
With fiery eyes that shine greater than the sun.
With love that sparkles as the stars in your skies.
You are beautiful, in all of your ways.
& you are miraculous, simply because you are.
But here I am.
A peasant that is welcome to come
before you. A speck of dust that has been brought to
life by the breath of your lungs.
In all your magnificence, you sought me and
healed me.
You fixed me and changed me.
You searched for me, until I was found.
You brought me to your home.
And you took me in as your own.
You loved me so dearly,
and you still do even now.
You are beyond words, great lover of my soul.
But here I am,
welcome to come before you.
& when this should not be.
But you invite me to come and sit before you.
To be with you. To come close to you.
And what do I do?
I stray in complacency. I waste moments until the minutes
in the countless hours of the night are wasted upon myself.
How selfish and despicable of me.
To not crave the smallest amount of your presence.
Blessed I would be, just to be in the same universe as you.
You were wrapped in your eternal glory,
before you came to this world.
You humbled yourself and took the place of a servant.
Not to be served, but to serve was your purpose here.
And oh, great majesty, my King.
My heart should die trying to get to you.
And instead, it wastes time for its own selfish reasons.
Selfish ambitions. Selfish desires.
It may be best to not speak to you for a night.
Just so I may return to you more hungry the next.
But than again, maybe I should push myself to
come see you. Because I do love you,
and I want you to know I love you.
You have all the rights to my heart and soul.
You can make me worship you night and day.
But you sit and wait and simply say
“come when you are ready”.
And how do I repay your beautiful acts of love?
With a lousy attitude. With procrastination.
With passionless worship.
I am ashamed of myself.
And I plan to do better.
Even in this moment, Lord. I feel your love.
I do not deserve it. Oh sweet Jesus.
It is as though you are reading this letter of mine.
And I feel your love.
It is as though you are smiling down on me.
But can it be?
Why?
Why would you smile on me?
There is no reason.
So I wrote you a letter saying how I feel.
It is not enough though. Not for me.
You deserve so much more.
And I feel as though I’ve given you such lesser
of things I could give.
I should dig deep with in my heart and gather
every ounce of my love. Just to pour it out upon you.
To splash your heart with mine.
To seal your heart with kisses of my love.
And how disappointing. My attitude of procrastinating,
and ungratefulness. When I should run, I seem to resist.
I try to pull away. I drag my feet, I hang my head low.
When I should run with all haste, destroying any objects in my path,
just trying to get to you.
With a smile on my face I would run into your arms.
Or you think I would. I know I should.
How ashamed of myself, I am.
I hate that tonight I did not offer you more.
When I could had wasted all of my love on you,
and all of my time with you, I wasted it with other things.
The dawn is here. The sun is rising.
And what have I to show of our night together?
Absolutely, nothing.
I did not tell you how beautiful you are to me.
I did not sing to you, at all.
I read of your word yes.
But even that too, I was quick to put down.
I did nothing for you.
How lousy. How pathetic of me.
How disgraceful of me.
I should die.
And now I am tired.
I need sleep.
I need rest.
But I should force myself to stay awake in your
presence and worship you.
I should force my eyes to stay open,
my mouth to sing beautiful songs to you.
And sing and worship you
until I really mean it, with all passion within myself.
Or until I have absolutely no voice,
and no strength left with in me.
And my desires wonder why they have not
come into existence yet.
So much to learn, I have.
The dawn is here, and to rest now I would go.
But how pathetic of me.
When I could have had a sleepless night with you,
Oh beautiful Lord.
I chose to have it with myself.
Before I leave, please let me ask you for
your forgiveness. I promise to give you a
sleepless night. Where I do not rest.
But I write to you. I sing to you.
And what else my heart will yearn for.
But tonight is gone.
It is wasted on selfishness, and self.
Forgive me Lord.
I am terribly sorry.
In my disappointment and shame, I am sorry.
I leave this night. It was my decisions.
It was me that kept me from seeing you.
And it is my fault. I choose though,
to be with you one night. If it is the next night
that comes, or another night that has a day to follow,
where I can sleep in. Whenever it be, my King,
I will give you a night. A whole night for your
glory and your presence to embrace me.
And to have me.
To take me in and romance me. To capture my heart.
A night for me to be lost with you. But tonight is gone and is wasted.
Dawn has come. I shall take my leave. And cling to you for forgiveness.
Take not from me your love. Do not look at me with disappointment.
I would hate to see what your countenance must look like,
if you were to look at me. But if you turn your back to me,
I would bow and respect you with all of my life.
But Lord, my King. Beautiful lover,
turn not your heart away from me,
I beg you.
Written: Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
Originally named “Tonight”
but changed to “Forgiveness” (on 11/14/13 Thur.)
due to the fact I have another poem
already named “Tonight”
With fiery eyes that shine greater than the sun.
With love that sparkles as the stars in your skies.
You are beautiful, in all of your ways.
& you are miraculous, simply because you are.
But here I am.
A peasant that is welcome to come
before you. A speck of dust that has been brought to
life by the breath of your lungs.
In all your magnificence, you sought me and
healed me.
You fixed me and changed me.
You searched for me, until I was found.
You brought me to your home.
And you took me in as your own.
You loved me so dearly,
and you still do even now.
You are beyond words, great lover of my soul.
But here I am,
welcome to come before you.
& when this should not be.
But you invite me to come and sit before you.
To be with you. To come close to you.
And what do I do?
I stray in complacency. I waste moments until the minutes
in the countless hours of the night are wasted upon myself.
How selfish and despicable of me.
To not crave the smallest amount of your presence.
Blessed I would be, just to be in the same universe as you.
You were wrapped in your eternal glory,
before you came to this world.
You humbled yourself and took the place of a servant.
Not to be served, but to serve was your purpose here.
And oh, great majesty, my King.
My heart should die trying to get to you.
And instead, it wastes time for its own selfish reasons.
Selfish ambitions. Selfish desires.
It may be best to not speak to you for a night.
Just so I may return to you more hungry the next.
But than again, maybe I should push myself to
come see you. Because I do love you,
and I want you to know I love you.
You have all the rights to my heart and soul.
You can make me worship you night and day.
But you sit and wait and simply say
“come when you are ready”.
And how do I repay your beautiful acts of love?
With a lousy attitude. With procrastination.
With passionless worship.
I am ashamed of myself.
And I plan to do better.
Even in this moment, Lord. I feel your love.
I do not deserve it. Oh sweet Jesus.
It is as though you are reading this letter of mine.
And I feel your love.
It is as though you are smiling down on me.
But can it be?
Why?
Why would you smile on me?
There is no reason.
So I wrote you a letter saying how I feel.
It is not enough though. Not for me.
You deserve so much more.
And I feel as though I’ve given you such lesser
of things I could give.
I should dig deep with in my heart and gather
every ounce of my love. Just to pour it out upon you.
To splash your heart with mine.
To seal your heart with kisses of my love.
And how disappointing. My attitude of procrastinating,
and ungratefulness. When I should run, I seem to resist.
I try to pull away. I drag my feet, I hang my head low.
When I should run with all haste, destroying any objects in my path,
just trying to get to you.
With a smile on my face I would run into your arms.
Or you think I would. I know I should.
How ashamed of myself, I am.
I hate that tonight I did not offer you more.
When I could had wasted all of my love on you,
and all of my time with you, I wasted it with other things.
The dawn is here. The sun is rising.
And what have I to show of our night together?
Absolutely, nothing.
I did not tell you how beautiful you are to me.
I did not sing to you, at all.
I read of your word yes.
But even that too, I was quick to put down.
I did nothing for you.
How lousy. How pathetic of me.
How disgraceful of me.
I should die.
And now I am tired.
I need sleep.
I need rest.
But I should force myself to stay awake in your
presence and worship you.
I should force my eyes to stay open,
my mouth to sing beautiful songs to you.
And sing and worship you
until I really mean it, with all passion within myself.
Or until I have absolutely no voice,
and no strength left with in me.
And my desires wonder why they have not
come into existence yet.
So much to learn, I have.
The dawn is here, and to rest now I would go.
But how pathetic of me.
When I could have had a sleepless night with you,
Oh beautiful Lord.
I chose to have it with myself.
Before I leave, please let me ask you for
your forgiveness. I promise to give you a
sleepless night. Where I do not rest.
But I write to you. I sing to you.
And what else my heart will yearn for.
But tonight is gone.
It is wasted on selfishness, and self.
Forgive me Lord.
I am terribly sorry.
In my disappointment and shame, I am sorry.
I leave this night. It was my decisions.
It was me that kept me from seeing you.
And it is my fault. I choose though,
to be with you one night. If it is the next night
that comes, or another night that has a day to follow,
where I can sleep in. Whenever it be, my King,
I will give you a night. A whole night for your
glory and your presence to embrace me.
And to have me.
To take me in and romance me. To capture my heart.
A night for me to be lost with you. But tonight is gone and is wasted.
Dawn has come. I shall take my leave. And cling to you for forgiveness.
Take not from me your love. Do not look at me with disappointment.
I would hate to see what your countenance must look like,
if you were to look at me. But if you turn your back to me,
I would bow and respect you with all of my life.
But Lord, my King. Beautiful lover,
turn not your heart away from me,
I beg you.
Written: Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
Originally named “Tonight”
but changed to “Forgiveness” (on 11/14/13 Thur.)
due to the fact I have another poem
already named “Tonight”
Where is the voice that
has seemed to vanish
beneath the thoughts
that I never spoke?
I would share with you,
Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
all my desires that
linger to announce
their existence.
That wait in the shadows
just to breathe.
Just to be.
& in existence,
they long to run.
But you, O Lord, know.
You know all that
I think is berried
deep with in me.
All that I think is
remained hidden
with in me.
But in the darkest shadow
of my most secret thoughts,
there too, my desires
cannot hide from you.
You see all that no
one else does.
You know the songs
my heart beat sings.
With in each moment
of it’s violent rhythm.
Such sorrow for little dreams.
Such burdens that explode
from the inner parts of their tears.
And still they linger.
Linger in the thought that
they should not be,
but cannot help but want to be.
They wonder with the last
strand of their fragile imagination.
On the edge of their existence.
They cry out in wonder of
what your desires are.
Should we be?
Should we change?
But what too?
Such dark caves of my
hidden mountain,
they seem to lie and wait in.
So small of existence.
They are even less than a
breath the lungs would dare
to breathe.
But faithfully, and willingly,
they do all they can do.
They wait upon you.
To hear your voice,
say the smallest of words
in the loudest of ways.
They wait for you.
You and your faithfulness
to reveal to them their
true destiny.
And if they should fade
and disappear in utter abandonment,
faithfully and with great joy
they would.
Willingly, they would quickly
dissolve into the nothing
you call them to be.
With obedience,
they would hold their head
up high and walk lovingly
and submissively into their death.
They would bow at your feet
before their departure, and smile.
They would thank you for
finally revealing to them,
what should become of them.
And if to their bloody death
should be, they would gladly
disintegrate in awe of you.
Such a smile that would
glisten from their hearts.
Such a sparkle
that would dance in their eyes
as they blew goodbye kisses to you.
And into despair.
Into death,
they would give themselves.
But if into existence,
you bring these desires of mine,
of what gratitude,
of praises they would sing to you.
Oh what joy would fill their hearts.
Never ceasing to smile at you.
They dream about tasting existence.
And to live in the reality of that,
would be a never ending dream.
They wonder about that.
What must it be like to live
the dream your heart has
always longed for?
But they wait and linger
in their caves, for a
beam of light,
to call them to be.
Your heart beat they listen too.
And they wait to hear what
you have to say to them.
Jesus, would you speak to my desires?
Would you tell them to be?
Tell them to come out of their dark caves.
Or tell them to destroy themselves.
They wait for you.
Just as I, myself, wait for you.
We wait for you Jesus.
We wait for you to speak to our hearts.
Show us what to be.
Show us what to do.
I submit myself to you.
Written: Monday, August 9th, 2010
has seemed to vanish
beneath the thoughts
that I never spoke?
I would share with you,
Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
all my desires that
linger to announce
their existence.
That wait in the shadows
just to breathe.
Just to be.
& in existence,
they long to run.
But you, O Lord, know.
You know all that
I think is berried
deep with in me.
All that I think is
remained hidden
with in me.
But in the darkest shadow
of my most secret thoughts,
there too, my desires
cannot hide from you.
You see all that no
one else does.
You know the songs
my heart beat sings.
With in each moment
of it’s violent rhythm.
Such sorrow for little dreams.
Such burdens that explode
from the inner parts of their tears.
And still they linger.
Linger in the thought that
they should not be,
but cannot help but want to be.
They wonder with the last
strand of their fragile imagination.
On the edge of their existence.
They cry out in wonder of
what your desires are.
Should we be?
Should we change?
But what too?
Such dark caves of my
hidden mountain,
they seem to lie and wait in.
So small of existence.
They are even less than a
breath the lungs would dare
to breathe.
But faithfully, and willingly,
they do all they can do.
They wait upon you.
To hear your voice,
say the smallest of words
in the loudest of ways.
They wait for you.
You and your faithfulness
to reveal to them their
true destiny.
And if they should fade
and disappear in utter abandonment,
faithfully and with great joy
they would.
Willingly, they would quickly
dissolve into the nothing
you call them to be.
With obedience,
they would hold their head
up high and walk lovingly
and submissively into their death.
They would bow at your feet
before their departure, and smile.
They would thank you for
finally revealing to them,
what should become of them.
And if to their bloody death
should be, they would gladly
disintegrate in awe of you.
Such a smile that would
glisten from their hearts.
Such a sparkle
that would dance in their eyes
as they blew goodbye kisses to you.
And into despair.
Into death,
they would give themselves.
But if into existence,
you bring these desires of mine,
of what gratitude,
of praises they would sing to you.
Oh what joy would fill their hearts.
Never ceasing to smile at you.
They dream about tasting existence.
And to live in the reality of that,
would be a never ending dream.
They wonder about that.
What must it be like to live
the dream your heart has
always longed for?
But they wait and linger
in their caves, for a
beam of light,
to call them to be.
Your heart beat they listen too.
And they wait to hear what
you have to say to them.
Jesus, would you speak to my desires?
Would you tell them to be?
Tell them to come out of their dark caves.
Or tell them to destroy themselves.
They wait for you.
Just as I, myself, wait for you.
We wait for you Jesus.
We wait for you to speak to our hearts.
Show us what to be.
Show us what to do.
I submit myself to you.
Written: Monday, August 9th, 2010
Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
Beautiful Bride Groom,
Lover of my soul,
Bright & morning star,
Kings of Kings,
Lord of Lords,
Jesus,
The Christ,
Let me be lost with an
awestruck gaze at the
site of your beauty.
Let me fall head over
feet and never
stop falling for you.
You love embraces me.
And I begin to swiftly
drown in all of who
you are.
You shadow penetrates
my very soul.
And I begin to melt in
awe of who you are.
Jesus, would you walk
by me?
So I may kiss the ground
your beautiful feet glide over.
Would you walk by me?
So I can breathe in the
air in which your holiness
has passed through.
Would you walk by me, Jesus?
So that I may gaze at
your beauty.
So that I would get lost in you.
So that I would fall in place
at the touch of your presence.
Would you walk by me Jesus?
Walk by me.
This peasant does not
deserve it.
But it is my hearts desire.
Would you please grant this
one desire, and walk by me?
Walk by me, so that my stupidity
would bleed out of my skin.
Walk by me, so that hopefully,
my head would be crushed
beneath your rose scented feet.
For my thoughts are low,
and they drift so quickly away from you.
When I try to get lost in you,
they run away to think of
other lovers.
How incredibly despicable of me
& my thoughts.
They would run from you.
In all of your splendor and
all of your beautiful glory,
they run away to it’s own world.
Take my brain and smash it beneath
your glorious feet.
Which beam the colors
of your splendor.
Take my thoughts and destroy them.
They are disgraceful to your presence.
And shame on me for not taming them.
Shame on me for not being reverent.
I should tremble at the thought of you
and bow in respect and absolute
fear of you.
In awe of the fact that you
are Thee Christ.
But what do my thoughts do?
They run away.
To day dream and imagine in
it’s own little world.
How despicable.
How terrible.
How repulsing and humiliating.
My thoughts show how
despicable I truly am.
Lord, Jesus.
Forgive me for letting my
thoughts escape from your glory.
When trapped in your presence,
lost in who you are.
Drowning in your shadow,
and melting with awe at your name
they should be.
They instead linger off to else where.
Forgive me Jesus.
Forgive me, Lord.
Forgive my thoughts.
Forgive my imagination.
Please do not banish me or my thoughts,
or even my imagination away from
your presence.
But please have mercy.
Show your mercy.
Show your grace.
Pour out your love.
The sweetness of your love.
Oh, beautiful one.
Forgive me.
Forgive me for my shameful ways.
How disgraceful.
How arrogant.
Please Lord, please.
Forgive me.
& do not take your love from me.
Do not turn your face from me.
Written: Monday, August 16th, 2010
Beautiful Bride Groom,
Lover of my soul,
Bright & morning star,
Kings of Kings,
Lord of Lords,
Jesus,
The Christ,
Let me be lost with an
awestruck gaze at the
site of your beauty.
Let me fall head over
feet and never
stop falling for you.
You love embraces me.
And I begin to swiftly
drown in all of who
you are.
You shadow penetrates
my very soul.
And I begin to melt in
awe of who you are.
Jesus, would you walk
by me?
So I may kiss the ground
your beautiful feet glide over.
Would you walk by me?
So I can breathe in the
air in which your holiness
has passed through.
Would you walk by me, Jesus?
So that I may gaze at
your beauty.
So that I would get lost in you.
So that I would fall in place
at the touch of your presence.
Would you walk by me Jesus?
Walk by me.
This peasant does not
deserve it.
But it is my hearts desire.
Would you please grant this
one desire, and walk by me?
Walk by me, so that my stupidity
would bleed out of my skin.
Walk by me, so that hopefully,
my head would be crushed
beneath your rose scented feet.
For my thoughts are low,
and they drift so quickly away from you.
When I try to get lost in you,
they run away to think of
other lovers.
How incredibly despicable of me
& my thoughts.
They would run from you.
In all of your splendor and
all of your beautiful glory,
they run away to it’s own world.
Take my brain and smash it beneath
your glorious feet.
Which beam the colors
of your splendor.
Take my thoughts and destroy them.
They are disgraceful to your presence.
And shame on me for not taming them.
Shame on me for not being reverent.
I should tremble at the thought of you
and bow in respect and absolute
fear of you.
In awe of the fact that you
are Thee Christ.
But what do my thoughts do?
They run away.
To day dream and imagine in
it’s own little world.
How despicable.
How terrible.
How repulsing and humiliating.
My thoughts show how
despicable I truly am.
Lord, Jesus.
Forgive me for letting my
thoughts escape from your glory.
When trapped in your presence,
lost in who you are.
Drowning in your shadow,
and melting with awe at your name
they should be.
They instead linger off to else where.
Forgive me Jesus.
Forgive me, Lord.
Forgive my thoughts.
Forgive my imagination.
Please do not banish me or my thoughts,
or even my imagination away from
your presence.
But please have mercy.
Show your mercy.
Show your grace.
Pour out your love.
The sweetness of your love.
Oh, beautiful one.
Forgive me.
Forgive me for my shameful ways.
How disgraceful.
How arrogant.
Please Lord, please.
Forgive me.
& do not take your love from me.
Do not turn your face from me.
Written: Monday, August 16th, 2010
When you’re
beside me,
I love you.
When you’re
behind me,
I love you.
When you’re
around me,
I love you.
& when you
kiss me,
I love you.
Even when
you’re not here,
I love you.
Even if you
get scared,
I love you.
& even if
you hurt me,
I love you.
I love you.
Never have
I known,
such a man.
With such
eyes like you have.
Never have I
tasted such lovely lips,
like the ones
that lay upon your face.
Never have I known,
to feel so good,
when you hold me.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
& when you’re
a thousand miles away,
I’m here, you’re there.
& we kiss each other not,
I love you.
I love you.
& even if the
last time we spoke,
it wasn’t that
pretty of words.
& whether you
hate me or not,
I love you.
I love you.
& those oceans dance.
& the wind sings.
While you hold me.
As we’re walking
on the beach.
The storm clouds
are rolling in.
Only to give us a shower
to dance under.
& you’ll chase me,
& I’ll chase you.
Cause I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Written: Date Unknown 2010
beside me,
I love you.
When you’re
behind me,
I love you.
When you’re
around me,
I love you.
& when you
kiss me,
I love you.
Even when
you’re not here,
I love you.
Even if you
get scared,
I love you.
& even if
you hurt me,
I love you.
I love you.
Never have
I known,
such a man.
With such
eyes like you have.
Never have I
tasted such lovely lips,
like the ones
that lay upon your face.
Never have I known,
to feel so good,
when you hold me.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
& when you’re
a thousand miles away,
I’m here, you’re there.
& we kiss each other not,
I love you.
I love you.
& even if the
last time we spoke,
it wasn’t that
pretty of words.
& whether you
hate me or not,
I love you.
I love you.
& those oceans dance.
& the wind sings.
While you hold me.
As we’re walking
on the beach.
The storm clouds
are rolling in.
Only to give us a shower
to dance under.
& you’ll chase me,
& I’ll chase you.
Cause I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Written: Date Unknown 2010
There’s so may people,
walking around in this world.
They’re stressed and
ticked and tired,
and so up tight.
People always ask me
what I do to be this way.
Just easy, relaxing.
While passing
all these things.
& this is what I say.
When my neighbor’s
dogs are barking
& they won’t shut up.
And the cop sirens
are going off.
While it echos everywhere,
as far as you can hear.
I put in my ear buds
and drift away.
I turn on my iPod
and let it play.
That’s how I fix my day.
People are like robots.
They don’t have any rhythm.
And they wonder why
there’s a twinkle in my eye,
and smile across my face.
I’ve got God’s grace.
His amazing grace,
and his over whelming love.
And I listen to some
jams that’s sent from above.
So when my neighbor’s
dogs are barking
& won’t shut up.
And the cop sirens are
going off.
While it echos everywhere,
as far as you can hear.
I put in my ear buds
and drift away.
I turn on my iPod and let
it play.
That’s how I fix my day.
I can set the mood
with a push of a button.
I can become someone,
from nothing to everything.
The possibilities are endless.
The possibilities are endless.
With iPods & music
& all of that jazz.
iPods and music,
and all that Jazz.
iPods and music,
and all that jazz.
iPods and music,
and all that jazz.
All that jazz.
All that.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
walking around in this world.
They’re stressed and
ticked and tired,
and so up tight.
People always ask me
what I do to be this way.
Just easy, relaxing.
While passing
all these things.
& this is what I say.
When my neighbor’s
dogs are barking
& they won’t shut up.
And the cop sirens
are going off.
While it echos everywhere,
as far as you can hear.
I put in my ear buds
and drift away.
I turn on my iPod
and let it play.
That’s how I fix my day.
People are like robots.
They don’t have any rhythm.
And they wonder why
there’s a twinkle in my eye,
and smile across my face.
I’ve got God’s grace.
His amazing grace,
and his over whelming love.
And I listen to some
jams that’s sent from above.
So when my neighbor’s
dogs are barking
& won’t shut up.
And the cop sirens are
going off.
While it echos everywhere,
as far as you can hear.
I put in my ear buds
and drift away.
I turn on my iPod and let
it play.
That’s how I fix my day.
I can set the mood
with a push of a button.
I can become someone,
from nothing to everything.
The possibilities are endless.
The possibilities are endless.
With iPods & music
& all of that jazz.
iPods and music,
and all that Jazz.
iPods and music,
and all that jazz.
iPods and music,
and all that jazz.
All that jazz.
All that.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
Elohim…
Elohim…
Elohim!
Elohim!!
Don’t you dare
think of leaving here,
without seeing me.
Don’t you dare
think of leaving here,
without seeing about me.
Don’t you dare
think about leaving here,
without listening to me.
Cause I want you.
And only you.
Daddy, come here.
I want your hugs
and kisses.
I want to be selfish.
I want all your love.
Everyone else
can wait their turn
to have their time with you.
But I will not.
No, I will not wait.
No, I will not wait.
I will not wait in a line.
I’m cutting straight
to the front.
I want to be first to
receive your kisses.
Your sweet,
sweet kisses.
Yes, I want to be first.
I want to have
all your love.
Poured out on me.
As I lavish
my love onto you.
And no one
else matters.
Right now it’s
just me and you.
Daddy, can I be selfish
for a moment?
Can I take all your love?
Don’t look away
to someone else.
Because I need you.
I need you.
You see Daddy,
my heart is aching.
I feel invisible.
And so lonely.
Daddy why am
I so lonely?
Why does my
heart ache?
Is it because
you’ve taken your
spirit from me?
Daddy, don’t you dare
take your spirit from me.
I cling to you.
I am chained to you.
And I will never
let you go.
Never let me go.
May I always be
in bondage to you.
Hold me so tightly,
that I cannot breathe.
Take my breathe away.
Take my life away.
Hold me so tightly
that life is no longer in me.
But it’s found in you.
My life is in you.
But I am in life.
Hold me so tightly to you,
that I am lost in you.
And I am captured in you.
And no one can pull me out.
I’m just stuck in your glory.
Because that’s where I want to be.
Is with you. Stuck in your glory.
May I never leave it.
Because if I do,
I am blue.
I am this way
that I am tonight.
My heart is filled with pain.
My tears are like ice.
And my bones
just cry in agony,
pleading to be with you.
Elohim, did you hear me?
My bones cry in
agony to be with you.
My fingers are rotting.
My skin is melting.
My mind is dying.
My soul is so desperate.
It doesn’t know what to do.
There’s a depressing,
lonely spirit over me.
And my soul longs for you.
And wants to be with you.
And God I won’t take
‘no’ for an answer.
You can’t tell me no.
I’ll bug you all night.
Like a child who
wants her daddy,
I’ll run to you.
You cannot say no to me.
I won’t accept that.
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run into your arms.
Don’t tell me no.
I want your love.
I want your love.
I want your love.
Here is all mine.
I won’t keep it anymore.
It’s not really mine at all.
It’s your love that
you’ve given me.
I take it and lavish
it back onto you.
Cause tonight,
I’m so lonely.
So lonely.
But when I’m with you,
I don’t have to be.
Thank you.
Thank you,
thank you for your love.
For your spirit.
Merci` Elohim, Merci`.
I want your love.
I need your love.
Place your love inside of me.
And place me inside your hands.
Never let go.
Written: Date Unknown 2010
Elohim…
Elohim!
Elohim!!
Don’t you dare
think of leaving here,
without seeing me.
Don’t you dare
think of leaving here,
without seeing about me.
Don’t you dare
think about leaving here,
without listening to me.
Cause I want you.
And only you.
Daddy, come here.
I want your hugs
and kisses.
I want to be selfish.
I want all your love.
Everyone else
can wait their turn
to have their time with you.
But I will not.
No, I will not wait.
No, I will not wait.
I will not wait in a line.
I’m cutting straight
to the front.
I want to be first to
receive your kisses.
Your sweet,
sweet kisses.
Yes, I want to be first.
I want to have
all your love.
Poured out on me.
As I lavish
my love onto you.
And no one
else matters.
Right now it’s
just me and you.
Daddy, can I be selfish
for a moment?
Can I take all your love?
Don’t look away
to someone else.
Because I need you.
I need you.
You see Daddy,
my heart is aching.
I feel invisible.
And so lonely.
Daddy why am
I so lonely?
Why does my
heart ache?
Is it because
you’ve taken your
spirit from me?
Daddy, don’t you dare
take your spirit from me.
I cling to you.
I am chained to you.
And I will never
let you go.
Never let me go.
May I always be
in bondage to you.
Hold me so tightly,
that I cannot breathe.
Take my breathe away.
Take my life away.
Hold me so tightly
that life is no longer in me.
But it’s found in you.
My life is in you.
But I am in life.
Hold me so tightly to you,
that I am lost in you.
And I am captured in you.
And no one can pull me out.
I’m just stuck in your glory.
Because that’s where I want to be.
Is with you. Stuck in your glory.
May I never leave it.
Because if I do,
I am blue.
I am this way
that I am tonight.
My heart is filled with pain.
My tears are like ice.
And my bones
just cry in agony,
pleading to be with you.
Elohim, did you hear me?
My bones cry in
agony to be with you.
My fingers are rotting.
My skin is melting.
My mind is dying.
My soul is so desperate.
It doesn’t know what to do.
There’s a depressing,
lonely spirit over me.
And my soul longs for you.
And wants to be with you.
And God I won’t take
‘no’ for an answer.
You can’t tell me no.
I’ll bug you all night.
Like a child who
wants her daddy,
I’ll run to you.
You cannot say no to me.
I won’t accept that.
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run and
I’ll run into your arms.
Don’t tell me no.
I want your love.
I want your love.
I want your love.
Here is all mine.
I won’t keep it anymore.
It’s not really mine at all.
It’s your love that
you’ve given me.
I take it and lavish
it back onto you.
Cause tonight,
I’m so lonely.
So lonely.
But when I’m with you,
I don’t have to be.
Thank you.
Thank you,
thank you for your love.
For your spirit.
Merci` Elohim, Merci`.
I want your love.
I need your love.
Place your love inside of me.
And place me inside your hands.
Never let go.
Written: Date Unknown 2010
I shut myself in my room
to write a song for you.
Alone with my thoughts
I’ve needed to be.
& I thought about you.
& wondered if you ever
think about me.
& when push comes to shove,
I’m so ruined if I don’t write.
My bones stop singing,
my ears stop breathing.
My lips seem to run away.
My eyes lose their voice.
My lungs lose their wings,
while my heart stops flying.
I’m so ruined when I don’t
write to you.
I’ve stayed up late at nights
& I would write you an anthem.
But instead, I’d put it off.
Such sweet inspiration
you would give me.
But I’d lock it away.
Oh, what a terrible mistake.
I’m so ruined when I don’t write to you.
It’s like having a brush.
& there’s the paint,
just waiting to kiss the canvas.
& I walk away.
& feel the heart break linger
in the room.
I guess I just don’t want to feel
the absence that lingers
when you’re gone.
But I am ruined,
when I don’t write to you.
Written: Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
(Originally named: “Nasty”
But renamed to: “Ruined”
Lyrics updated and rewritten on: Friday, March 4th, 2011
to write a song for you.
Alone with my thoughts
I’ve needed to be.
& I thought about you.
& wondered if you ever
think about me.
& when push comes to shove,
I’m so ruined if I don’t write.
My bones stop singing,
my ears stop breathing.
My lips seem to run away.
My eyes lose their voice.
My lungs lose their wings,
while my heart stops flying.
I’m so ruined when I don’t
write to you.
I’ve stayed up late at nights
& I would write you an anthem.
But instead, I’d put it off.
Such sweet inspiration
you would give me.
But I’d lock it away.
Oh, what a terrible mistake.
I’m so ruined when I don’t write to you.
It’s like having a brush.
& there’s the paint,
just waiting to kiss the canvas.
& I walk away.
& feel the heart break linger
in the room.
I guess I just don’t want to feel
the absence that lingers
when you’re gone.
But I am ruined,
when I don’t write to you.
Written: Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
(Originally named: “Nasty”
But renamed to: “Ruined”
Lyrics updated and rewritten on: Friday, March 4th, 2011
I am so incredibly tired.
My eyes are so heavy.
My dreams are always dreaming.
But today,
they’ve been put on hold.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep.
I’d love to sleep
my heart away.
All thoughts are in a haze.
Words seem to be lost in a maze.
& while everything use to amaze.
It’s lost it’s magic touch.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep.
I’d love to sleep
my heart away.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep.
I’d love to sleep
my heart away.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
My eyes are so heavy.
My dreams are always dreaming.
But today,
they’ve been put on hold.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep.
I’d love to sleep
my heart away.
All thoughts are in a haze.
Words seem to be lost in a maze.
& while everything use to amaze.
It’s lost it’s magic touch.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep.
I’d love to sleep
my heart away.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep.
I’d love to sleep
my heart away.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
The sky is dark.
& the clouds are low.
& the stars are
not shining,
this much i know.
& though the rain
is yet to fall,
I can hear.
& though the rain
has yet to fall,
i can hear them call.
You. You. You.
That’s what they’re singing.
You. You. You.
That’s what they’re
calling.
You You You.
& i join in too.
They say the rain
makes you cry.
But the truth is,
it rains when I cry.
It cries with me a
a sad symphony.
& you my dear are
the composer.
while we’re singing
You. You. You.
That’s what we’re
singing.
You. You You.
That’s what you’re hearing.
You You You.
Lets talk about you.
I miss you &
I cry for you.
The rain is falling down.
& misery pulls it
to the ground.
& and all I hear is it calling.
& all I hear is it shouting.
& all the while I’m singing.
You. You. You.
That’s what you’re hearing.
You You You.
That’s what they’re singing.
You You You
& i join in too.
You You You.
It’s what we’re singing.
You.
And I join in too.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
& the clouds are low.
& the stars are
not shining,
this much i know.
& though the rain
is yet to fall,
I can hear.
& though the rain
has yet to fall,
i can hear them call.
You. You. You.
That’s what they’re singing.
You. You. You.
That’s what they’re
calling.
You You You.
& i join in too.
They say the rain
makes you cry.
But the truth is,
it rains when I cry.
It cries with me a
a sad symphony.
& you my dear are
the composer.
while we’re singing
You. You. You.
That’s what we’re
singing.
You. You You.
That’s what you’re hearing.
You You You.
Lets talk about you.
I miss you &
I cry for you.
The rain is falling down.
& misery pulls it
to the ground.
& and all I hear is it calling.
& all I hear is it shouting.
& all the while I’m singing.
You. You. You.
That’s what you’re hearing.
You You You.
That’s what they’re singing.
You You You
& i join in too.
You You You.
It’s what we’re singing.
You.
And I join in too.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
I know how I feel
when I pick a card
up and read it’s words.
And realize, that those
words are my words
stolen from my very mouth.
Everything I could
ever want to say.
Hope to say.
Or do say in thoughts,
have been already
printed by someone else,
on a card.
I know how I feel
when I make these
discoveries.
But nothing prepared me
for the day,
I would pick up a card,
and dream of those words,
coming from you.
A man’s point of view.
His heart.
I never knew how much
I would be taken in,
Dreaming that it was
handed to me, with
love and expectations.
Not me picking
it out myself because
of curiosity.
And here is my heart,
seeming to stop.
And there goes my breath,
it seems to slow down.
And here goes my facial
expressions,
that speak all thoughts.
And here goes me,
placing the card
back down.
Because those words
were not for me.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
when I pick a card
up and read it’s words.
And realize, that those
words are my words
stolen from my very mouth.
Everything I could
ever want to say.
Hope to say.
Or do say in thoughts,
have been already
printed by someone else,
on a card.
I know how I feel
when I make these
discoveries.
But nothing prepared me
for the day,
I would pick up a card,
and dream of those words,
coming from you.
A man’s point of view.
His heart.
I never knew how much
I would be taken in,
Dreaming that it was
handed to me, with
love and expectations.
Not me picking
it out myself because
of curiosity.
And here is my heart,
seeming to stop.
And there goes my breath,
it seems to slow down.
And here goes my facial
expressions,
that speak all thoughts.
And here goes me,
placing the card
back down.
Because those words
were not for me.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
I remember when
my body could sing.
Now it doesn’t do a thing.
I’m sick of never moving forward.
Always standing still.
If I must stand still
in time and place,
let it be a place
where I don’t mind to be.
Let it be a time,
that’s good for me.
And don’t you say goodbye.
Are you trying to make me cry?
Cause you know I hate showing
how I really feel.
That means I’m real.
I remember how I
use to run and play.
All day.
There was never nothing new.
Cause everything
was always new.
And you know when
everyone is special,
no one is.
I wanted to be part of the few,
who are not.
But some how, I became
who I was
running away from.
And don’t you say hello to me.
Cause you know I’ll be
all happy, and stuff.
And you know,
I don’t want you to know
how I feel. Cause it’s real.
But you’re not
suppose to know that.
Don’t say goodbye.
And don’t say hello to me.
Are you trying to make me cry?
‘Cause you know I’ll be
all happy, and stuff.
And you know I hate
showing how I really feel
And you know I don’t want
you to know how I feel.
That means I’m real.
Because it’s real.
But you’re not suppose
to know that.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
my body could sing.
Now it doesn’t do a thing.
I’m sick of never moving forward.
Always standing still.
If I must stand still
in time and place,
let it be a place
where I don’t mind to be.
Let it be a time,
that’s good for me.
And don’t you say goodbye.
Are you trying to make me cry?
Cause you know I hate showing
how I really feel.
That means I’m real.
I remember how I
use to run and play.
All day.
There was never nothing new.
Cause everything
was always new.
And you know when
everyone is special,
no one is.
I wanted to be part of the few,
who are not.
But some how, I became
who I was
running away from.
And don’t you say hello to me.
Cause you know I’ll be
all happy, and stuff.
And you know,
I don’t want you to know
how I feel. Cause it’s real.
But you’re not
suppose to know that.
Don’t say goodbye.
And don’t say hello to me.
Are you trying to make me cry?
‘Cause you know I’ll be
all happy, and stuff.
And you know I hate
showing how I really feel
And you know I don’t want
you to know how I feel.
That means I’m real.
Because it’s real.
But you’re not suppose
to know that.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
I’ve never been the
type of person
to open up their heart,
and let you walk right in.
I’ve never been the
type of person,
who welcomes a stranger
to steal all their love.
I’ve always had these
walls that stood sky high.
They’ve never been
let down for anyone.
It’s just been me
in this security of mine.
Until you.
Until you walked into my life.
Until You.
Breaking down these
walls that stood for so high.
When I saw your face,
you filled the empty place
that was inside of me.
& I’ve never felt so free
to let a stranger walk inside of me.
Until You.
I never thought someone
could love me
the way you do.
I never thought someone
could see such beauty
in such a mess.
I’ve been broken &
destroyed so many times,
in this crazy life of mine.
And still He seems to find a way,
to put me back together.
And still He’s captured my heart
in a way, that no one else
could ever do.
Until you.
Until you walked into my life.
Until You.
Breaking down these walls
that stood for so high.
When I saw your face,
you filled the empty place
that was inside of me.
& I’ve never felt so free
to let a stranger walk inside of me.
Until You.
Until You.
Oh, Until You.
Walking in to my life.
Until You.
Breaking down these walls.
& When I saw your face,
there was peace all over the place.
& I’ve never felt so free,
to make a home for you in me.
Until You.
Until you.
Written: Date Unknown (probably 2009 or 2010)
type of person
to open up their heart,
and let you walk right in.
I’ve never been the
type of person,
who welcomes a stranger
to steal all their love.
I’ve always had these
walls that stood sky high.
They’ve never been
let down for anyone.
It’s just been me
in this security of mine.
Until you.
Until you walked into my life.
Until You.
Breaking down these
walls that stood for so high.
When I saw your face,
you filled the empty place
that was inside of me.
& I’ve never felt so free
to let a stranger walk inside of me.
Until You.
I never thought someone
could love me
the way you do.
I never thought someone
could see such beauty
in such a mess.
I’ve been broken &
destroyed so many times,
in this crazy life of mine.
And still He seems to find a way,
to put me back together.
And still He’s captured my heart
in a way, that no one else
could ever do.
Until you.
Until you walked into my life.
Until You.
Breaking down these walls
that stood for so high.
When I saw your face,
you filled the empty place
that was inside of me.
& I’ve never felt so free
to let a stranger walk inside of me.
Until You.
Until You.
Oh, Until You.
Walking in to my life.
Until You.
Breaking down these walls.
& When I saw your face,
there was peace all over the place.
& I’ve never felt so free,
to make a home for you in me.
Until You.
Until you.
Written: Date Unknown (probably 2009 or 2010)
I can’t believe it’s only
been 9 days since I last saw you.
It feels like it’s been so
much longer than that.
I crave to tell you that
I miss you so much.
Glad to see that
you’re busy and doing just fine.
I wish you were a wreck like me.
& at the same time,
I’m so glad you can live without me.
I just hope to see you real soon.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
been 9 days since I last saw you.
It feels like it’s been so
much longer than that.
I crave to tell you that
I miss you so much.
Glad to see that
you’re busy and doing just fine.
I wish you were a wreck like me.
& at the same time,
I’m so glad you can live without me.
I just hope to see you real soon.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
& when I wake up,
the very first person
I see, is you.
& when I look around,
the very first thing,
I see is what you’ve done.
& all the color’s of the sky,
are bleeding into my room.
& all the warmth of the morning,
is creeping into my skin.
& it’s you.
Who has done this all.
& it’s you.
Who’s waken me up
from a deep sleep.
& it’s you.
Who I first say:
“Good morning” too.
& it’s you
Whose face I take delight in.
& it’s you
who pours their heart into mine.
It’s you.
It’s you.
& when it’s cold outside,
my skin rises & says “I’m freezing”
& I curl up underneath,
my covers.
& I think of you.
& how you’re holding me,
and you breathe.
And suddenly, I’m warm.
& it’s you.
Who has done this all.
& it’s you.
Who’s waken me up
from a deep sleep.
& it’s you.
Who I first say:
“Good morning” too.
& it’s you
Whose face I take delight in.
& it’s you
who pours their heart into mine.
It’s you.
& when the wind is constantly blowing.
& I feel like I’m dancing while,
I’m standing still.
I know, that you’re in control,
You’re all around me,
consuming me with your love.
& it’s you.
Who has done this all.
& it’s you.
Who’s waken me up
from a deep sleep.
& it’s you.
Who I first say:
“Good morning” too.
it’s you
Whose face I take delight in.
it’s you
who pours their heart into mine.
It’s you.
It’s you.
It is you.
It’s you.
Written: Date Unknown (probably in 2010)
the very first person
I see, is you.
& when I look around,
the very first thing,
I see is what you’ve done.
& all the color’s of the sky,
are bleeding into my room.
& all the warmth of the morning,
is creeping into my skin.
& it’s you.
Who has done this all.
& it’s you.
Who’s waken me up
from a deep sleep.
& it’s you.
Who I first say:
“Good morning” too.
& it’s you
Whose face I take delight in.
& it’s you
who pours their heart into mine.
It’s you.
It’s you.
& when it’s cold outside,
my skin rises & says “I’m freezing”
& I curl up underneath,
my covers.
& I think of you.
& how you’re holding me,
and you breathe.
And suddenly, I’m warm.
& it’s you.
Who has done this all.
& it’s you.
Who’s waken me up
from a deep sleep.
& it’s you.
Who I first say:
“Good morning” too.
& it’s you
Whose face I take delight in.
& it’s you
who pours their heart into mine.
It’s you.
& when the wind is constantly blowing.
& I feel like I’m dancing while,
I’m standing still.
I know, that you’re in control,
You’re all around me,
consuming me with your love.
& it’s you.
Who has done this all.
& it’s you.
Who’s waken me up
from a deep sleep.
& it’s you.
Who I first say:
“Good morning” too.
it’s you
Whose face I take delight in.
it’s you
who pours their heart into mine.
It’s you.
It’s you.
It is you.
It’s you.
Written: Date Unknown (probably in 2010)
Jesus, Jesus,
Let’s dream wide awake.
You don’t have to say a word.
just please, linger here.
With me.
I want to dream with you, wide awake.
And sleep in the sweetness of your
presence.
Your presence I invite to linger.
Through the whole night through.
I would sing you a lullaby.
If it would make you smile.
I would try to play the piano.
If it would make you laugh.
Is there a way,
I could bless your heart tonight?
Can I make you smile, just being myself,
with you?
I try.
I want to give it a try.
Help me to paint a smile on you.
Words, oh words of mine,
float to Heaven, to glory divine.
Fly to Jesus, and kiss His heart.
Eternally. Never stop.
Never stop.
Kissing His heart.
Don’t you ever stop.
Don’t ever stop, these words
of mine.
Kiss the heart of the Savior.
The Christ in Heaven above.
Kiss the heart of the Savior.
Glory Divine. Don’t ever stop.
Bow down before Him now.
I bow down before you now.
Could I bless your heart,
just by writing to you?
A letter or few, just for you?
Would that make you smile?
Would that make you smile?
Me, just being myself, with you.
There’s an eternal freedom in
me, just being myself, with you.
I’ll never stop smiling.
If you’re always smiling.
I’ll never stop smiling.
If you’re always smiling back at me.
Back at me.
Jesus, Jesus watch my eyes sparkle
with joy. Watch my heart melt as I
gaze at the splendor of your beauty.
The glory of your heart. Watch me as
I stand amazed at you. At you.
Stolen my heart. You’ve stolen my heart.
And it’s all for you. I’m all for you.
And I am yours. I am yours.
Eternally yours.
All yours.
I am eternally all yours.
You’ve stolen my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart.
Every part of my heart. It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
Written: Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
Let’s dream wide awake.
You don’t have to say a word.
just please, linger here.
With me.
I want to dream with you, wide awake.
And sleep in the sweetness of your
presence.
Your presence I invite to linger.
Through the whole night through.
I would sing you a lullaby.
If it would make you smile.
I would try to play the piano.
If it would make you laugh.
Is there a way,
I could bless your heart tonight?
Can I make you smile, just being myself,
with you?
I try.
I want to give it a try.
Help me to paint a smile on you.
Words, oh words of mine,
float to Heaven, to glory divine.
Fly to Jesus, and kiss His heart.
Eternally. Never stop.
Never stop.
Kissing His heart.
Don’t you ever stop.
Don’t ever stop, these words
of mine.
Kiss the heart of the Savior.
The Christ in Heaven above.
Kiss the heart of the Savior.
Glory Divine. Don’t ever stop.
Bow down before Him now.
I bow down before you now.
Could I bless your heart,
just by writing to you?
A letter or few, just for you?
Would that make you smile?
Would that make you smile?
Me, just being myself, with you.
There’s an eternal freedom in
me, just being myself, with you.
I’ll never stop smiling.
If you’re always smiling.
I’ll never stop smiling.
If you’re always smiling back at me.
Back at me.
Jesus, Jesus watch my eyes sparkle
with joy. Watch my heart melt as I
gaze at the splendor of your beauty.
The glory of your heart. Watch me as
I stand amazed at you. At you.
Stolen my heart. You’ve stolen my heart.
And it’s all for you. I’m all for you.
And I am yours. I am yours.
Eternally yours.
All yours.
I am eternally all yours.
You’ve stolen my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart.
Every part of my heart. It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
It’s all for you.
Written: Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
It was so nice to see you today.
You wore your smile so beautifully.
& though you cut your hair,
I still think you’re beautiful.
How nice it was to look at you.
I couldn’t help but smile when
I’d seen you looking back at me.
It was fun. It was so much fun.
But now you’re gone.
You’re gone once again
like before. Once again,
like before.
Brown eyes that shine
with God-given grace.
So deep and hidden
they seem.
Only to be close enough
to see my reflection,
I wish I could be.
But I’m not there yet.
How nice to see you again.
But today is over and done.
You’re gone.
You’re long gone.
You’re long gone once again,
just like before.
Just like before.
Just like..
It was so nice to see you,
just like before.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
You wore your smile so beautifully.
& though you cut your hair,
I still think you’re beautiful.
How nice it was to look at you.
I couldn’t help but smile when
I’d seen you looking back at me.
It was fun. It was so much fun.
But now you’re gone.
You’re gone once again
like before. Once again,
like before.
Brown eyes that shine
with God-given grace.
So deep and hidden
they seem.
Only to be close enough
to see my reflection,
I wish I could be.
But I’m not there yet.
How nice to see you again.
But today is over and done.
You’re gone.
You’re long gone.
You’re long gone once again,
just like before.
Just like before.
Just like..
It was so nice to see you,
just like before.
Written: Date Unknown (2010)
I am twisted.
And I cannot figure myself out.
I’m crazy.
I frustrate myself with the
slightest of moments.
So easy for me to be lost
in hopeless thought. I’m confusing.
Complicated in piles of words.
Self-contradicting.
Rebellious beyond words.
The lifestyle and opinions
of others thrust me into
running in the opposite
direction.
It is hopeless for
people to try and place me in
their box.
That road only leads to failure.
And I get lost in shadows
when I chase myself to try
and wonder why I am the way
I am.
But in all of this
there is certainty.
I know what I’m looking for.
I know what I want.
I wait to find it.
Or wait for it to find me.
And I do not dare move.
I am still with all of my
utter strength. All that is
with in me. I sit still and
wait. It is all I know to do.
So in my disastrous mess of
myself, there is certainty.
There is clarity. There is
the strongest of wills.
There is determination that
destroys all doubt. There
is faith. Trust. & hope.
Even if it is on it’s last
string. I hold on dearly.
I never give up hope. It
is the rebellious part of
me that refuses too. I
continue to run for as long
as I can. I find an open
direction, and into it I go.
I am twisted. And confusing.
But I am strong in knowing
who I am. And I cling to it.
I dare not let anyone change
me. But I rebel. And continue
to keep running. And pursuing
that which I desire. Dreams
take me. Imagination pushes
me. And all that I am is lost
in the heart of Jesus Christ.
Written: June 26th, 2010, Saturday
And I cannot figure myself out.
I’m crazy.
I frustrate myself with the
slightest of moments.
So easy for me to be lost
in hopeless thought. I’m confusing.
Complicated in piles of words.
Self-contradicting.
Rebellious beyond words.
The lifestyle and opinions
of others thrust me into
running in the opposite
direction.
It is hopeless for
people to try and place me in
their box.
That road only leads to failure.
And I get lost in shadows
when I chase myself to try
and wonder why I am the way
I am.
But in all of this
there is certainty.
I know what I’m looking for.
I know what I want.
I wait to find it.
Or wait for it to find me.
And I do not dare move.
I am still with all of my
utter strength. All that is
with in me. I sit still and
wait. It is all I know to do.
So in my disastrous mess of
myself, there is certainty.
There is clarity. There is
the strongest of wills.
There is determination that
destroys all doubt. There
is faith. Trust. & hope.
Even if it is on it’s last
string. I hold on dearly.
I never give up hope. It
is the rebellious part of
me that refuses too. I
continue to run for as long
as I can. I find an open
direction, and into it I go.
I am twisted. And confusing.
But I am strong in knowing
who I am. And I cling to it.
I dare not let anyone change
me. But I rebel. And continue
to keep running. And pursuing
that which I desire. Dreams
take me. Imagination pushes
me. And all that I am is lost
in the heart of Jesus Christ.
Written: June 26th, 2010, Saturday
Last night, I seemed to
had broken the ice that
lingered between us.
So thankful that I finally
did. We were inseparable.
As we gazed into each
others eyes. We laughed
and spoke for hours. While
I was sleeping. But before
we said goodbye, you gave
me something of yours.
I walked away with the
largest of smiles anyone
could ever wear.
You gave me your keys.
How simple of an
act. But it made me
smile, to take them
away with me. Was it
to your heart? Does
it unlock the most
hidden places of you?
But no matter, no
matter. I’ve got your
keys. And soon, I will
have you too. I will
have you too.
Last night, I was just
being myself. Silly,
goofy ole’ me. I bumped
into you, Oh sorry.
Please excuse me. But it
apparently was enough
for you to say something
to me. So now we are
inseparable. And I will
never let you go. Oh, I
will never let you go.
You gave me your keys.
How simple of an
act. But it made me
smile, to take them
away with me. Was it
to your heart? Does
it unlock the most
hidden places of you?
But no matter, no
matter. I’ve got your
keys. And soon, I will
have you too. I will
have you too. I will
have you too. I will
have you too. I will
have you too.
Written: June 26th, 2010, Saturday
had broken the ice that
lingered between us.
So thankful that I finally
did. We were inseparable.
As we gazed into each
others eyes. We laughed
and spoke for hours. While
I was sleeping. But before
we said goodbye, you gave
me something of yours.
I walked away with the
largest of smiles anyone
could ever wear.
You gave me your keys.
How simple of an
act. But it made me
smile, to take them
away with me. Was it
to your heart? Does
it unlock the most
hidden places of you?
But no matter, no
matter. I’ve got your
keys. And soon, I will
have you too. I will
have you too.
Last night, I was just
being myself. Silly,
goofy ole’ me. I bumped
into you, Oh sorry.
Please excuse me. But it
apparently was enough
for you to say something
to me. So now we are
inseparable. And I will
never let you go. Oh, I
will never let you go.
You gave me your keys.
How simple of an
act. But it made me
smile, to take them
away with me. Was it
to your heart? Does
it unlock the most
hidden places of you?
But no matter, no
matter. I’ve got your
keys. And soon, I will
have you too. I will
have you too. I will
have you too. I will
have you too. I will
have you too.
Written: June 26th, 2010, Saturday
There’s a million faces around you.
but my eyes move quickly and find you.
Though you seem no different,
you’re very different in every way.
Even if your back was turned to me,
I could still point you out without
a shadow of a doubt.
Maybe I just have eyes for you.
But I know, I know for sure,
That you have everything it
takes to make me look your way.
There’s no wondering here.
I don’t get to see you, hardly ever.
But I love to see you, when I can.
And every time I see you,
it makes me want to exile all others.
And once I see you, I don’t stop
thinking of you for weeks to come.
And then some, and then some.
You’re that beautiful.
You’re that beautiful.
I stop and think of the fact that
you’ll be leaving soon. I have to
stop myself from all the negativity.
I can’t be living in that fact.
I have you, and I am staying in that
place, for now.
And when you leave, I’ll miss you.
I will cling to a day of seeing
you. But until then, I will take
in, all of you that I can.
All I know is, all I know is,
you’re that beautiful.
It’s true. It’s true.
I’m not lying to you,
you’re that beautiful.
You’re that beautiful to me.
You’re that beautiful to me.
You are that beautiful, to me.
Written: June 6th, 2010, Sunday
but my eyes move quickly and find you.
Though you seem no different,
you’re very different in every way.
Even if your back was turned to me,
I could still point you out without
a shadow of a doubt.
Maybe I just have eyes for you.
But I know, I know for sure,
That you have everything it
takes to make me look your way.
There’s no wondering here.
I don’t get to see you, hardly ever.
But I love to see you, when I can.
And every time I see you,
it makes me want to exile all others.
And once I see you, I don’t stop
thinking of you for weeks to come.
And then some, and then some.
You’re that beautiful.
You’re that beautiful.
I stop and think of the fact that
you’ll be leaving soon. I have to
stop myself from all the negativity.
I can’t be living in that fact.
I have you, and I am staying in that
place, for now.
And when you leave, I’ll miss you.
I will cling to a day of seeing
you. But until then, I will take
in, all of you that I can.
All I know is, all I know is,
you’re that beautiful.
It’s true. It’s true.
I’m not lying to you,
you’re that beautiful.
You’re that beautiful to me.
You’re that beautiful to me.
You are that beautiful, to me.
Written: June 6th, 2010, Sunday
I know I’m not so good with words.
But all I try to do is please you.
You know, make you smile.
& I know it takes a lot of hard work.
& I try. I really do. But you don’t see the
trying. The fighting tears behind
a broken smile. You just see the
fall. You see the crash & burning.
While I’m lying here in the dust,
trying to do whatever it takes.
& I know it’s never enough for you.
But somehow I keep thinking I can
do it. But I need to just forget it.
Or I’m gonna be stuck in this never
ending cycle where I,
Try. I try. And then fail.
While I crash & burn. I try.
And I fail. While I crash &
I burn. I try. I try so hard.
But you just see the fall.
You just see the failing fall
and you laugh as I crash
& I burn.
So nice to have a friend like you.
Thanks for laughing.
But I think I’ll go now.
Thanks for the help.
But I’ll be better off by myself.
So you stay here and I’ll go there.
And the farther apart we are,
the happier I will be.
Without you with me.
That’s how my body craves
it to be.
Written: June 15th, 2010, Tuesday
But all I try to do is please you.
You know, make you smile.
& I know it takes a lot of hard work.
& I try. I really do. But you don’t see the
trying. The fighting tears behind
a broken smile. You just see the
fall. You see the crash & burning.
While I’m lying here in the dust,
trying to do whatever it takes.
& I know it’s never enough for you.
But somehow I keep thinking I can
do it. But I need to just forget it.
Or I’m gonna be stuck in this never
ending cycle where I,
Try. I try. And then fail.
While I crash & burn. I try.
And I fail. While I crash &
I burn. I try. I try so hard.
But you just see the fall.
You just see the failing fall
and you laugh as I crash
& I burn.
So nice to have a friend like you.
Thanks for laughing.
But I think I’ll go now.
Thanks for the help.
But I’ll be better off by myself.
So you stay here and I’ll go there.
And the farther apart we are,
the happier I will be.
Without you with me.
That’s how my body craves
it to be.
Written: June 15th, 2010, Tuesday
This is the story of
a conversation I had
with myself. It’s
filled with pain &
grief and blood.
But I run so fast that
none of that which is
past me, is seen through
the eyes of this dreamer.
I asked myself what if?
Story after story, the
questions never ceased.
And finally I ended it
abruptly. & it was bloody.
But it was beautiful.
I said that I would run
with all of my might.
I’ll grab onto the wings
of the wind and never let
go. I will run until my
feet cannot carry me.
But just because I might
hit a brick wall, doesn’t
mean I’m going to slow down.
Let’s run with this
ugly theory, shall we?
There’s a great and mighty
brick wall standing in my
path. Only the grace of God
could move it. And if I
was to run and smack into
it, I’d fall down. I’d
bleed a bloody death.
But I’d get back up and
run into another direction.
Because I’m too busy
hanging onto the wings of
the wind. I will never let
go. I will run until my
feet cannot carry me.
& even then, I will fly.
But just because I might
hit a brick wall, doesn’t
mean I’m going to slow down.
Slow down, slow down.
It doesn’t mean I’m
going to slow down,
slow down.
Written: June 23rd, 2010, Wednesday
a conversation I had
with myself. It’s
filled with pain &
grief and blood.
But I run so fast that
none of that which is
past me, is seen through
the eyes of this dreamer.
I asked myself what if?
Story after story, the
questions never ceased.
And finally I ended it
abruptly. & it was bloody.
But it was beautiful.
I said that I would run
with all of my might.
I’ll grab onto the wings
of the wind and never let
go. I will run until my
feet cannot carry me.
But just because I might
hit a brick wall, doesn’t
mean I’m going to slow down.
Let’s run with this
ugly theory, shall we?
There’s a great and mighty
brick wall standing in my
path. Only the grace of God
could move it. And if I
was to run and smack into
it, I’d fall down. I’d
bleed a bloody death.
But I’d get back up and
run into another direction.
Because I’m too busy
hanging onto the wings of
the wind. I will never let
go. I will run until my
feet cannot carry me.
& even then, I will fly.
But just because I might
hit a brick wall, doesn’t
mean I’m going to slow down.
Slow down, slow down.
It doesn’t mean I’m
going to slow down,
slow down.
Written: June 23rd, 2010, Wednesday
I’ve got a voice that sits so quietly.
It lingers and sings for all eternity.
It sits so still inside of me.
& never runs out of things to dream.
People stop and stare.
They don’t know where it all begins.
They can’t see what has caused this to be.
They can question and wonder why.
Why these songs never die. But I
have an eternal inspiration who is
lifted on high.
I’ve got a voice that continues to
sing. Dreams flow out of me, with
every breath I breathe. & though
it is silent, it screams so loud.
& never stops. & never ceases to exist.
& never stops. & never ceases to exist.
Shattered glass hides my words.
Invisible wind carries my heart.
Solid air holds the music that
lingers in me. The winter air
mends my heart, and there I go
again, singing to the one, who
inspires me.
He inspires me.
He’s the voice
with in me. He’s
the lyrics that
will never die.
He’s the lyrics
that will never
die. He’s my
lyrics.
Written: June 14th, 2010, Monday
It lingers and sings for all eternity.
It sits so still inside of me.
& never runs out of things to dream.
People stop and stare.
They don’t know where it all begins.
They can’t see what has caused this to be.
They can question and wonder why.
Why these songs never die. But I
have an eternal inspiration who is
lifted on high.
I’ve got a voice that continues to
sing. Dreams flow out of me, with
every breath I breathe. & though
it is silent, it screams so loud.
& never stops. & never ceases to exist.
& never stops. & never ceases to exist.
Shattered glass hides my words.
Invisible wind carries my heart.
Solid air holds the music that
lingers in me. The winter air
mends my heart, and there I go
again, singing to the one, who
inspires me.
He inspires me.
He’s the voice
with in me. He’s
the lyrics that
will never die.
He’s the lyrics
that will never
die. He’s my
lyrics.
Written: June 14th, 2010, Monday
What a surprise.
What a surprise.
The pain is easier to cope with.
I think I’m getting use to this.
I think it’s all getting easier.
& I’m so glad. I’m so glad.
Because seeing you
leave me, killed me.
I’d hang my head down
for days to come.
& wonder if I’d ever smile again.
& then I would.
Oh, please don’t get me wrong.
I hate being away from you.
I burn for hate at the thought
that I do not know when I will
see you again.
But it’s all getting easier.
But it’s all getting easier.
You made me want to cry.
But instead I just sighed.
I wish I looked at you
when you looked at me.
But that shy part of me,
got the best of me.
& I’m sorry I let it do so.
I promise next time I’ll
stab your eyes with mine,
and engrave myself in to
your memory.
It’s getting easier to let
you go. But it doesn’t mean
I like too. Not one bit.
Just know where ever you go,
I am thinking of you.
Just know where ever you go,
I miss you.
I miss you.
Even though it’s been said
before. I just can’t think
of anything else to say
that could express how I
feel towards you.
But I, I miss you.
& I cannot wait
until the day I see you
again. But until then..
I miss you.
I miss you.
As you travel the world
and go too and even fro.
Please just remember me.
Oh, how I wonder if you
ever think of me.
Written: June 7th, 2010, Monday
What a surprise.
The pain is easier to cope with.
I think I’m getting use to this.
I think it’s all getting easier.
& I’m so glad. I’m so glad.
Because seeing you
leave me, killed me.
I’d hang my head down
for days to come.
& wonder if I’d ever smile again.
& then I would.
Oh, please don’t get me wrong.
I hate being away from you.
I burn for hate at the thought
that I do not know when I will
see you again.
But it’s all getting easier.
But it’s all getting easier.
You made me want to cry.
But instead I just sighed.
I wish I looked at you
when you looked at me.
But that shy part of me,
got the best of me.
& I’m sorry I let it do so.
I promise next time I’ll
stab your eyes with mine,
and engrave myself in to
your memory.
It’s getting easier to let
you go. But it doesn’t mean
I like too. Not one bit.
Just know where ever you go,
I am thinking of you.
Just know where ever you go,
I miss you.
I miss you.
Even though it’s been said
before. I just can’t think
of anything else to say
that could express how I
feel towards you.
But I, I miss you.
& I cannot wait
until the day I see you
again. But until then..
I miss you.
I miss you.
As you travel the world
and go too and even fro.
Please just remember me.
Oh, how I wonder if you
ever think of me.
Written: June 7th, 2010, Monday
I cannot help but to be
self contradicting.
I cannot stop myself
from being a mystery.
I do not dare to dream
of being anyone other
then me. I will not
rest until I know I’ve
been myself. I know I’m
a mess. And mostly, I’m
a disaster. Far from
beautiful. So close
to abnormal. I live
in the strange recesses
of my thoughts. And
I’m captured in the
rain. I never seem
to stop or land in
the reality of others.
Because the sky over me
is far too pretty to leave.
The sky over me, is far
too comforting to leave.
Oh, the sky over me,
is far too close to my heart to
abandon. The sky over
me is far too pretty
to try and ignore.
The sky over me, is filled
with paint that colors
my soul. & I cannot help
but to stand in utter stillness
while I am
running in circles.
running in circles.
running in circles.
running in, running in,
circles. crazy never
ending circles.
I cannot help but
to be utterly still
while running around
in circles.
Written: June 14th, 2010, Monday
self contradicting.
I cannot stop myself
from being a mystery.
I do not dare to dream
of being anyone other
then me. I will not
rest until I know I’ve
been myself. I know I’m
a mess. And mostly, I’m
a disaster. Far from
beautiful. So close
to abnormal. I live
in the strange recesses
of my thoughts. And
I’m captured in the
rain. I never seem
to stop or land in
the reality of others.
Because the sky over me
is far too pretty to leave.
The sky over me, is far
too comforting to leave.
Oh, the sky over me,
is far too close to my heart to
abandon. The sky over
me is far too pretty
to try and ignore.
The sky over me, is filled
with paint that colors
my soul. & I cannot help
but to stand in utter stillness
while I am
running in circles.
running in circles.
running in circles.
running in, running in,
circles. crazy never
ending circles.
I cannot help but
to be utterly still
while running around
in circles.
Written: June 14th, 2010, Monday
2009
The clouds gather together
in a flawless form with
all beauty you could see.
And as winter rolled in,
the air was pure.
When you breathed, the
air was weightless.
Oh, bless me. It was cold.
Like water to your thirst,
it tasted so sweet.
The air was recklessly
free. It never felt so pure.
The moon never shined
with such beauty.
The stars never danced
in such a way.
It’s as if they were
all in love.
Just like you.
Just like me.
And as you pulled me
in close to you,
I never wanted to let go.
I never wanted you
to let go.
You leaned in and
kissed me.
And with air so pure,
it never felt more perfect.
You gave me that moment
forever.
Written: Thursday, September 3rd, 2009
Modified: Saturday, July 12th, 2014
in a flawless form with
all beauty you could see.
And as winter rolled in,
the air was pure.
When you breathed, the
air was weightless.
Oh, bless me. It was cold.
Like water to your thirst,
it tasted so sweet.
The air was recklessly
free. It never felt so pure.
The moon never shined
with such beauty.
The stars never danced
in such a way.
It’s as if they were
all in love.
Just like you.
Just like me.
And as you pulled me
in close to you,
I never wanted to let go.
I never wanted you
to let go.
You leaned in and
kissed me.
And with air so pure,
it never felt more perfect.
You gave me that moment
forever.
Written: Thursday, September 3rd, 2009
Modified: Saturday, July 12th, 2014
Dazzle and shine.
Make me wish you
were mine.
And I’ll be so
alone tonight.
Twinkle and spark.
Never have I
wandered in the
dark. But someone
chose for me to
go alone.
Who are you tonight?
I know I’ve never
been quite right.
But I know where I
stand when I tell
you to leave.
No, I’m not wrong.
And you’re not going
to take anything else
away from me.
Except for you.
Kicking and screaming
myself to sleep.
All of those kisses
I wish you didn’t keep.
But shame on me for
kissing you with
eyes closed so tightly.
Just stay the world
away from me.
No, it doesn’t hurt.
But standing alone in
the dirt, watching you
drive away was the
greatest feeling I
could have ever felt.
So heres to you.
You backstabbing
hypocrite.
I wish you all
the best.
Time for me to go.
And I know that I’m
never coming back.
Written: Saturday, September 19th, 2009
Modified: Saturday, July 12th, 2014
Make me wish you
were mine.
And I’ll be so
alone tonight.
Twinkle and spark.
Never have I
wandered in the
dark. But someone
chose for me to
go alone.
Who are you tonight?
I know I’ve never
been quite right.
But I know where I
stand when I tell
you to leave.
No, I’m not wrong.
And you’re not going
to take anything else
away from me.
Except for you.
Kicking and screaming
myself to sleep.
All of those kisses
I wish you didn’t keep.
But shame on me for
kissing you with
eyes closed so tightly.
Just stay the world
away from me.
No, it doesn’t hurt.
But standing alone in
the dirt, watching you
drive away was the
greatest feeling I
could have ever felt.
So heres to you.
You backstabbing
hypocrite.
I wish you all
the best.
Time for me to go.
And I know that I’m
never coming back.
Written: Saturday, September 19th, 2009
Modified: Saturday, July 12th, 2014
Let’s just say, I finally got on board
with being okay with how weird I am.
& I actually pushed with all haste,
all that I am & all that I want to be
out there for the world to see.
I wonder how you would react.
I wonder what you would see in me.
& if you would be drawn to me more, or less.
I tend to just let myself be.
Most times, on the road of
trying to understand myself,
I often confuse myself.
So I decided to live. & be me.
& if you like me or not, I’ll let
no fear in.
Sorry if that offends you.
But I just don’t seem to care.
Written: June 21st, 2009, Sunday
with being okay with how weird I am.
& I actually pushed with all haste,
all that I am & all that I want to be
out there for the world to see.
I wonder how you would react.
I wonder what you would see in me.
& if you would be drawn to me more, or less.
I tend to just let myself be.
Most times, on the road of
trying to understand myself,
I often confuse myself.
So I decided to live. & be me.
& if you like me or not, I’ll let
no fear in.
Sorry if that offends you.
But I just don’t seem to care.
Written: June 21st, 2009, Sunday
My thoughts have run
away with you.
They flee from me.
And fly to you.
I never thought it
possible. But tonight,
I’m singing a new song.
My mouth has grown eyes
and has started to cry.
My lips want your kiss.
And my ears have grown
a mouth. With a voice
that screams my thoughts.
My ears scream your name
and hope to hear your
voice. Now my eyes
have grown hands and arms.
They reach for you.
They hope to reach
your lovely eyes.
May they also grow lips
and never stop kissing
your face. My heart too
has grown lips and has
begun to sing. It’s not
the loveliest of songs.
In fact, it’s more like
the blues. My heart aches
to see you. To be with you.
It’s so hard not to cry.
Written: Sunday, April 12th, 2009
Modified: Monday, June 4th, 2012
away with you.
They flee from me.
And fly to you.
I never thought it
possible. But tonight,
I’m singing a new song.
My mouth has grown eyes
and has started to cry.
My lips want your kiss.
And my ears have grown
a mouth. With a voice
that screams my thoughts.
My ears scream your name
and hope to hear your
voice. Now my eyes
have grown hands and arms.
They reach for you.
They hope to reach
your lovely eyes.
May they also grow lips
and never stop kissing
your face. My heart too
has grown lips and has
begun to sing. It’s not
the loveliest of songs.
In fact, it’s more like
the blues. My heart aches
to see you. To be with you.
It’s so hard not to cry.
Written: Sunday, April 12th, 2009
Modified: Monday, June 4th, 2012
I try & pretend that
I feel nothing.
Because that’s the way
I’d rather feel.
But the truth is,
I want to say
"I love you".
But do I really do?
Would I sit by your
side in the middle
of the night?
When tears are the
only words you have
to express the pain
you’re feeling.
I want to say
I love you,
but would I hold
your head up high
when you’re too
weak to? Would I
smite everything
negative you have
to say about
yourself, & return
it with things of
lovely speech?
I know I say
I love you,
but would I be
there for you
when everyone
else has run away?
I say I love you,
but would I throw
out my dreams & plans
to help make yours
come true?
Would I be willing
to fall off a cliff
to help you back up it?
Would I jump in
front of a bullet
to end my life
so yours would be
spared?
You see, love,
is a big word.
It’s more than a feeling.
It’s an action of many kinds.
Many kinds we’ll
probably have to do.
But would I do
them all for you?
Would I love you?
Would I love you
like you need me too?
Even if you don’t
want me too.
Would I be
everything for you?
Would you be happy
like you could really be?
Would I benefit your life
just by being me?
Written: Monday - Tuesday, June 15th & 16th, 2009
I feel nothing.
Because that’s the way
I’d rather feel.
But the truth is,
I want to say
"I love you".
But do I really do?
Would I sit by your
side in the middle
of the night?
When tears are the
only words you have
to express the pain
you’re feeling.
I want to say
I love you,
but would I hold
your head up high
when you’re too
weak to? Would I
smite everything
negative you have
to say about
yourself, & return
it with things of
lovely speech?
I know I say
I love you,
but would I be
there for you
when everyone
else has run away?
I say I love you,
but would I throw
out my dreams & plans
to help make yours
come true?
Would I be willing
to fall off a cliff
to help you back up it?
Would I jump in
front of a bullet
to end my life
so yours would be
spared?
You see, love,
is a big word.
It’s more than a feeling.
It’s an action of many kinds.
Many kinds we’ll
probably have to do.
But would I do
them all for you?
Would I love you?
Would I love you
like you need me too?
Even if you don’t
want me too.
Would I be
everything for you?
Would you be happy
like you could really be?
Would I benefit your life
just by being me?
Written: Monday - Tuesday, June 15th & 16th, 2009
I’ve built up so many walls.
I push all hope of having
you away.
I don’t want to feel the pain
of being 80 years old,
And having no one but her
cats to hold.
I don’t want to die while
still holding on to the
dream of you
& your beautiful face.
No one has ever chased me.
No one has ever wanted me.
So why would you?
Why would my dream be
any different?
If it was reality,
why would it be any different?
It wouldn’t.
Do you see how many
self defenses I’ve made?
I can’t stand to continue
to want, & continue to desire,
& continue to never have.
Because my heart continues
to hurt.
These walls will not come down.
Written: Monday, May 25th, 2009
I push all hope of having
you away.
I don’t want to feel the pain
of being 80 years old,
And having no one but her
cats to hold.
I don’t want to die while
still holding on to the
dream of you
& your beautiful face.
No one has ever chased me.
No one has ever wanted me.
So why would you?
Why would my dream be
any different?
If it was reality,
why would it be any different?
It wouldn’t.
Do you see how many
self defenses I’ve made?
I can’t stand to continue
to want, & continue to desire,
& continue to never have.
Because my heart continues
to hurt.
These walls will not come down.
Written: Monday, May 25th, 2009
What a lovely way to
start the day.
With the rain
falling down.
What a lovely way
to wake up,
with the thunder
rolling and ready
to shake up,
the plans you thought
you had.
And the lightning
here to say,
‘don’t forget about me,’
when you’re
too busy to say,
what I’m not.
I wish I could
wake up to
thunderstorms,
every morning.
At the crack of dawn,
it’s right on time.
Raining down on my soul.
Elohim, wanted
to do something
nice for me.
He woos me,
with thunderstorms.
Written: Date Unknown (probably 2009)
start the day.
With the rain
falling down.
What a lovely way
to wake up,
with the thunder
rolling and ready
to shake up,
the plans you thought
you had.
And the lightning
here to say,
‘don’t forget about me,’
when you’re
too busy to say,
what I’m not.
I wish I could
wake up to
thunderstorms,
every morning.
At the crack of dawn,
it’s right on time.
Raining down on my soul.
Elohim, wanted
to do something
nice for me.
He woos me,
with thunderstorms.
Written: Date Unknown (probably 2009)
Look up there into the sky.
Do you see that bird,
as it flies?
It must be so nice,
to be a bird.
Able to fly away
from all you’re facing.
And when times get tough.
You go to some place better.
And when everything’s good.
You’re as light as a feather.
You fly around,
and let the wind
kiss you into directions.
It doesn’t matter
where you end up.
As long as you
enjoy what you’re feeling.
I wish I could be a bird,
for one moment.
To fly with the wind
beneath my wings.
Oh how lovely it must feel,
to run away from all that’s real.
And into the safety of fantasy.
To feel beauty, instead of want it.
To fly and fly until you fall asleep.
It must be great to be a bird.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
Do you see that bird,
as it flies?
It must be so nice,
to be a bird.
Able to fly away
from all you’re facing.
And when times get tough.
You go to some place better.
And when everything’s good.
You’re as light as a feather.
You fly around,
and let the wind
kiss you into directions.
It doesn’t matter
where you end up.
As long as you
enjoy what you’re feeling.
I wish I could be a bird,
for one moment.
To fly with the wind
beneath my wings.
Oh how lovely it must feel,
to run away from all that’s real.
And into the safety of fantasy.
To feel beauty, instead of want it.
To fly and fly until you fall asleep.
It must be great to be a bird.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I don’t know what to do,
when bullies are hurting you.
I don’t know what to say,
when you look this way.
It’s just so hard right now,
but you’ll get better some how.
Just hang tight.
With all your might.
And know,
I’m right there too.
We’ll make it through.
We’ll make it through.
we’ll make it through.
we’ll make it through.
we’ll make it through.
Written: Date Unknown (2009 or 2010)
when bullies are hurting you.
I don’t know what to say,
when you look this way.
It’s just so hard right now,
but you’ll get better some how.
Just hang tight.
With all your might.
And know,
I’m right there too.
We’ll make it through.
We’ll make it through.
we’ll make it through.
we’ll make it through.
we’ll make it through.
Written: Date Unknown (2009 or 2010)
I’ll float upon the
wings of the wind.
And travel through
this life of mine.
I’ll go to the places
you told me I’d never
go to. And I’ll take you
there with me.
Just so I, could show
you, that I really
can drive this ship,
just by speaking.
& don’t tell me
you’re gone.
Cause I know, where
you’re gonna be
when you leave.
You’ll come crawling
back for me. For me.
& I’ll have to look
after you.
In all your weakness.
And all your shame.
You’ll look to me to
reclaim your name.
But I won’t go there.
Not without your love.
So pour into me,
and I will uplift you.
Pour into me,
and I will uplift you.
No matter how
stormy the weather may be.
I’ll stay with you.
No matter how many
people point their dirty fingers,
My heart is with you.
My loyalty is with you.
So over the mountains.
And all through the
valleys. I finally found
a place with you.
It’s right here in my heart.
Right here in this place
of mine. Iit’s our home.
It’s our home.
You can stay here, as long
as you’d like too.
It’s your home.
It’s for you too.
Not just for me.
But for you.
Stay as long as you’d like.
Stay as long as you’d like too.
And if you go.
I’ll still be here,
waiting to catch you
when you fall down.
And even when you mess up again.
I’ll be ready to heal the scrapes.
My heart is for you.
And I’m all for you.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
wings of the wind.
And travel through
this life of mine.
I’ll go to the places
you told me I’d never
go to. And I’ll take you
there with me.
Just so I, could show
you, that I really
can drive this ship,
just by speaking.
& don’t tell me
you’re gone.
Cause I know, where
you’re gonna be
when you leave.
You’ll come crawling
back for me. For me.
& I’ll have to look
after you.
In all your weakness.
And all your shame.
You’ll look to me to
reclaim your name.
But I won’t go there.
Not without your love.
So pour into me,
and I will uplift you.
Pour into me,
and I will uplift you.
No matter how
stormy the weather may be.
I’ll stay with you.
No matter how many
people point their dirty fingers,
My heart is with you.
My loyalty is with you.
So over the mountains.
And all through the
valleys. I finally found
a place with you.
It’s right here in my heart.
Right here in this place
of mine. Iit’s our home.
It’s our home.
You can stay here, as long
as you’d like too.
It’s your home.
It’s for you too.
Not just for me.
But for you.
Stay as long as you’d like.
Stay as long as you’d like too.
And if you go.
I’ll still be here,
waiting to catch you
when you fall down.
And even when you mess up again.
I’ll be ready to heal the scrapes.
My heart is for you.
And I’m all for you.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I just wanted to write you a song.
Maybe making no sense, maybe being
a little long. But I was just thinking
of you and how you are doing today.
Oh I would walk across the world, to
be with you. I would sing until my
voice gave out, just to hear you
speak.
Over the hills of shire.
Swimming through the days of fire.
Falling into the sky.
Kissing the wind as the days go by.
Falling over and then under,
the bridge of the great thunder.
Holding onto every dream that I’ve let
go of. Let me sing you a song.
Let me sing you a song.
I’ll find you.
Taking two steps forward,
then three backwards.
Laying in the grass,
thinking of the past.
And how I could move beyond that.
Picking you flowers when you’re not
even here. I cannot give them to you,
my dear. But I will hold them until they die.
Soak them in water and then I will cry,
for you to be here with me.
I will cry, maybe you’ll come soon.
Over the hills of shire.
swimming through the days of fire.
falling into the sky.
kissing the wind as the days go by.
Falling over and then under,
the bridge of the great thunder.
Holding onto every dream that I’ve let
go of. Let me sing you a song.
Let me sing you a song.
I’ll find you.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
Maybe making no sense, maybe being
a little long. But I was just thinking
of you and how you are doing today.
Oh I would walk across the world, to
be with you. I would sing until my
voice gave out, just to hear you
speak.
Over the hills of shire.
Swimming through the days of fire.
Falling into the sky.
Kissing the wind as the days go by.
Falling over and then under,
the bridge of the great thunder.
Holding onto every dream that I’ve let
go of. Let me sing you a song.
Let me sing you a song.
I’ll find you.
Taking two steps forward,
then three backwards.
Laying in the grass,
thinking of the past.
And how I could move beyond that.
Picking you flowers when you’re not
even here. I cannot give them to you,
my dear. But I will hold them until they die.
Soak them in water and then I will cry,
for you to be here with me.
I will cry, maybe you’ll come soon.
Over the hills of shire.
swimming through the days of fire.
falling into the sky.
kissing the wind as the days go by.
Falling over and then under,
the bridge of the great thunder.
Holding onto every dream that I’ve let
go of. Let me sing you a song.
Let me sing you a song.
I’ll find you.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I feel torn apart.
I feel a million miles
away from where I was.
I feel all alone.
Like a speck of dust
in outer space.
I’m all alone.
I feel numb.
I know I’m not.
But everything I
feel is nothing new.
I feel miserable.
I want you here.
I want you just to hold me.
So tight I can hear
my breath gliding
over your clothes.
I miss you.
Maybe it’s a stage.
Maybe this is nothing.
But this,
whatever it is,
is making me so miserable.
It’s horrible.
The numbness.
The torn apart.
The other piece
of me is out there somewhere.
& it’s making me decay.
Not having you here, with me.
I just need you.
I need God to keep me together.
I need to be with him.
I feel far away from him.
Like I do with you.
Or is it the other way around?
I’m so confused.
I feel horrible.
I wonder what would
happen if I died.
I just need to crawl
into bed and dream of you.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Who knows?
This is just how I feel.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I feel a million miles
away from where I was.
I feel all alone.
Like a speck of dust
in outer space.
I’m all alone.
I feel numb.
I know I’m not.
But everything I
feel is nothing new.
I feel miserable.
I want you here.
I want you just to hold me.
So tight I can hear
my breath gliding
over your clothes.
I miss you.
Maybe it’s a stage.
Maybe this is nothing.
But this,
whatever it is,
is making me so miserable.
It’s horrible.
The numbness.
The torn apart.
The other piece
of me is out there somewhere.
& it’s making me decay.
Not having you here, with me.
I just need you.
I need God to keep me together.
I need to be with him.
I feel far away from him.
Like I do with you.
Or is it the other way around?
I’m so confused.
I feel horrible.
I wonder what would
happen if I died.
I just need to crawl
into bed and dream of you.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Who knows?
This is just how I feel.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
We are waiting.
Side by side.
We are standing
in the chill of the night.
We are breathing,
and taking in our
last moments of peace.
Before war begins.
Our hearts stand still,
in the middle of this night.
Our blood runs cold,
of fear that we will
not see morning’s light.
& in the midst of the fog,
there are the foot steps
of our enemy.
And they walk.
They bring fire.
They walk through water.
& we soak in our last few
moments of freedom,
& peace.
Before the battle of our time,
begins.
We wait and watch our enemy,
step closer & closer
to our door step.
Knowing pain is coming.
Knowing lives will be taken.
And some will never
see the ones they love,
ever again.
Tears cannot speak.
All is silent.
As we breathe in the
breath of despair.
We wait and linger
in our hopelessness.
Words never seemed
so few, As they do
before the end.
Once you hold someone
you never want to let go.
Until you realize,
it will probably be the last
time you ever hold them.
Never have we loved so much,
as we do when we
realize we may never love again.
& while others wait,
to hopefully see the faces
they love once more,
They sit in silence & know,
they will not.
It is best to be a child,
who does not know
what is happening.
Or the enemy itself who
does not fear pain or loss.
It is a hard place to be,
when you’re standing where we are.
When you hold on
to your past stronger
then any future.
Moments slip by.
Fear sinks in.
And hope loses its hold
on our hearts.
A fearful chill runs
down our spines.
Our hearts beat so fast,
they seem to stand still.
Our blood runs cold.
And all life leaves our veins.
A storm has come.
With lightning & thunder.
Time has run out for our peace.
We linger in nothing but
the field of death.
If there was ever a time to run away,
that time has long been gone.
We walk willingly into our death.
& hope that the ones we love,
are spared.
The footsteps are closer.
They have now ceased.
& a moment of silence lingers.
Before the bitter dance of hate begins.
There is a shout from the enemy.
It has started.
No turning back.
We are going to die.
Written: Friday, June 16th, 2009
Side by side.
We are standing
in the chill of the night.
We are breathing,
and taking in our
last moments of peace.
Before war begins.
Our hearts stand still,
in the middle of this night.
Our blood runs cold,
of fear that we will
not see morning’s light.
& in the midst of the fog,
there are the foot steps
of our enemy.
And they walk.
They bring fire.
They walk through water.
& we soak in our last few
moments of freedom,
& peace.
Before the battle of our time,
begins.
We wait and watch our enemy,
step closer & closer
to our door step.
Knowing pain is coming.
Knowing lives will be taken.
And some will never
see the ones they love,
ever again.
Tears cannot speak.
All is silent.
As we breathe in the
breath of despair.
We wait and linger
in our hopelessness.
Words never seemed
so few, As they do
before the end.
Once you hold someone
you never want to let go.
Until you realize,
it will probably be the last
time you ever hold them.
Never have we loved so much,
as we do when we
realize we may never love again.
& while others wait,
to hopefully see the faces
they love once more,
They sit in silence & know,
they will not.
It is best to be a child,
who does not know
what is happening.
Or the enemy itself who
does not fear pain or loss.
It is a hard place to be,
when you’re standing where we are.
When you hold on
to your past stronger
then any future.
Moments slip by.
Fear sinks in.
And hope loses its hold
on our hearts.
A fearful chill runs
down our spines.
Our hearts beat so fast,
they seem to stand still.
Our blood runs cold.
And all life leaves our veins.
A storm has come.
With lightning & thunder.
Time has run out for our peace.
We linger in nothing but
the field of death.
If there was ever a time to run away,
that time has long been gone.
We walk willingly into our death.
& hope that the ones we love,
are spared.
The footsteps are closer.
They have now ceased.
& a moment of silence lingers.
Before the bitter dance of hate begins.
There is a shout from the enemy.
It has started.
No turning back.
We are going to die.
Written: Friday, June 16th, 2009
I’m an artist, searching for an artist.
I’m a poet, searching for a poet.
I’m a dreamer, searching for a dreamer.
I’m a lover, searching for a lover.
I love to run away
to the hidden places of the world.
And I’m searching for someone
who will run there with me.
By my side.
I have a list of things I want to do.
I dream of doing them alone.
But if you came along,
we could have so many adventures.
I’m chasing after much more
then happily ever after.
And I’m searching for
someone to meet these desires.
I’m a seeker, seeking for a seeker.
I’m waiting for someone just like me,
to collide with my soul.
And to gather every dream
my thoughts have created.
I’m waiting, for the day to find me.
When a man will place his lips on mine.
Say to me “no one else will I kiss”
I’m waiting for someone
to want me, as badly as I want them.
For someone to say to me,
that I am exactly everything
they’ve ever dreamed of.
Searched for.
Or have hoped to ever have.
I’m waiting for the day,
when I can explore the
world.
Explore the world with an explorer.
I’m waiting to share time and space
with the one I love.
I’m waiting. And waiting.
And I’m searching for
the one who’s been waiting too.
I hate to search and
not find my match.
Written: Date Unknown (maybe 2009)
I’m a poet, searching for a poet.
I’m a dreamer, searching for a dreamer.
I’m a lover, searching for a lover.
I love to run away
to the hidden places of the world.
And I’m searching for someone
who will run there with me.
By my side.
I have a list of things I want to do.
I dream of doing them alone.
But if you came along,
we could have so many adventures.
I’m chasing after much more
then happily ever after.
And I’m searching for
someone to meet these desires.
I’m a seeker, seeking for a seeker.
I’m waiting for someone just like me,
to collide with my soul.
And to gather every dream
my thoughts have created.
I’m waiting, for the day to find me.
When a man will place his lips on mine.
Say to me “no one else will I kiss”
I’m waiting for someone
to want me, as badly as I want them.
For someone to say to me,
that I am exactly everything
they’ve ever dreamed of.
Searched for.
Or have hoped to ever have.
I’m waiting for the day,
when I can explore the
world.
Explore the world with an explorer.
I’m waiting to share time and space
with the one I love.
I’m waiting. And waiting.
And I’m searching for
the one who’s been waiting too.
I hate to search and
not find my match.
Written: Date Unknown (maybe 2009)
I think you’re wondering around,
In this same world.
But you better run now.
You’re in danger.
Because your filthy lies,
have caused so much damage.
And they’re gonna come back to haunt you.
Yes, they will come back to haunt you.
The back stabbing.
Teeth smashing.
It’s all the pain you placed on
someone else’s shoulders,
But soon it will be placed on yours.
Oh, the things you’ve said.
The things you’ve
done are gonna haunt you.
Be ready to scream.
Get ready to cry.
If you try to run,
you will surely die.
It’s all because of what you did,
Friday.
I hope this song pierces
you like a knife,
stabbing you in the heart.
I hope this song,
grabs you by the throat,
and never let’s go.
I hope this song
lingers in your head,
making you wish
what you said was
dead. This is my
" I hate what you did" song.
I know your type of person.
The kind who thinks
they can get away with anything.
But I know what’s going on here.
The fear, is striking you now.
Oh, the things you’ve said.
the things you’ve
done are gonna haunt you.
Be ready to scream,
get ready to cry.
If you try to run, you will die.
It’s all because of what you did,
Friday.
& I, I think you’re losing.
& I, think you’re gonna
get the lesson of your life.
I know it’s probably not my place to say.
But you can eat my words.
Oh, the things you’ve said.
The things you’ve
done are gonna haunt you,
Be ready to scream, get ready to cry.
If you try to run, you will die.
It’s all because of
what you did,
It’s all because of what you did,
it’s all because of what you did
and what you said
Friday.
Written: In 2008 or 2009. Date unknown.
In this same world.
But you better run now.
You’re in danger.
Because your filthy lies,
have caused so much damage.
And they’re gonna come back to haunt you.
Yes, they will come back to haunt you.
The back stabbing.
Teeth smashing.
It’s all the pain you placed on
someone else’s shoulders,
But soon it will be placed on yours.
Oh, the things you’ve said.
The things you’ve
done are gonna haunt you.
Be ready to scream.
Get ready to cry.
If you try to run,
you will surely die.
It’s all because of what you did,
Friday.
I hope this song pierces
you like a knife,
stabbing you in the heart.
I hope this song,
grabs you by the throat,
and never let’s go.
I hope this song
lingers in your head,
making you wish
what you said was
dead. This is my
" I hate what you did" song.
I know your type of person.
The kind who thinks
they can get away with anything.
But I know what’s going on here.
The fear, is striking you now.
Oh, the things you’ve said.
the things you’ve
done are gonna haunt you.
Be ready to scream,
get ready to cry.
If you try to run, you will die.
It’s all because of what you did,
Friday.
& I, I think you’re losing.
& I, think you’re gonna
get the lesson of your life.
I know it’s probably not my place to say.
But you can eat my words.
Oh, the things you’ve said.
The things you’ve
done are gonna haunt you,
Be ready to scream, get ready to cry.
If you try to run, you will die.
It’s all because of
what you did,
It’s all because of what you did,
it’s all because of what you did
and what you said
Friday.
Written: In 2008 or 2009. Date unknown.
Lonely tears, don’t cry.
Don’t run down my skin
and make my cheeks wet.
Sorrow filled tears, don’t
run away.
Stay, until another day.
It’s okay, to not be able
to do what others do.
It’s alright to want something,
and not be able to have it.
No need to shed the pain.
Not now.
It’s not needed.
Save your strength for
something far worse.
Push away the hurt for now.
And release it
when you can’t hold on anymore.
But not now.
Not here.
Don’t cry.
I need to wear a smile.
And fake the world to believe
that everything is okay.Written:
Date Unknown (probably 2009)
Don’t run down my skin
and make my cheeks wet.
Sorrow filled tears, don’t
run away.
Stay, until another day.
It’s okay, to not be able
to do what others do.
It’s alright to want something,
and not be able to have it.
No need to shed the pain.
Not now.
It’s not needed.
Save your strength for
something far worse.
Push away the hurt for now.
And release it
when you can’t hold on anymore.
But not now.
Not here.
Don’t cry.
I need to wear a smile.
And fake the world to believe
that everything is okay.Written:
Date Unknown (probably 2009)
Tonight was a good night.
& just when it got better,
it turned around for the worse.
What was up came down.
& now my skin is falling off.
So my eyes are bleeding.
So my heart is aching.
So my tears ran away.
What else is new?
Crashing down
on the floor.
Like a 2 year old,
I’m gonna scream.
Banging my head
against the cold, hard floor.
Like an idiot, I’m gonna die.
Tonight, wasn’t a good night.
I want it to end.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow needs to begin.
Hopefully it will be better.
My skin is cold.
& my heart is reaching out
for your comfort.
Sadly to say, you’re not here.
Not yet.
& I’m just hanging by a thread.
So my skin is crawling off.
So my bones are breaking.
So my heart just died.
What else is old?
Crashing down on the floor.
Like a 2 year old,
I’m gonna scream.
Banging my head
against the cold, hard floor.
Like an idiot, I’m gonna die.
Tonight, wasn’t a good night.
I want it to end.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow needs to begin.
Hopefully, it will be better.
Hopefully, it will be better.
Hopefully, it will be better.
Maybe, it just won’t come.
But baby,
I better see you tonight.
In my dreams.
Kiss me again,
like you did last night.
When this all ends,
seal it with a kiss.
Kiss me.
In my dreams.
In my dreams.
I’m crashing down on the floor.
Like a 2 year old,
I’m gonna scream.
Banging my head
against the cold, hard floor.
Like an idiot, I’m gonna die.
Tonight, wasn’t a good night.
I want it to end.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow needs to begin.
Hopefully it will be better.
Written: Date unknown (2009)
& just when it got better,
it turned around for the worse.
What was up came down.
& now my skin is falling off.
So my eyes are bleeding.
So my heart is aching.
So my tears ran away.
What else is new?
Crashing down
on the floor.
Like a 2 year old,
I’m gonna scream.
Banging my head
against the cold, hard floor.
Like an idiot, I’m gonna die.
Tonight, wasn’t a good night.
I want it to end.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow needs to begin.
Hopefully it will be better.
My skin is cold.
& my heart is reaching out
for your comfort.
Sadly to say, you’re not here.
Not yet.
& I’m just hanging by a thread.
So my skin is crawling off.
So my bones are breaking.
So my heart just died.
What else is old?
Crashing down on the floor.
Like a 2 year old,
I’m gonna scream.
Banging my head
against the cold, hard floor.
Like an idiot, I’m gonna die.
Tonight, wasn’t a good night.
I want it to end.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow needs to begin.
Hopefully, it will be better.
Hopefully, it will be better.
Hopefully, it will be better.
Maybe, it just won’t come.
But baby,
I better see you tonight.
In my dreams.
Kiss me again,
like you did last night.
When this all ends,
seal it with a kiss.
Kiss me.
In my dreams.
In my dreams.
I’m crashing down on the floor.
Like a 2 year old,
I’m gonna scream.
Banging my head
against the cold, hard floor.
Like an idiot, I’m gonna die.
Tonight, wasn’t a good night.
I want it to end.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow needs to begin.
Hopefully it will be better.
Written: Date unknown (2009)
I know I’ve wanted it before.
Probably a lot more then others.
But after searching for so long,
I’ve finally found out a secret.
I’ve offered love to everyone.
But no one seems to want it.
So finally, after playing this game alone.
I’ve decided that
I’m better off alone.
I can rock my own world.
& I don’t need anyone else.
& maybe one day, I’ll fall in love.
But until then, it’s my rock show.
Cause I’m better off alone.
In a way, it makes me feel so strong.
Cause I can walk on my own two feet.
& all those other girls have locked their arms.
While I’m as free as the wind.
Yeah, I can fly to wherever I please.
No need to slow down.
I’ve finally found my place.
At ease. Because…
I’m better off alone.
I can rock my own world.
& I don’t need anyone else.
& maybe one day, I’ll fall in love.
But until then, it’s my rock show.
Cause I’m better off, alone.
When I finally stopped and stared.
And thought “why do I bother?”
A light then came on,
& I finally figured it out.
I’m better off alone.
I can rock my own world.
& I don’t need anyone,
anyone else.
I’m better off alone.
& maybe one day, I’ll fall in love.
But until then,
I’m better off alone.
Alone,
alone.
I’m better off alone.
(it’s my rock show)
I’m better off alone.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
Probably a lot more then others.
But after searching for so long,
I’ve finally found out a secret.
I’ve offered love to everyone.
But no one seems to want it.
So finally, after playing this game alone.
I’ve decided that
I’m better off alone.
I can rock my own world.
& I don’t need anyone else.
& maybe one day, I’ll fall in love.
But until then, it’s my rock show.
Cause I’m better off alone.
In a way, it makes me feel so strong.
Cause I can walk on my own two feet.
& all those other girls have locked their arms.
While I’m as free as the wind.
Yeah, I can fly to wherever I please.
No need to slow down.
I’ve finally found my place.
At ease. Because…
I’m better off alone.
I can rock my own world.
& I don’t need anyone else.
& maybe one day, I’ll fall in love.
But until then, it’s my rock show.
Cause I’m better off, alone.
When I finally stopped and stared.
And thought “why do I bother?”
A light then came on,
& I finally figured it out.
I’m better off alone.
I can rock my own world.
& I don’t need anyone,
anyone else.
I’m better off alone.
& maybe one day, I’ll fall in love.
But until then,
I’m better off alone.
Alone,
alone.
I’m better off alone.
(it’s my rock show)
I’m better off alone.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
To be or not to be?
Well unfortunately,
I’m only human.
I have desires.
But if I could burn them up,
by golly I would.
Watch out world,
I might bite.
Bringing up walls now.
Watch them stand
so tall.
& then you’ll fall.
So young & naive.
I can’t stand me.
It over whelms me.
So we’re back
to the drawing board.
I will just be me
& so what only I can do.
Take one step at a time.
Written: Thursday, August 6th, 2009
Well unfortunately,
I’m only human.
I have desires.
But if I could burn them up,
by golly I would.
Watch out world,
I might bite.
Bringing up walls now.
Watch them stand
so tall.
& then you’ll fall.
So young & naive.
I can’t stand me.
It over whelms me.
So we’re back
to the drawing board.
I will just be me
& so what only I can do.
Take one step at a time.
Written: Thursday, August 6th, 2009
It was a rainy day.
The sky was colorless.
& the leaves were catching paint.
They were falling, falling for you.
They were falling, falling for you.
We went off by ourselves,
Into this small room.
We were just talking.
& I was pouring out my pain.
& you stopped me,
& pulled me close to you.
& you said:
You are perfect.
You are perfect the way you are.
& the rest of those words,
were spoken through your arms.
I was wrapped up in all your love.
& we stood there, in frozen time.
We stood there, holding each other.
& I stood there
& listened to your silence.
Your loving silence.
I didn’t want to let you go.
I loved being so close to you.
It was heart beat to heart beat.
Breath to breath.
Breath to breath.
& even though you had let me go,
I still hold onto you.
I still hold onto to you.
I still feel you.
& there we were. Holding each other.
I love the feeling of that bliss.
Not another word was spoken.
But everything was said.
I watched you leave.
But I felt you stay.
& I remembered what you had said:
You are perfect.
You are perfect the way you are.
& the rest of those words,
were spoken through your arms.
I was wrapped up in all your love.
& we stood there, in frozen time.
We stood there, holding each other.
& I stood there,
& listened to your silence.
Your loving silence.
You holding me,
holding you,
holding me.
Oh, eternity.
Of you holding me,
holding you,
holding me.
In your loving silence.
Loving silence.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
The sky was colorless.
& the leaves were catching paint.
They were falling, falling for you.
They were falling, falling for you.
We went off by ourselves,
Into this small room.
We were just talking.
& I was pouring out my pain.
& you stopped me,
& pulled me close to you.
& you said:
You are perfect.
You are perfect the way you are.
& the rest of those words,
were spoken through your arms.
I was wrapped up in all your love.
& we stood there, in frozen time.
We stood there, holding each other.
& I stood there
& listened to your silence.
Your loving silence.
I didn’t want to let you go.
I loved being so close to you.
It was heart beat to heart beat.
Breath to breath.
Breath to breath.
& even though you had let me go,
I still hold onto you.
I still hold onto to you.
I still feel you.
& there we were. Holding each other.
I love the feeling of that bliss.
Not another word was spoken.
But everything was said.
I watched you leave.
But I felt you stay.
& I remembered what you had said:
You are perfect.
You are perfect the way you are.
& the rest of those words,
were spoken through your arms.
I was wrapped up in all your love.
& we stood there, in frozen time.
We stood there, holding each other.
& I stood there,
& listened to your silence.
Your loving silence.
You holding me,
holding you,
holding me.
Oh, eternity.
Of you holding me,
holding you,
holding me.
In your loving silence.
Loving silence.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I’ve never seen the light of day.
I’ve never felt the wind blow.
I’ve never seen the stars at night.
I’ve never felt the moon’s glow.
I’ve never felt the sand of the sea.
I’ve never heard the sound of the waves.
I’ve never felt the breeze hit my face
while standing all alone.
Until you came,
and showed me the light of day.
Until you came & wiped all
tears away.
Until you showed me how to
live & how to give all I’ve got.
Until you came & started sharing
your life with mine.
I’ve never felt the grass between my toes.
Or felt the kiss of a rose tickle my nose.
I’ve never laughed so hard, that my insides
turn numb. I’ve never rolled down a hill,
so fast it made me dumb. I could
never spell backwards. Or do back flips.
I could never run in place and suddenly
be somewhere else.
Until you came and showed me the light
of day. Until you came & wiped all
tears away. Until you showed me how to
live & how to give all I’ve got.
Until you came & started sharing
your life with mine.
Never have I suddenly realized,
how big of an addition you are
to my one life.
Written: Date Unknown (probably 2009)
I’ve never felt the wind blow.
I’ve never seen the stars at night.
I’ve never felt the moon’s glow.
I’ve never felt the sand of the sea.
I’ve never heard the sound of the waves.
I’ve never felt the breeze hit my face
while standing all alone.
Until you came,
and showed me the light of day.
Until you came & wiped all
tears away.
Until you showed me how to
live & how to give all I’ve got.
Until you came & started sharing
your life with mine.
I’ve never felt the grass between my toes.
Or felt the kiss of a rose tickle my nose.
I’ve never laughed so hard, that my insides
turn numb. I’ve never rolled down a hill,
so fast it made me dumb. I could
never spell backwards. Or do back flips.
I could never run in place and suddenly
be somewhere else.
Until you came and showed me the light
of day. Until you came & wiped all
tears away. Until you showed me how to
live & how to give all I’ve got.
Until you came & started sharing
your life with mine.
Never have I suddenly realized,
how big of an addition you are
to my one life.
Written: Date Unknown (probably 2009)
Stand by me,
through the night.
Stand by me,
when the winds blow.
We can be all alone.
It doesn’t matter,
as long as I have you
to stand by me.
When the winter winds blow.
And the season is so cold,
I’ll have you to keep me warm.
Warm, warm.
And when it’s spring again,
we’ll go swimming like we did
when we were ten years old.
But now we’re older.
But like I did then,
I have you now.
But like I did then,
I have you now.
But like I did then,
I have you now.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
When your heart is
broken and torn.
And your blood is
running cold.
I’ll be here,
to keep you warm.
To turn everything
bad to good again.
And when everyone
has left you to die,
I’ll be here.
I’ll catch the tears you cry.
There’s not a way,
in the world I would ever
let you go.
& I know, that you know,
that I love you.
I love you, I love you.
like I did then,
I do now.
like I did then,
I do now.
like I did then,
I do now, except more.
I love you like I did, then.
But more. I love you like I
did, then but more.
Because I have you,
Because I have you,
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
through the night.
Stand by me,
when the winds blow.
We can be all alone.
It doesn’t matter,
as long as I have you
to stand by me.
When the winter winds blow.
And the season is so cold,
I’ll have you to keep me warm.
Warm, warm.
And when it’s spring again,
we’ll go swimming like we did
when we were ten years old.
But now we’re older.
But like I did then,
I have you now.
But like I did then,
I have you now.
But like I did then,
I have you now.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
When your heart is
broken and torn.
And your blood is
running cold.
I’ll be here,
to keep you warm.
To turn everything
bad to good again.
And when everyone
has left you to die,
I’ll be here.
I’ll catch the tears you cry.
There’s not a way,
in the world I would ever
let you go.
& I know, that you know,
that I love you.
I love you, I love you.
like I did then,
I do now.
like I did then,
I do now.
like I did then,
I do now, except more.
I love you like I did, then.
But more. I love you like I
did, then but more.
Because I have you,
Because I have you,
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Standing beside me.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
It’s about time that you
fell in love with me.
After all the love that I gave,
you finally gave some back.
I know it was worth it.
Because, you are worth it.
& now, look at the joy we found.
Every morning that I wake up,
I think of you.
I think of seeing you.
& every night when
you go to sleep.
You dream of me.
You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
You say what are you
talking about?
Well I’ll tell you, in this song.
All those times I fell for you,
you were falling for someone else,
& I’d cry myself to sleep,
wishing to be with you.
& now you see me,
the way I’ve always seen you.
& look at all we are today.
It’s all because..
Every morning that I wake up,
I think of you. I think of seeing you.
& every night when you go to sleep.
You dream of me. You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
It was worth,
All those tears I cried.
All those nights I wanted to die.
I held onto the dream of being with you.
Of living with you, for all eternity.
For all eternity with you.
Every morning that I wake up,
I think of you.
I think of seeing you.
& every night when you go to sleep.
You dream of me.
You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
It was worth,
Every morning waking up,
Thinking of you.
I thought about seeing you.
& every night when you go to sleep.
You dream of me.
You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
It was worth,
It was worth,
It was worth it all.
It was worth it.
It was worth it all.
At least that’s the way
I pictured it being.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
fell in love with me.
After all the love that I gave,
you finally gave some back.
I know it was worth it.
Because, you are worth it.
& now, look at the joy we found.
Every morning that I wake up,
I think of you.
I think of seeing you.
& every night when
you go to sleep.
You dream of me.
You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
You say what are you
talking about?
Well I’ll tell you, in this song.
All those times I fell for you,
you were falling for someone else,
& I’d cry myself to sleep,
wishing to be with you.
& now you see me,
the way I’ve always seen you.
& look at all we are today.
It’s all because..
Every morning that I wake up,
I think of you. I think of seeing you.
& every night when you go to sleep.
You dream of me. You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
It was worth,
All those tears I cried.
All those nights I wanted to die.
I held onto the dream of being with you.
Of living with you, for all eternity.
For all eternity with you.
Every morning that I wake up,
I think of you.
I think of seeing you.
& every night when you go to sleep.
You dream of me.
You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
It was worth,
Every morning waking up,
Thinking of you.
I thought about seeing you.
& every night when you go to sleep.
You dream of me.
You dream of us.
Yeah, it was worth it.
It was worth,
It was worth,
It was worth it all.
It was worth it.
It was worth it all.
At least that’s the way
I pictured it being.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
Hello Dear Waves,
How are you today?
I see you moving so quickly.
I wonder what you’re feeling inside.
If you could only feel inside.
You seem to be dancing.
Back & forth.
Constantly.
But I sometimes wonder,
if you’re trying to run away.
If you had thoughts,
what would you be thinking?
& you’re trying to run away,
could I run with you?
I feel like running away from life.
Running away from life.
If I could sprout wings,
by golly I would.
I would.
You angels of the sky,
can fly too or away.
Away.
If you want to go
somewhere in life,
you just fly. Fly.
If you want to get away,
you just fly.
Well I wish I could just fly.
I feel like running away from life.
Running away from life.
These feet, won’t take me that far.
& if life is an empty field,
I have no where else to go.
But the clouds in the Heavens,
are oh so traveling.
Tell me, what do you see?
what do you see?
I feel like running away from life.
Running away from life.
But if only I could.
But if only I could.
If only I could.
But if only I could.
I could.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
How are you today?
I see you moving so quickly.
I wonder what you’re feeling inside.
If you could only feel inside.
You seem to be dancing.
Back & forth.
Constantly.
But I sometimes wonder,
if you’re trying to run away.
If you had thoughts,
what would you be thinking?
& you’re trying to run away,
could I run with you?
I feel like running away from life.
Running away from life.
If I could sprout wings,
by golly I would.
I would.
You angels of the sky,
can fly too or away.
Away.
If you want to go
somewhere in life,
you just fly. Fly.
If you want to get away,
you just fly.
Well I wish I could just fly.
I feel like running away from life.
Running away from life.
These feet, won’t take me that far.
& if life is an empty field,
I have no where else to go.
But the clouds in the Heavens,
are oh so traveling.
Tell me, what do you see?
what do you see?
I feel like running away from life.
Running away from life.
But if only I could.
But if only I could.
If only I could.
But if only I could.
I could.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I want to pour every
desire to be loved,
out of me, in poem.
In rhyme.
I want to just pour it all out.
In the strongest of words.
In the simplest of words.
In the shortest of sentences.
In the longest of paragraphs.
I want it all out.
But it’s so late.
I’m so tired.
My words have failed me.
It’s not in me.
It is, but it’s hiding.
The inspiration I need.
It’s not there.
Not right now.
The strength I need,
to pour it all out.
It’s ran away.
It’s already asleep.
Dreaming of someone
who is strong for me.
I need to be asleep too.
So off I go,
to dream dreams.
Maybe later,
inspiration will not hold
itself back.
My strength
will push forward,
with all haste.
And my words
will come out of hiding.
It’s just, my mind
didn’t feel like pouring
out tonight.
It wants to be lazy.
Oh, just when my heart was
ready to give all it’s got.
My mind decides to hold it all back.
Maybe another night will come,
where I can write a ridiculously long poem.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
desire to be loved,
out of me, in poem.
In rhyme.
I want to just pour it all out.
In the strongest of words.
In the simplest of words.
In the shortest of sentences.
In the longest of paragraphs.
I want it all out.
But it’s so late.
I’m so tired.
My words have failed me.
It’s not in me.
It is, but it’s hiding.
The inspiration I need.
It’s not there.
Not right now.
The strength I need,
to pour it all out.
It’s ran away.
It’s already asleep.
Dreaming of someone
who is strong for me.
I need to be asleep too.
So off I go,
to dream dreams.
Maybe later,
inspiration will not hold
itself back.
My strength
will push forward,
with all haste.
And my words
will come out of hiding.
It’s just, my mind
didn’t feel like pouring
out tonight.
It wants to be lazy.
Oh, just when my heart was
ready to give all it’s got.
My mind decides to hold it all back.
Maybe another night will come,
where I can write a ridiculously long poem.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
2008
Dear beautiful woman,
or lovely little girl, or
innocent young lady.
I know not you,
but I want to show you love.
I am writing this letter to
women of all ages.
You’ve been hurt.
Sliced to the core.
Destroyed peace.
Unaware and unsafe.
Struck to the heart.
Stabbed in your tower.
Crushed to the spine.
A hit to the center of it all.
I want to show you that there
are people out there who care.
& I am one of those people.
I know I cannot help you in any way.
But God can. In many ways.
Ways I do not know how.
But He can. And He wants too.
And He longs too. He loves you.
I love you. & yes, I know
I do not know you. But I wanted you
to know, that my heart goes out to you.
For all who have suffered.
You have hurt.
You have ached.
You’ve rolled in your anguish.
You’ve drowned in your pain.
You’ve swam in your tears.
You’ve slept in your screams.
I know you’ve been hurt.
And yes, I know that I can never
fully comprehend or understand
exactly how you feel.
But I wanted to say I’m sorry
that it ever happened to you.
My heart does go out to you.
& I’m sorry that I can do nothing to help you.
I don’t know what else to do.
My heart is broken. I am crying.
Heart races.
Mind tries to comprehend.
Heart aches and moans.
My thoughts quench.
My ears cut themselves.
How could they?
And to you.
Beautiful princess.
Darling beauty.
And now you walk
to the end of this life
with the marks of those
who had bound you to
this fate.
I’m sorry.
I am not making light of this.
But I am crying.
I wanted to say I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that’s all I can say.
I’m sorry I can’t do anything.
I’m sorry I can’t even give you a hug,
because I don’t know you.
I’m sorry that this letter is stupid and useless.
I just wanted you to know,
that there is hope.
And know that I care.
That I am praying for you.
& I am truly and deeply sorry.
I love you.
I ache for you.
I had no idea.
I live. I breathe.
I live on unbeknownst to me.
Ignorance can be bliss.
Mine has been shattered.
And now I ache.
Now I cry.
Now I sob.
Now I lament.
I’m writing a letter,
because I am cursed
with knowledge and no not
what to do with it.
But I hope this letter
will give you hope and love.
& maybe a bit of comfort.
I don’t know how to end this letter.
Should I say have a nice life?
Take care?
How do you end a letter to someone
who’s been hurt like this?
All I can think of,
to end this lament,
is to say,
I pray,
You heal.
—–
Written: Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008, 2:28 AM
Some text modified: Friday, October 11th, 2013, 4:37 PM
All the text in italic is text that has been newly added.
Everything else that is normal, was kept from the original
date it was written.
Explanation:
This may be a little strange, but...
I was watching the Tyra show and these ladies were discussing how, in parts of Africa, women are circumcised at an age as early as 5 years old. And I had never heard of this until I was 16 years old. It broke my heart. And I was so disturbed. So I wrote this letter to basically just lament. But I was filled with anguish. I was heart broken.
You can read about it here. And also donate to the organization to help these victims.
I also made a painting about it. Which you can view here.
For woman everywhere that this has happened too.
I just wanted to explain myself and the letter. And who it is for. And why it was written.
or lovely little girl, or
innocent young lady.
I know not you,
but I want to show you love.
I am writing this letter to
women of all ages.
You’ve been hurt.
Sliced to the core.
Destroyed peace.
Unaware and unsafe.
Struck to the heart.
Stabbed in your tower.
Crushed to the spine.
A hit to the center of it all.
I want to show you that there
are people out there who care.
& I am one of those people.
I know I cannot help you in any way.
But God can. In many ways.
Ways I do not know how.
But He can. And He wants too.
And He longs too. He loves you.
I love you. & yes, I know
I do not know you. But I wanted you
to know, that my heart goes out to you.
For all who have suffered.
You have hurt.
You have ached.
You’ve rolled in your anguish.
You’ve drowned in your pain.
You’ve swam in your tears.
You’ve slept in your screams.
I know you’ve been hurt.
And yes, I know that I can never
fully comprehend or understand
exactly how you feel.
But I wanted to say I’m sorry
that it ever happened to you.
My heart does go out to you.
& I’m sorry that I can do nothing to help you.
I don’t know what else to do.
My heart is broken. I am crying.
Heart races.
Mind tries to comprehend.
Heart aches and moans.
My thoughts quench.
My ears cut themselves.
How could they?
And to you.
Beautiful princess.
Darling beauty.
And now you walk
to the end of this life
with the marks of those
who had bound you to
this fate.
I’m sorry.
I am not making light of this.
But I am crying.
I wanted to say I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that’s all I can say.
I’m sorry I can’t do anything.
I’m sorry I can’t even give you a hug,
because I don’t know you.
I’m sorry that this letter is stupid and useless.
I just wanted you to know,
that there is hope.
And know that I care.
That I am praying for you.
& I am truly and deeply sorry.
I love you.
I ache for you.
I had no idea.
I live. I breathe.
I live on unbeknownst to me.
Ignorance can be bliss.
Mine has been shattered.
And now I ache.
Now I cry.
Now I sob.
Now I lament.
I’m writing a letter,
because I am cursed
with knowledge and no not
what to do with it.
But I hope this letter
will give you hope and love.
& maybe a bit of comfort.
I don’t know how to end this letter.
Should I say have a nice life?
Take care?
How do you end a letter to someone
who’s been hurt like this?
All I can think of,
to end this lament,
is to say,
I pray,
You heal.
—–
Written: Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008, 2:28 AM
Some text modified: Friday, October 11th, 2013, 4:37 PM
All the text in italic is text that has been newly added.
Everything else that is normal, was kept from the original
date it was written.
Explanation:
This may be a little strange, but...
I was watching the Tyra show and these ladies were discussing how, in parts of Africa, women are circumcised at an age as early as 5 years old. And I had never heard of this until I was 16 years old. It broke my heart. And I was so disturbed. So I wrote this letter to basically just lament. But I was filled with anguish. I was heart broken.
You can read about it here. And also donate to the organization to help these victims.
I also made a painting about it. Which you can view here.
For woman everywhere that this has happened too.
I just wanted to explain myself and the letter. And who it is for. And why it was written.
When it’s snowing,
& it’s cold outside.
& I have not you to hold me.
Inside, I miss you.
& when it’s raining,
& I have not you to sing too,
I get so bored.
& know not what to do.
I need you.
Too much.
I need you, too much.
But I’m not ready for you.
But at the same time,
I am.
& I’m away from you, too much.
& I love you, too much.
I miss you, too much.
Too much.
When you’re crying,
I hate myself.
because I’m not with you.
Let me be the one
to dry every single
tear you cry.
& when you just
need to be held,
I would hold you
till you fell asleep.
& even then I’d sing to you.
I need you, too much.
But I’m not ready, for you.
But at the same time,
I am.
& I’m away from you, too much.
& I love you, too much.
I miss you, too much.
Too much.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
& it’s cold outside.
& I have not you to hold me.
Inside, I miss you.
& when it’s raining,
& I have not you to sing too,
I get so bored.
& know not what to do.
I need you.
Too much.
I need you, too much.
But I’m not ready for you.
But at the same time,
I am.
& I’m away from you, too much.
& I love you, too much.
I miss you, too much.
Too much.
When you’re crying,
I hate myself.
because I’m not with you.
Let me be the one
to dry every single
tear you cry.
& when you just
need to be held,
I would hold you
till you fell asleep.
& even then I’d sing to you.
I need you, too much.
But I’m not ready, for you.
But at the same time,
I am.
& I’m away from you, too much.
& I love you, too much.
I miss you, too much.
Too much.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
I swear I don’t mean to cry.
But the thought that I
will never see your face,
kills me on the inside.
I can wait for you.
But I won’t wait for you,
if you don’t exist.
I’d rather not want you,
if you aren’t out there.
I’d prefer this all be taken away.
But if you’re real.
Then let me feel you.
If you’re here,
then let me see you.
Cause my heart’s
been searching
for buried treasure
for quite some time now.
And if you’re near,
then please hurry.
And if you’re for me.
Then I’m all for you.
I don’t mean to doubt you.
But dear I need to know
that you’re still around.
I want to keep holding on.
And pressing through
believing in you.
But my faith is growing thin.
I need some help.
I need some help from giving
into doubt.
I need some help.
I need some help
from giving in to my doubts.
I want to be strong.
But I’m so weak with
only half of my heart.
You see, when God
designed me, He took
half of my heart, and gave it to you.
For I was made for you.
And I want you here.
I want my other half.
It’s so hard.
It’s so hard not
having you here
with me.
I’m falling. I’m falling.
Oh, God can you save me?
I’m heading for rock bottom.
I’m dying. I’m dying.
Oh God, can you save me?
I’m heading to the end.
I’m falling. I’m falling.
Oh, God can you save me?
I’m heading for rock bottom.
I’m dying. I’m dying.
Oh God, can you save me?
I’m heading to the end.
I’m heading to the…
I’m looking for the other half of my heart.
And dear, let me tell you,
you’re not easy to find.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
But the thought that I
will never see your face,
kills me on the inside.
I can wait for you.
But I won’t wait for you,
if you don’t exist.
I’d rather not want you,
if you aren’t out there.
I’d prefer this all be taken away.
But if you’re real.
Then let me feel you.
If you’re here,
then let me see you.
Cause my heart’s
been searching
for buried treasure
for quite some time now.
And if you’re near,
then please hurry.
And if you’re for me.
Then I’m all for you.
I don’t mean to doubt you.
But dear I need to know
that you’re still around.
I want to keep holding on.
And pressing through
believing in you.
But my faith is growing thin.
I need some help.
I need some help from giving
into doubt.
I need some help.
I need some help
from giving in to my doubts.
I want to be strong.
But I’m so weak with
only half of my heart.
You see, when God
designed me, He took
half of my heart, and gave it to you.
For I was made for you.
And I want you here.
I want my other half.
It’s so hard.
It’s so hard not
having you here
with me.
I’m falling. I’m falling.
Oh, God can you save me?
I’m heading for rock bottom.
I’m dying. I’m dying.
Oh God, can you save me?
I’m heading to the end.
I’m falling. I’m falling.
Oh, God can you save me?
I’m heading for rock bottom.
I’m dying. I’m dying.
Oh God, can you save me?
I’m heading to the end.
I’m heading to the…
I’m looking for the other half of my heart.
And dear, let me tell you,
you’re not easy to find.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
I was walking down a
sidewalk with the sun
in my eyes.
I really wanted to cry.
But I didn’t cause
I didn’t want people
to wonder why.
But as the sky turned gray,
I must say.
It made me smile.
It made me smile.
It made me smile.
& as the rain was falling.
I continued calling it down.
And everyone was running,
jumping out the windows.
Oh what a day,
what a day.
It was just me.
And the rain.
But then here you come.
You and your Umbrella.
You had a smile.
Asked me if you could stay a while.
Holding me, under your umbrella.
& it’s amazing what they say.
You share your umbrella with me
& they think we’re in love.
Now Okay, I admit it.
I was happy getting
soak & wet.
But did ya’ see that smile?
Oh my! I had to let him
stay for a while.
Yes, you may walk me home.
As long as I get to
stand next to you.
Under your umbrella.
Then the rain stopped falling
& I began to cry.
He asked why oh dear,
what ever is the matter wrong?
I began to spill the beans.
Then he said
“I know exactly what you mean”
& he smiled.
Oh my gosh, he smiled.
& here you come.
You and your Umbrella.
You had a smile.
Asked me if you could stay a while.
Holding me, under your umbrella.
& it’s amazing what they say.
You share your umbrella with me
& they think we’re in love.
& they think we’re in Love.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
sidewalk with the sun
in my eyes.
I really wanted to cry.
But I didn’t cause
I didn’t want people
to wonder why.
But as the sky turned gray,
I must say.
It made me smile.
It made me smile.
It made me smile.
& as the rain was falling.
I continued calling it down.
And everyone was running,
jumping out the windows.
Oh what a day,
what a day.
It was just me.
And the rain.
But then here you come.
You and your Umbrella.
You had a smile.
Asked me if you could stay a while.
Holding me, under your umbrella.
& it’s amazing what they say.
You share your umbrella with me
& they think we’re in love.
Now Okay, I admit it.
I was happy getting
soak & wet.
But did ya’ see that smile?
Oh my! I had to let him
stay for a while.
Yes, you may walk me home.
As long as I get to
stand next to you.
Under your umbrella.
Then the rain stopped falling
& I began to cry.
He asked why oh dear,
what ever is the matter wrong?
I began to spill the beans.
Then he said
“I know exactly what you mean”
& he smiled.
Oh my gosh, he smiled.
& here you come.
You and your Umbrella.
You had a smile.
Asked me if you could stay a while.
Holding me, under your umbrella.
& it’s amazing what they say.
You share your umbrella with me
& they think we’re in love.
& they think we’re in Love.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
I haven’t wrote a song for you,
for quite some time now.
I’ve collected all my thoughts
& now I’m ready to pour them all out.
I’ve been looking for you.
But you’re no where to be found.
& I hate to be left with this air,
& not you to share it with.
I’ve been feeling weary.
I’m just hoping you’ll stop hiding.
But maybe you like the chase.
But baby, this is the case.
I need some clues,
as what to do.
Give me some clues,
that you are near.
Give me a shoe print,
that shows you’re closer to here.
Drop your scarf in the mud.
I’ll pick it up and hold it closely.
Drop your trash on the ground,
I’ll add it to my collection
of things from you.
Just do whatever it takes
to let me know I’m catching up on you.
No, I’m not making sense.
I really don’t feel like doing that.
No, I won’t say the truth.
But I’ll tell the truth of how I feel.
No, I don’t care what they think.
I just want you.
Yes, no one knows where
I’m going with this.
Just hang on.
& listen on as I begin to tell you,
how you make me feel.
And I haven’t even met you.
You’ve got me on a string.
Counting to three,
you make me dance.
You’ve got me wrapped
around your finger.
Clap your hands,
I’m playing dead.
Kiss my lips,
I’m alive again.
You, make me invert to the
upside down part of my brain.
You, make me invert
to the twirly, twirly place in my heart.
You, make me invert
to the still & quiet loudness of the fields.
You, make me invert to
where I’m spinning to the there & then.
Leaving the here & now.
I’m closing my eyes now.
One thing is after the other.
When it comes to you,
there’s no road map.
We just wing it.
We just play it.
& soak it all in.
You’re the leader in this game.
I’m simply following you.
Following you.
Doing as you do.
Guess who?
Doing as you do.
Following you.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
for quite some time now.
I’ve collected all my thoughts
& now I’m ready to pour them all out.
I’ve been looking for you.
But you’re no where to be found.
& I hate to be left with this air,
& not you to share it with.
I’ve been feeling weary.
I’m just hoping you’ll stop hiding.
But maybe you like the chase.
But baby, this is the case.
I need some clues,
as what to do.
Give me some clues,
that you are near.
Give me a shoe print,
that shows you’re closer to here.
Drop your scarf in the mud.
I’ll pick it up and hold it closely.
Drop your trash on the ground,
I’ll add it to my collection
of things from you.
Just do whatever it takes
to let me know I’m catching up on you.
No, I’m not making sense.
I really don’t feel like doing that.
No, I won’t say the truth.
But I’ll tell the truth of how I feel.
No, I don’t care what they think.
I just want you.
Yes, no one knows where
I’m going with this.
Just hang on.
& listen on as I begin to tell you,
how you make me feel.
And I haven’t even met you.
You’ve got me on a string.
Counting to three,
you make me dance.
You’ve got me wrapped
around your finger.
Clap your hands,
I’m playing dead.
Kiss my lips,
I’m alive again.
You, make me invert to the
upside down part of my brain.
You, make me invert
to the twirly, twirly place in my heart.
You, make me invert
to the still & quiet loudness of the fields.
You, make me invert to
where I’m spinning to the there & then.
Leaving the here & now.
I’m closing my eyes now.
One thing is after the other.
When it comes to you,
there’s no road map.
We just wing it.
We just play it.
& soak it all in.
You’re the leader in this game.
I’m simply following you.
Following you.
Doing as you do.
Guess who?
Doing as you do.
Following you.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
Don’t cry those dusty tears.
I know how much you hurt.
And I know, that you know,
that I would take it all away,
if only I could.
And I know, that you know, that
I am here for you until the
end of time.
I will do my best,
to leave the rest of you,
with all the joy,
laughter and love.
With all the joy, laughter &
love. With all the joy,
laughter & love.
Don’t shed off your skin.
Your beauty needs to stay.
And don’t rip off your lips,
because I need them to kiss
my finger tips.
While my feet
are naked, dancing around
in your yard.
And as the world
fades away.
Kill the sorrow
for another day.
And leave us
with all the joy, laughter &
love. With all the love.
With all the joy, laughter & love.
All the joy, laughter & love.
I’ve cried one thousand tears,
all made of glass.
I’ve waited in the midnight hour,
hoping all the pain would pass.
I’ve had enough hurt, to last
me a lifetime.
Will joy, laughter and love,
find me, & make me shine?
Make me shine with
Joy, Laughter & love.
Joy, Laughter & love.
Joy And laughter and love.
One thousand tears I’ve cried,
hoping too find joy, laughter,
& love to share with someone
in this empty life of mine.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I know how much you hurt.
And I know, that you know,
that I would take it all away,
if only I could.
And I know, that you know, that
I am here for you until the
end of time.
I will do my best,
to leave the rest of you,
with all the joy,
laughter and love.
With all the joy, laughter &
love. With all the joy,
laughter & love.
Don’t shed off your skin.
Your beauty needs to stay.
And don’t rip off your lips,
because I need them to kiss
my finger tips.
While my feet
are naked, dancing around
in your yard.
And as the world
fades away.
Kill the sorrow
for another day.
And leave us
with all the joy, laughter &
love. With all the love.
With all the joy, laughter & love.
All the joy, laughter & love.
I’ve cried one thousand tears,
all made of glass.
I’ve waited in the midnight hour,
hoping all the pain would pass.
I’ve had enough hurt, to last
me a lifetime.
Will joy, laughter and love,
find me, & make me shine?
Make me shine with
Joy, Laughter & love.
Joy, Laughter & love.
Joy And laughter and love.
One thousand tears I’ve cried,
hoping too find joy, laughter,
& love to share with someone
in this empty life of mine.
Written: Date Unknown (2009)
I have to get some
things out in the open.
But I won’t let my words go naked.
I’ll mask each pain and suffering,
with a mystery.
And if I’m in love,
you wouldn’t know it.
Even if I was to show it.
And you’ll never know.
Even though you hear.
It’s like the blue skies
ruined by the suns rays.
It’s like a lonely house
kissed with vines, only
to be brought down
to the ground.
And you’ll never know
even though you hear.
No, you’ll never know.
Even though you hear.
It’s like walking on the beach,
with your eyes closed.
Listening to innocent sounds.
But when you fall down,
and realize you’re not alone,
it ruins everything.
It’s like wanting to go some place,
or do something,
or learn something new.
But not having the money,
or whereabouts to go to that place.
Or go and do that thing.
Or not having a teacher
to teach that something to you.
And you’ll never know,
even though you hear.
No, you’ll never know,
even though you hear,
you’ll never know.
even though you hear.
you’ll never know.
even if you do hear.
You would never know.
Even if I told you so.
You would never know.
Even if I told you so.
You’ll never know.
You’ll never know.
Oh, oh, you’ll never know.
never know.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
things out in the open.
But I won’t let my words go naked.
I’ll mask each pain and suffering,
with a mystery.
And if I’m in love,
you wouldn’t know it.
Even if I was to show it.
And you’ll never know.
Even though you hear.
It’s like the blue skies
ruined by the suns rays.
It’s like a lonely house
kissed with vines, only
to be brought down
to the ground.
And you’ll never know
even though you hear.
No, you’ll never know.
Even though you hear.
It’s like walking on the beach,
with your eyes closed.
Listening to innocent sounds.
But when you fall down,
and realize you’re not alone,
it ruins everything.
It’s like wanting to go some place,
or do something,
or learn something new.
But not having the money,
or whereabouts to go to that place.
Or go and do that thing.
Or not having a teacher
to teach that something to you.
And you’ll never know,
even though you hear.
No, you’ll never know,
even though you hear,
you’ll never know.
even though you hear.
you’ll never know.
even if you do hear.
You would never know.
Even if I told you so.
You would never know.
Even if I told you so.
You’ll never know.
You’ll never know.
Oh, oh, you’ll never know.
never know.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
I’m looking into a mirror.
And all I can seem to see,
is someone that I do not want
to be. It’s disgusting, what I
see. It’s frightening, what I see.
It’s me.
I’m prideful. Arrogant.
Filthy. & sinful.
Complacent. Selfish.
The list goes on.
But If I could get to you.
I wouldn’t have to look
at that. If only I could
get to you.
I could find your beauty.
I could find your perfections.
I could find your heart.
Your lovely, lovely heart.
My skin, it shakes,
at the thought that I exist.
My heart, it crumbles,
that it dishonors you.
My bones, seem to die more
and more each day.
And I suffer in this body.
Maybe if I was someone else,
someone better,
it wouldn’t be this way.
But when I think of you,
my eyes turn from black to blue.
My mouth it sings to you.
And my love crashes into my teeth,
while trying to fly to your ears.
If I could be, where you are,
I wouldn’t have to see me.
If I could be, where you are,
I could stare at you, in awe.
If I could be where you are,
I could kiss your beauty.
I would never stop.
I would never have to look
in the mirror.
I would never stop.
I would never have to look
in the mirror.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
And all I can seem to see,
is someone that I do not want
to be. It’s disgusting, what I
see. It’s frightening, what I see.
It’s me.
I’m prideful. Arrogant.
Filthy. & sinful.
Complacent. Selfish.
The list goes on.
But If I could get to you.
I wouldn’t have to look
at that. If only I could
get to you.
I could find your beauty.
I could find your perfections.
I could find your heart.
Your lovely, lovely heart.
My skin, it shakes,
at the thought that I exist.
My heart, it crumbles,
that it dishonors you.
My bones, seem to die more
and more each day.
And I suffer in this body.
Maybe if I was someone else,
someone better,
it wouldn’t be this way.
But when I think of you,
my eyes turn from black to blue.
My mouth it sings to you.
And my love crashes into my teeth,
while trying to fly to your ears.
If I could be, where you are,
I wouldn’t have to see me.
If I could be, where you are,
I could stare at you, in awe.
If I could be where you are,
I could kiss your beauty.
I would never stop.
I would never have to look
in the mirror.
I would never stop.
I would never have to look
in the mirror.
Written: Date Unknown (2008)
Kissing those bumble bees,
you know they’ll sting you.
With all their beauty,
comes the death threats of our time.
That gold is so oh lovely,
but their poison isn’t worth it.
In the end, you know you’ll die.
Little Salli, was a sweet girl.
The sweetest girl, around.
Only wanting Daddy’s love.
But Daddy was too busy,
throwing back a few.
When the morning comes,
little Salli didn’t know what to do.
Missing love,
wanting love.
Having no where to find it.
She seeks someone
who can give her, what she’s dying for.
What she’s starving for.
She never meant for it to go this far.
She only wanted to be in loving arms.
Never meaning to fall into harm.
Afraid she missed the only alarm.
Little Salli, is a cutie.
With an army,
of them bumble bees, following her.
They bow down.
Speak of sweet melodies,
to romance her ears.
But it’s all filthy lies.
Toxic waste has been
poured into her heart.
Daddy look now at the
mess you could have prevented.
All the bees gave her gold,
lots of pretty gold.
And said she only had
to do as she was told.
And they’d be there for her,
as she grew old.
But are they there for her now,
as she grows cold?
Tell me, tell me
who is taking care of Little Salli?
All alone and afraid,
with her new found baby.
She’s so weak, and sore.
Can she bore this child all by herself?
If you ask her now,
she will tell you beware of those bumble bees.
You should know they’ll sting you.
Written: Date Unknown (but it was in the summer of 2008)
you know they’ll sting you.
With all their beauty,
comes the death threats of our time.
That gold is so oh lovely,
but their poison isn’t worth it.
In the end, you know you’ll die.
Little Salli, was a sweet girl.
The sweetest girl, around.
Only wanting Daddy’s love.
But Daddy was too busy,
throwing back a few.
When the morning comes,
little Salli didn’t know what to do.
Missing love,
wanting love.
Having no where to find it.
She seeks someone
who can give her, what she’s dying for.
What she’s starving for.
She never meant for it to go this far.
She only wanted to be in loving arms.
Never meaning to fall into harm.
Afraid she missed the only alarm.
Little Salli, is a cutie.
With an army,
of them bumble bees, following her.
They bow down.
Speak of sweet melodies,
to romance her ears.
But it’s all filthy lies.
Toxic waste has been
poured into her heart.
Daddy look now at the
mess you could have prevented.
All the bees gave her gold,
lots of pretty gold.
And said she only had
to do as she was told.
And they’d be there for her,
as she grew old.
But are they there for her now,
as she grows cold?
Tell me, tell me
who is taking care of Little Salli?
All alone and afraid,
with her new found baby.
She’s so weak, and sore.
Can she bore this child all by herself?
If you ask her now,
she will tell you beware of those bumble bees.
You should know they’ll sting you.
Written: Date Unknown (but it was in the summer of 2008)
I never thought that I could feel this way.
I never thought that I could be so in love.
I never thought that I could be so close to you.
Like I am.
Who knew that you could be so lovely?
Who knew that you loved me the way you do?
Who knew that you would steal my heart?
Who knew that you were Jesus Christ?
I’ve heard people say that they feel so loved.
But never understood it, until I felt it.
Now that I have it. I’m never going to let go of you.
So get ready, get use to me. I’m not going anywhere.
Who knew that you, could be so lovely?
Who knew that you, loved me the way you do?
Who knew that you, would steal my heart?
Who knew that you, were Jesus Christ?
John 3:16 tells me of God’s wonderful love.
And every day I see it for myself.
& my life is I hope a story,
to those who don’t believe,
that you indeed shall never leave.
I hope they understand what I feel.
I hope they see what I receive is the best.
I hope they see and know you are true.
& I hope that they too will have you.
Who knew that you could be so lovely?
Who knew that you loved me the way you do?
Who knew that you would steal my heart?
Who knew that you were Jesus Christ?
Who knew?
I must tell.
Who knew?
That it was you.
This shouldn’t be a mystery.
& now it’s not.
Who knew that you were Jesus Christ?
—-
Written: Tuesday, June 10th, 2008, 1:26 AM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10th, 2013, 10:29 PM
I never thought that I could be so in love.
I never thought that I could be so close to you.
Like I am.
Who knew that you could be so lovely?
Who knew that you loved me the way you do?
Who knew that you would steal my heart?
Who knew that you were Jesus Christ?
I’ve heard people say that they feel so loved.
But never understood it, until I felt it.
Now that I have it. I’m never going to let go of you.
So get ready, get use to me. I’m not going anywhere.
Who knew that you, could be so lovely?
Who knew that you, loved me the way you do?
Who knew that you, would steal my heart?
Who knew that you, were Jesus Christ?
John 3:16 tells me of God’s wonderful love.
And every day I see it for myself.
& my life is I hope a story,
to those who don’t believe,
that you indeed shall never leave.
I hope they understand what I feel.
I hope they see what I receive is the best.
I hope they see and know you are true.
& I hope that they too will have you.
Who knew that you could be so lovely?
Who knew that you loved me the way you do?
Who knew that you would steal my heart?
Who knew that you were Jesus Christ?
Who knew?
I must tell.
Who knew?
That it was you.
This shouldn’t be a mystery.
& now it’s not.
Who knew that you were Jesus Christ?
—-
Written: Tuesday, June 10th, 2008, 1:26 AM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10th, 2013, 10:29 PM
I’ve been fighting for a while now. & I’m getting so tired. I can’t believe I thought I could win this war. How pathetic of me. To fight for a love I know doesn’t exist.
I keep fighting for that man. The man who would steal my heart. I keep fighting for a man I could share my love with. & hopefully he’d share his with me. But so rarely do I ever feel like I’m about to catch up. I’m just wasting time. Playing pretend. I’m so sick. I’m so sick of fighting.
Well I’ve fought for almost every guy in town. I’ve put my heart out there, hoping that someone would want it. Keeping my eyes wide open. Smiling hoping someone would see. Thinking someone would actually want to fight for me.
It gets so frustrating and complicated, to love someone who doesn’t love you back. It gets so frustrating. So heart breaking to fight for you, when all you do is just sit there. & stare. To just ignore me. & go for the blonde.
It gets so disgusting. So irritating. To love & love, & love. & never feel it back.
I’m so sick.
I’m so sick of fighting.
Time to stop playing pretend.
__________
Written: Tuesday, June 10th, 2008, 1:09 AM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:41 PM
I keep fighting for that man. The man who would steal my heart. I keep fighting for a man I could share my love with. & hopefully he’d share his with me. But so rarely do I ever feel like I’m about to catch up. I’m just wasting time. Playing pretend. I’m so sick. I’m so sick of fighting.
Well I’ve fought for almost every guy in town. I’ve put my heart out there, hoping that someone would want it. Keeping my eyes wide open. Smiling hoping someone would see. Thinking someone would actually want to fight for me.
It gets so frustrating and complicated, to love someone who doesn’t love you back. It gets so frustrating. So heart breaking to fight for you, when all you do is just sit there. & stare. To just ignore me. & go for the blonde.
It gets so disgusting. So irritating. To love & love, & love. & never feel it back.
I’m so sick.
I’m so sick of fighting.
Time to stop playing pretend.
__________
Written: Tuesday, June 10th, 2008, 1:09 AM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:41 PM
Where do I begin?
Where do I start?
I hurt so much.
It’s so over whelming.
It’s tearing me apart.
I don’t think I can describe my pain.
I feel like the longer I wait,
the more it hurts.
The longer it takes for me to meet you,
the more I hurt.
The more I ache.
And the more it kills me.
And I can’t take much more of this.
Some days, I’m fine.
But some days,
I could die.
This would be one of those days.
One of those nights.
Where I’m all alone.
And all I need is you.
My heart aches in such pain.
I just need you here beside me.
To know you actually exist.
My heart reaches out into the world.
Into the atmosphere.
And tries to find you.
But cannot.
This kills me.
It hurts so much.
To not touch you.
To not feel you.
And I can’t take much more of this.
I’ve almost given up on you.
I don’t want too.
But what other choice do I have?
If I can never find you, after a while,
My only option is to give up.
It’s obvious you don’t want to be found.
So I’ll discontinue to seek you.
In your own time,
you can come out from hiding.
But don’t expect my eyes to be on you.
Of course this is what you wanted, right?
Yes, it is.
This is what you wanted.
You wanted my eyes to be shut.
My face to be in my hands.
Tears to be running like a river.
Smothering me in sorrow.
You wanted my clothes to be wet.
And me to be alone.
To be tired from my crying.
And left alone in the darkness.
Doomed to not such a happily ever after.
But why?
So maybe your coming
would be more glorious?
So it would mean much more to me?
Or so I would be so angry
and discouraged and bitter,
that I wouldn’t want you anymore?
Probably the latter.
You just don’t want me.
So you’ll make me
not want you.
I know your game.
It’s not that hard to follow.
It’s nice.
You tried so hard for me not to catch on.
But it’s too bad that I’m a clever little rebel.
I catch on quickly, my dear.
Thanks for trying to spare my feelings.
But I’ll get killed either way.
Nice try.
But you’ve failed.
——–
Written: Thursday, May 8th, 2008, 11:31 PM
Some text modified: Friday, October 11th, 2013 12:42 AM
Where do I start?
I hurt so much.
It’s so over whelming.
It’s tearing me apart.
I don’t think I can describe my pain.
I feel like the longer I wait,
the more it hurts.
The longer it takes for me to meet you,
the more I hurt.
The more I ache.
And the more it kills me.
And I can’t take much more of this.
Some days, I’m fine.
But some days,
I could die.
This would be one of those days.
One of those nights.
Where I’m all alone.
And all I need is you.
My heart aches in such pain.
I just need you here beside me.
To know you actually exist.
My heart reaches out into the world.
Into the atmosphere.
And tries to find you.
But cannot.
This kills me.
It hurts so much.
To not touch you.
To not feel you.
And I can’t take much more of this.
I’ve almost given up on you.
I don’t want too.
But what other choice do I have?
If I can never find you, after a while,
My only option is to give up.
It’s obvious you don’t want to be found.
So I’ll discontinue to seek you.
In your own time,
you can come out from hiding.
But don’t expect my eyes to be on you.
Of course this is what you wanted, right?
Yes, it is.
This is what you wanted.
You wanted my eyes to be shut.
My face to be in my hands.
Tears to be running like a river.
Smothering me in sorrow.
You wanted my clothes to be wet.
And me to be alone.
To be tired from my crying.
And left alone in the darkness.
Doomed to not such a happily ever after.
But why?
So maybe your coming
would be more glorious?
So it would mean much more to me?
Or so I would be so angry
and discouraged and bitter,
that I wouldn’t want you anymore?
Probably the latter.
You just don’t want me.
So you’ll make me
not want you.
I know your game.
It’s not that hard to follow.
It’s nice.
You tried so hard for me not to catch on.
But it’s too bad that I’m a clever little rebel.
I catch on quickly, my dear.
Thanks for trying to spare my feelings.
But I’ll get killed either way.
Nice try.
But you’ve failed.
——–
Written: Thursday, May 8th, 2008, 11:31 PM
Some text modified: Friday, October 11th, 2013 12:42 AM
I assure you I am not a child. I can in fact, understand you.
Understand, more then you think I can. More then you think I can. So why don’t you pour your heart into me, like I pour mine into you!?
I feel like everyone is just trying to shrink me. Like everyone thinks I am weaker then I am. & oh, it’s getting under my skin. I’ll prove them wrong.
People tell me I couldn’t handle the truth. But I do it everyday, they just don’t see it. I think it’s them who’s scared of me. Knowing I’d find the answer before they did. Oh yeah, it’s jealousy. They’re scared of me.
I feel like everyone is just trying to shrink me. And it’s people like that, who is scared of me. They say I’m weaker then I really am. They know I’m strong. They’re just trying to get
under my skin. Under my skin. Under, Under my skin. Under my skin. & oh it’s getting under my skin. They’re trying to get under my skin. But I’ll prove ‘em wrong.
_____
Written: Thursday, May 1st, 2008 6:48 PM
Some text modified: 9/13/13 Fri.
Understand, more then you think I can. More then you think I can. So why don’t you pour your heart into me, like I pour mine into you!?
I feel like everyone is just trying to shrink me. Like everyone thinks I am weaker then I am. & oh, it’s getting under my skin. I’ll prove them wrong.
People tell me I couldn’t handle the truth. But I do it everyday, they just don’t see it. I think it’s them who’s scared of me. Knowing I’d find the answer before they did. Oh yeah, it’s jealousy. They’re scared of me.
I feel like everyone is just trying to shrink me. And it’s people like that, who is scared of me. They say I’m weaker then I really am. They know I’m strong. They’re just trying to get
under my skin. Under my skin. Under, Under my skin. Under my skin. & oh it’s getting under my skin. They’re trying to get under my skin. But I’ll prove ‘em wrong.
_____
Written: Thursday, May 1st, 2008 6:48 PM
Some text modified: 9/13/13 Fri.
I watched the moon kiss the clouds tonight.
I watched the stars dance for me.
I heard the trees kissing each other.
I watched the world fall fast asleep.
But as for me, I stood still in time.
And as for me, I stopped and thought about you.
I thought about you.
I thought about the way you smile.
I thought about the way you laugh.
I thought about the way you say my name.
I thought about the way you kiss me.
And as for you, I prayed for you all night long.
And as for you, I thought about you coming to see me tonight.
& I won’t, I won’t stop searching for you.
I won’t, I won’t look at any man but you.
You, you have my heart.
& I won’t give it to anyone, but you.
No one else but you.
Take it. Kiss it. Move it. Dance with it.
I don’t care what you do.
It’s yours. And you can do what you want too.
Me, well you can have me.
I belong to you now.
And you can hide me away.
Just take me far away.
Settle me down. Or take me around.
It’s all up to you. Because I belong to you.
& I am yours.
It is yours.
_____
Written: May 21st, 2008, Wednesday
Some text modified: Sat. 9/14/13 12:46 AM
I watched the stars dance for me.
I heard the trees kissing each other.
I watched the world fall fast asleep.
But as for me, I stood still in time.
And as for me, I stopped and thought about you.
I thought about you.
I thought about the way you smile.
I thought about the way you laugh.
I thought about the way you say my name.
I thought about the way you kiss me.
And as for you, I prayed for you all night long.
And as for you, I thought about you coming to see me tonight.
& I won’t, I won’t stop searching for you.
I won’t, I won’t look at any man but you.
You, you have my heart.
& I won’t give it to anyone, but you.
No one else but you.
Take it. Kiss it. Move it. Dance with it.
I don’t care what you do.
It’s yours. And you can do what you want too.
Me, well you can have me.
I belong to you now.
And you can hide me away.
Just take me far away.
Settle me down. Or take me around.
It’s all up to you. Because I belong to you.
& I am yours.
It is yours.
_____
Written: May 21st, 2008, Wednesday
Some text modified: Sat. 9/14/13 12:46 AM
My lovely friend. I want to kiss you. I want to wrap you in a warm, soft, melting kiss. I want to gently kiss you. Like touching rose pedals, I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you till your eyes close tight. Kiss you until you fall asleep. I want to kiss you like fire burns the Earth. While your heart pounds, and your brain dies. And all you feel is this magical feeling that no one else can give you, but me. I want to move my hands across your face. I want you to feel yourself drift away. I want to kiss you like our lips are dancing. Dancing around like there’s no tomorrow. I want you to love my kisses. Let it be one thing that always cheers you up. I want my kisses to be reassurance to you. No matter what you’re fighting against. But most of all, I just want to kiss you. If I die the next day, I want to at least kiss you. If it’s the last thing I do, let me kiss you. If you was to leave and never come back, at least I know that I kissed you. I poured my love into you. You felt it. But mainly, I just got to kiss you. If you forget about me forever more, at least let me kiss you. If you hated me and never wanted to kiss me again, at least I enjoyed that moment of a kiss with you. Even if you cared less about me, let me kiss you. And show you how much I care about you. Let me kiss you. Because I want too.
______
Written: Monday, March 3rd, 2008, 10:28 PM
Text modified: Monday, 9/16/13 Mon.
______
Written: Monday, March 3rd, 2008, 10:28 PM
Text modified: Monday, 9/16/13 Mon.
It kills me to see you.
And not know if you are mine.
I’m still wondering.
Waiting just to see.
But while doing so,
it sometimes gets to me.
And I know I’m strange.
A little out of range.
I know I dress in black.
But I could love you like no one else.
So will you have me?
Will you notice me?
Will you have me?
Will you take me by the hand and
guide me through life?
Will you run with me to the ends of this world?
Will you hold my head up high
when I can’t do it on my own?
Will you love me even when I grow old and ugly?
Will you love me like I love you?
Will you love me?
I like to see you walking by
and think that you could be mine.
Yes it kills me to not know for sure.
But I still believe and
still receive the feelings
I get just by looking at you.
And I never get enough of it.
And I know I get things wrong.
I know I can’t always be strong.
But I promise to never leave you.
And always do my best to keep you happy.
Will you take me by the hand
and guide my through life?
Will you run with me to the ends of this world?
Will you hold my head up high
when I can’t do it on my own?
Will you love me even when I grow old and ugly?
Will you love me like I love you?
Will you love me?
Will you?
I never thought as a little girl,
that I’d grow up to be with you.
I never thought I’d be spoiled like this.
I never thought that I’d kill just to
get a kiss from you.
I never thought you could be
the one for me.
But will you love me?
Will you love me?
Will you love me?
Will you?
——–
Written: Sunday, February 17th, 2008, 4:01 PM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10th, 2013, 11:26 PM
And not know if you are mine.
I’m still wondering.
Waiting just to see.
But while doing so,
it sometimes gets to me.
And I know I’m strange.
A little out of range.
I know I dress in black.
But I could love you like no one else.
So will you have me?
Will you notice me?
Will you have me?
Will you take me by the hand and
guide me through life?
Will you run with me to the ends of this world?
Will you hold my head up high
when I can’t do it on my own?
Will you love me even when I grow old and ugly?
Will you love me like I love you?
Will you love me?
I like to see you walking by
and think that you could be mine.
Yes it kills me to not know for sure.
But I still believe and
still receive the feelings
I get just by looking at you.
And I never get enough of it.
And I know I get things wrong.
I know I can’t always be strong.
But I promise to never leave you.
And always do my best to keep you happy.
Will you take me by the hand
and guide my through life?
Will you run with me to the ends of this world?
Will you hold my head up high
when I can’t do it on my own?
Will you love me even when I grow old and ugly?
Will you love me like I love you?
Will you love me?
Will you?
I never thought as a little girl,
that I’d grow up to be with you.
I never thought I’d be spoiled like this.
I never thought that I’d kill just to
get a kiss from you.
I never thought you could be
the one for me.
But will you love me?
Will you love me?
Will you love me?
Will you?
——–
Written: Sunday, February 17th, 2008, 4:01 PM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10th, 2013, 11:26 PM
I don’t look the way I want too.
I don’t act the way I want too.
I don’t feel the way I want too.
And my life doesn’t play out the way I want it too.
And sometimes, I just get so mad at myself.
I really just want to hurt myself.
I can’t help but to slap myself.
I can’t help but pull my hair.
& I tear my insides up.
I want to punish myself.
I could be so much better at life.
I could be such a better person.
I could be so much more beautiful.
And yet, I’m lazy.
I’m selfish.
I could care less.
And sometimes,
I really just want to hurt myself.
Pinch myself.
Hit myself.
Slap myself.
As long as it gets the job done.
Nothing too messy.
But it’s painful. Because I’m angry.
& I make my own punishment.
I really just get so fed up with myself,
sometimes I really just want to hurt myself.
I want to hurt myself.
So badly.
I want to hurt myself.
So badly.
I want to hurt myself.
I need to be punished.
I want to hurt myself,
and teach myself how to behave.
Sometimes, I can’t help it.
But I really want to hurt myself.
____
Written: Friday, February 8th, 2008, 12:48 AM
Some text modified: 9/11/13 Wed. 2:10 AM
I don’t act the way I want too.
I don’t feel the way I want too.
And my life doesn’t play out the way I want it too.
And sometimes, I just get so mad at myself.
I really just want to hurt myself.
I can’t help but to slap myself.
I can’t help but pull my hair.
& I tear my insides up.
I want to punish myself.
I could be so much better at life.
I could be such a better person.
I could be so much more beautiful.
And yet, I’m lazy.
I’m selfish.
I could care less.
And sometimes,
I really just want to hurt myself.
Pinch myself.
Hit myself.
Slap myself.
As long as it gets the job done.
Nothing too messy.
But it’s painful. Because I’m angry.
& I make my own punishment.
I really just get so fed up with myself,
sometimes I really just want to hurt myself.
I want to hurt myself.
So badly.
I want to hurt myself.
So badly.
I want to hurt myself.
I need to be punished.
I want to hurt myself,
and teach myself how to behave.
Sometimes, I can’t help it.
But I really want to hurt myself.
____
Written: Friday, February 8th, 2008, 12:48 AM
Some text modified: 9/11/13 Wed. 2:10 AM
I love your face. I love the way you smile.
I love your skin. I love the way you feel.
But I hate not having you as mine.
I hate not expressing my love for you.
And it kills me, to not kiss you.
And it kills me, to not hold you.
When will you speak to me?
When will you hold my hand?
When will you kiss me?
When will you hold me?
Hold me.
I think about how it must feel,
to be so close to you.
Where I can hear your heart beat.
And I can feel your chest rise and fall.
I think about it all.
Yet I never experience it.
Oh, such a shame to live without you.
So When will you speak to me?
When will you hold my hand?
When will you kiss me?
When will you hold me?
Hold me.
Hold me.
I love your face. I love the way you smile.
I would love your embrace, if only you’d hold me.
____
Written: Wednesday, February 27th, 2008, 12:46 AM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
I love your skin. I love the way you feel.
But I hate not having you as mine.
I hate not expressing my love for you.
And it kills me, to not kiss you.
And it kills me, to not hold you.
When will you speak to me?
When will you hold my hand?
When will you kiss me?
When will you hold me?
Hold me.
I think about how it must feel,
to be so close to you.
Where I can hear your heart beat.
And I can feel your chest rise and fall.
I think about it all.
Yet I never experience it.
Oh, such a shame to live without you.
So When will you speak to me?
When will you hold my hand?
When will you kiss me?
When will you hold me?
Hold me.
Hold me.
I love your face. I love the way you smile.
I would love your embrace, if only you’d hold me.
____
Written: Wednesday, February 27th, 2008, 12:46 AM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Have you ever wished upon a shooting star?
Have you ever wanted to fly far, far away?
Have you ever blew a bubble and popped it,
to see if you’d explode too?
Have you ever screamed so loud,
that you heard your voice travel around the world?
Have you ever stood on a cliff and lifted your arms
and closed your eyes to feel the wind blowing
kisses onto your body?
Well if you have, then so have I.
And if you haven’t, then neither did I.
And if you want too, then me too.
But only if I get to do it with you.
So here we go.
Here we go now.
Here we go now,
traveling the world together.
So here we go,
here we go now.
Here we go now,
living life together.
Have you ever danced around the room, dreaming you were with me? Have you ever closed your eyes and laid in bed just to think? Have you ever ran on the beach? Have you ever flown a kite? And in your heart, you was riding that kite all through the air. Dreaming that you were a bird as light as a feather.
Well if you have, then so have I.
And if you haven’t, then neither did I.
And if you want too, then me too.
But only if I get to do it with you.
So here we go.
Here we go now.
Here we go now,
traveling the world together.
So here we go,
here we go now.
Here we go now,
living life together.
I want to wake up with you.
I want to eat with you.
I want to dream a little dream with you.
I want to dance with you.
I want to sing with you.
I want to be with you.
I don’t care, if you don’t say a word.
I don’t care, if you never look at me.
I just want to know that you’re right there,
next to me. Beside me, with me.
So here we go.
Here we go now.
Here we go now,
traveling the world together.
So here we go,
here we go now.
Here we go now,
living life together.
Living life together, so here we go.
Here we go, now.
Living life together.
_____
Written: Friday, February 8th, 2008, 12:24 AM
Have you ever wanted to fly far, far away?
Have you ever blew a bubble and popped it,
to see if you’d explode too?
Have you ever screamed so loud,
that you heard your voice travel around the world?
Have you ever stood on a cliff and lifted your arms
and closed your eyes to feel the wind blowing
kisses onto your body?
Well if you have, then so have I.
And if you haven’t, then neither did I.
And if you want too, then me too.
But only if I get to do it with you.
So here we go.
Here we go now.
Here we go now,
traveling the world together.
So here we go,
here we go now.
Here we go now,
living life together.
Have you ever danced around the room, dreaming you were with me? Have you ever closed your eyes and laid in bed just to think? Have you ever ran on the beach? Have you ever flown a kite? And in your heart, you was riding that kite all through the air. Dreaming that you were a bird as light as a feather.
Well if you have, then so have I.
And if you haven’t, then neither did I.
And if you want too, then me too.
But only if I get to do it with you.
So here we go.
Here we go now.
Here we go now,
traveling the world together.
So here we go,
here we go now.
Here we go now,
living life together.
I want to wake up with you.
I want to eat with you.
I want to dream a little dream with you.
I want to dance with you.
I want to sing with you.
I want to be with you.
I don’t care, if you don’t say a word.
I don’t care, if you never look at me.
I just want to know that you’re right there,
next to me. Beside me, with me.
So here we go.
Here we go now.
Here we go now,
traveling the world together.
So here we go,
here we go now.
Here we go now,
living life together.
Living life together, so here we go.
Here we go, now.
Living life together.
_____
Written: Friday, February 8th, 2008, 12:24 AM
I wonder how far away you are. I wonder if it’s possible to reach you. I wonder if you can hear me. I wonder if I could reach you. So I stretch my ears to try to listen for your voice. And I stretch my arms to try to reach you. And I run to the edge of a cliff and shout out your name. And still, I can’t find you.
So would you speak up dear Lord? I am listening for you. And would you reach down to me? I know you can. And would you come down to me. Please would you meet with me? Because I don’t want to be alone. I just need you. Please, meet with me.
I’m saying a prayer. And I wonder if you’re listening. Then I feel a touch on my shoulder, I look but no one’s there. You speak to me asking “Child, why did you stop?” Now my joy is over the top. And I can’t stop smiling.
Okay, so I found you. At last, I heard you. Now, I’ve felt you. And I don’t feel lonely anymore.
Now I can’t wait for you to speak up Lord. I am still listening for you. You touched me, God. Now I know I can reach you. You came down to me. I thank you for that. Thank you for meeting with me.
I can’t get enough of your kind voice. I can’t get enough of your tender touch. I can’t get enough of your wonderful love.
I can’t get enough of you. You’ve been so good to me.
So meet with me.
Meet with me.
Meet with me.And I will never be alone again.
_____
Written: Monday, February 25th, 2008, 12:37 AM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 6:27 PM
So would you speak up dear Lord? I am listening for you. And would you reach down to me? I know you can. And would you come down to me. Please would you meet with me? Because I don’t want to be alone. I just need you. Please, meet with me.
I’m saying a prayer. And I wonder if you’re listening. Then I feel a touch on my shoulder, I look but no one’s there. You speak to me asking “Child, why did you stop?” Now my joy is over the top. And I can’t stop smiling.
Okay, so I found you. At last, I heard you. Now, I’ve felt you. And I don’t feel lonely anymore.
Now I can’t wait for you to speak up Lord. I am still listening for you. You touched me, God. Now I know I can reach you. You came down to me. I thank you for that. Thank you for meeting with me.
I can’t get enough of your kind voice. I can’t get enough of your tender touch. I can’t get enough of your wonderful love.
I can’t get enough of you. You’ve been so good to me.
So meet with me.
Meet with me.
Meet with me.And I will never be alone again.
_____
Written: Monday, February 25th, 2008, 12:37 AM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 6:27 PM
Oh Father, I love your kisses.
I love the way you make me feel.
People say you’re dead.
But I know that you’re real.
Oh Father, I’m in awe.
Oh Father, when you show,
I really know you’re there.
Your smile is on my heart.
And I can feel your arms around me.
Oh Father, I want you to be proud of me.
And I just want to say,
thank you for your love.
When you stretch open your arms God,
I can’t help but to run and jump into you.
When you smile, I can’t help but to laugh.\par
Oh God, when your glory shines,
I’m blown away.
Lord God, when it rains, it pours.
When it’s raining outside,
I can smell you.
And your kisses fall down on me.
You absolutely drench me God,
in your tender mercy.
And I can’t help but to soak your love in.
When it’s raining, your loving me.
When it thunders, your shouting for me to hear you.
When it flashes lightning,
you are releasing your power for me to see.
So God, when you reign, pour.
Oh Father, when you show,
I really know you’re there.
Your name is on my heart.
And I can feel your arms around me.
Oh Father, I want you to be proud of me.
And I just have to say,
thank you for your love.
God when you reign, don’t drizzle.
Don’t drop a drop of rain. I want to be drenched.
And soaked from head to toe. I want to be flooded.
I want to be submerged. I want to be surrounded
by you. So God when you reign. Let it pour.
When it rains, it pours.
When it rains, I love to play outside.
When it rains, God really shows His love for me.
When it rains, it pours.
—–
Written: Monday, February 18th, 2008, 12:52 AM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10, 2013, 4:26 PM
I love the way you make me feel.
People say you’re dead.
But I know that you’re real.
Oh Father, I’m in awe.
Oh Father, when you show,
I really know you’re there.
Your smile is on my heart.
And I can feel your arms around me.
Oh Father, I want you to be proud of me.
And I just want to say,
thank you for your love.
When you stretch open your arms God,
I can’t help but to run and jump into you.
When you smile, I can’t help but to laugh.\par
Oh God, when your glory shines,
I’m blown away.
Lord God, when it rains, it pours.
When it’s raining outside,
I can smell you.
And your kisses fall down on me.
You absolutely drench me God,
in your tender mercy.
And I can’t help but to soak your love in.
When it’s raining, your loving me.
When it thunders, your shouting for me to hear you.
When it flashes lightning,
you are releasing your power for me to see.
So God, when you reign, pour.
Oh Father, when you show,
I really know you’re there.
Your name is on my heart.
And I can feel your arms around me.
Oh Father, I want you to be proud of me.
And I just have to say,
thank you for your love.
God when you reign, don’t drizzle.
Don’t drop a drop of rain. I want to be drenched.
And soaked from head to toe. I want to be flooded.
I want to be submerged. I want to be surrounded
by you. So God when you reign. Let it pour.
When it rains, it pours.
When it rains, I love to play outside.
When it rains, God really shows His love for me.
When it rains, it pours.
—–
Written: Monday, February 18th, 2008, 12:52 AM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10, 2013, 4:26 PM
I swear, I think I found the one.
I swear, I think I found the one for me.
Yes indeed.
I can’t stop thinking about our future.
I can’t stop thinking about our future together.
Yes, indeed. Sweetness comes to mind.
Kissing him all the time.
And baby I’ll, I’ll treat you right.
I’ll love you with all my might.
I’ll take care of you and your sweet heart.
And I won’t ever let you go.
But first, will you have me?
I swear I long for you.
I wait around for you.
I love to look at you.
Because you’re you.
You’re that special one.
The only one for me.
And that’s why you have my heart.
And baby I’ll, I’ll treat you right.
I’ll love you with all my might.
I’ll take care of you and your sweet heart.
And I won’t ever let you go.
But first, will you have me?
I’ve waited so long for you.
I’ve wanted to kiss you for such a long time now.
I’ve kept myself for you.
And now that you’ve found me,
Well, you can have me.
I swear I’ve found the one.
I can’t stop thinking about the future.
Yes indeed. Sweetness comes to mind.
Kissing you all the time.
I’ll treat you right.
I’ll take care of you.
And your heart. Your sweet heart.
Tender love, that’s what I’ll give.
I won’t ever, ever, never let you go.
But first, will you have me?
——–
Written: Saturday, February 16th, 2008, 7:18 PM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10th, 2013, 10:50 PM
I swear, I think I found the one for me.
Yes indeed.
I can’t stop thinking about our future.
I can’t stop thinking about our future together.
Yes, indeed. Sweetness comes to mind.
Kissing him all the time.
And baby I’ll, I’ll treat you right.
I’ll love you with all my might.
I’ll take care of you and your sweet heart.
And I won’t ever let you go.
But first, will you have me?
I swear I long for you.
I wait around for you.
I love to look at you.
Because you’re you.
You’re that special one.
The only one for me.
And that’s why you have my heart.
And baby I’ll, I’ll treat you right.
I’ll love you with all my might.
I’ll take care of you and your sweet heart.
And I won’t ever let you go.
But first, will you have me?
I’ve waited so long for you.
I’ve wanted to kiss you for such a long time now.
I’ve kept myself for you.
And now that you’ve found me,
Well, you can have me.
I swear I’ve found the one.
I can’t stop thinking about the future.
Yes indeed. Sweetness comes to mind.
Kissing you all the time.
I’ll treat you right.
I’ll take care of you.
And your heart. Your sweet heart.
Tender love, that’s what I’ll give.
I won’t ever, ever, never let you go.
But first, will you have me?
——–
Written: Saturday, February 16th, 2008, 7:18 PM
Some text modified: Thursday, October 10th, 2013, 10:50 PM
My heart is torn.
I am beyond numb.
Sometimes I want to die.
Other times I don’t want to move on.
My world is caving in.
My blood is turning cold.
My heart is ice and breaking like knives dropping.
And I am under all of this.
I’m crying out to someone to let me feel love again.
Hopefully they’ll stop my world from caving in.
I’m crying out for someone to set my heart aflame.
I want to be on top standing on a firm rock.
This is me.
This is my life.
This is my strife.
And this is my pain.
This is my loss.
And this is my nightmare.
And I’m running away.
But I’m running to you.
This, this is you.
You are beauty and mercy.
You are brilliance and majesty.
Always reaching down to help me.
While going through my pain
you’re helping me to gain
all that I’ve lost inside.
Oh God, Thank you for hearing me when I cried.
He’s left us.
And he’s such a stranger.
I’m so confused and weighed down.
Scars are being created.
And tears are being cried.
What’s happening to our lives?
Time and time again,
I’ve cried myself to sleep.
Praying to the Lord,
My soul would He keep.
But I can’t give up.
No gotta move on.
Holding my head up high.
And I’ll sing my song.
This, this is you.
You are beauty and mercy.
You are brilliance and majesty.
Always reaching down to help me.
While going through my pain
you’re helping me to gain
all that I’ve lost inside.
Oh God, Thank you for hearing me when I cried.
I am breaking down.
Falling to the ground.
Staring to the sky.
Tears are free flowing from my eyes.
But here comes this hand.
Picks me up out of this land.
Wipes my tears away.
Says do not be afraid.
For this may be me.
This may be my life.
And I may have all of this strife.
I may have this pain.
And I may have loss.
And I may be running from this nightmare.
But at least I’m running to Him.
For He is Beauty. He is Mercy.
Brilliance and Majesty.
Always reaching down to help me.
While going through my pain,
He’s helped me to gain
all that I’ve lost inside.
Oh God,
Oh God, Thank you for hearing me,
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
For hearing me,
when I cried.
—–
Written: Tuesday, January 8th, 2008, 3:58 PM
I am beyond numb.
Sometimes I want to die.
Other times I don’t want to move on.
My world is caving in.
My blood is turning cold.
My heart is ice and breaking like knives dropping.
And I am under all of this.
I’m crying out to someone to let me feel love again.
Hopefully they’ll stop my world from caving in.
I’m crying out for someone to set my heart aflame.
I want to be on top standing on a firm rock.
This is me.
This is my life.
This is my strife.
And this is my pain.
This is my loss.
And this is my nightmare.
And I’m running away.
But I’m running to you.
This, this is you.
You are beauty and mercy.
You are brilliance and majesty.
Always reaching down to help me.
While going through my pain
you’re helping me to gain
all that I’ve lost inside.
Oh God, Thank you for hearing me when I cried.
He’s left us.
And he’s such a stranger.
I’m so confused and weighed down.
Scars are being created.
And tears are being cried.
What’s happening to our lives?
Time and time again,
I’ve cried myself to sleep.
Praying to the Lord,
My soul would He keep.
But I can’t give up.
No gotta move on.
Holding my head up high.
And I’ll sing my song.
This, this is you.
You are beauty and mercy.
You are brilliance and majesty.
Always reaching down to help me.
While going through my pain
you’re helping me to gain
all that I’ve lost inside.
Oh God, Thank you for hearing me when I cried.
I am breaking down.
Falling to the ground.
Staring to the sky.
Tears are free flowing from my eyes.
But here comes this hand.
Picks me up out of this land.
Wipes my tears away.
Says do not be afraid.
For this may be me.
This may be my life.
And I may have all of this strife.
I may have this pain.
And I may have loss.
And I may be running from this nightmare.
But at least I’m running to Him.
For He is Beauty. He is Mercy.
Brilliance and Majesty.
Always reaching down to help me.
While going through my pain,
He’s helped me to gain
all that I’ve lost inside.
Oh God,
Oh God, Thank you for hearing me,
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
For hearing me,
when I cried.
—–
Written: Tuesday, January 8th, 2008, 3:58 PM
Everything seems to be going crazy. My life seems to feel so hazy. I’m tired of putting on a smile. When deep down I’ve been dying all the while. I want to do something that acts like a high. That takes me away like flying through the sky. What should I do in order to escape my bleeding heart? I don’t want to hide in the dark. I don’t want to sing. I just want to listen to something that can help stop my bleeding. I want something. But where could I find it?
I head home and I see my radio looking at me. It’s buttons turn to eyes. It’s player turns into a mouth. Suddenly, it shouts. Turn me on and let my sounds of music take you away from your bleeding pain.
Maybe it was all a dream. But the next time I start to cry, I’ll listen to the sounds of a lullaby. Next time I want to dance, I’ll listen to songs that speak of taking a chance. Next time my ears feel lonely, there’s only one thing to do. I’ll listen to my sounds of music.
_______
Written: Tuesday, January 8th, 2008, 12:51 AM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:47 PM
I head home and I see my radio looking at me. It’s buttons turn to eyes. It’s player turns into a mouth. Suddenly, it shouts. Turn me on and let my sounds of music take you away from your bleeding pain.
Maybe it was all a dream. But the next time I start to cry, I’ll listen to the sounds of a lullaby. Next time I want to dance, I’ll listen to songs that speak of taking a chance. Next time my ears feel lonely, there’s only one thing to do. I’ll listen to my sounds of music.
_______
Written: Tuesday, January 8th, 2008, 12:51 AM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:47 PM
I try to get things right.
I try but never do.
I pray.
And wish upon a shooting star.
I try to get things right.
Ohhh.. why aren’t I writing this down?
[insert writing noise]
What’s wrong with me?
I try to not mess up.
But some how I always do.
And why is it always right in front of you?
I try.
I try so very hard.
I try.
Night & day.
I try.
But never succeed.
But I’m a stubborn person.
I won’t take no for an answer.
I know I’ve found 1,000 ways to fail.
I just need 1 way to succeed.
I know that I may never get it right.
But I’d love to waste my life trying.
I try.
I throw a rock into the river.
Will it skip or will it drown?
I try, again and again.
I look at the clouds.
I imagine I’m sitting on one.
Watching myself succeed.
But I can’t.
I try.
I can’t please myself until I make it right.
I try.
And oh, I think I might need your help.
So would you, help me tonight?
But I’m a stubborn person.
I won’t take no for an answer.
I know I’ve found 1,000 ways to fail.
I just need 1 way to succeed.
I know that I may never get it right.
But I’d love to waste my life trying.
I’ll try.
I know it’s not a life.
But it’s what I want to do with mine.
So let me waste it away, happily.
I know, that I should just give up.
But I won’t. My heart won’t let me.
I know I’ve found 1,000 ways to fail.
I just need one way to succeed.
So I’ll waste life away, and keep on trying.
Trying to succeed.
Written: Sunday, January 20th, 2008, 2:50 PM
I try but never do.
I pray.
And wish upon a shooting star.
I try to get things right.
Ohhh.. why aren’t I writing this down?
[insert writing noise]
What’s wrong with me?
I try to not mess up.
But some how I always do.
And why is it always right in front of you?
I try.
I try so very hard.
I try.
Night & day.
I try.
But never succeed.
But I’m a stubborn person.
I won’t take no for an answer.
I know I’ve found 1,000 ways to fail.
I just need 1 way to succeed.
I know that I may never get it right.
But I’d love to waste my life trying.
I try.
I throw a rock into the river.
Will it skip or will it drown?
I try, again and again.
I look at the clouds.
I imagine I’m sitting on one.
Watching myself succeed.
But I can’t.
I try.
I can’t please myself until I make it right.
I try.
And oh, I think I might need your help.
So would you, help me tonight?
But I’m a stubborn person.
I won’t take no for an answer.
I know I’ve found 1,000 ways to fail.
I just need 1 way to succeed.
I know that I may never get it right.
But I’d love to waste my life trying.
I’ll try.
I know it’s not a life.
But it’s what I want to do with mine.
So let me waste it away, happily.
I know, that I should just give up.
But I won’t. My heart won’t let me.
I know I’ve found 1,000 ways to fail.
I just need one way to succeed.
So I’ll waste life away, and keep on trying.
Trying to succeed.
Written: Sunday, January 20th, 2008, 2:50 PM
Oh sweet, sweet music.
Take me away tonight.
Sadness lingers around my
heart and I can’t understand why.
My heart is aching and my thoughts are torn.
I can enjoy myself tonight. By golly I can.
But goodness, I hurt so much.
And for some odd reason I can’t understand why?
Confusing feelings.
Frustrating thoughts.
Week in body and heart.
Is my mind really dying?
Or am I just tired and drained?
Time to escape to a place
where I can get away.
I will travel & I will go.
Through the thick and the thin.
I know it gets tough. And sometimes,
death seems like your only option.
But I know I’m stronger then that,
And I can keep moving. So moving I will.
I will travel & I will go.
Through every place I visit.
There’s a battle ready to be won.
I will travel & I will go.
I surely will live.
I will travel & I will go.
But there will always be that one place
I return too.
Music holds the key to the
place where my heart recovers too.
The stars are crashing while
the moon is exploding.
Total chaos. Can I escape it?
Tears crash like the sky fell
and crushed the world.
My mind is quite imaginary
when it comes to these things that I feel.
And still, music is my one friend.
It holds the key that will unlock that one place
I can retreat too.
It has the power to change my mood.
My attitude, less then a second.
And you wonder why I love it so much.
I will travel & I will go.
But there will always be that one
place that I return too.
And it’s music.
The land of music.
It’s kept secret and safe in the back of my mind.
Don’t distract me. Don’t bother me.
It’s time for me and music to drift away.
——-
Written: Saturday, January 26th, 2008, 2:37 AM
Take me away tonight.
Sadness lingers around my
heart and I can’t understand why.
My heart is aching and my thoughts are torn.
I can enjoy myself tonight. By golly I can.
But goodness, I hurt so much.
And for some odd reason I can’t understand why?
Confusing feelings.
Frustrating thoughts.
Week in body and heart.
Is my mind really dying?
Or am I just tired and drained?
Time to escape to a place
where I can get away.
I will travel & I will go.
Through the thick and the thin.
I know it gets tough. And sometimes,
death seems like your only option.
But I know I’m stronger then that,
And I can keep moving. So moving I will.
I will travel & I will go.
Through every place I visit.
There’s a battle ready to be won.
I will travel & I will go.
I surely will live.
I will travel & I will go.
But there will always be that one place
I return too.
Music holds the key to the
place where my heart recovers too.
The stars are crashing while
the moon is exploding.
Total chaos. Can I escape it?
Tears crash like the sky fell
and crushed the world.
My mind is quite imaginary
when it comes to these things that I feel.
And still, music is my one friend.
It holds the key that will unlock that one place
I can retreat too.
It has the power to change my mood.
My attitude, less then a second.
And you wonder why I love it so much.
I will travel & I will go.
But there will always be that one
place that I return too.
And it’s music.
The land of music.
It’s kept secret and safe in the back of my mind.
Don’t distract me. Don’t bother me.
It’s time for me and music to drift away.
——-
Written: Saturday, January 26th, 2008, 2:37 AM
Everything I’m chasing after seems so hard to reach. My mind is running and it just won’t stop. But it’s too far of a run. My spirit is drained. And I’m growing weaker and weaker. Pretty soon, I know I’ll die. But the stubborn side of me is the one leading. And patient little me is falling behind.
Oh run, run little thoughts. You won’t get very far.
The desert is far too long to run, and far too hot.
Can you live through it? I think not.
But my heart stays in focus, while my mind is dying.
Little heart stay in the shade. The winds will blow you too close to the sun. Little girl what are you doing? Control your emotions. Oh, goodness. You’re world is in flames. Who will save you now?
Oh run, run little thoughts. You won’t get very far.
The desert is far too long to run, and far too hot.
Can you live through it? I think not.
But my heart stays in focus, while my mind is dying.
Stop! Stop! Stop! Finally you bastard. Tell them where their place is. Take a break at least! Please shout. Help them or they’ll die. Stop yourself and take a break. You’re not ready for life yet.
Oh run, run, run little thoughts. You won’t get very far.
The desert is far too long to run, and far too hot.
Can you live through it? I think not.
But my heart stays in focus, while my mind is dying.
________
Written: Sunday, January 13th, 2008, 11:59 PM
Oh run, run little thoughts. You won’t get very far.
The desert is far too long to run, and far too hot.
Can you live through it? I think not.
But my heart stays in focus, while my mind is dying.
Little heart stay in the shade. The winds will blow you too close to the sun. Little girl what are you doing? Control your emotions. Oh, goodness. You’re world is in flames. Who will save you now?
Oh run, run little thoughts. You won’t get very far.
The desert is far too long to run, and far too hot.
Can you live through it? I think not.
But my heart stays in focus, while my mind is dying.
Stop! Stop! Stop! Finally you bastard. Tell them where their place is. Take a break at least! Please shout. Help them or they’ll die. Stop yourself and take a break. You’re not ready for life yet.
Oh run, run, run little thoughts. You won’t get very far.
The desert is far too long to run, and far too hot.
Can you live through it? I think not.
But my heart stays in focus, while my mind is dying.
________
Written: Sunday, January 13th, 2008, 11:59 PM
Take me, and place me in a sea of faces.
And I will still be alone on a mountain top.
Take me and move me into the city.
I am still by myself in the desert.
Give me thousands of men to love me.
And I will still be hated.
But when I pour my love into you,
I feel so loved, and made brand new.
And when I spend time with you,
I am not alone. I am with you.
And that’s all I need, is you.
Give me my desires, but I still want more.
Give me water, but I am still thirsty.
Give me food, I am still hungry.
But give me God and that’s all I need, is Him.
When I pour my passion into you,
there’s something in my heart that’s mended back to new.
When I let my feelings out to you,
There’s something that takes away my blues.
And when I’m still and meditate on you,
your glory surrounds me and I know,
that all I need is you.
I’ve tried everything.
And I know all I can do is love you.
Everything has let me down.
Everybody has left me alone.
I can’t depend on anything or anyone,
but I know there is you.
You are perfect, you are there, you are God.
You are my God.
You are my everything.
May this song, be so personal.
Let it sing my love into your ears.
May this song be from my heart.
And know it’s words are sincere.
All I need is you. So let me abide in you.
All I need is you. Let me abide in you.
___
Written: Thursday, January 3rd, 2008, 3:03 PM
Some text modified: 9/9/13 Mon. 11:22 PM
And I will still be alone on a mountain top.
Take me and move me into the city.
I am still by myself in the desert.
Give me thousands of men to love me.
And I will still be hated.
But when I pour my love into you,
I feel so loved, and made brand new.
And when I spend time with you,
I am not alone. I am with you.
And that’s all I need, is you.
Give me my desires, but I still want more.
Give me water, but I am still thirsty.
Give me food, I am still hungry.
But give me God and that’s all I need, is Him.
When I pour my passion into you,
there’s something in my heart that’s mended back to new.
When I let my feelings out to you,
There’s something that takes away my blues.
And when I’m still and meditate on you,
your glory surrounds me and I know,
that all I need is you.
I’ve tried everything.
And I know all I can do is love you.
Everything has let me down.
Everybody has left me alone.
I can’t depend on anything or anyone,
but I know there is you.
You are perfect, you are there, you are God.
You are my God.
You are my everything.
May this song, be so personal.
Let it sing my love into your ears.
May this song be from my heart.
And know it’s words are sincere.
All I need is you. So let me abide in you.
All I need is you. Let me abide in you.
___
Written: Thursday, January 3rd, 2008, 3:03 PM
Some text modified: 9/9/13 Mon. 11:22 PM
My heart is aching tonight.
Because it has a passion for expression.
And music would be it’s tool.
But it has not enough knowledge.
It cannot wield what it may.
It wants to express itself through music,
& yet, cannot.
My heart aches tonight, because
it has a passion to express it’s love.
To use music, it would. But sadly.. it cannot.
But if it could.. here’s what it would do.
It would have my fingers dance like a ballerina
across the piano, with such grace and elegance.
They already know how to surf up and
down the neck of a guitar, but can they dance?
My arms would throw out anger and passion like fire,
while my feet ran along when playing the drums.
My fingers would sway back and forth,
and my arm would push the bow across the strings.
Back and forth would it rock. Like drifting out to sea.
Making such sweet melodies on a violin.
My fingers would pick and thump the strings,
while it’s bass noises made everyone dance.
The Bass I’d play, with such rhythm.
But for now a guitar will do.
I can take you far away with a song or two by play.
My voice shall sing, but hope for the mic.
My lips would dare rub against it.
My heart aches with every inch of my body.
I have these passions, and I want to express
it through music, and yet I cannot.
___
Written: Monday, January 14, 2008, 12:41 AM
Some text modified: 9/9/13 Mon.
Because it has a passion for expression.
And music would be it’s tool.
But it has not enough knowledge.
It cannot wield what it may.
It wants to express itself through music,
& yet, cannot.
My heart aches tonight, because
it has a passion to express it’s love.
To use music, it would. But sadly.. it cannot.
But if it could.. here’s what it would do.
It would have my fingers dance like a ballerina
across the piano, with such grace and elegance.
They already know how to surf up and
down the neck of a guitar, but can they dance?
My arms would throw out anger and passion like fire,
while my feet ran along when playing the drums.
My fingers would sway back and forth,
and my arm would push the bow across the strings.
Back and forth would it rock. Like drifting out to sea.
Making such sweet melodies on a violin.
My fingers would pick and thump the strings,
while it’s bass noises made everyone dance.
The Bass I’d play, with such rhythm.
But for now a guitar will do.
I can take you far away with a song or two by play.
My voice shall sing, but hope for the mic.
My lips would dare rub against it.
My heart aches with every inch of my body.
I have these passions, and I want to express
it through music, and yet I cannot.
___
Written: Monday, January 14, 2008, 12:41 AM
Some text modified: 9/9/13 Mon.
As trash falls from the sky,
I dance around and sing a famous lullaby.
Walking in the rain. I soak up all it’s glory. And I like getting wet.
Why does life have to be so ordinary?
Why can’t I appreciate the small things?
Why does everyone forget about the beauty?
Why do people walk by and not see?
That there’s more to life than meets the eye.
There’s more beauty out there then you think.
Love just floats all around me today.
I love to think about the fact
life feels so good.
An abandoned house, why break it down?
It’s there for me to see. The dead vines,
the broken things. It’s so amazing
Why do people say: “Out with the old, in with the new?”
Some things were meant to be replaced, but some things should stay.
Am I the only one in this boring world who thinks this way?
But I don’t care..
Because there’s more to life than meets the eye.
There’s more beauty out there then you think.
Love just floats all around me today.
I love to think about the fact
life feels so good.
People who are normal (have you notice they never smile?)
People who see the blue, (never see the grey)
If it’s dirty you throw it away. (it’s a treasure to me)
Break out of that routine. (before this world goes crashing down)
There’s more to life than meets the eye.
There’s more beauty out there then you think.
Love just floats around me today.
I love to think about the fact that life feels so good.
Life feels so good. Good. So good. Good. Good. So..
Life feels so…. (oh oh)_____
Written: Saturday, January 19th, 2008, 5:19 PM
Text modified: Mon. 9/16/13 6:51 PM
I dance around and sing a famous lullaby.
Walking in the rain. I soak up all it’s glory. And I like getting wet.
Why does life have to be so ordinary?
Why can’t I appreciate the small things?
Why does everyone forget about the beauty?
Why do people walk by and not see?
That there’s more to life than meets the eye.
There’s more beauty out there then you think.
Love just floats all around me today.
I love to think about the fact
life feels so good.
An abandoned house, why break it down?
It’s there for me to see. The dead vines,
the broken things. It’s so amazing
Why do people say: “Out with the old, in with the new?”
Some things were meant to be replaced, but some things should stay.
Am I the only one in this boring world who thinks this way?
But I don’t care..
Because there’s more to life than meets the eye.
There’s more beauty out there then you think.
Love just floats all around me today.
I love to think about the fact
life feels so good.
People who are normal (have you notice they never smile?)
People who see the blue, (never see the grey)
If it’s dirty you throw it away. (it’s a treasure to me)
Break out of that routine. (before this world goes crashing down)
There’s more to life than meets the eye.
There’s more beauty out there then you think.
Love just floats around me today.
I love to think about the fact that life feels so good.
Life feels so good. Good. So good. Good. Good. So..
Life feels so…. (oh oh)_____
Written: Saturday, January 19th, 2008, 5:19 PM
Text modified: Mon. 9/16/13 6:51 PM
It’s so hard to contain my thoughts. I’m afraid I’ll open my mouth and words of excitement will come rushing out. You’re so delicious, that if I was on a diet, and you were my food, then baby I just cheated. If I was a thug selling drugs, and you were that drug, then baby I confess, I’m guilty! If I was high, the docs would find your name all through my veins. If I was speeding, it’s only because my heart was driving. Baby it’s all good, it’s okay. I love it when you make me love sick.
____
Written: Friday, January 4th, 2008, 5:00 PM
Titled changed: Tue. 9/17/13 5:02 PM
(originally named “Love Sick”)
____
Written: Friday, January 4th, 2008, 5:00 PM
Titled changed: Tue. 9/17/13 5:02 PM
(originally named “Love Sick”)
2007
My heart feels so lonely tonight.
It’s aching so much.
I have these thoughts in my head.
And I need to release my pain.
But I hurt so bad,
I just don’t want to talk about it.
I feel like I’m falling.
I’ve been pushed off this cliff.
And I’ve accepted the fact
that it’s time for me to die.
The only thing is, I’m falling in eternity,
and I just won’t die.
I’m in Hell. I’m surrounded by pain.
And I’m crying and I’m drained.
My bones are broken and my heart is torn
and there’s nothing left of me.
I’m looking down and
my eyes have turn black.
I’ve lost site of all that once was.
My fingers are cold.
My skin is shedding.
And I’m rotting away.
An image of art appears in my head.
It’s glorious colors form a beautiful
abstract image.
My cracked skin breaks as I try to smile
at the thought of my past.
What was. The things that were so beautiful.
The things I lived for.
The things I thrived on.
My passion.
I finally do manage to smile.
But then the colors, the image, fades away.
My lips grow back together.
Covered in dead vines, they no longer exist.
My hair is blowing like fire.
It seems to be the only thing alive,
until it falls out.
And it’s left in the air.
Floating away, slowly.
While I, dropping at a fast speed,
drift away from the beauty I once owned.
I thought as fast as I was falling,
that eventually my death would come.
But it seems that this is my death.
To be tormented in my pain, for all eternity.
My ears then hear a song.
I suppose from a much happier person.
Some how their song reached down
into the pits where I stay.
It was a beautiful voice.
It was mine.
The song I was singing was “My sunshine.”
It was a song I wrote.
Such a lovely song.
I was so happy.
My mind remembered the times when I could sing.
My ears remembered the times they heard music.
Oh, the world of music. My world.
But that has been destroyed.
Or maybe, it wasn’t?
Maybe it was just me that left it.
Never to return again.
Suddenly, the thought of music
made my ears depressed.
They hated existing so they cracked
and broke off like glass,
all because they were away from their love.
I wish I could do that.
I wish I could die.
I am away from the one I love.
And I see no use in living without Him.
I’m just floating here in never ending torment.
And I cannot die.
WHY!? WHY CAN’T I DIE!?
I don’t want to live anymore!!!
Why can’t my heart understand?
Maybe it has hope?
Hope that I will find my love again.
Hope that my ears will find it’s music.
Hope that my eyes will see the world of Art,
and it’s glorious colors.
Hope that my voice will break through my lips and sing.
Sing, sing such sweet melodies to the one I love.
Maybe it has hope that it won’t hurt anymore.
That we will be out of this misery.
This torment.
This Hell.
And we will be in harmony again, soon.
Maybe it has hope that it will
connect with my Husband’s heart.
Maybe it has hope that we will find each other.
Maybe that’s why it won’t give up.
My mind has made it’s choice.
It wants to die and end it’s life.
But my heart is too stubborn.
It has too much hope.
It’s such a bastard.
It just won’t stop.
It won’t let life go.
It won’t let my husband go.
It won’t stop loving the one it’s lost.
The one I’ve lost.
It’s such a stubborn heart.
One day though,
it will see that it will NEVER get it’s love back.
One day,
it will get tired of wanting and not having.
One day, it will see,
that it will never happen.
One day, it will eventually give out.
And soon, give up.
One day, it will see.
I guess I should just wait.
It won’t take long. I know it.
Time is coming.
Time for me to die.
It’s soon.
I just have to wait.
Just a little longer.
And then, I will have my peace.
Such sweet peace.
I just have to wait for my heart to let go.
——–
Written: Thursday, December 27th, 2007, 1:55 AM
It’s aching so much.
I have these thoughts in my head.
And I need to release my pain.
But I hurt so bad,
I just don’t want to talk about it.
I feel like I’m falling.
I’ve been pushed off this cliff.
And I’ve accepted the fact
that it’s time for me to die.
The only thing is, I’m falling in eternity,
and I just won’t die.
I’m in Hell. I’m surrounded by pain.
And I’m crying and I’m drained.
My bones are broken and my heart is torn
and there’s nothing left of me.
I’m looking down and
my eyes have turn black.
I’ve lost site of all that once was.
My fingers are cold.
My skin is shedding.
And I’m rotting away.
An image of art appears in my head.
It’s glorious colors form a beautiful
abstract image.
My cracked skin breaks as I try to smile
at the thought of my past.
What was. The things that were so beautiful.
The things I lived for.
The things I thrived on.
My passion.
I finally do manage to smile.
But then the colors, the image, fades away.
My lips grow back together.
Covered in dead vines, they no longer exist.
My hair is blowing like fire.
It seems to be the only thing alive,
until it falls out.
And it’s left in the air.
Floating away, slowly.
While I, dropping at a fast speed,
drift away from the beauty I once owned.
I thought as fast as I was falling,
that eventually my death would come.
But it seems that this is my death.
To be tormented in my pain, for all eternity.
My ears then hear a song.
I suppose from a much happier person.
Some how their song reached down
into the pits where I stay.
It was a beautiful voice.
It was mine.
The song I was singing was “My sunshine.”
It was a song I wrote.
Such a lovely song.
I was so happy.
My mind remembered the times when I could sing.
My ears remembered the times they heard music.
Oh, the world of music. My world.
But that has been destroyed.
Or maybe, it wasn’t?
Maybe it was just me that left it.
Never to return again.
Suddenly, the thought of music
made my ears depressed.
They hated existing so they cracked
and broke off like glass,
all because they were away from their love.
I wish I could do that.
I wish I could die.
I am away from the one I love.
And I see no use in living without Him.
I’m just floating here in never ending torment.
And I cannot die.
WHY!? WHY CAN’T I DIE!?
I don’t want to live anymore!!!
Why can’t my heart understand?
Maybe it has hope?
Hope that I will find my love again.
Hope that my ears will find it’s music.
Hope that my eyes will see the world of Art,
and it’s glorious colors.
Hope that my voice will break through my lips and sing.
Sing, sing such sweet melodies to the one I love.
Maybe it has hope that it won’t hurt anymore.
That we will be out of this misery.
This torment.
This Hell.
And we will be in harmony again, soon.
Maybe it has hope that it will
connect with my Husband’s heart.
Maybe it has hope that we will find each other.
Maybe that’s why it won’t give up.
My mind has made it’s choice.
It wants to die and end it’s life.
But my heart is too stubborn.
It has too much hope.
It’s such a bastard.
It just won’t stop.
It won’t let life go.
It won’t let my husband go.
It won’t stop loving the one it’s lost.
The one I’ve lost.
It’s such a stubborn heart.
One day though,
it will see that it will NEVER get it’s love back.
One day,
it will get tired of wanting and not having.
One day, it will see,
that it will never happen.
One day, it will eventually give out.
And soon, give up.
One day, it will see.
I guess I should just wait.
It won’t take long. I know it.
Time is coming.
Time for me to die.
It’s soon.
I just have to wait.
Just a little longer.
And then, I will have my peace.
Such sweet peace.
I just have to wait for my heart to let go.
——–
Written: Thursday, December 27th, 2007, 1:55 AM
Dear lovely husband, How are you today? I had a dream that things aren’t going so well. I had a feeling that you were struggling. And I just wanted to take a minute and tell you my heart. So when you’re fighting through the fire, just reflect on these words.
Whenever you can’t hold your head up high.
When you feel like might die.
Just look to the God who made you.
And please know that I’m right there with you.
My friend, know I’m praying for you.
My heart is praying continuously. Oh, how I wish I could be there with you. For you. I would wrap my arms around you, and tell you everything will be alright. But see, God is already doing that. He’s putting my prayers into action. So today, I hope you laugh in the Devil’s face.
Whenever you can’t hold your head up high.
When you feel like might die.
Just look to the God who made you.
And please know that I’m right there with you.
My friend, know I’m praying for you.
I know times get tough. And all we can ever say is I’ve had enough. But you’ve got to press through. Whatever it takes, to break through. God has something for you.
Whenever you can’t hold your head up high.
When you feel like might die.
Just look to the God who made you.
And please know that I’m right there with you.
My friend, know I’m praying for you.
I’m praying for your break through. I’m praying without ceasing. I will push for you. I’m praying for you.
So have a good day.
_____
Written: Monday, December 17th, 2007, 3:13 PM
Some text modified: 9/13/13 Fri.
Whenever you can’t hold your head up high.
When you feel like might die.
Just look to the God who made you.
And please know that I’m right there with you.
My friend, know I’m praying for you.
My heart is praying continuously. Oh, how I wish I could be there with you. For you. I would wrap my arms around you, and tell you everything will be alright. But see, God is already doing that. He’s putting my prayers into action. So today, I hope you laugh in the Devil’s face.
Whenever you can’t hold your head up high.
When you feel like might die.
Just look to the God who made you.
And please know that I’m right there with you.
My friend, know I’m praying for you.
I know times get tough. And all we can ever say is I’ve had enough. But you’ve got to press through. Whatever it takes, to break through. God has something for you.
Whenever you can’t hold your head up high.
When you feel like might die.
Just look to the God who made you.
And please know that I’m right there with you.
My friend, know I’m praying for you.
I’m praying for your break through. I’m praying without ceasing. I will push for you. I’m praying for you.
So have a good day.
_____
Written: Monday, December 17th, 2007, 3:13 PM
Some text modified: 9/13/13 Fri.
I bet you could walk right past me
and not even see me.
I bet you could hear me speak,
but not listen to what I say.
I bet you could hear me scream,
but I wouldn’t get through to you.
I bet you could know me,
but you wouldn’t really know me.
See this is what happens when you get high on yourself.
This is what happens when you think you’re better then everyone else.
See this is what happens when you become the god.
This is what happens when you don’t pay attention.
This is what happens when you block me out.
I bet you could touch me
and go right through me.
I bet you could kiss me
and feel nothing.
I bet you could see into my eyes,
and see nothing.
I bet you could experience life,
yet feel so dead.
See this is what happens when you get high on yourself.
This is what happens when you think you’re better then everyone else.
See this is what happens when you become the god.
This is what happens when you don’t pay attention.
This is what happens when you block me out.
I bet you didn’t know that this much damage
could come from just one act.
I bet you didn’t know, you’re only hurting yourself.
I bet you didn’t know, that I tell you this because I’m angry.
I’m angry at you. I want you to change.
But I bet my words don’t effect you.
I bet they don’t effect you at all.
I bet I’ll never see a change.
I bet I’ll never see a difference.
I bet my life on it all.
Written: Friday, November 2th, 2007, 10:59 PM
and not even see me.
I bet you could hear me speak,
but not listen to what I say.
I bet you could hear me scream,
but I wouldn’t get through to you.
I bet you could know me,
but you wouldn’t really know me.
See this is what happens when you get high on yourself.
This is what happens when you think you’re better then everyone else.
See this is what happens when you become the god.
This is what happens when you don’t pay attention.
This is what happens when you block me out.
I bet you could touch me
and go right through me.
I bet you could kiss me
and feel nothing.
I bet you could see into my eyes,
and see nothing.
I bet you could experience life,
yet feel so dead.
See this is what happens when you get high on yourself.
This is what happens when you think you’re better then everyone else.
See this is what happens when you become the god.
This is what happens when you don’t pay attention.
This is what happens when you block me out.
I bet you didn’t know that this much damage
could come from just one act.
I bet you didn’t know, you’re only hurting yourself.
I bet you didn’t know, that I tell you this because I’m angry.
I’m angry at you. I want you to change.
But I bet my words don’t effect you.
I bet they don’t effect you at all.
I bet I’ll never see a change.
I bet I’ll never see a difference.
I bet my life on it all.
Written: Friday, November 2th, 2007, 10:59 PM
Bring out the guitar. Blow off the dust.
Bring out the tambourine. And shake it to this rhythm.
Play the music softly, so that I may drift to sleep.
Sing to me quietly. I want your sweet voices
lingering in my head.
Sing to me angels of Heaven.
For this lonely person needs some help going to sleep.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
You may stand here and sing.
This microphone is made just for you.
You can stand here and strum the strings.
And everyone else, just dance around.
Dance around, dance around. Gather now.
But Father, your place is the most special of all.
Your place is in my heart.
And I want your presence here now.
Because even in my depression, I call for a celebration.
So be prepared to stay all night long.
As I fall into your resting place.
Sing to me Angels of Heaven. For this lonely person needs
help going to sleep. Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
Everybody, thank you for coming.
But now it’s time for me to be alone,
As I cry out to the Father. I am hurting. I am hurting.
Can you make me better? Reach inside and repair me
left to right. So I may dance around in your presence
once again.
And I shall sing to you, Oh, God of Heaven.
For this lonely person shall find company in you.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the Heart of the night.
Let me dance in your arms, Oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above.
Let me escape into your Love.
______
Written: Thursday, November 8th, 2007, 2:04 AM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Bring out the tambourine. And shake it to this rhythm.
Play the music softly, so that I may drift to sleep.
Sing to me quietly. I want your sweet voices
lingering in my head.
Sing to me angels of Heaven.
For this lonely person needs some help going to sleep.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
You may stand here and sing.
This microphone is made just for you.
You can stand here and strum the strings.
And everyone else, just dance around.
Dance around, dance around. Gather now.
But Father, your place is the most special of all.
Your place is in my heart.
And I want your presence here now.
Because even in my depression, I call for a celebration.
So be prepared to stay all night long.
As I fall into your resting place.
Sing to me Angels of Heaven. For this lonely person needs
help going to sleep. Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
Everybody, thank you for coming.
But now it’s time for me to be alone,
As I cry out to the Father. I am hurting. I am hurting.
Can you make me better? Reach inside and repair me
left to right. So I may dance around in your presence
once again.
And I shall sing to you, Oh, God of Heaven.
For this lonely person shall find company in you.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the Heart of the night.
Let me dance in your arms, Oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above.
Let me escape into your Love.
______
Written: Thursday, November 8th, 2007, 2:04 AM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Bring out the guitar. Blow off the dust.
Bring out the tambourine. And shake it to this rhythm.
Play the music softly, so that I may drift to sleep.
Sing to me quietly. I want your sweet voices
lingering in my head.
Sing to me angels of Heaven.
For this lonely person needs some help going to sleep.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
You may stand here and sing.
This microphone is made just for you.
You can stand here and strum the strings.
And everyone else, just dance around.
Dance around, dance around. Gather now.
But Father, your place is the most special of all.
Your place is in my heart.
And I want your presence here now.
Because even in my depression, I call for a celebration.
So be prepared to stay all night long.
As I fall into your resting place.
Sing to me Angels of Heaven. For this lonely person needs
help going to sleep. Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
Everybody, thank you for coming.
But now it’s time for me to be alone,
As I cry out to the Father. I am hurting. I am hurting.
Can you make me better? Reach inside and repair me
left to right. So I may dance around in your presence
once again.
And I shall sing to you, Oh, God of Heaven.
For this lonely person shall find company in you.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the Heart of the night.
Let me dance in your arms, Oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above.
Let me escape into your Love.
______
Written: Thursday, November 8th, 2007, 2:04 AM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Bring out the tambourine. And shake it to this rhythm.
Play the music softly, so that I may drift to sleep.
Sing to me quietly. I want your sweet voices
lingering in my head.
Sing to me angels of Heaven.
For this lonely person needs some help going to sleep.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
You may stand here and sing.
This microphone is made just for you.
You can stand here and strum the strings.
And everyone else, just dance around.
Dance around, dance around. Gather now.
But Father, your place is the most special of all.
Your place is in my heart.
And I want your presence here now.
Because even in my depression, I call for a celebration.
So be prepared to stay all night long.
As I fall into your resting place.
Sing to me Angels of Heaven. For this lonely person needs
help going to sleep. Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the heart of the night.
Let me fall asleep in your arms oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above,
let me escape into your love.
Everybody, thank you for coming.
But now it’s time for me to be alone,
As I cry out to the Father. I am hurting. I am hurting.
Can you make me better? Reach inside and repair me
left to right. So I may dance around in your presence
once again.
And I shall sing to you, Oh, God of Heaven.
For this lonely person shall find company in you.
Wrap your arms around me Father,
I need your comfort in the Heart of the night.
Let me dance in your arms, Oh Faithful one.
And let me dream blessed dreams.
Let me escape into your Heavens above.
Let me escape into your Love.
______
Written: Thursday, November 8th, 2007, 2:04 AM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Tonight is a night that everything is quiet.
Tonight is a night, that the moon cries.
Tonight is a night, that I feel alone.
And I try not to doubt you.
But I sometimes do.
And I try not to doubt you.
But sometimes, it’s just so hard not too.
Especially, when I’m feeling lonesome.
But tonight, is the night that I reach for your arms.
Tonight is the night, when I wrap myself in your delight.
Tonight is the night, when you wipe away all my tears.
Every single one of them.
Tonight is the night, that I forget I’m alone.
I’ll turn my thoughts to you.
You always remind me that at night,
I am not alone.
Tonight is a night, where I cry myself to sleep.
Tonight is a night, that I long to be with
someone that I’ve never met before.
Tonight is a night, where pain is stalking me.
Tonight, is a night where I can’t sleep anymore.
I can’t help but to feel so alone.
All the time like I do.
Especially when I want to be in love with you.
But tonight, I shall remember you.
And how you’re always there for me.
Tonight I’ll kiss your cheek.
And worship you now.
I’ll acknowledge your beauty.
And I’ll bow down to your grace.
I’ll push aside my selfish pride.
And think about the one who loves me all the time.
Every single second. He loves me. For me.
Tonight is a night, that I need to remember.
That even though I’m crying, you’re holding me close to you.
And whispering softly in my ear, it’s okay.
I’m here for you, now and forever more.
Tonight.
Written: Friday, September 28th, 2007
Tonight is a night, that the moon cries.
Tonight is a night, that I feel alone.
And I try not to doubt you.
But I sometimes do.
And I try not to doubt you.
But sometimes, it’s just so hard not too.
Especially, when I’m feeling lonesome.
But tonight, is the night that I reach for your arms.
Tonight is the night, when I wrap myself in your delight.
Tonight is the night, when you wipe away all my tears.
Every single one of them.
Tonight is the night, that I forget I’m alone.
I’ll turn my thoughts to you.
You always remind me that at night,
I am not alone.
Tonight is a night, where I cry myself to sleep.
Tonight is a night, that I long to be with
someone that I’ve never met before.
Tonight is a night, where pain is stalking me.
Tonight, is a night where I can’t sleep anymore.
I can’t help but to feel so alone.
All the time like I do.
Especially when I want to be in love with you.
But tonight, I shall remember you.
And how you’re always there for me.
Tonight I’ll kiss your cheek.
And worship you now.
I’ll acknowledge your beauty.
And I’ll bow down to your grace.
I’ll push aside my selfish pride.
And think about the one who loves me all the time.
Every single second. He loves me. For me.
Tonight is a night, that I need to remember.
That even though I’m crying, you’re holding me close to you.
And whispering softly in my ear, it’s okay.
I’m here for you, now and forever more.
Tonight.
Written: Friday, September 28th, 2007
There’s something about the way you wear your hair that makes me want to run my fingers through it. There’s something about the way you look at me, that makes me want to grab you. There’s something about the way you smile that makes my heart run away with my thoughts. There’s something about the way you stand that makes me want to be right next to you. There’s something about the way you move your arms that make me want to hold you. There’s something about the way you walk, that makes me follow you around. There’s something about the way you sit that makes me want to surprise you with a kiss on your cheek. There’s something about the way you look when you’re thinking that makes me want to get inside your mind. There’s something about the way you talk that makes me be quiet, just so I can hear your voice echo down the hall. There’s something about your lips that makes me want to lose control. There’s something about the way you dress that makes me look at clothes and think of you. There’s something about seeing you asleep that makes me want to sleep next you. There’s something about you that makes me want to waste my love away. There’s something about you that makes me want you. There’s something about you that makes me dream about you. There’s something about you, that I just can’t get enough of. There’s something about your big heart that makes me smile. There’s something about your big heart that makes me wonder, how on Earth it got that big? There’s something about the way you continue to pour out love that makes me ask, how come you never run out? There’s something about your kindness that makes my spirit want to be that kind. There’s something about you that makes me think of how lovely it would be to be married to you. There’s something about you that makes me want to keep loving you. There’s something about you that always cheers me up. There’s something about you that makes me write poetry at night, when I should be asleep. There’s something about you, that I wish I could have. There’s something about you that comforts me when I know deep down inside, I won’t ever have you. There’s something about you that allows me to let go and not care about that. There’s something about you that keeps me happy. There’s something about your name, that makes me keep it secret in my thoughts. There’s something about you walking in the rain, that makes me want to rewind time, and join you. There’s something about you that once I start writing about you, I can’t stop. There’s something about you that’s so endless, it makes you an adventure. There’s something about you, that I won’t ever get tired of. There’s something about you that I love. There’s something about you that words can’t express. There’s something about you that even I can’t express. There’s something about you that lets everyone know, God made a perfection, when he made you.
Written: Tuesday, September 4th, 2007, 10:31 PM
Written: Tuesday, September 4th, 2007, 10:31 PM
The perfect kiss to me, is not a crowd watching you.
With eyes of gladness or jealousy or with a lonely heart.
The perfect kiss to me, is a moment shared with you.
It’s when our lips touch and bliss is all around.
It’s when we let go and say, “that’s not enough.”
It’s when not a word is said, yet our actions speak for us.
They shout from the mountain tops: “I LOVE YOU!”
Our arms wrap around one another, we fall into icy water.
Yet our fiery passion turns it into a warm spring.
Which only we can live in. It’s made just for us.
This is our secret place.
We lay under our starry sky. We dance under the moon.
We do everything we love to do. Until we’re to the room where
it’s just me and you. In love we are by far, in love we are.
The perfect kiss to me is a kiss that
reveals all of this to me. And so much more.
Roll the fire works, but I’ll be under ground.
We’re falling now. We’ll end up on the other side of the world.
This is getting too intense. But I want to keep going.
Don’t wake me up from this dream of mine.
Let my heart race till it stops beating.
I don’t care if this is the night I die.
I love dreaming about this perfect kiss.
Just wait till it actually happens.
Written: Saturday, September 1st, 2007, 12:03 AM
With eyes of gladness or jealousy or with a lonely heart.
The perfect kiss to me, is a moment shared with you.
It’s when our lips touch and bliss is all around.
It’s when we let go and say, “that’s not enough.”
It’s when not a word is said, yet our actions speak for us.
They shout from the mountain tops: “I LOVE YOU!”
Our arms wrap around one another, we fall into icy water.
Yet our fiery passion turns it into a warm spring.
Which only we can live in. It’s made just for us.
This is our secret place.
We lay under our starry sky. We dance under the moon.
We do everything we love to do. Until we’re to the room where
it’s just me and you. In love we are by far, in love we are.
The perfect kiss to me is a kiss that
reveals all of this to me. And so much more.
Roll the fire works, but I’ll be under ground.
We’re falling now. We’ll end up on the other side of the world.
This is getting too intense. But I want to keep going.
Don’t wake me up from this dream of mine.
Let my heart race till it stops beating.
I don’t care if this is the night I die.
I love dreaming about this perfect kiss.
Just wait till it actually happens.
Written: Saturday, September 1st, 2007, 12:03 AM
Today, I can’t speak. Today, I can’t think. Today so much has happened.
“This” is going on, and “this” is happening, and this is driving me crazy.
My mind’s running in circles. I just want to move forward.
I’ve got too much on my mind right now to even think straight.
I need to let out my thoughts. Let it all be said. Throw it out in the universe. I just need to get it out of my head. I don’t care what it is that you think of me. I just need to let it all be said.
Today, my world came crashing down. Oh great, look at the mess I have to clean up. I swear I should be getting paid to do this. But I need to toughen up now. Need to cool it somehow. Every day can’t be good.
Which is why I need to let out my thoughts. Let it all be said. Throw it out in the universe. Just get it out of my head. I don’t care what it is that you think of me. I just need to let it all be said.
I feel like I could ruin a life. I better watch out. It’s best to keep things in. With my mouth sealed shut.
But I wanna let out my thoughts, let it all be said. Throw it out in the universe, I just need to get it out my head. I don’t care what it is that you think of me. I just need to let it all be said.
I just wanna say it. Can you handle it? I just wanna scream it. I bet you’d hear me then. I don’t wanna hold it in anymore.
No more. I want to let it all be said. I want to let it all be said.
____
Written: Saturday, September 8th, 2007, 1:30 AM
Text modified: Mon. 9/16/13 5:11 PM
“This” is going on, and “this” is happening, and this is driving me crazy.
My mind’s running in circles. I just want to move forward.
I’ve got too much on my mind right now to even think straight.
I need to let out my thoughts. Let it all be said. Throw it out in the universe. I just need to get it out of my head. I don’t care what it is that you think of me. I just need to let it all be said.
Today, my world came crashing down. Oh great, look at the mess I have to clean up. I swear I should be getting paid to do this. But I need to toughen up now. Need to cool it somehow. Every day can’t be good.
Which is why I need to let out my thoughts. Let it all be said. Throw it out in the universe. Just get it out of my head. I don’t care what it is that you think of me. I just need to let it all be said.
I feel like I could ruin a life. I better watch out. It’s best to keep things in. With my mouth sealed shut.
But I wanna let out my thoughts, let it all be said. Throw it out in the universe, I just need to get it out my head. I don’t care what it is that you think of me. I just need to let it all be said.
I just wanna say it. Can you handle it? I just wanna scream it. I bet you’d hear me then. I don’t wanna hold it in anymore.
No more. I want to let it all be said. I want to let it all be said.
____
Written: Saturday, September 8th, 2007, 1:30 AM
Text modified: Mon. 9/16/13 5:11 PM
It’s so funny to me how you haven’t figured out that I’m madly in love with you. It’s so annoying to me how you don’t see when I’m doing something for you. It’s so awe striking to me when I feel your wind blow on me as you walk by me. It’s so sickening to me when I see another women talking to you. It’s so lovely to me to picture me rubbing my hand up and down your arm. It’s so heart breaking to me to see you cry. To see you hurt. To see you in pain. It’s so much fun to me to sing so loud for you. And no one be around. Not even you. It’s so cruel to me when you don’t acknowledge me. Yet I’m so madly in love with you. It’s so much like a game to me. Balancing in feelings. Up yet down. Left yet right. Horrible yet lovely. Beautiful yet ugly. This crush I have on you is so difficult to balance out. There’s only a line between me and you. I swear, I want to erase it.
____
Written: Wednesday, September 26th, 2007, 1:43 AM
Some text modified: Mon. 9/16/13 4:20 PM
____
Written: Wednesday, September 26th, 2007, 1:43 AM
Some text modified: Mon. 9/16/13 4:20 PM
You make me want to sing along, to every song, that you put on the radio. You make me want to dance along, to every song, that you sing at your shows. You make me want to jump up ‘n down, and spin around, just to get your attention.
You make me write poetry, and express myself in ever single way, that I know how to do.
You’re the sun in my day. You’re the song in my head. You’re the moon in my night. You’re the lullaby that’s sung to me while I drift to sleep. You’re the sprint in my run. You’re the party in my fun. You are my sunshine.
You make me travel back in time to 1969, when the sun was shining. You make me kiss you with my thoughts and never let go, until the end of the world. You make me sing non stop, until I drop to sleep. And then and there, you are still making me sing. So join me.
You are the sun in my day. The song in my head. And the moon in my night. You’re the lullaby that’s sung to me while I drift to sleep. You’re the sprint in my run. The party in my fun. You are my sunshine.
I can’t stop thinking about you. And what you do to me. I swear you’ve got me wrapped up in you like the wind is blowing on a sunny day. I could lay with you on the beach. Kiss you till we drift to sleep. & then and there will you always stay as my sunshine.
My sunshine. Hold me tightly, keep me warm.
Sunshine. I swear, you’ll always be mine.
I’ll steal you for my own sunshine.
______
Written: Thursday, September 13th, 2007, 11:24 PM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 10:29 PM
You make me write poetry, and express myself in ever single way, that I know how to do.
You’re the sun in my day. You’re the song in my head. You’re the moon in my night. You’re the lullaby that’s sung to me while I drift to sleep. You’re the sprint in my run. You’re the party in my fun. You are my sunshine.
You make me travel back in time to 1969, when the sun was shining. You make me kiss you with my thoughts and never let go, until the end of the world. You make me sing non stop, until I drop to sleep. And then and there, you are still making me sing. So join me.
You are the sun in my day. The song in my head. And the moon in my night. You’re the lullaby that’s sung to me while I drift to sleep. You’re the sprint in my run. The party in my fun. You are my sunshine.
I can’t stop thinking about you. And what you do to me. I swear you’ve got me wrapped up in you like the wind is blowing on a sunny day. I could lay with you on the beach. Kiss you till we drift to sleep. & then and there will you always stay as my sunshine.
My sunshine. Hold me tightly, keep me warm.
Sunshine. I swear, you’ll always be mine.
I’ll steal you for my own sunshine.
______
Written: Thursday, September 13th, 2007, 11:24 PM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 10:29 PM
Everything is so hectic.
& everything is so out of place.
My head keeps on spinning,
but my heart is still beating.
I feel as if I’ve lost my balance.
& I need to find my ground.
To stand firm is what I need now.
Not to fall down.
I will sing to the Lord of Lords
& ask for His wisdom.
I will think upon the good things
He has done.
I will cry out to the Lord of Lords
& ask Him to be my refuge.
I will sing to the Lord
& receive peace.
Everything is so loud now.
I’m holding my head.
Am I afraid now?
That maybe things won’t be still?
I’m so sick now.
But I know one thing
remains the same.
I know that He is the
quiet in my chaos.
& I know He can hear me
when I sing.
Lord, Hear my prayer.
I need to find you.
To find some peace in you.
Lord, hear my prayer to find you.
To find some peace in you.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Jesus.
I’ve received my peace.
Written: Monday, August 20th, 2007
& everything is so out of place.
My head keeps on spinning,
but my heart is still beating.
I feel as if I’ve lost my balance.
& I need to find my ground.
To stand firm is what I need now.
Not to fall down.
I will sing to the Lord of Lords
& ask for His wisdom.
I will think upon the good things
He has done.
I will cry out to the Lord of Lords
& ask Him to be my refuge.
I will sing to the Lord
& receive peace.
Everything is so loud now.
I’m holding my head.
Am I afraid now?
That maybe things won’t be still?
I’m so sick now.
But I know one thing
remains the same.
I know that He is the
quiet in my chaos.
& I know He can hear me
when I sing.
Lord, Hear my prayer.
I need to find you.
To find some peace in you.
Lord, hear my prayer to find you.
To find some peace in you.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Jesus.
I’ve received my peace.
Written: Monday, August 20th, 2007
Hey! I wanna be a radio head!
I wanna be one of those type of people who know and listen to every type of music. For every mood I’m in, there’s always something playing. From SmashMouth’s “Waste” to Hilary Duff’s “Weird”. If I’m depressed I’ve got that music to back me up. If I’m in that party mood, you’re gonna be joining me. I lie to you not. My mind’s making its own radio. I swear to you, you’re gonna follow my passion.
Hey! Hey you! I wanna be a radio head! I wanna walk around town. Banging my head around like I just don’t care. People will look and stare. And yes, I’m an outcast. But who cares!? I’m a radio head! Yeah, I said I’m a radio head!
Those preppy girls who wear way to much makeup. Hanging on their boyfriends, they begin to stare. They roll their eyes, and laugh at me. While they’re over there. But I know they realize I’m too good for their plastic world. & so they copy me. Oh look who’s leading now. Some will stick up their nose, and go against my game. But we all know that cheerleaders just go down the drain.
Hey! Hey you! I wanna be a radio head! I wanna walk around town. Banging my head around like I just don’t care. People will look and stare. And yes, I’m an outcast. But who cares!? I’m a radio head! Yeah, I said I’m a radio head!
All the billions of brain cells are working just as hard as they can to make another cell and make it work all of me. It’s gonna make me walk and talk and scream just as loud as I can. It will tell me when to stop and tell me when to go. Tell me when to bail and get the show on the road. It’s gonna make me jump, make me roll, make me dance till I break the floor. It’s gonna bop my head until I’m dead. And it’s the radio cell in my head.
Hey! Hey you! I wanna be a radio head! I wanna walk around town. Banging my head around like I just don’t care. People will look and stare. And yes, I’m an outcast. But who cares!? I’m a radio head! Yeah, I said I’m a radio head!
Hey!
____
Written: Tues. August 21st, 2007, 11:24 PM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:22 PM
I wanna be one of those type of people who know and listen to every type of music. For every mood I’m in, there’s always something playing. From SmashMouth’s “Waste” to Hilary Duff’s “Weird”. If I’m depressed I’ve got that music to back me up. If I’m in that party mood, you’re gonna be joining me. I lie to you not. My mind’s making its own radio. I swear to you, you’re gonna follow my passion.
Hey! Hey you! I wanna be a radio head! I wanna walk around town. Banging my head around like I just don’t care. People will look and stare. And yes, I’m an outcast. But who cares!? I’m a radio head! Yeah, I said I’m a radio head!
Those preppy girls who wear way to much makeup. Hanging on their boyfriends, they begin to stare. They roll their eyes, and laugh at me. While they’re over there. But I know they realize I’m too good for their plastic world. & so they copy me. Oh look who’s leading now. Some will stick up their nose, and go against my game. But we all know that cheerleaders just go down the drain.
Hey! Hey you! I wanna be a radio head! I wanna walk around town. Banging my head around like I just don’t care. People will look and stare. And yes, I’m an outcast. But who cares!? I’m a radio head! Yeah, I said I’m a radio head!
All the billions of brain cells are working just as hard as they can to make another cell and make it work all of me. It’s gonna make me walk and talk and scream just as loud as I can. It will tell me when to stop and tell me when to go. Tell me when to bail and get the show on the road. It’s gonna make me jump, make me roll, make me dance till I break the floor. It’s gonna bop my head until I’m dead. And it’s the radio cell in my head.
Hey! Hey you! I wanna be a radio head! I wanna walk around town. Banging my head around like I just don’t care. People will look and stare. And yes, I’m an outcast. But who cares!? I’m a radio head! Yeah, I said I’m a radio head!
Hey!
____
Written: Tues. August 21st, 2007, 11:24 PM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:22 PM
I’m not perfect.
From my eyes are tears of black pain. They’re telling everyone what I need to gain. They’re telling lies as I cry. & I’m trying to break loose from myself. Everyone needs to run and hide. They need not to worry. I won’t die. It’s just I might hurt the people that see what’s about to take place in me. I don’t want anyone to see. What I do alone stays there. I don’t take myself everywhere. I leave it at home. I play different roles. Some are empty others are whole. I just want everyone to know.
I’m not perfect.
Sometimes I walk around, there’s something over me. Cloaking me. It’s just something I do to try to hide myself away from all the pain and everyone around me. They do not need to see. No, They do not need to see. They don’t need to see what’s living in me. I don’t need to take it everywhere with me. It’s just I’m trying to reflect not the fact that I have my regrets but the fact that I want everyone to see.
That I’m not perfect.
Spit me out. Don’t look at me. I live in the dirt. I’m filthy and unclean. Don’t talk to me. I’m trying to shy away. Just leave me and my sinful nature. Why are you trying to help me? Why can’t you see?
I’m not perfect.
I’m not perfect.
Look away. There’s nothing here to see. Especially in me.
I’m not perfect.
Only in you, (I’m not perfect)
Only in you. Only in you.
Could I be perfect!
Take my soul. Make me whole. Otherwise I’m just nothing of use to you. Or to this world. Just another sinful girl. Take me, and make me. Do what it takes to make me better.
I’m not perfect. But one day I can be. Perfect in you. Only In You.
_____
Written: Thursday, August 30th, 2007, 2:03 PM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:09 PM
From my eyes are tears of black pain. They’re telling everyone what I need to gain. They’re telling lies as I cry. & I’m trying to break loose from myself. Everyone needs to run and hide. They need not to worry. I won’t die. It’s just I might hurt the people that see what’s about to take place in me. I don’t want anyone to see. What I do alone stays there. I don’t take myself everywhere. I leave it at home. I play different roles. Some are empty others are whole. I just want everyone to know.
I’m not perfect.
Sometimes I walk around, there’s something over me. Cloaking me. It’s just something I do to try to hide myself away from all the pain and everyone around me. They do not need to see. No, They do not need to see. They don’t need to see what’s living in me. I don’t need to take it everywhere with me. It’s just I’m trying to reflect not the fact that I have my regrets but the fact that I want everyone to see.
That I’m not perfect.
Spit me out. Don’t look at me. I live in the dirt. I’m filthy and unclean. Don’t talk to me. I’m trying to shy away. Just leave me and my sinful nature. Why are you trying to help me? Why can’t you see?
I’m not perfect.
I’m not perfect.
Look away. There’s nothing here to see. Especially in me.
I’m not perfect.
Only in you, (I’m not perfect)
Only in you. Only in you.
Could I be perfect!
Take my soul. Make me whole. Otherwise I’m just nothing of use to you. Or to this world. Just another sinful girl. Take me, and make me. Do what it takes to make me better.
I’m not perfect. But one day I can be. Perfect in you. Only In You.
_____
Written: Thursday, August 30th, 2007, 2:03 PM
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13 4:09 PM
Everyone asks why won’t somebody listen to me? I want to be heard. No matter where I am standing. You scream and shout while your lungs are about to give out. You know all you want is a voice in the world.
Well, what do you do when everything you’ve said and done seem like, feels like, nothing of use? If you feel like your feelings have been abused, then my friend, think again. You’re not the only one.
Because time after time, People tend to whine. Adults seem to be kids. Kids seem to be adults.
You want to make a difference in the world, you must first make a difference in yourself. Want to feel like your dreams and your thoughts, ideas and everything else is actually getting somewhere? Then help someone today.
Put a smile on. Compliment someone in person. Dry up those tears. All your fears have been chased away.
I promise you. One day, you will see your plans come true.
But first, You must change you.
______
Written: Wednesday, August 29th, 2007, 11:07 PM
Well, what do you do when everything you’ve said and done seem like, feels like, nothing of use? If you feel like your feelings have been abused, then my friend, think again. You’re not the only one.
Because time after time, People tend to whine. Adults seem to be kids. Kids seem to be adults.
You want to make a difference in the world, you must first make a difference in yourself. Want to feel like your dreams and your thoughts, ideas and everything else is actually getting somewhere? Then help someone today.
Put a smile on. Compliment someone in person. Dry up those tears. All your fears have been chased away.
I promise you. One day, you will see your plans come true.
But first, You must change you.
______
Written: Wednesday, August 29th, 2007, 11:07 PM
Today was such a day, That the clouds fell down and crashed and burned. Tonight was a night where the moon cried for the sun. This morning was a morning where everything was grey. And this evening, was an evening where the stars died. But then there I was. In the middle of all of this. I didn’t know if I should run or hide. I was watching this all happen and I’m frozen thinking “What will happen to me?” I decided that I have hands, so I will place the clouds back up in the sky. I have feet so I will take the moon to its sun. I have hope that will bring back the stars one by one. And I have love that will make the colors of the day. I dream about it everyday, where someone would ask me to stay. I would help them keep their heart a flame. They would never forget my name. But for now, I fly with the wind. And reach down when I see someone reaching up.
____
Written: August 28th, 2007, 9:12 PM
____
Written: August 28th, 2007, 9:12 PM
Love is all around. I want to be caught up in it so badly,
yet I’m not ready for it. So when I see everyone being
swept away by it, it makes me lonely. Makes me feel dead.
Makes me feel invisible. Makes me sad. It makes me want to
be in love like everyone else. Why can’t I? Why can’t I be
caught up in it’s winds? I just wish I knew why I had to sit
here and wait, while everyone else just jumps in.
Maybe one day it won’t forget me. Maybe one day I’ll catch
that train. Until then, I’ll just watch the stars before I go
dance among them. Until then, I’ll wait.
It’s hard as bricks on a wall. But I think I can break it down.
____
Written: August 8th, 2007, 12:26 PM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
yet I’m not ready for it. So when I see everyone being
swept away by it, it makes me lonely. Makes me feel dead.
Makes me feel invisible. Makes me sad. It makes me want to
be in love like everyone else. Why can’t I? Why can’t I be
caught up in it’s winds? I just wish I knew why I had to sit
here and wait, while everyone else just jumps in.
Maybe one day it won’t forget me. Maybe one day I’ll catch
that train. Until then, I’ll just watch the stars before I go
dance among them. Until then, I’ll wait.
It’s hard as bricks on a wall. But I think I can break it down.
____
Written: August 8th, 2007, 12:26 PM
Some text modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
What do you think
you’re doing?
Running around
in circles like that?
I know it’s been
a crazy night,
but you shouldn’t
do the same sin twice.
No, you shouldn’t
do the same sin twice.
So your heart is broken.
You’re torn. So torn.
& so you pop another one.
Gulp it down.
Drown it down.
This is your way out.
Don’t you want a better way
to throw your sorrows away?
Break that bottle.
Don’t dare pick it up again.
Take the broken glass & kill
any temptations you have.
Take my hand, we’ll pray.
Let’s pray.
Let’s kill any desire for that.
That ugly brown bottle.
What’s inside is only a lie.
It’s empty and
when it’s gone.
It’s gone.
You’ll chase back for more.
& if you can’t get more.
What will you do with yourself?
It’s not for you like
you think it’s for you.
So your heart is broken.
you’re torn, you’re torn
& so you pop another one.
Gulp it down, drown it down.
This is your way out.
Don’t you want a better way,
to throw your sorrows away!?
Break that bottle.
Don’t dare pick it up again.
Take the broken glass & kill
any temptations you have.
Take my hand, we’ll pray.
Let’s pray. Let’s kill any desire for that.
That ugly brown bottle.
Your lips are touching idle comfort.
Your lips are touching constant lies.
Your heart is reaching
out into the open.
For His comfort, His love.
Break that bottle.
Don’t dare pick it up again.
Take the broken glass & kill
any temptations you have.
Take my hand, we’ll pray.
Let’s pray.
Let’s kill any desire for that.
That ugly brown bottle.
Written: Date Unknown (2007)
you’re doing?
Running around
in circles like that?
I know it’s been
a crazy night,
but you shouldn’t
do the same sin twice.
No, you shouldn’t
do the same sin twice.
So your heart is broken.
You’re torn. So torn.
& so you pop another one.
Gulp it down.
Drown it down.
This is your way out.
Don’t you want a better way
to throw your sorrows away?
Break that bottle.
Don’t dare pick it up again.
Take the broken glass & kill
any temptations you have.
Take my hand, we’ll pray.
Let’s pray.
Let’s kill any desire for that.
That ugly brown bottle.
What’s inside is only a lie.
It’s empty and
when it’s gone.
It’s gone.
You’ll chase back for more.
& if you can’t get more.
What will you do with yourself?
It’s not for you like
you think it’s for you.
So your heart is broken.
you’re torn, you’re torn
& so you pop another one.
Gulp it down, drown it down.
This is your way out.
Don’t you want a better way,
to throw your sorrows away!?
Break that bottle.
Don’t dare pick it up again.
Take the broken glass & kill
any temptations you have.
Take my hand, we’ll pray.
Let’s pray. Let’s kill any desire for that.
That ugly brown bottle.
Your lips are touching idle comfort.
Your lips are touching constant lies.
Your heart is reaching
out into the open.
For His comfort, His love.
Break that bottle.
Don’t dare pick it up again.
Take the broken glass & kill
any temptations you have.
Take my hand, we’ll pray.
Let’s pray.
Let’s kill any desire for that.
That ugly brown bottle.
Written: Date Unknown (2007)
I met you on a cloudy day.
Everything seemed to be okay.
& everything was going just right.
We fell in love on that very night.
We fell in love that very night.
But you had to go,
And I said no.
But you had to go,
& I had to let you go.
So we said our goodbyes,
and then I cried.
But in my heart,
and in my soul,
I held onto you.
I didn’t let you go.
& in my heart,
and my soul,
I decided to
never let you go.
So I said no,
you’re stuck in my soul.
I’ve passed many
beautiful faces.
But no one
seems to have
a face like yours.
& others try to
steal my love.
But it’s only yours
for the taking.
It’s only yours
for the taking.
& they have to go.
I told them to go.
I let them go.
Cause I said no.
But I’ll say yes to you.
With a smile.
With a smile.
In my heart,
and in my soul,
I held onto you,
I didn’t let you go.
& in my heart,
and my soul,
I decided to
never let you go.
So I said no,
you’re stuck in my soul.
And as the days go by,
I’ll remember you always.
& I look forward
to that cloudy day,
When you once again,
come my way.
When you once again,
come my way.
Written: Date Unknown 2007
Everything seemed to be okay.
& everything was going just right.
We fell in love on that very night.
We fell in love that very night.
But you had to go,
And I said no.
But you had to go,
& I had to let you go.
So we said our goodbyes,
and then I cried.
But in my heart,
and in my soul,
I held onto you.
I didn’t let you go.
& in my heart,
and my soul,
I decided to
never let you go.
So I said no,
you’re stuck in my soul.
I’ve passed many
beautiful faces.
But no one
seems to have
a face like yours.
& others try to
steal my love.
But it’s only yours
for the taking.
It’s only yours
for the taking.
& they have to go.
I told them to go.
I let them go.
Cause I said no.
But I’ll say yes to you.
With a smile.
With a smile.
In my heart,
and in my soul,
I held onto you,
I didn’t let you go.
& in my heart,
and my soul,
I decided to
never let you go.
So I said no,
you’re stuck in my soul.
And as the days go by,
I’ll remember you always.
& I look forward
to that cloudy day,
When you once again,
come my way.
When you once again,
come my way.
Written: Date Unknown 2007
You’re ashamed of yourself.
You hate yourself.
You feel unloved and unwanted.
You feel as if you have no worth.
You’re just another person in the world.
This world is so big,
If you died today
not a single soul would notice your dust
as it floats away into the sunset.
Nobody would miss you.
Or think about you.
You’d be just another lost star in the midnight sky.
You feel as if you’re like dirt beneath peoples feet.
They don’t look down at the sand to
see if there’s a grain a different color, shape or size.
All they do is walk over it.
Without a single thought of it.
That’s how you feel.
So poor and alone.
You’re looking for love.
A long lasting relationship.
You want friends and
sunny days and bright smiles
with big hearts.
But you’ve felt so alone.
So dark and empty are you.
Your heart is hidden in the shadows of your pain.
Black are your tears that run from your gray eyes.
You look at the world as it runs right by.
Nobody notices you.
Or your cry for help.
Love seems worlds away.
Friend is a word that doesn’t exist.
Your smile is so dead
it’s like miles of ice on top of the ocean.
Light is no more. The sun has died.
You’re feeling so much pain.
Like there’s nothing you can gain.
The darkness is apart of you.
You’re so cold and frozen your skill is pail blue.
You’re crying out to the stars above.
May something happen to me.
I want to feel love.
Suddenly with your last bit of strength,
You breathe in then out.
You look up.
Then and there do you see this hand.
You pick up yourself and reach with all your might.
Suddenly, the sky lightens up.
Ah, There is your sun.
You see the place that holds many friends.
The word does exist, and your name is underneath it.
Love has been there ready for you.
You were just too frozen to feel it.
After wanting to erase your name and all your tracks,
You find you want to live again.
Be able to breathe.
Because you know you are the only one you.
You wanted to hate life as you thought it hated you.
But now you see someone has given you life.
You want to love them back. And thank them.
By living this life In this world.
Join the people and walk in the sun.
You know now the truth.
It was all lies.
You’re still alive.
You’re not weak, you’re strong.
You’re not alone, You’re being watched over.
You’re not hated or forgotten.
But loved and remembered and cherished from above.
Live this life and say thank you always.
Forget your past and behold your future.
Dance in the present and look above.
What do you see?
Of coarse, It’s love.
—–
Written: April 10th, 2007
You hate yourself.
You feel unloved and unwanted.
You feel as if you have no worth.
You’re just another person in the world.
This world is so big,
If you died today
not a single soul would notice your dust
as it floats away into the sunset.
Nobody would miss you.
Or think about you.
You’d be just another lost star in the midnight sky.
You feel as if you’re like dirt beneath peoples feet.
They don’t look down at the sand to
see if there’s a grain a different color, shape or size.
All they do is walk over it.
Without a single thought of it.
That’s how you feel.
So poor and alone.
You’re looking for love.
A long lasting relationship.
You want friends and
sunny days and bright smiles
with big hearts.
But you’ve felt so alone.
So dark and empty are you.
Your heart is hidden in the shadows of your pain.
Black are your tears that run from your gray eyes.
You look at the world as it runs right by.
Nobody notices you.
Or your cry for help.
Love seems worlds away.
Friend is a word that doesn’t exist.
Your smile is so dead
it’s like miles of ice on top of the ocean.
Light is no more. The sun has died.
You’re feeling so much pain.
Like there’s nothing you can gain.
The darkness is apart of you.
You’re so cold and frozen your skill is pail blue.
You’re crying out to the stars above.
May something happen to me.
I want to feel love.
Suddenly with your last bit of strength,
You breathe in then out.
You look up.
Then and there do you see this hand.
You pick up yourself and reach with all your might.
Suddenly, the sky lightens up.
Ah, There is your sun.
You see the place that holds many friends.
The word does exist, and your name is underneath it.
Love has been there ready for you.
You were just too frozen to feel it.
After wanting to erase your name and all your tracks,
You find you want to live again.
Be able to breathe.
Because you know you are the only one you.
You wanted to hate life as you thought it hated you.
But now you see someone has given you life.
You want to love them back. And thank them.
By living this life In this world.
Join the people and walk in the sun.
You know now the truth.
It was all lies.
You’re still alive.
You’re not weak, you’re strong.
You’re not alone, You’re being watched over.
You’re not hated or forgotten.
But loved and remembered and cherished from above.
Live this life and say thank you always.
Forget your past and behold your future.
Dance in the present and look above.
What do you see?
Of coarse, It’s love.
—–
Written: April 10th, 2007
I’m waiting in my kingdom,
waiting for the day
where you’re lovely music
I’d hear you play.
Smashing clocks
from time to time.
& in my dreams,
I sing to you.
Please tell me
you’re on your way soon.
Written: Wednesday, March 4th, 2007
waiting for the day
where you’re lovely music
I’d hear you play.
Smashing clocks
from time to time.
& in my dreams,
I sing to you.
Please tell me
you’re on your way soon.
Written: Wednesday, March 4th, 2007
I’ve gathered up every
part of who I am.
The words that flow
from my very mouth.
From my heart.
I’ve reached way deep down into.
I’ve searched for words
to speak to you.
I think I’ve found them.
Even if I haven’t,
these are some that come to mind.
They were not hard to find.
They came to voice right on time.
So I pour, and speak, and give some more.
Not too weak, not too sore.
Not too tired. Not too bored.
But inspired by the words that you have
shared with me.
Time to give back.
As you did to me.
You’re a great friend.
Far from me, you are.
In the UK.
Almost every day.
We’ve spoke once.
And I’ll never forget it.
Your voice is lovely on a message.
But to speak and you
respond to my words,
was a lovely gift.
I love your voice.
It’s very gentle.
Very jolly. I like it a lot.
You’re so sweet at heart.
And your words are encouraging.
From start, to finish.
We’ve been friends for years now.
And you always manage to find me
and speak to me.
You do so much as a true friend.
I know you’ll be this way for ever.
Until the end.
God has blessed me.
I hope he’s blessed you too.
We’re good friends,
I know this much is true.
My words have seem to fade away.
But I hope what I have said
lingers and stays.
Down in your heart,
I hope they are buried.
Over the hills,
through the mountains,
and over vast seas.
I hope they’ve carried.
From my heart with all my love.
I hope it touches you,
like God touches me from above.
May his love and mine
fall upon you like gentle April rain.
Goodbye for now.
And somehow,
my words will come back
with more to say.
But for now,
this is it.
For now any ways.
Written: Date Unknown 2007
part of who I am.
The words that flow
from my very mouth.
From my heart.
I’ve reached way deep down into.
I’ve searched for words
to speak to you.
I think I’ve found them.
Even if I haven’t,
these are some that come to mind.
They were not hard to find.
They came to voice right on time.
So I pour, and speak, and give some more.
Not too weak, not too sore.
Not too tired. Not too bored.
But inspired by the words that you have
shared with me.
Time to give back.
As you did to me.
You’re a great friend.
Far from me, you are.
In the UK.
Almost every day.
We’ve spoke once.
And I’ll never forget it.
Your voice is lovely on a message.
But to speak and you
respond to my words,
was a lovely gift.
I love your voice.
It’s very gentle.
Very jolly. I like it a lot.
You’re so sweet at heart.
And your words are encouraging.
From start, to finish.
We’ve been friends for years now.
And you always manage to find me
and speak to me.
You do so much as a true friend.
I know you’ll be this way for ever.
Until the end.
God has blessed me.
I hope he’s blessed you too.
We’re good friends,
I know this much is true.
My words have seem to fade away.
But I hope what I have said
lingers and stays.
Down in your heart,
I hope they are buried.
Over the hills,
through the mountains,
and over vast seas.
I hope they’ve carried.
From my heart with all my love.
I hope it touches you,
like God touches me from above.
May his love and mine
fall upon you like gentle April rain.
Goodbye for now.
And somehow,
my words will come back
with more to say.
But for now,
this is it.
For now any ways.
Written: Date Unknown 2007
I’m walking in a store.
Walking through the place I work.
Walking on a street.
Jumping off the sidewalk.
& crashing my day dreams.
There’s always the same thing,
People are staring.
What do they see?
I know my hair is all
messed up now.
While my jeans are painted on.
& I haven’t even showered.
But I look like a goth.
Yet I’m fallen for jazz.
I’m this then that,
& it’s really confusing.
It’s Ridiculous. I’m Ridiculous.
I am Rare, interesting, dangerously curious.
I don’t care, curiously crazy, Unique, Lovely,
Open to crazy ideas, Under the influence of God.
& I try to be sexy.
I’m ridiculous.
If you have a problem
with that, take it else where.
I don’t care,
I don’t care.
Cause I’m like that.
Isn’t it Ridiculous?
So I’m counting with my fingers,
is it time to jump yet?
Avoiding the rules.
I go for what I feel is right.
Trying to keep my head on straight,
while walking backwards.
Life is just a game.
& I’m turning it over.
I know it can be scary.
But it can be amazing.
Take my hand,
let me show you the things
you’re really missing.
It’s Ridiculous. Ridiculous.
This poem is so crazy.
Baby I’m so lazy.
Don’t wanna finish it,
because it’s just plain out,
Ridiculous.
Written: Date Unknown (2007)
Walking through the place I work.
Walking on a street.
Jumping off the sidewalk.
& crashing my day dreams.
There’s always the same thing,
People are staring.
What do they see?
I know my hair is all
messed up now.
While my jeans are painted on.
& I haven’t even showered.
But I look like a goth.
Yet I’m fallen for jazz.
I’m this then that,
& it’s really confusing.
It’s Ridiculous. I’m Ridiculous.
I am Rare, interesting, dangerously curious.
I don’t care, curiously crazy, Unique, Lovely,
Open to crazy ideas, Under the influence of God.
& I try to be sexy.
I’m ridiculous.
If you have a problem
with that, take it else where.
I don’t care,
I don’t care.
Cause I’m like that.
Isn’t it Ridiculous?
So I’m counting with my fingers,
is it time to jump yet?
Avoiding the rules.
I go for what I feel is right.
Trying to keep my head on straight,
while walking backwards.
Life is just a game.
& I’m turning it over.
I know it can be scary.
But it can be amazing.
Take my hand,
let me show you the things
you’re really missing.
It’s Ridiculous. Ridiculous.
This poem is so crazy.
Baby I’m so lazy.
Don’t wanna finish it,
because it’s just plain out,
Ridiculous.
Written: Date Unknown (2007)
I’m just gonna come out and say it, but I’m trying to write a song. And the inspiration I’m feeding on, is ever so strong. It’s a love song and it’s just for you. And I want to sing it, whenever you’re feeling blue. Yeah, it’s just for you. I can’t help myself but you’re so ever tempting. You’re luscious eyes, and your fragile lips, show up in my head again and again. When does it end? It seems like you are tormenting me. But maybe that’s the way I want it to be. Because you can have me. Just be sure to save the last dance for me. And I have so much to say, But it won’t come out and it’s leaving me speechless. I swear I’ve got a brain, but it’s so high in love, that it forgot to come back down to Earth. I know I can’t speak right now, but if I could I’d really like to say to you.. I love you. I love you. And now that I’ve finally said it, I want to say it over and over and over again.
It seems this will never end. Because I love you. Because, I love you.
____
Written: Monday, May 28th, 2007
Modified: 9/9/13 Monday.
It seems this will never end. Because I love you. Because, I love you.
____
Written: Monday, May 28th, 2007
Modified: 9/9/13 Monday.
Tonight I did something that
I didn’t intend on ever doing.
It was never on my
“to-do list” of life.
Yet some how it made
its way to the top.
And instead of doing one thing,
it did another.
My emotions kept on flying
without a single stop.
My eyes over whelmed with black tears.
And so I hide myself away.
A guilty lullaby is what I sung
as I lied myself to sleep.
And this is all that entered
my mind when I was too weak to think.
It’s all my fault.
I love you so deeply.
I care for you.
You’re apart of my heart.
And tonight I made you suffer
for something that I had done.
It’s all my fault.
You were my number one.
And now I’m your zero.
12:44 and I’m still awake.
I can’t believe what took place tonight.
I should had never opened my big fat mouth.
Oh how I hate my voice now.
I can’t believe what a selfish
bastard I am.
But I want to change.
I need to change.
Sometime, somewhere.
some how.
But sadly to say, this is the new me.
I see this happening
everywhere I go.
I’m a wrecking disaster.
And nothing can change me.
Because…
It’s all my fault.
I love you so deeply.
I care for you.
You’re apart of my heart.
And tonight I made you suffer,
for something that I had done.
It’s all my fault.
You were my number one.
And now I’m your zero.
It’s all my fault.
I’m your zero.
I let you down tonight.
And it’s all my fault.
—--
Written: Friday, February 22nd, 2007, 12:54 AM
I didn’t intend on ever doing.
It was never on my
“to-do list” of life.
Yet some how it made
its way to the top.
And instead of doing one thing,
it did another.
My emotions kept on flying
without a single stop.
My eyes over whelmed with black tears.
And so I hide myself away.
A guilty lullaby is what I sung
as I lied myself to sleep.
And this is all that entered
my mind when I was too weak to think.
It’s all my fault.
I love you so deeply.
I care for you.
You’re apart of my heart.
And tonight I made you suffer
for something that I had done.
It’s all my fault.
You were my number one.
And now I’m your zero.
12:44 and I’m still awake.
I can’t believe what took place tonight.
I should had never opened my big fat mouth.
Oh how I hate my voice now.
I can’t believe what a selfish
bastard I am.
But I want to change.
I need to change.
Sometime, somewhere.
some how.
But sadly to say, this is the new me.
I see this happening
everywhere I go.
I’m a wrecking disaster.
And nothing can change me.
Because…
It’s all my fault.
I love you so deeply.
I care for you.
You’re apart of my heart.
And tonight I made you suffer,
for something that I had done.
It’s all my fault.
You were my number one.
And now I’m your zero.
It’s all my fault.
I’m your zero.
I let you down tonight.
And it’s all my fault.
—--
Written: Friday, February 22nd, 2007, 12:54 AM
Share the pain you feel inside. Expose yourself instead of trying to hide. Let those who love you know how you feel. Show the emotions. We know it’s real.
The lies we do not believe. But there’s something you need to receive. You need to empty out your sorrows and pain. Cause there’s so much joy that you could gain.
So Share the pain that you feel inside. Cry out your pain like no one is watching you. We want to help you lose these troubles. Because we love you and care for you and know what to do. So let out all the hurt inside. Push away your pride. There’s no need to hide. Hand in hand we’re here for you now. But first all you need to do is just let it out.
Time and time again, you’re stuck here in December. Cold and afraid. Why don’t you show how you truly feel? Why don’t you tell us what’s inside your heart? Instead of tearing your insides apart?
You’re heart and self is so precious in these eyes. It would make me blind just to see it die. It’s best to just go ahead and let it all out. Before you start to wonder or even doubt.
I know you’re afraid. I know you’re upset. I know you’re lonely and are feeling regret. But truly there’s a better road to take. So empty out your feelings and let it all go.
Because you need to share your pain. Or at least let it go. You could feel so much better. Trust me because I know.
But you must first let out your pain. And make room for all that which you could gain.
__________
Written: Friday, March 23rd, 2007
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13
The lies we do not believe. But there’s something you need to receive. You need to empty out your sorrows and pain. Cause there’s so much joy that you could gain.
So Share the pain that you feel inside. Cry out your pain like no one is watching you. We want to help you lose these troubles. Because we love you and care for you and know what to do. So let out all the hurt inside. Push away your pride. There’s no need to hide. Hand in hand we’re here for you now. But first all you need to do is just let it out.
Time and time again, you’re stuck here in December. Cold and afraid. Why don’t you show how you truly feel? Why don’t you tell us what’s inside your heart? Instead of tearing your insides apart?
You’re heart and self is so precious in these eyes. It would make me blind just to see it die. It’s best to just go ahead and let it all out. Before you start to wonder or even doubt.
I know you’re afraid. I know you’re upset. I know you’re lonely and are feeling regret. But truly there’s a better road to take. So empty out your feelings and let it all go.
Because you need to share your pain. Or at least let it go. You could feel so much better. Trust me because I know.
But you must first let out your pain. And make room for all that which you could gain.
__________
Written: Friday, March 23rd, 2007
Some text modified: Thur. 9/19/13
Good morning sweet heart. Yes I know this love letter is quite a surprise. Waking up yawning. Still rubbing your eyes, in the sunrise. And everything is such a delight. Maybe this letter will set things right.
I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
I still think about you.
I don’t know where to start.
I’m so lost without you.
Didn’t mean to make everything fall apart. I’m sorry that we had to come to an end. But I gladly congratulate you and your new girlfriend. But if today, you’re feeling depressed in any way, please read this letter of mine at any time.
I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
I still think about you.
I just want you to know,
I still write about you.
Oh, How could I let you go? Was I really such a fool? Please forgive me. I still fantasize about you. I still dream of you. I still stay up late at night thinking about what I did.
But I’m sorry, I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
I just want you to know,
I still write about you.
_____
Written: Saturday, March 10th, 2007, 4:54 PM
Some text modified: Saturday, 9/14/13 12:30 AM
I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
I still think about you.
I don’t know where to start.
I’m so lost without you.
Didn’t mean to make everything fall apart. I’m sorry that we had to come to an end. But I gladly congratulate you and your new girlfriend. But if today, you’re feeling depressed in any way, please read this letter of mine at any time.
I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
I still think about you.
I just want you to know,
I still write about you.
Oh, How could I let you go? Was I really such a fool? Please forgive me. I still fantasize about you. I still dream of you. I still stay up late at night thinking about what I did.
But I’m sorry, I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
I just want you to know,
I still write about you.
_____
Written: Saturday, March 10th, 2007, 4:54 PM
Some text modified: Saturday, 9/14/13 12:30 AM
Tonight I’m feeling like I’m in the dumps. And I’m going through the ups and downs of this ride of mine. But I’ve been unable to survive. Just being tossed around. And now I’m lying on the ground.
I’m so sick of feeling like I can’t do a thing about my messed up life. I want to know that I’m in control. And that I’ve still got life in this soul.
I swear to you, that I’m still alive.
I swear to you that I can still do the impossible.
I swear to you that I’ve still got my voice.
And you can scream as loud as you can.
But I swear to you, you cannot drown out these words.
I’m a rock stuck in the mud. I’m a feather in the wind.
I’m a leaf on running water. And I still remember where I’ve been. I’m finally being able to run. I’m finally able to scream. And no one can take that away from me.
I’m so sick of feeling like I can’t do a thing about my messed up life. I’m so sick of everyone pointing their nasty fingers at me shouting out these lies. I’m finally ready to bite back.
Oh I swear to you, that I’m still alive. I swear to you that I can still do the impossible. I swear to you that I’ve still got my voice to shout with. And you can scream as loud as you can. But I swear to you, you cannot drown out these words.
Yeah you’ve heard of what they call me.
And I’ve heard the rumors many times.
It’s all just the same thing. Just a bunch of filthy lies.
Oh I swear to you, That I’m still alive. I swear to you that I can still do the impossible. I swear to you that I’ve still got my voice to shout out with. And you, you can scream. As loud as you want too. But I swear to you that you cannot drown out my inner man. I swear to you that you cannot drown out these words.
No, No. I swear to you.
I solemnly swear right into you.
______
Written: Saturday, March 17th, 2007
Some text modified: 9/13/13 Friday
I’m so sick of feeling like I can’t do a thing about my messed up life. I want to know that I’m in control. And that I’ve still got life in this soul.
I swear to you, that I’m still alive.
I swear to you that I can still do the impossible.
I swear to you that I’ve still got my voice.
And you can scream as loud as you can.
But I swear to you, you cannot drown out these words.
I’m a rock stuck in the mud. I’m a feather in the wind.
I’m a leaf on running water. And I still remember where I’ve been. I’m finally being able to run. I’m finally able to scream. And no one can take that away from me.
I’m so sick of feeling like I can’t do a thing about my messed up life. I’m so sick of everyone pointing their nasty fingers at me shouting out these lies. I’m finally ready to bite back.
Oh I swear to you, that I’m still alive. I swear to you that I can still do the impossible. I swear to you that I’ve still got my voice to shout with. And you can scream as loud as you can. But I swear to you, you cannot drown out these words.
Yeah you’ve heard of what they call me.
And I’ve heard the rumors many times.
It’s all just the same thing. Just a bunch of filthy lies.
Oh I swear to you, That I’m still alive. I swear to you that I can still do the impossible. I swear to you that I’ve still got my voice to shout out with. And you, you can scream. As loud as you want too. But I swear to you that you cannot drown out my inner man. I swear to you that you cannot drown out these words.
No, No. I swear to you.
I solemnly swear right into you.
______
Written: Saturday, March 17th, 2007
Some text modified: 9/13/13 Friday
There’s a Queen,
All alone.
With no one to hold.
& she lives, on her throne,
with no one beside her.
So she goes, into the world,
searching for love.
Can she find what she’s looking for?
Can she find what she’s looking for?
There’s a man, who sees a need.
But not just a need.
He sees, all of her beauty.
So hypnotized & surprised,
to see her alone.
He asks if he could sing over her.
He asks if he can sing over her.
& she said: ‘yes’.
& this is what he sang:
Queen of France,
you’ve won my heart.
You’ve made me feel so warm inside.
So before you reply,
is there anything I can do for you?
Is there anything I can do for you?
Now the Queen, is surprised,
that this stranger wants to serve her,
she barely knows him.
& he knows not of her.
But amazingly she says yes.
With a favor in mind.
She asks him to marry her.
& live with her until he dies.
Until she dies.
& he said: 'yes’
& this is what he sang:
Queen of France,
you’ve won my heart.
You’ve made me feel so warm inside.
& with that reply;
why yes I will marry you.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
It turns out the Queen
was never alone.
She married a man who
was always with her.
A servant, who knew her,
and loved her just the way she was.
How amazing & incredible.
That a poor servant’s love
was fit for a Queen.
It was perfectly fit for a Queen.
Queen of France.
King of France.
They are dancing together.
So in love, so in love.
They are.
Now the two, are legends.
But will always be remembered.
As the first two worlds,
to ever become one.
As the first two worlds,
to ever become one.
Written: Date Unknown 2007
All alone.
With no one to hold.
& she lives, on her throne,
with no one beside her.
So she goes, into the world,
searching for love.
Can she find what she’s looking for?
Can she find what she’s looking for?
There’s a man, who sees a need.
But not just a need.
He sees, all of her beauty.
So hypnotized & surprised,
to see her alone.
He asks if he could sing over her.
He asks if he can sing over her.
& she said: ‘yes’.
& this is what he sang:
Queen of France,
you’ve won my heart.
You’ve made me feel so warm inside.
So before you reply,
is there anything I can do for you?
Is there anything I can do for you?
Now the Queen, is surprised,
that this stranger wants to serve her,
she barely knows him.
& he knows not of her.
But amazingly she says yes.
With a favor in mind.
She asks him to marry her.
& live with her until he dies.
Until she dies.
& he said: 'yes’
& this is what he sang:
Queen of France,
you’ve won my heart.
You’ve made me feel so warm inside.
& with that reply;
why yes I will marry you.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
It turns out the Queen
was never alone.
She married a man who
was always with her.
A servant, who knew her,
and loved her just the way she was.
How amazing & incredible.
That a poor servant’s love
was fit for a Queen.
It was perfectly fit for a Queen.
Queen of France.
King of France.
They are dancing together.
So in love, so in love.
They are.
Now the two, are legends.
But will always be remembered.
As the first two worlds,
to ever become one.
As the first two worlds,
to ever become one.
Written: Date Unknown 2007
I’m trying to hold my breath. I’m trying to imagine you. You’re so far away. Yet, you’re so close to me. I won’t meet you till years from now. But I plan as if you’re going to enter my life tomorrow. And I dance in the sunshine just thinking about what you’ll be like. You’re simplicity in my mind. I know you’re real even though I’ve never seen your face. Or touched your hand. But one day I will. And that one day will be so grand.
Staying up late at nights. Writing songs and poems trying to get things right. I want you to fall in love instantly, when you see me. I know I’ll fall to the ground, kiss the dirt and smell the thorns. As if I was in a garden. But not just any garden.
You and me, people will see. We were meant to be. God had let you be born, just so I could grow old with you. I’ll walk on the beach. I’ll kiss the stars at night. And I’ll think of you. And you’ll think of me. One day it will be true. Me and you. I can’t wait for the day that I meet you my love.
I know it seems so sad. That I should try to get some experience. But to tell you the truth, I don’t really care. I just want to see you. Do all my firsts with you. I don’t care about anyone right now, in this life of mine. Yes I’m lonely. I dream of being with someone. I dream of kissing rose peddle soft lips, and touching porcelain soft skin.
But to tell you the truth, I don’t care about that right now. I just want to wait for you. Then do all those things with you.
You and me, people will see. We were meant to be. God had let me be born, so I could live with you. And you live with me. I’ll run through the clouds at night just to touch the warmth of the stars. I’ll lay on the beach and soak up the sun, thinking of you. I can’t wait to see you. My love.
I’m so impatient. I’m wanting you so badly. I cannot wait. I must have you now. I long for you each day. I want to touch your face. I’m so impatient. Please hurry to me, my love.
My love. Please hurry to me, and I’ll hurry to you. Yes I will, I promise you.
My Love.
______
Written: Thursday, February 22nd, 2007, 1:23 AM
"I am currently 14 years old. About to turn 15.
I wrote this for my future husband.
If I’ll ever sing it to him I don’t know."
That segment was written after I wrote this song, over 10 years ago.
And no, I will NOT be singing this song to him.
Staying up late at nights. Writing songs and poems trying to get things right. I want you to fall in love instantly, when you see me. I know I’ll fall to the ground, kiss the dirt and smell the thorns. As if I was in a garden. But not just any garden.
You and me, people will see. We were meant to be. God had let you be born, just so I could grow old with you. I’ll walk on the beach. I’ll kiss the stars at night. And I’ll think of you. And you’ll think of me. One day it will be true. Me and you. I can’t wait for the day that I meet you my love.
I know it seems so sad. That I should try to get some experience. But to tell you the truth, I don’t really care. I just want to see you. Do all my firsts with you. I don’t care about anyone right now, in this life of mine. Yes I’m lonely. I dream of being with someone. I dream of kissing rose peddle soft lips, and touching porcelain soft skin.
But to tell you the truth, I don’t care about that right now. I just want to wait for you. Then do all those things with you.
You and me, people will see. We were meant to be. God had let me be born, so I could live with you. And you live with me. I’ll run through the clouds at night just to touch the warmth of the stars. I’ll lay on the beach and soak up the sun, thinking of you. I can’t wait to see you. My love.
I’m so impatient. I’m wanting you so badly. I cannot wait. I must have you now. I long for you each day. I want to touch your face. I’m so impatient. Please hurry to me, my love.
My love. Please hurry to me, and I’ll hurry to you. Yes I will, I promise you.
My Love.
______
Written: Thursday, February 22nd, 2007, 1:23 AM
"I am currently 14 years old. About to turn 15.
I wrote this for my future husband.
If I’ll ever sing it to him I don’t know."
That segment was written after I wrote this song, over 10 years ago.
And no, I will NOT be singing this song to him.
Dear Mom, I was just wondering, Do you still Love me?
It’s just you’re never really proud of me.
And I never see you smile at me.
I want to know something, Do you still love me?
It’s Just the way you’ve been acting
I use to want to be around you all the time.
And you use to make me feel great when I
was around you.
But now, I’ve fallen to the ground.
And I don’t see you anywhere.
No, You’re not anywhere in site.
Lately the only thing I feel is depressed.
Alone. Disappointed. And as if you don’t even care.
But mom, I have just one quick question.
Do you still Love me?
Sure you kissed me on the cheek,
Said I’m just loving on ya’.
But if you really do love me,
Then why do I feel like you’re waiting to say ‘just leave?’
I just can’t take the way I’ve been feeling.
I want to love you but I’m feeling hate,
Do you love me? I need to know now.
Do you still Love me? Do you?
Yes, No?
Yes or no?
Yes, No?
Yes or No?
Do you still Love me?
____
Written: February 22nd, 2007 1:28 AM
Modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Note: Honestly, me & my mom are very close. We are best friends. This was me, going through a difficult time. I was really hating myself. It was all me causing these feelings. I just thought I’d post it for.. whatever reason. It’s not that great. But please don’t think that my mom makes me feel this way. This was years and years ago. And it was my own fault that I was feeling this way.
It’s just you’re never really proud of me.
And I never see you smile at me.
I want to know something, Do you still love me?
It’s Just the way you’ve been acting
I use to want to be around you all the time.
And you use to make me feel great when I
was around you.
But now, I’ve fallen to the ground.
And I don’t see you anywhere.
No, You’re not anywhere in site.
Lately the only thing I feel is depressed.
Alone. Disappointed. And as if you don’t even care.
But mom, I have just one quick question.
Do you still Love me?
Sure you kissed me on the cheek,
Said I’m just loving on ya’.
But if you really do love me,
Then why do I feel like you’re waiting to say ‘just leave?’
I just can’t take the way I’ve been feeling.
I want to love you but I’m feeling hate,
Do you love me? I need to know now.
Do you still Love me? Do you?
Yes, No?
Yes or no?
Yes, No?
Yes or No?
Do you still Love me?
____
Written: February 22nd, 2007 1:28 AM
Modified: 9/10/13 Tue.
Note: Honestly, me & my mom are very close. We are best friends. This was me, going through a difficult time. I was really hating myself. It was all me causing these feelings. I just thought I’d post it for.. whatever reason. It’s not that great. But please don’t think that my mom makes me feel this way. This was years and years ago. And it was my own fault that I was feeling this way.
This is a story I wrote. It was written to sound as if a man wrote it.
One cold and rainy morning, I was getting ready for work as usual. I went down stairs to get my breakfast. But to my surprise, I only found a note that informs me that my maid of the house was very sick last night. And had to stay home and rest. Just like the doctor told her to do. It was for her own good. While realizing that she needed to rest, I thought to myself who will fix me breakfast? I’m just not the type of guy who can fix really good pancakes. They’re always deformed in one way or another. So while driving to work I see that the new restaurant had been finished. It was our towns very first restaurant that was open for breakfast. So excited about it, I decided today would be a perfect morning to go and eat there, for my very first time. When I walked in there, the place was bustling. A packed house I would say. You would think people would be talking up a storm. But to my surprise the place was quiet. Had the rainy morning made everyone depressed? Or simply just tired? Either way, It was very quiet. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, So I simply sat down and ordered some pancakes. It was so strange. The waitress assigned to me, was also quiet. Instead of talking out loud, She whispered. It was strange. For something new and big and exciting in town, You would think everyone would be talking, smiling, laughing, just as they do on the television. I guess I was wrong? Well, Here I am sitting and enjoying my pancakes when suddenly the door opened. Not really caring about it, I didn’t really bother to look. I figured it was just another soul adding to the silence in the room. But oh boy, Was I wrong. I suddenly heard this sweet voice that was full of joy. She said with so much cheer “Hello, Good morning.” I couldn’t help it, but I had to look. I wanted to see who it was that broke the silence. At least just a glance. Then to my surprise, it was a girl about the age of 12 or 13. She was wearing dark clothes just like everyone else in the restaurant. But she stood out the most. I then noticed that a lot of other people in the room were looking at her as well. It was as if she was out of place. Being cheerful when everyone else was so gloomy. Then as I watched her, I noticed how she began to glance around the room. She looked at a man drinking coffee. Then she switched her eyes upon a lady looking at her watch. Suddenly, She said sarcastically “Is this the Great Depression?” Suddenly, everyone in the room glanced up at her as if she was the President making a great speech. Not realizing how loud she had said the comment, She slapped her hands on her mouth with embarrassment. Everyone still looking at her, She said with a guilty smile “Oh, Sorry, It’s just. It’s so quiet in here.” Then, just about everyone in the room sighed and agreed with her. She asked them with curiosity “What is wrong with everyone? It may be raining outside, But it doesn’t have to be raining inside.” Everyone was eager to listen as one gentlemen actually replied “Please do continue.” She began to walk further into the room. She sat down in front of a lady who was reading a news paper. Yes, The lady was sitting all by herself. The only company she had was her coffee mug. Decaf, Non-fat mocha shake. The lady was taking a sip out of her coffee mug when she looked up and saw the little girl sitting in front of her. She was already smiling before the mug left her lips. The girl began to tell everyone that “If someone is sitting by themselves ask if they would like to join you and your friends. Or ask them if they would like to have some company.” She suddenly began to say random things with excitement. Everyone was so captivated. Asking the lady with the mug “What’s your favorite color?” She suddenly gave an answer to herself before the lady could even open her mouth. She asked “Blue?” Wow, Mine too! She replied. She then jumped up and ran to a man and asked “have you ever hit yourself with a hammer?” The man nodded. She said “Really? Ouch. I haven’t!” The whole room broke out in laughter. Then one person asked “Where’s the bathroom? I just peed on myself.” Of coarse they actually didn’t. They were just describing how funny the situation was to them. Suddenly everyone was talking. The silence was broken. What was gloomy and dark was quickly forgotten. Everyone was having such a great time, that even the manager of the place cheered “Drinks on me!" Everyone began to shout with glee. Some people had to leave. But they left with a smile. Everyone was so happy that they didn’t realize the young lady had slipped out and left before she even said her name. Some people believe she didn’t even order anything. She was just in, and out. Some people believed that she was an Angel, Simply coming to spread cheer. Others had seen her before though. Yet knew nothing of her. I wanted to get to the bottom of her story. So I began to look for her. I began to drive around town. Maybe I would see her. I knew she was too young to drive. So maybe she had to walk? It broke my heart as I began to think, ‘Wait… It was raining this morning. She had to walk in the rain.” It wasn’t really raining still, just misting. But still, It’s cold. But to my surprise I saw the girl walking on the side of the road. Then she turned right and was walking towards a house. I had stopped for a moment and watched her. It was a very small house that she lived in. Very small. It was in terrible shape and looked very old. It looked like it wasn’t a safe place to stay at all. Anyhow, She opened the crooked door, And went inside. I then continued on to work. The whole day I thought about her. I thought about how she broke the silence. And how she was so happy, even though she had to go home to what I saw. I wanted to talk to her. I had questions lined up in my head of what I wanted to ask her. How are you so happy? Even though you’re poor? The rich have everything. Wealth, Fame, Anything they could ever want. Yet you don’t. And you’re still happy? I wanted to ask her a lot of questions. And publish it in the News Paper, so that everyone who read her story would hopefully get a bit more joy in their life. So I decided to visit her house after work. Well, I did. She wasn’t there. I continued to go back there after work for weeks and weeks. But never was she there. I even tried going before work. No sign of her. On the week that I decided to stop visiting the house. I decided I would try one last time. And when I did there was a note on the door that had these words: “I know why you come here after work every day. You want to talk to me. You have questions. And you want answers. But the problem is, I don’t live here. I don’t have a home. I walk around town spreading cheer in lonesome places. And I spin nights in cold, abandoned, houses. I’m never in just one place. I’m a homeless person. I don’t have family or friends. Well, There is one friend. Who I love, who loves me back. He’s the one that gives me food to eat. He protects me every day. And he gives me a place to stay with in each night. But most of all, He’s the answer to my happiness. The answer to all your questions. What you’re wanting to know about me, what makes me so happy, is Jesus.”
After I read that note I was touched in such a way. Soon after I wrote my novel and it was out in papers every where across town. The girls name was a mystery. No one knew what her name was. But they did know her by a name. “The Girl who broke the Great Depression.” Many people wished to see her. Very many want her to come to their homes to talk to her. She has many, many fans to this day. It’s been at least a year since the restaurant opened. And it’s been at least 11 months and 22 days since the girl broke the great depression. She still has fans. And she still has opened the eyes of many people. To show them that happiness is from Jesus. Not all people listen to her. But those of tender hearts, do. People (including myself) wonder if she’s still alive to this day. We’re not sure. But if she is or not, we still think of her. And we are still learning from her. And how she showed us that we could break the great depression.
Written: Friday, January 05, 2007, 5:40 PM
One cold and rainy morning, I was getting ready for work as usual. I went down stairs to get my breakfast. But to my surprise, I only found a note that informs me that my maid of the house was very sick last night. And had to stay home and rest. Just like the doctor told her to do. It was for her own good. While realizing that she needed to rest, I thought to myself who will fix me breakfast? I’m just not the type of guy who can fix really good pancakes. They’re always deformed in one way or another. So while driving to work I see that the new restaurant had been finished. It was our towns very first restaurant that was open for breakfast. So excited about it, I decided today would be a perfect morning to go and eat there, for my very first time. When I walked in there, the place was bustling. A packed house I would say. You would think people would be talking up a storm. But to my surprise the place was quiet. Had the rainy morning made everyone depressed? Or simply just tired? Either way, It was very quiet. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, So I simply sat down and ordered some pancakes. It was so strange. The waitress assigned to me, was also quiet. Instead of talking out loud, She whispered. It was strange. For something new and big and exciting in town, You would think everyone would be talking, smiling, laughing, just as they do on the television. I guess I was wrong? Well, Here I am sitting and enjoying my pancakes when suddenly the door opened. Not really caring about it, I didn’t really bother to look. I figured it was just another soul adding to the silence in the room. But oh boy, Was I wrong. I suddenly heard this sweet voice that was full of joy. She said with so much cheer “Hello, Good morning.” I couldn’t help it, but I had to look. I wanted to see who it was that broke the silence. At least just a glance. Then to my surprise, it was a girl about the age of 12 or 13. She was wearing dark clothes just like everyone else in the restaurant. But she stood out the most. I then noticed that a lot of other people in the room were looking at her as well. It was as if she was out of place. Being cheerful when everyone else was so gloomy. Then as I watched her, I noticed how she began to glance around the room. She looked at a man drinking coffee. Then she switched her eyes upon a lady looking at her watch. Suddenly, She said sarcastically “Is this the Great Depression?” Suddenly, everyone in the room glanced up at her as if she was the President making a great speech. Not realizing how loud she had said the comment, She slapped her hands on her mouth with embarrassment. Everyone still looking at her, She said with a guilty smile “Oh, Sorry, It’s just. It’s so quiet in here.” Then, just about everyone in the room sighed and agreed with her. She asked them with curiosity “What is wrong with everyone? It may be raining outside, But it doesn’t have to be raining inside.” Everyone was eager to listen as one gentlemen actually replied “Please do continue.” She began to walk further into the room. She sat down in front of a lady who was reading a news paper. Yes, The lady was sitting all by herself. The only company she had was her coffee mug. Decaf, Non-fat mocha shake. The lady was taking a sip out of her coffee mug when she looked up and saw the little girl sitting in front of her. She was already smiling before the mug left her lips. The girl began to tell everyone that “If someone is sitting by themselves ask if they would like to join you and your friends. Or ask them if they would like to have some company.” She suddenly began to say random things with excitement. Everyone was so captivated. Asking the lady with the mug “What’s your favorite color?” She suddenly gave an answer to herself before the lady could even open her mouth. She asked “Blue?” Wow, Mine too! She replied. She then jumped up and ran to a man and asked “have you ever hit yourself with a hammer?” The man nodded. She said “Really? Ouch. I haven’t!” The whole room broke out in laughter. Then one person asked “Where’s the bathroom? I just peed on myself.” Of coarse they actually didn’t. They were just describing how funny the situation was to them. Suddenly everyone was talking. The silence was broken. What was gloomy and dark was quickly forgotten. Everyone was having such a great time, that even the manager of the place cheered “Drinks on me!" Everyone began to shout with glee. Some people had to leave. But they left with a smile. Everyone was so happy that they didn’t realize the young lady had slipped out and left before she even said her name. Some people believe she didn’t even order anything. She was just in, and out. Some people believed that she was an Angel, Simply coming to spread cheer. Others had seen her before though. Yet knew nothing of her. I wanted to get to the bottom of her story. So I began to look for her. I began to drive around town. Maybe I would see her. I knew she was too young to drive. So maybe she had to walk? It broke my heart as I began to think, ‘Wait… It was raining this morning. She had to walk in the rain.” It wasn’t really raining still, just misting. But still, It’s cold. But to my surprise I saw the girl walking on the side of the road. Then she turned right and was walking towards a house. I had stopped for a moment and watched her. It was a very small house that she lived in. Very small. It was in terrible shape and looked very old. It looked like it wasn’t a safe place to stay at all. Anyhow, She opened the crooked door, And went inside. I then continued on to work. The whole day I thought about her. I thought about how she broke the silence. And how she was so happy, even though she had to go home to what I saw. I wanted to talk to her. I had questions lined up in my head of what I wanted to ask her. How are you so happy? Even though you’re poor? The rich have everything. Wealth, Fame, Anything they could ever want. Yet you don’t. And you’re still happy? I wanted to ask her a lot of questions. And publish it in the News Paper, so that everyone who read her story would hopefully get a bit more joy in their life. So I decided to visit her house after work. Well, I did. She wasn’t there. I continued to go back there after work for weeks and weeks. But never was she there. I even tried going before work. No sign of her. On the week that I decided to stop visiting the house. I decided I would try one last time. And when I did there was a note on the door that had these words: “I know why you come here after work every day. You want to talk to me. You have questions. And you want answers. But the problem is, I don’t live here. I don’t have a home. I walk around town spreading cheer in lonesome places. And I spin nights in cold, abandoned, houses. I’m never in just one place. I’m a homeless person. I don’t have family or friends. Well, There is one friend. Who I love, who loves me back. He’s the one that gives me food to eat. He protects me every day. And he gives me a place to stay with in each night. But most of all, He’s the answer to my happiness. The answer to all your questions. What you’re wanting to know about me, what makes me so happy, is Jesus.”
After I read that note I was touched in such a way. Soon after I wrote my novel and it was out in papers every where across town. The girls name was a mystery. No one knew what her name was. But they did know her by a name. “The Girl who broke the Great Depression.” Many people wished to see her. Very many want her to come to their homes to talk to her. She has many, many fans to this day. It’s been at least a year since the restaurant opened. And it’s been at least 11 months and 22 days since the girl broke the great depression. She still has fans. And she still has opened the eyes of many people. To show them that happiness is from Jesus. Not all people listen to her. But those of tender hearts, do. People (including myself) wonder if she’s still alive to this day. We’re not sure. But if she is or not, we still think of her. And we are still learning from her. And how she showed us that we could break the great depression.
Written: Friday, January 05, 2007, 5:40 PM
It’s 30 minutes exactly away from the new year 2007. But it’s so strange. It doesn’t even feel like a new year. It feels like time is just going. Never really increasing in excitement. Never really gaining anything new. Just flying through the air like wind. You can’t see it. Only feel it. Sometimes you hear it. But you never know where it came from or where it’s going too. This whole year was like a terrible movie. Everything was so lovely. So why at the end must it drop me for my terrible ever after? And at the credits you just read “The end.” And what’s written within those two words are so microscopically small, only my pail skin cells can memorize it’s words. Nobody knew for sure what was going to happen. They never really knew what was going on. Only questions and random answer flew through their minds like leaves in the fall. So much brokenness, It’s left me numb. My tears have been so lightly fragile, It’s left my eyes feeling like they’ve been kissed by the wind. I’ve just cried so much, Even my heart’s gave up all it’s got. The whole year has been like a dark road that has no civilization. You don’t know how deep into the trail you are. You don’t know where you’re going or how long it will take to get to the end. I’ve ended this year 2006. And I’m through and leaving it. It’s the beginning of 2007. Time for everything new. I will thrive to survive. I will fight to live through the night. And no matter how long I cry, Eventually I’ll smile.
This is 2007.
And a new book is being made.
Every second I’m living, breathing, being alive.
Who knows what I will see, feel, do, experience, Go through.
All I know is this year, is a new year.
___
Date Written: 1/1/07 Monday, 12:22 AM
This is 2007.
And a new book is being made.
Every second I’m living, breathing, being alive.
Who knows what I will see, feel, do, experience, Go through.
All I know is this year, is a new year.
___
Date Written: 1/1/07 Monday, 12:22 AM
2006
Have you ever had a bad day? Well if you did then you know how I feel. And if you feel for me then can I tell you about my bad day?
Well it started off by waking up. Just so fed up, feeling like life sucks. Can’t barely stand looking in the mirror. Everything about me is becoming much clearer. And all this mess inside my head is making me wish that I was dead.
Can’t stop thinking about him. He’s so lovely to me. But I’m feeling heart broken again. And I’m feeling so sick because we will never be.
I’m so forgotten, and people are over me. I’ve lost all my fans and the sad fact is, I never had any. I hate waking up, only my dreams are good. And my talents have gone to waste.
Nobody wants me today, For now or ever more. I want to run far away. But first I gotta open the door. I’ve broken down at my bed. Hearing the thoughts “you know you want to be dead.” But I must live on cause somebody selfish just isn’t me.
No this isn’t a dream. This is my bad day.
Look at me. Oh wait. You can’t see me. This is the new me. The me that people have chosen to see. But that’s just it, they made me invisible. Nobody can see me, hear me, touch or feel me. I can’t effect anybody out there. But why should I care? I just want to be left alone.
I’ve actually adapted to this new me. Feeling so alone and forgotten and invisible. Yet I’m still happy. Looking above I think there might just be someone who might love me.
I know that it might take years for it all to come. But by golly, just go ahead and call me dumb. I’m still waiting and longing for that someone who will say “I love you!”
I want it. I want it all. I want to have it all and share it all with you. Yes, this is my desire. That’s why my heart is still on fire. Burning with anticipation. I don’t care if I must walk the nation. I just want you to be in my world and be my loving sensation.
But sadly I’m still living in the day that seems to happen anyways. No matter what I do or say it just seems that
Nobody wants me today, for now or ever more. I want to run far away. But first I gotta open the door. I’ve broken down at my bed. Hearing the thoughts “you know you want to be dead.” But I must live on because somebody selfish just isn’t me. No this isn’t a dream. This is my bad day.
I’m in love with you. But you never acknowledge me. I know we will never be. But loving you makes me so happy. If I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. Then bring it all on me. I’ll just go ahead through all the strife. I’ll do it all for you.
I’ll run and hide. Or I’ll fight and stride. It doesn’t matter what I do. As long as I’m doing it for you. I’ll do it all for you. I’ll do it all for you. Just for you. And only you. I’ll do it all for you.
______
Written: Sunday, December 10th, 2006, 3:19 PM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 7:24 PM
Well it started off by waking up. Just so fed up, feeling like life sucks. Can’t barely stand looking in the mirror. Everything about me is becoming much clearer. And all this mess inside my head is making me wish that I was dead.
Can’t stop thinking about him. He’s so lovely to me. But I’m feeling heart broken again. And I’m feeling so sick because we will never be.
I’m so forgotten, and people are over me. I’ve lost all my fans and the sad fact is, I never had any. I hate waking up, only my dreams are good. And my talents have gone to waste.
Nobody wants me today, For now or ever more. I want to run far away. But first I gotta open the door. I’ve broken down at my bed. Hearing the thoughts “you know you want to be dead.” But I must live on cause somebody selfish just isn’t me.
No this isn’t a dream. This is my bad day.
Look at me. Oh wait. You can’t see me. This is the new me. The me that people have chosen to see. But that’s just it, they made me invisible. Nobody can see me, hear me, touch or feel me. I can’t effect anybody out there. But why should I care? I just want to be left alone.
I’ve actually adapted to this new me. Feeling so alone and forgotten and invisible. Yet I’m still happy. Looking above I think there might just be someone who might love me.
I know that it might take years for it all to come. But by golly, just go ahead and call me dumb. I’m still waiting and longing for that someone who will say “I love you!”
I want it. I want it all. I want to have it all and share it all with you. Yes, this is my desire. That’s why my heart is still on fire. Burning with anticipation. I don’t care if I must walk the nation. I just want you to be in my world and be my loving sensation.
But sadly I’m still living in the day that seems to happen anyways. No matter what I do or say it just seems that
Nobody wants me today, for now or ever more. I want to run far away. But first I gotta open the door. I’ve broken down at my bed. Hearing the thoughts “you know you want to be dead.” But I must live on because somebody selfish just isn’t me. No this isn’t a dream. This is my bad day.
I’m in love with you. But you never acknowledge me. I know we will never be. But loving you makes me so happy. If I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. Then bring it all on me. I’ll just go ahead through all the strife. I’ll do it all for you.
I’ll run and hide. Or I’ll fight and stride. It doesn’t matter what I do. As long as I’m doing it for you. I’ll do it all for you. I’ll do it all for you. Just for you. And only you. I’ll do it all for you.
______
Written: Sunday, December 10th, 2006, 3:19 PM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 7:24 PM
This is a word for all you so called “emos”.
You run and hide in a dark
corner and whatever. Who knows?
You’re crying yourself to
sleep praying to God for your soul to keep.
But then you take the metal
and slice it across your
delicate, soft skin.
You think to yourself
“my blood is the red river
in which my pain flows through.”
You think you’re getting rid
of your tears and your fears
and all the burdens that lie
on your shoulders.
But really you’re leaving
scars on yourself with a name to each of them.
See the scar that’s on
your shoulder?
That’s the scar named Divorce.
You cried so hard the
night your parents told you the news.
See that other scar?
That’s on your knee?
It’s called broken heart.
You felt so filthy when he
stole your virginity.
See those scars?
Those are all named.
They carry a memory with them.
The pain never escaped.
The only thing you have to
show is that from time to time
you try to let go.
All that pain inside of you,
It’s making your heart bleed.
It’s leaving you confused as
if you don’t know what to do.
You’re crying yourself to sleep
with in each night.
Squeezing your pillow oh so tight.
But then there’s the peace maker.
The one who says “I’m your friend.”
Really it’s the deceiving enemy
that’s here to remind you of your pain.
It’s the one who says take me,
use me, and you’ll feel much,
much better.
When really you’re slowly killing
yourself. Until you’re writing
out the letters,
“The End”.
You don’t realize but there is
other options. There is solutions that work.
You can stop all of your pain.
You can over come it.
It doesn’t have to over come you.
But are you ready to leave the Red River?
Written: Friday, November 3rd, 2006, 12:56 AM
Note:
I understand this is a serious matter.
I am not making light it by any means.
At the time I wrote it,
I wanted to encourage my friends
that they didn’t have to cut themselves.
It was for myself as well.
You run and hide in a dark
corner and whatever. Who knows?
You’re crying yourself to
sleep praying to God for your soul to keep.
But then you take the metal
and slice it across your
delicate, soft skin.
You think to yourself
“my blood is the red river
in which my pain flows through.”
You think you’re getting rid
of your tears and your fears
and all the burdens that lie
on your shoulders.
But really you’re leaving
scars on yourself with a name to each of them.
See the scar that’s on
your shoulder?
That’s the scar named Divorce.
You cried so hard the
night your parents told you the news.
See that other scar?
That’s on your knee?
It’s called broken heart.
You felt so filthy when he
stole your virginity.
See those scars?
Those are all named.
They carry a memory with them.
The pain never escaped.
The only thing you have to
show is that from time to time
you try to let go.
All that pain inside of you,
It’s making your heart bleed.
It’s leaving you confused as
if you don’t know what to do.
You’re crying yourself to sleep
with in each night.
Squeezing your pillow oh so tight.
But then there’s the peace maker.
The one who says “I’m your friend.”
Really it’s the deceiving enemy
that’s here to remind you of your pain.
It’s the one who says take me,
use me, and you’ll feel much,
much better.
When really you’re slowly killing
yourself. Until you’re writing
out the letters,
“The End”.
You don’t realize but there is
other options. There is solutions that work.
You can stop all of your pain.
You can over come it.
It doesn’t have to over come you.
But are you ready to leave the Red River?
Written: Friday, November 3rd, 2006, 12:56 AM
Note:
I understand this is a serious matter.
I am not making light it by any means.
At the time I wrote it,
I wanted to encourage my friends
that they didn’t have to cut themselves.
It was for myself as well.
Look at me. You see this smile that’s always on my face. You see my eyes that are like a dam always holding in my secrets. You can never look into my soul and see all the pain that’s within me.
You can never see past my lying eyes. You can never tell how I am feeling. Unless I just let go of it all. You can never really hear my cries for help. You see this perfect somebody. But really I’m this person with so many imperfections, it’s disgraceful to the nature of who I am.
I try and I try to be that someone that everyone looks up too. But sooner or later, I will fall and everyone will see the real me.
Unless I’m strong enough to hold it all back. Unless I’m skillful enough to keep up this game of lies. Unless I find a Savior. Unless it goes on forever.
But for now, I’m fading underneath the colors of my fame. My soul, body and mind is cracking before your very eyes. The smog is so thick you can’t see that something needs to happen quick. Crying my pain away. Looking towards the sky. Feeling so shallow and empty. I want to be filled as if somethings within me.
I’m falling. And screaming my lungs out. My heart’s gave out. And my eyes sink to the back of my mind, as my soul goes to that one place that’s far away.
I don’t know what’s happening, I can’t feel anything anymore. So numb in touch. Yet so sensitive. Broken wings. Shattered dreams. A desiring heart. But that’s just the start. On and on I could go. Sharing my imperfections and telling you all of that I want to let go.
Confusing thoughts is what I give to everyone. But one thing is certain. I love to point to the Son.
Everyone gets confused as I say what I feel. I say what is real. I say what’s happening. I tell of my thoughts and dreams and they don’t get a single thing. Even you, yourself are confused. Like, what am I talking about? But you don’t know. No, not at all.
Am I talking about spirit or soul? Or simply both? How I feel inside? Or the reality of both sides?
You don’t know. No, not a clue. You can’t catch on. You don’t know what to do. But you listen to my tongue as your ears dance to my rhythm. Yet you’re not listening to the cry within each line.
Only he does. The one that sits above. He knows what I’m talking about. He caught on before this was all written out. He’s the one that gave me this gift. He’s the one that I lift up. He deserves it all. He deserves better than me. Yet he loves me. And wants me to be happy.
He said “I Love You.” And it touched me so. It drives me through each day. The bright days and the dark nights. Within each tear I cry, He’s holding me tightly.
Your ears are dancing to this rhythm of mine. Yet you’re not listening or taking time to actually praise the one I am writing about.
No you’re not listening. You’re not catching on. This is a poem. And a song. I’m praising Him in every way.
His is my Savior. For now, and ever more. He is my Savior, yesterday and today. Forever and ever to come.
I love Him, & He loves me.
He is the blessed Son.
Christ Jesus, He whom I serve.
_______
Written: Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
Some text modified: Friday, September 20th, 2013
You can never see past my lying eyes. You can never tell how I am feeling. Unless I just let go of it all. You can never really hear my cries for help. You see this perfect somebody. But really I’m this person with so many imperfections, it’s disgraceful to the nature of who I am.
I try and I try to be that someone that everyone looks up too. But sooner or later, I will fall and everyone will see the real me.
Unless I’m strong enough to hold it all back. Unless I’m skillful enough to keep up this game of lies. Unless I find a Savior. Unless it goes on forever.
But for now, I’m fading underneath the colors of my fame. My soul, body and mind is cracking before your very eyes. The smog is so thick you can’t see that something needs to happen quick. Crying my pain away. Looking towards the sky. Feeling so shallow and empty. I want to be filled as if somethings within me.
I’m falling. And screaming my lungs out. My heart’s gave out. And my eyes sink to the back of my mind, as my soul goes to that one place that’s far away.
I don’t know what’s happening, I can’t feel anything anymore. So numb in touch. Yet so sensitive. Broken wings. Shattered dreams. A desiring heart. But that’s just the start. On and on I could go. Sharing my imperfections and telling you all of that I want to let go.
Confusing thoughts is what I give to everyone. But one thing is certain. I love to point to the Son.
Everyone gets confused as I say what I feel. I say what is real. I say what’s happening. I tell of my thoughts and dreams and they don’t get a single thing. Even you, yourself are confused. Like, what am I talking about? But you don’t know. No, not at all.
Am I talking about spirit or soul? Or simply both? How I feel inside? Or the reality of both sides?
You don’t know. No, not a clue. You can’t catch on. You don’t know what to do. But you listen to my tongue as your ears dance to my rhythm. Yet you’re not listening to the cry within each line.
Only he does. The one that sits above. He knows what I’m talking about. He caught on before this was all written out. He’s the one that gave me this gift. He’s the one that I lift up. He deserves it all. He deserves better than me. Yet he loves me. And wants me to be happy.
He said “I Love You.” And it touched me so. It drives me through each day. The bright days and the dark nights. Within each tear I cry, He’s holding me tightly.
Your ears are dancing to this rhythm of mine. Yet you’re not listening or taking time to actually praise the one I am writing about.
No you’re not listening. You’re not catching on. This is a poem. And a song. I’m praising Him in every way.
His is my Savior. For now, and ever more. He is my Savior, yesterday and today. Forever and ever to come.
I love Him, & He loves me.
He is the blessed Son.
Christ Jesus, He whom I serve.
_______
Written: Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
Some text modified: Friday, September 20th, 2013
I’m looking at you as you’re looking at me. Sometimes I wonder would we ever be? I know it seems so oddly strange. Like I’m crazy or slightly deranged. But the sad fact is I’m just high on your love.
I truly thank God for you. You’re like a gift right out of the blue. Sometimes I can barely contain my love that I don’t know what to do.
It may be small, and it may be large. But either way it’s a gift for absolutely no charge. It’s all for you, and only you. There’s just something you got to do.
You need to make a move. Like listening to music, get with the groove. You know how I feel for you. And I know how you feel for me. But we can never be, unless you say something to me. Oh how our love could be. If only you’d make a move.
I’m not gonna be here forever. And nor are you. Am I wasting my feelings on you? Am I gotta turn cold with skin of blue? Are you gonna leave me depressed for life? Is my mind gonna be soaked with strife? Or am I loving you as you’re loving me? Would I die and drift towards the sky with you? Would we live in perfect harmony? Would we do anything and everything together? Forever?
But I can’t step three thousand steps ahead. I gotta take one at a time. Can’t think about dying while I’m still living. If I do I might lose my mind.
Maybe you’re the one for me. Maybe you’re not. I just know I really like you a lot. But I’m to young to love, am I not right? I just wish I could be with you. For at least one night.
I’d die to live with you. Just to be with you. I’d jump and scream just for you to look at me. I’d do anything out of a passion. A passion that I hold for you.
Cause it’s all for you. And only you. There’s just something you’ve got to do.
You need to make a move. Like listening to music, get with the groove. You know how I feel for you. And I know how you feel for me. But we can never be, unless you say something to me. Oh how our love could be, if only you’d make a move.
Don’t wait, before it’s to late. Do what you’ve got to do.
Just Make a Move.
_______
Written: Tuesday, November 28th, 2006, 11:41 PM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 5:37 PM
I truly thank God for you. You’re like a gift right out of the blue. Sometimes I can barely contain my love that I don’t know what to do.
It may be small, and it may be large. But either way it’s a gift for absolutely no charge. It’s all for you, and only you. There’s just something you got to do.
You need to make a move. Like listening to music, get with the groove. You know how I feel for you. And I know how you feel for me. But we can never be, unless you say something to me. Oh how our love could be. If only you’d make a move.
I’m not gonna be here forever. And nor are you. Am I wasting my feelings on you? Am I gotta turn cold with skin of blue? Are you gonna leave me depressed for life? Is my mind gonna be soaked with strife? Or am I loving you as you’re loving me? Would I die and drift towards the sky with you? Would we live in perfect harmony? Would we do anything and everything together? Forever?
But I can’t step three thousand steps ahead. I gotta take one at a time. Can’t think about dying while I’m still living. If I do I might lose my mind.
Maybe you’re the one for me. Maybe you’re not. I just know I really like you a lot. But I’m to young to love, am I not right? I just wish I could be with you. For at least one night.
I’d die to live with you. Just to be with you. I’d jump and scream just for you to look at me. I’d do anything out of a passion. A passion that I hold for you.
Cause it’s all for you. And only you. There’s just something you’ve got to do.
You need to make a move. Like listening to music, get with the groove. You know how I feel for you. And I know how you feel for me. But we can never be, unless you say something to me. Oh how our love could be, if only you’d make a move.
Don’t wait, before it’s to late. Do what you’ve got to do.
Just Make a Move.
_______
Written: Tuesday, November 28th, 2006, 11:41 PM
Some text modified: Tue. 9/17/13 5:37 PM
We met one morning, Doing our daily routine.
We bumped into each other. Oh, what a rush we were in.
I was sorry, I just wasn’t looking where I was going.
You were embarrassed of the many
distractions that was in your mind.
You forgot to speak.
But for a moment in reality, time was like the speed of sound.
It happened so fast that my heart beat could not keep up.
But in fantasy, In my own world,
It was an eternity of true love coming true.
Even though time did not sit still.
But when I touched your hand and you touched mine,
together we made time be still.
Just for us.
For that one moment in time.
We made the sun stop shining
and we made the stars come out and fall upon our faces.
We made the moon shine like a spot light
to show everyone that dreams really do come true.
For that one moment, We showed the world
that we were meant to be.
For that one moment.
It stays in times of our memories.
And in times of our memories, no moment ever dies.
Even though times move on, our memories don’t.
And that magical night will last forever.
Our love will be remembered.
There’s no way that I could live and forget that night.
If I ever did, what would thrive me through out the day?
What could I sit and think about on days when I’m upset?
What could I possibly do if I forgot you?
Nothing.
All I could do is die.
But while I’m still alive,
That night and our love and my love that I hold for you,
will stay in my heart. And dance around in my mind.
And will shine through my eyes and circle around you.
So that maybe just maybe, it will pick you up and
take you to the Heavens above of where I sit.
Than and there we dance in the sun.
It shines through the clouds gently
just to make us feel its warmth.
We sit in the night sky.
We wait for the sun to rise.
But while we wait, we see the moon and it’s beauty.
Oh, how the stars are just for show.
A star falls upon my cheek. And you kiss it.
And the magic from the star suddenly flies through our skin.
Targeting our hearts.
We both feel it.
We both feel it’s magic that still lingers inside of us.
You took the bold move and kissed me.
You were the one that made me fall in love with you.
And now as we walk through the crowds of this world,
Hell could be around us. But yet we would be looking
towards the Heavens, trying to see each others faces.
Gently sitting upon the clouds.
So that maybe for a second,
bliss would walk beside us.
And help us feel joy for one small second.
So that maybe we could press on through the day.
Our love for each other did that.
And still does that.
And will forever do that.
This is our love.
It’s our love.
Always mine.
Always yours.
It is our Love.
This is our love.
Written: Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
We bumped into each other. Oh, what a rush we were in.
I was sorry, I just wasn’t looking where I was going.
You were embarrassed of the many
distractions that was in your mind.
You forgot to speak.
But for a moment in reality, time was like the speed of sound.
It happened so fast that my heart beat could not keep up.
But in fantasy, In my own world,
It was an eternity of true love coming true.
Even though time did not sit still.
But when I touched your hand and you touched mine,
together we made time be still.
Just for us.
For that one moment in time.
We made the sun stop shining
and we made the stars come out and fall upon our faces.
We made the moon shine like a spot light
to show everyone that dreams really do come true.
For that one moment, We showed the world
that we were meant to be.
For that one moment.
It stays in times of our memories.
And in times of our memories, no moment ever dies.
Even though times move on, our memories don’t.
And that magical night will last forever.
Our love will be remembered.
There’s no way that I could live and forget that night.
If I ever did, what would thrive me through out the day?
What could I sit and think about on days when I’m upset?
What could I possibly do if I forgot you?
Nothing.
All I could do is die.
But while I’m still alive,
That night and our love and my love that I hold for you,
will stay in my heart. And dance around in my mind.
And will shine through my eyes and circle around you.
So that maybe just maybe, it will pick you up and
take you to the Heavens above of where I sit.
Than and there we dance in the sun.
It shines through the clouds gently
just to make us feel its warmth.
We sit in the night sky.
We wait for the sun to rise.
But while we wait, we see the moon and it’s beauty.
Oh, how the stars are just for show.
A star falls upon my cheek. And you kiss it.
And the magic from the star suddenly flies through our skin.
Targeting our hearts.
We both feel it.
We both feel it’s magic that still lingers inside of us.
You took the bold move and kissed me.
You were the one that made me fall in love with you.
And now as we walk through the crowds of this world,
Hell could be around us. But yet we would be looking
towards the Heavens, trying to see each others faces.
Gently sitting upon the clouds.
So that maybe for a second,
bliss would walk beside us.
And help us feel joy for one small second.
So that maybe we could press on through the day.
Our love for each other did that.
And still does that.
And will forever do that.
This is our love.
It’s our love.
Always mine.
Always yours.
It is our Love.
This is our love.
Written: Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
So, here I am trying to forget you. I’m trying to accept the fact that you’re
taken. After resting under love for so long, I’ve finally awaken.
I’m trying to write a song here. But you keep coming into my mind.
You stay so near. You’re breaking my atmosphere.
Well please, let me dream of you.
For that’s the only place we’ll be together.
And please, let me think of you.
For I highly doubt my thoughts will ever come true.
Oh why can’t I get over you?
Sometimes, I walk right past you.
But I just look down to the ground.
I’m afraid that if you look into my eyes,
you’ll read my mind.
I’m afraid that you’ll read me like a book,
and know how I feel about you.
And one look is all it took.
I’m trying to write a song here.
But my gosh is entirely too painful.
I don’t want to let you go.
But I must.
So please just let me live and
try to give up my dreams.
Oh please let me be happy and
try to empty out my thoughts.
My love for you will never come true.
But I can’t accept it.
I refuse too.
You’ve got me by the hands.
You’ve got me by my thoughts.
I’m tangled up in you.
Why?
Why can’t I get over you?
No wonder why I can’t get over you.
Why?
Why can’t I get over you?
Because I think I’m in love with you.
——–
Written: Monday, August 28th, 2006
taken. After resting under love for so long, I’ve finally awaken.
I’m trying to write a song here. But you keep coming into my mind.
You stay so near. You’re breaking my atmosphere.
Well please, let me dream of you.
For that’s the only place we’ll be together.
And please, let me think of you.
For I highly doubt my thoughts will ever come true.
Oh why can’t I get over you?
Sometimes, I walk right past you.
But I just look down to the ground.
I’m afraid that if you look into my eyes,
you’ll read my mind.
I’m afraid that you’ll read me like a book,
and know how I feel about you.
And one look is all it took.
I’m trying to write a song here.
But my gosh is entirely too painful.
I don’t want to let you go.
But I must.
So please just let me live and
try to give up my dreams.
Oh please let me be happy and
try to empty out my thoughts.
My love for you will never come true.
But I can’t accept it.
I refuse too.
You’ve got me by the hands.
You’ve got me by my thoughts.
I’m tangled up in you.
Why?
Why can’t I get over you?
No wonder why I can’t get over you.
Why?
Why can’t I get over you?
Because I think I’m in love with you.
——–
Written: Monday, August 28th, 2006
He was so wonderful to me. He always made me happy. But lately it seems His love was all a lie. All this time. So now I’m sitting here. Crying desperately to be free.
I can’t believe you. Doing this to me. Tormenting me like you are. I need to be far. Far away from you. Because I can’t take the pain anymore. Open the door. I need to be free. I can’t take this. I have to be free, before this takes me.
Why won’t you take me seriously? Why can’t you actually believe me? You’re continuing to dip my soul in pain. You’re tormenting me. I crave to be free. Why won’t you believe me? Let me go! Why can’t you see? I wish you’d know what’s inside of me. I long to be free.
I’m not putting up with this anymore. Don’t want to have to look up seeing it’s you walking through the door. I want to see someone I love that loves me back. Not someone who’s always on the attack. I don’t want you. You don’t want me.
To you I’m just a bottle of rum. Time to waste. But I’m so much more then that. I’m through with you. Though you may not be through with me. But I was never happy. I’m leaving. Yeah, I’m leaving you. Taking back my dignity. And every little thing that you stole from me.
You say baby, please don’t go. I want you to stay. I swear I’ll change. But you’ve been saying that for 5 years now. And my life has passed before my eyes. Nothing left to show. I’m saying goodbye. I just hope you finally grow up and learn how to be at the right place, at the right time. In my own way I want to say thank you. ‘Cause now I’ll never worry about what to do when I meet someone like you. It’s time. And the time is now. Doing things on my own somehow. Don’t care what you do. I must live. There’s nothing left to give. I’m no longer a slave. So free because…
I’m not putting up with this anymore. Don’t want to have to look up seeing it’s you walking through the door. I want to see someone I love that loves me back. Not someone who’s always on the attack. I don’t want you. You don’t want me.
To you I’m just a bottle of rum. Time to waste. But I’m so much more then that. I’m through with you. Though you may not be through with me. But I was never happy. I’m leaving. Yeah, I’m leaving you. Taking back my dignity. And every little thing that you stole from me.
I’m leaving. I’m leaving. Start believing. I’m happily leaving. I’m finally leaving you.
____
Written: Thursday, November 30th, 2006, 12:38 AM
Entire song modified: Friday, September 13th, 2013, 7:30 PM
I can’t believe you. Doing this to me. Tormenting me like you are. I need to be far. Far away from you. Because I can’t take the pain anymore. Open the door. I need to be free. I can’t take this. I have to be free, before this takes me.
Why won’t you take me seriously? Why can’t you actually believe me? You’re continuing to dip my soul in pain. You’re tormenting me. I crave to be free. Why won’t you believe me? Let me go! Why can’t you see? I wish you’d know what’s inside of me. I long to be free.
I’m not putting up with this anymore. Don’t want to have to look up seeing it’s you walking through the door. I want to see someone I love that loves me back. Not someone who’s always on the attack. I don’t want you. You don’t want me.
To you I’m just a bottle of rum. Time to waste. But I’m so much more then that. I’m through with you. Though you may not be through with me. But I was never happy. I’m leaving. Yeah, I’m leaving you. Taking back my dignity. And every little thing that you stole from me.
You say baby, please don’t go. I want you to stay. I swear I’ll change. But you’ve been saying that for 5 years now. And my life has passed before my eyes. Nothing left to show. I’m saying goodbye. I just hope you finally grow up and learn how to be at the right place, at the right time. In my own way I want to say thank you. ‘Cause now I’ll never worry about what to do when I meet someone like you. It’s time. And the time is now. Doing things on my own somehow. Don’t care what you do. I must live. There’s nothing left to give. I’m no longer a slave. So free because…
I’m not putting up with this anymore. Don’t want to have to look up seeing it’s you walking through the door. I want to see someone I love that loves me back. Not someone who’s always on the attack. I don’t want you. You don’t want me.
To you I’m just a bottle of rum. Time to waste. But I’m so much more then that. I’m through with you. Though you may not be through with me. But I was never happy. I’m leaving. Yeah, I’m leaving you. Taking back my dignity. And every little thing that you stole from me.
I’m leaving. I’m leaving. Start believing. I’m happily leaving. I’m finally leaving you.
____
Written: Thursday, November 30th, 2006, 12:38 AM
Entire song modified: Friday, September 13th, 2013, 7:30 PM
I look into the mirror, and all seems well. I smile and pose and look pretty. I’ve spent an hour in the bathroom standing there, looking pretty. And I walk out side to face the world. I show them all the poses I just got done practicing. They smile at me, I smile back. It’s all a game of lies. I go home and collapse. My head falls into my hands as my world fades to black. A tear breaks through my eyes. It runs down my cheek. Suddenly, (like a full dam bursting open,) Tears run out of my eyes like a river of sorrow. I just can’t help it. I’ve suddenly lost my joy. I think it’s still in me. Just way down deep. You can’t really find it. It doesn’t show. Not right now. Maybe soon it will.
I’ve got to let this out of me. Everything that sits inside my heart will let free in this poem. I feel hate. I feel it towards my brother and myself. I feel anger. Towards my brother and towards myself and towards my Mother. I feel sorrow. I’ve lost a love I never had. And my parents look down on me with disappointment. They’re ashamed of me. They don’t want to look at me. They’d rather cover their faces with dirt, than to look at me. I’m such a hated person. I honestly wish I were cutting myself right now. Seeing blood dripping from the sharp metal. Seeing that I’ve made an outlet for my feelings. My pain. But I know it would leave scars. I wouldn’t want to look back and remember my pain. So I will have to find some other way to release my pain. I’m picturing a beautiful knife slicing my pail skin wide open. Seeing the dark blood drip onto the white carpet. Leaving it’s stain. I realize I just had let it all out. But what happens if it came back? And the cutting continued? I honestly couldn’t stop from cutting myself. What would happen? Would I die? Sometimes I wish I were dead. I wouldn’t be doing anymore damage on this Earth that I live on.
Someone take a gun! Point it to my head. Ask me if I want to die, and probably the word to leave my mouth would be…….
But than I look at my parents. They’re already disappointed in me. They would be even more disappointed in me to see that I can’t stand up to these tormenting feelings.
I honestly want to say I’m sorry for everything. But no one would care. No body wants to hear about my pathetic self. It’s best if I just don’t open my mouth at all. It’s best if I just cry it all out. Silence is best for me. And silence is the best thing coming from me. I’ll just stand here. Smile. And look pretty. And play the dirty game of lies.
The words of these lies are circling around my eyes. They’re cloaking all my pain. If I don’t look directly into your eyes, And you do not look directly into mine, than you will not ever know exactly how I am feeling.
If I smile, My smile is being such a liar. You honestly cannot tell what lies are being told with my smile. It could be Heaven, or Hell. But whatever it is, You won’t see it. So I smile. So no one can ever see my pain. Nobody knows all that lies within me. Nobody can tell. An angel I look on the outside. Everyone is jealous of how perfect I am. But inside is a dead flower. It’s been dead and rotten for what seems forever. It’s filling the air with poisonous fumes.
Evil looks me in the eye and laughs. Then says, ‘Ha! I’ve got you right where I want you.’ I’m strong though. I’m strong.
I am strong. I am strong. I’m not weak. I’m not weak at all.
I will not bow to the words that fall on my shoulders. The words that slither down my spine. The words that run through my ears. That than tries to linger in my thoughts. I will make it through this dead place of sorrow. I will find an outlet for my pain. I will change.
My parents won’t look at me and turn away in shame. I am hoping all this will pass. But I’m never for sure. I can only look to the stars and just pray that God will have mercy on me and change my pathetic ways. I’m sick in mind. And my heart’s dying. Poison is spreading through me at this very moment. And nothing can stop this deadly thing that is killing me. This deadly thing has no cure. But I know where the source is.
It’s in me.
And I am the deadly thing that is killing my very being. By acting the way I’m acting. By living the way I am living. It’s all equaling up to my world caving in.
The stars are crashing down as meteors.
Ready to shatter my world with me in it.
I see the glass flying towards my throat.
I can block it, I can!!
But I don’t.
Instead I tilt my head towards the Heavens and say just take me away. Let me die for the sake of man kind. And the glass slices my throat. I feel the blood dripping down my pail skin. I feel the dirt sticking to me. I feel the cold wind blowing my soul away. My eyes slowly close as if they’re feathers floating in the breeze. Everything fades to darkness. And I am dead.
But than, I breathe. I feel. I open my eyes, And realize, I’m not dead. But why didn’t I die? The glass shattered my throat. I felt my blood. I felt the numb, the pain. I felt it all!
I watched myself die. So why am I still alive?
Am I in Heaven? I see no one around.
No, I’m not dead. It was just all a dream.
But it felt so real.
Am I really that desperate to change?
Do I really want to die?
Just for the sake of others?
Am I really this pathetic?
I honestly can’t look at my reflection and say, I am who I want to be. I know that for sure. For who I am now is someone who is sick at mind. Dead at heart. Short on everything that is important. And someone who spreads poison with every word that leaves her mouth.
But someone I want to be is beautiful. She is well at mind. Has such a big heart. And spreads love with just looking into someones eyes. She doesn’t disappoint her parents and they don’t look upon her with shame thinking where did I go wrong?
She’s happy and inside her world is all beautiful. There’s streams with beautiful angel fish. The waters of her seas are crystal clear and refreshing to taste. There’s birds singing joyfully for everything is good. Everything is brilliant. Everything is so happy. So why be sad? Everything is alright.
But right now, that’s not the case at all. The only thing you see in me is everything ugly. There once was a stream with angel fish swimming happily. But now is dried and crusted ground that has cracked. With smells of dead rotten fish. If you look closely, you’ll see the skeletons of what use to be Angels of the water. There was a cool refreshing ocean of water. But now is a killing desert. The only thing beautiful there is smooth rocks that look like razors and scream out bloody kisses. Birds did fly in the sky. But they flew to a better place. So now my skies are empty. It’s always night here. It’s to hide everything from everyone. To hide me. And my pathetic self.
I’m so confused right now. A lost and stray soul I am. I don’t know what to do or where to go. But right now, I’m just collapsing in my room. Dim lighted is it. In a corner I’m crying out to God in desperation. To save me. To change me. I’m hoping my world will not be how it is now, forever. I hope one day it will change and regain it’s beauty. My world may have to end in order to start again, though. Hoping, Praying, Believing, I am doing. Crying, Screaming, Dying,.. I’m trying to quit. Everything that is above, Is only in my world. My reality is not quite as bad. But a world is a world. And I want mine changed.
_______
Written: Sunday, September 3rd, 2006, 7:52 PM
Some text modified: Tue & Wed. September 17th - 18th, 2013
I’ve got to let this out of me. Everything that sits inside my heart will let free in this poem. I feel hate. I feel it towards my brother and myself. I feel anger. Towards my brother and towards myself and towards my Mother. I feel sorrow. I’ve lost a love I never had. And my parents look down on me with disappointment. They’re ashamed of me. They don’t want to look at me. They’d rather cover their faces with dirt, than to look at me. I’m such a hated person. I honestly wish I were cutting myself right now. Seeing blood dripping from the sharp metal. Seeing that I’ve made an outlet for my feelings. My pain. But I know it would leave scars. I wouldn’t want to look back and remember my pain. So I will have to find some other way to release my pain. I’m picturing a beautiful knife slicing my pail skin wide open. Seeing the dark blood drip onto the white carpet. Leaving it’s stain. I realize I just had let it all out. But what happens if it came back? And the cutting continued? I honestly couldn’t stop from cutting myself. What would happen? Would I die? Sometimes I wish I were dead. I wouldn’t be doing anymore damage on this Earth that I live on.
Someone take a gun! Point it to my head. Ask me if I want to die, and probably the word to leave my mouth would be…….
But than I look at my parents. They’re already disappointed in me. They would be even more disappointed in me to see that I can’t stand up to these tormenting feelings.
I honestly want to say I’m sorry for everything. But no one would care. No body wants to hear about my pathetic self. It’s best if I just don’t open my mouth at all. It’s best if I just cry it all out. Silence is best for me. And silence is the best thing coming from me. I’ll just stand here. Smile. And look pretty. And play the dirty game of lies.
The words of these lies are circling around my eyes. They’re cloaking all my pain. If I don’t look directly into your eyes, And you do not look directly into mine, than you will not ever know exactly how I am feeling.
If I smile, My smile is being such a liar. You honestly cannot tell what lies are being told with my smile. It could be Heaven, or Hell. But whatever it is, You won’t see it. So I smile. So no one can ever see my pain. Nobody knows all that lies within me. Nobody can tell. An angel I look on the outside. Everyone is jealous of how perfect I am. But inside is a dead flower. It’s been dead and rotten for what seems forever. It’s filling the air with poisonous fumes.
Evil looks me in the eye and laughs. Then says, ‘Ha! I’ve got you right where I want you.’ I’m strong though. I’m strong.
I am strong. I am strong. I’m not weak. I’m not weak at all.
I will not bow to the words that fall on my shoulders. The words that slither down my spine. The words that run through my ears. That than tries to linger in my thoughts. I will make it through this dead place of sorrow. I will find an outlet for my pain. I will change.
My parents won’t look at me and turn away in shame. I am hoping all this will pass. But I’m never for sure. I can only look to the stars and just pray that God will have mercy on me and change my pathetic ways. I’m sick in mind. And my heart’s dying. Poison is spreading through me at this very moment. And nothing can stop this deadly thing that is killing me. This deadly thing has no cure. But I know where the source is.
It’s in me.
And I am the deadly thing that is killing my very being. By acting the way I’m acting. By living the way I am living. It’s all equaling up to my world caving in.
The stars are crashing down as meteors.
Ready to shatter my world with me in it.
I see the glass flying towards my throat.
I can block it, I can!!
But I don’t.
Instead I tilt my head towards the Heavens and say just take me away. Let me die for the sake of man kind. And the glass slices my throat. I feel the blood dripping down my pail skin. I feel the dirt sticking to me. I feel the cold wind blowing my soul away. My eyes slowly close as if they’re feathers floating in the breeze. Everything fades to darkness. And I am dead.
But than, I breathe. I feel. I open my eyes, And realize, I’m not dead. But why didn’t I die? The glass shattered my throat. I felt my blood. I felt the numb, the pain. I felt it all!
I watched myself die. So why am I still alive?
Am I in Heaven? I see no one around.
No, I’m not dead. It was just all a dream.
But it felt so real.
Am I really that desperate to change?
Do I really want to die?
Just for the sake of others?
Am I really this pathetic?
I honestly can’t look at my reflection and say, I am who I want to be. I know that for sure. For who I am now is someone who is sick at mind. Dead at heart. Short on everything that is important. And someone who spreads poison with every word that leaves her mouth.
But someone I want to be is beautiful. She is well at mind. Has such a big heart. And spreads love with just looking into someones eyes. She doesn’t disappoint her parents and they don’t look upon her with shame thinking where did I go wrong?
She’s happy and inside her world is all beautiful. There’s streams with beautiful angel fish. The waters of her seas are crystal clear and refreshing to taste. There’s birds singing joyfully for everything is good. Everything is brilliant. Everything is so happy. So why be sad? Everything is alright.
But right now, that’s not the case at all. The only thing you see in me is everything ugly. There once was a stream with angel fish swimming happily. But now is dried and crusted ground that has cracked. With smells of dead rotten fish. If you look closely, you’ll see the skeletons of what use to be Angels of the water. There was a cool refreshing ocean of water. But now is a killing desert. The only thing beautiful there is smooth rocks that look like razors and scream out bloody kisses. Birds did fly in the sky. But they flew to a better place. So now my skies are empty. It’s always night here. It’s to hide everything from everyone. To hide me. And my pathetic self.
I’m so confused right now. A lost and stray soul I am. I don’t know what to do or where to go. But right now, I’m just collapsing in my room. Dim lighted is it. In a corner I’m crying out to God in desperation. To save me. To change me. I’m hoping my world will not be how it is now, forever. I hope one day it will change and regain it’s beauty. My world may have to end in order to start again, though. Hoping, Praying, Believing, I am doing. Crying, Screaming, Dying,.. I’m trying to quit. Everything that is above, Is only in my world. My reality is not quite as bad. But a world is a world. And I want mine changed.
_______
Written: Sunday, September 3rd, 2006, 7:52 PM
Some text modified: Tue & Wed. September 17th - 18th, 2013
When I think of you, I think of the stars. They shine so bright. They shine with all their might. When I think of you, I think of the moon. It’s the nights sun. You gaze at it for seconds. It turns into minutes, that turns into hours. All to seem like an eternity with your eyes upon the moon. When I think of you I think of the sun. How you lay out in a meadow, down by a creek. You lay and lay there for hours waiting for the sun to give you warmth. It’s heat wraps you up. It’s flare of light shines on you. It’s so bright you squeeze your eyes. Till they’re shut tight. And you fall asleep. When I think of you, I think of the Earth beneath me. I lie here. I play here. I sleep here. It’s your my place of pleasure. When I think of you I think of the little things in life. For those are the things that catch your eyes the most. When I think of you I think of jealousy. I think of how everything catches you and your attention and yet I don’t. The stars catch your eye. You lay and stare, for what seems to be forever. That could be me. Staring back at you. The moon is just there. And like the stars keeps you dreaming in a pillar of light. That could be me, making you feel as if you’re on the moon. The sun wraps you in warmth. But that could be me, with my arms around you. But instead you get your warmth from rays of the sun. The ground is like a bed for you. You lay and relax. Yet, you could stay at my place. And relax there, and let me make you happy. I could make you comfortable. But you decide to lay with the bugs on the dirt. You lay and lay and never get up. I wish it were the same with me. The little things in life make me so jealous. They catch your gorgeous eyes that have diamonds both dark and light. The small things in life catch your smile. Catch your eyes. They catch everything that I’ve been wanting. But most of all, they catch your time. Time that you could be with me. And yet you’re not. When I think of you, I wonder. I wonder why I could never get a hold of your attention. I wonder why I could never get a hold of you.
——-
Written: June 4th, 2006
Some text modified: October 10th, 2013
——-
Written: June 4th, 2006
Some text modified: October 10th, 2013
I’m an extremely happy person.
But I have my days where sorrow is my only friend.
Where the one thing I hate is the one thing that stalks me.
Where everything good, is everything bad.
It could be a sunny day, but then as I grow sad,
The sky grows dark.
There would be times where I cannot cry.
I’d have to be strong for others,
so crying was not an option.
But that would be how I would feel.
So as I would just sit with a sour scowl,
the sky grows dark.
As I want to cry but cannot,
the clouds feel up with rain.
And they drop rain from the sky.
And hit the ground.
The rain falls down, just for me.
Especially when I want to cry.
Just as my eyes feel with tears,
the clouds feel with rain.
As a tear breaks through my
eye lashes then runs down my cheek,
Rain drops break through the sky,
and free fall to the ground.
A tear crashes onto my pail skin.
A raindrop shatters into droplets.
The rain falls harder for me, while I,
breakdown. As the clouds empty out,
so do my feelings.
Until finally, I’m feeling better.
A smile breaks, and light from the sun shines through.
It’s back to being sunny.
A life of sorrow is nothing.
But a life of gladness is worth a while of pain.
With every day comes sunshine or rain.
If sunshine, expect rain.
If rain, expect sunshine.
In the end, the sun is always there.
Written: Monday, July 3rd, 2006
But I have my days where sorrow is my only friend.
Where the one thing I hate is the one thing that stalks me.
Where everything good, is everything bad.
It could be a sunny day, but then as I grow sad,
The sky grows dark.
There would be times where I cannot cry.
I’d have to be strong for others,
so crying was not an option.
But that would be how I would feel.
So as I would just sit with a sour scowl,
the sky grows dark.
As I want to cry but cannot,
the clouds feel up with rain.
And they drop rain from the sky.
And hit the ground.
The rain falls down, just for me.
Especially when I want to cry.
Just as my eyes feel with tears,
the clouds feel with rain.
As a tear breaks through my
eye lashes then runs down my cheek,
Rain drops break through the sky,
and free fall to the ground.
A tear crashes onto my pail skin.
A raindrop shatters into droplets.
The rain falls harder for me, while I,
breakdown. As the clouds empty out,
so do my feelings.
Until finally, I’m feeling better.
A smile breaks, and light from the sun shines through.
It’s back to being sunny.
A life of sorrow is nothing.
But a life of gladness is worth a while of pain.
With every day comes sunshine or rain.
If sunshine, expect rain.
If rain, expect sunshine.
In the end, the sun is always there.
Written: Monday, July 3rd, 2006
Why is it that every girl has her guy? Someone she can share her love with. Someone who would share their love with her. But I don’t? What’s so wrong with me? I have good qualities and yet no one wants to experience them. I could take you on a ride that has such a rush. I could make you so happy. So why do people push me away? Why can’t I be loved? It kills my heart to know, that I am an item on a shelf that will never be bought. No one wants me. No one loves me. Too many times have I loved someone who doesn’t love me back. Too many times my glass heart would be defying gravity, only to crash and die.
My heart is falling towards razor sharp rocks. There’s no angel in the sky trying to save me. Everyone ignores my cry for help. No one cares that my heart is plunging towards it’s death. But it’s too late. My heart has crashed into it’s fatal death. Once again, I am left to fight my tears. I am once again, left with love that no one wants.
So I shall build me a place that no one can get too. It’s inside me. I shall lock my heart in there and let no one in. If this is the only way to protect my heart, then so be it. I’m tired of knowing no one loves me. I shall just accept it and move on. But no more shattered hearts and destroyed dreams. No more. I’m through.
______
Written: Sunday, July 16th, 2006
My heart is falling towards razor sharp rocks. There’s no angel in the sky trying to save me. Everyone ignores my cry for help. No one cares that my heart is plunging towards it’s death. But it’s too late. My heart has crashed into it’s fatal death. Once again, I am left to fight my tears. I am once again, left with love that no one wants.
So I shall build me a place that no one can get too. It’s inside me. I shall lock my heart in there and let no one in. If this is the only way to protect my heart, then so be it. I’m tired of knowing no one loves me. I shall just accept it and move on. But no more shattered hearts and destroyed dreams. No more. I’m through.
______
Written: Sunday, July 16th, 2006
I was lying in bed one night.
The moon shining bright.
It peeked through my curtains,
It wanted to keep me awake.
I thought to myself,
‘What will it take
to get you out of my head?’
I’ll toss and turn and
never get a wink of sleep.
I try to find a place that’s dark,
Until then I’m left standing
in the light. Until then,
People know what I’ve done.
Until then I’m left
searching for what is
right, thinking about
everything that’s wrong.
If you ever see me smile,
Don’t ever believe it.
It’s just something fake for
people to see.
If you ever hear me singing
along with every happy song,
Don’t think that I mean the
words I say.
And if you think I’m so perfect.
That I always reflect
someone happy.
If you think I’ve got everything,
Please think again.
You’re not my friend.
So how would you know?
I’m falling and there’s
nothing to grab hold to.
I’m falling. And I need
someone to pick me up.
I’m falling and I see
everything around me
caving in with me.
Everything falls apart.
Everything leaves me
standing in the dark.
Everything leaves me all alone.
Everything falls apart.
While I’m standing in the middle.
Everything falls apart.
And I fall apart.
Written: Friday, May 12th, 2006 - 6:33 PM
Modified: Tuesday, April 7th, 2015 - 2:11 PM
The moon shining bright.
It peeked through my curtains,
It wanted to keep me awake.
I thought to myself,
‘What will it take
to get you out of my head?’
I’ll toss and turn and
never get a wink of sleep.
I try to find a place that’s dark,
Until then I’m left standing
in the light. Until then,
People know what I’ve done.
Until then I’m left
searching for what is
right, thinking about
everything that’s wrong.
If you ever see me smile,
Don’t ever believe it.
It’s just something fake for
people to see.
If you ever hear me singing
along with every happy song,
Don’t think that I mean the
words I say.
And if you think I’m so perfect.
That I always reflect
someone happy.
If you think I’ve got everything,
Please think again.
You’re not my friend.
So how would you know?
I’m falling and there’s
nothing to grab hold to.
I’m falling. And I need
someone to pick me up.
I’m falling and I see
everything around me
caving in with me.
Everything falls apart.
Everything leaves me
standing in the dark.
Everything leaves me all alone.
Everything falls apart.
While I’m standing in the middle.
Everything falls apart.
And I fall apart.
Written: Friday, May 12th, 2006 - 6:33 PM
Modified: Tuesday, April 7th, 2015 - 2:11 PM
If I had a broken heart that I had placed in someone’s hands, but they were careless and dropped it and it broke into a million pieces. I’d want someone to pick up those broken pieces. And put my glass heart back together for me.
I’d want someone to polish off the dirt that had sprinkled onto my fragile heart. I’d want someone to carefully patch up the places of me that are empty. I’d want someone to lay their love in the places of me that needed it the most.
I’d want someone to hold me when I needed comfort.
Someone who’d build me a fire when I was cold.
I’d want someone to catch me when I fell.
I’d want someone to encourage me whenever
I was down. And needed to be lifted back up.
If my glass heart ever broke, I’d want someone to be there to clean it up. If my glass heart was free falling towards the ground, I’d want someone to be there, ready to catch it.
I’d want this someone to be there for me and my glass heart. To fulfill all my needs.
______
Written: Sunday, July 19th, 2006
I’d want someone to polish off the dirt that had sprinkled onto my fragile heart. I’d want someone to carefully patch up the places of me that are empty. I’d want someone to lay their love in the places of me that needed it the most.
I’d want someone to hold me when I needed comfort.
Someone who’d build me a fire when I was cold.
I’d want someone to catch me when I fell.
I’d want someone to encourage me whenever
I was down. And needed to be lifted back up.
If my glass heart ever broke, I’d want someone to be there to clean it up. If my glass heart was free falling towards the ground, I’d want someone to be there, ready to catch it.
I’d want this someone to be there for me and my glass heart. To fulfill all my needs.
______
Written: Sunday, July 19th, 2006
I love to watch the lightning pop like a hyper child who’s playing with the light switch. Turning it on and off. I enjoy listening to the thunder. As if I’m listening to a band who only have drums. And I love listening to how it bounces off of other clouds, Growing in sound, traveling for miles. Making storms seem larger and worse than what they really are. I love listening to the rain as if it’s singing sweet melodies of peace. I love listening and watching the weather. As it’s unpredictable. And can do anything at any moment. It also is so entertaining. In so many ways. That keeps you occupied, All day. It’s simplicity at work. That will stay in business… forever.
_____
Written: Tuesday, January 6th, 2006, 2:47 PM
_____
Written: Tuesday, January 6th, 2006, 2:47 PM
I can’t believe you. I thought you loved me. I thought that you knew I loved you. I thought we were going to be together forever. I thought you were the one for me. And I was the one for you. What happened between us? I left it all behind. Why can’t you. Just,.. never mind. Our love has crumbled beneath our feet. What was is now gone. What is now is nothing that involves me, you and the word love. You and I go our separate ways now. I am somehow sober in the situation of the death of our love though. And you seem as if you’re about to breakdown. If you just so happen to burst your emotions forth, know I’ll be here ready to help you up when you fall. I still love you. Just because our love died doesn’t mean my love for you has. Do you understand? If not, let me explain. I love you no matter what. You could hate me with your soul. Yet I would love you. I can not think of a reason to let go of the love I hold for you. Do you understand? I’m in love with you.
____
Written: Thursday, August 10, 2006, 8:38 PM
____
Written: Thursday, August 10, 2006, 8:38 PM
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I hope you've enjoyed reading my work. Even if it was just the titles. I appreciate you stopping by.
As a thank you to you for making it this far, I'm giving you a 30% discount on any of my services.
Just use code P+S when booking an appointment with me.